The Space Between
by NE8675309
Summary: Torn by the true question of loyalty, Kylo and Rey do their best to reinforce the paths they've chosen. Despite their resolve, there is one thing unaccounted for, the will of the Force itself. Is all truly fair in Love & War? Post TLJ. Reylo & StormPilot
1. Prologue: Quit Me So Quickly

***A/N - Hello boys, girls and everyone in between. It has been so long... I've been working on this particular story for about a year or so. My goal was to release it before Episode 9 comes out and it seems I've made it just under the wire. I don't think I've ever put so much work into a fic, but this is Star Wars and I was determined to make this story immersed in the fictional galaxy I've come to learn so much about and love so dearly. While writing I happened to build a music playlist to keep me motivated. (If you're curious to hear what helped inspire the tone of the fic, I have a 'Writing Music' playlist under the same handle.) The story and the chapters are titled after The Space Between by Dave Matthews Band. Sorry to rant; little rusty at Author's Notes. This story is finished and will be a total of 17 chapters. As per my typical uploading schedule, I will be reviewing and editing each chapter before I post every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Some days, I will post 2 chapters together, such as the first two and the last two, as well as a few others. This story has meant a great deal to me over this past year. I hope you enjoy; if so, please R&R, it means more than I could ever say. Thanks so much. - Nikki**

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**Prologue: Quit Me So Quickly**

The air suddenly made Rey feel as if the Force had wrapped around her to the point of physical discomfort. She excused herself from Leia's company, claiming that Chewbacca might need her at the helm. It had been a long few days for the dignified and unshakeable General; the death of Supreme Leader Snoke and the news of his successor had nearly silenced the woman for several hours. Though after such information, the stagnation of her thoughts soon faded away, as she evoked priorities that called for her immediate attention; even now, she seemed too focused on calculating their losses, supplies and scattered, though seemingly absent allies to deduce that the _Falcon_ was soaring effortlessly at lightspeed.

Chewbacca diligently sat, looking forward in a reflective silence. "I can take over from here." Rey offered with a bright smile.

He uttered a thanks and soon took notice of a few flailing porgs faithfully following his steps. Growling in frustration, he shook his head and joined their exhausted passengers.

Rey sat down slowly, heaving a pained exhale, thankful to be away from the dozen or so tired souls that now made up the Resistance. It wasn't necessarily her need to escape them, but her need to escape her guilt. She had, for a moment, allowed herself to harbor… Something for their greatest enemy.

Kylo had offered her his hand and the galaxy; the very idea was impossible and unacceptable, but despite herself, Rey had been tempted to accept, if only for a moment. It was more than she had ever allowed herself to want; someone begging her to stay, when her whole life, she had yearned for even a fraction of such affection.

She wanted to curse herself for her foolishness. Luke had certainly been right, it hadn't gone the way she thought it would. Closing her eyes, she could clearly see Be- Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader knelt before her and she wondered how the Force connection had remained even after Snoke's death. Shaking away the sight, she looked out ahead to the cerulean swirls that embraced the _Millennium Falcon_, as if an etched out tunnel of space. Her right arm ached and she glared at the wound, as if the very sight of it was offensive, a reminder of whom she had fought beside.

Without a second thought, Rey reached out to her bag and tightened its straps. She cut a strip from the now excess leather material. Pressing down, she fought off the desire to hiss at the sting that bit at her skin. Once her marred flesh was out of sight, breathing came a little easier, though her heart still thrashed agonizingly.

It had been foolish to allow herself to become seduced by the vision that had been presented to her when she had touched his hand. They had been allies, a culmination of the Living Force as if time had written their paths long before they had even begun. The pull had been undeniable, a vision of contentment where her heart was light, though her face weary, clad in a mocking representation of the dark gray clothing she still reluctantly donned. She had grasped at, even tasted the simplistic relief of peace in that fractured sliver of time when the fire had dried all but her tears and the unique swirls of his calloused fingerprints pressed against her own. The Force had deceived her with an enticing impossibility and she tried not to feel cheated in return.

Whatever would come next, Rey was sure of one thing: Her place was in the Resistance.

* * *

Kylo Ren stood in the abandoned base on Crait, internally attempting to grasp at the vast difference a few mere hours had made on everything. The Resistance was gone, into hiding for now, he was certain. Snoke was dead and he had usurped the title of his master, dispatched by his own hand. Even the Force, which had once felt so naturally ingrained in every atom of his body, now pulsed through him in a way that seemed so strange and somehow entirely familiar, albeit lacking, unmistakable and indescribable.

Hux slithered around, his red-rimmed eyes perked and annoyingly astute as he took in every inch of the Resistance's brief and ultimately unsuccessful refuge. In an odd way, he almost admired the slick General's decisiveness and dedication to their cause. It had never been that easy for Kylo to claim his allegiance, though now he had no master to serve. The realization brought him a small moment of serenity.

In any eyes, he would've clearly been proclaimed the victor, but that notion offered him little comfort as he remembered the crushing sensation his chest had undergone at the sight of Rey once more, still connected to him despite Snoke's demise, her eyes devoid of the emotion he had experienced in the throne room on the _Supremacy_. Nothing seemed clear to him since he felt the Skywalker saber pulled from his grip as Rey called to it.

"General Hux," he spoke loudly with a blunt tone, more in hopes of removing himself from the reverie, than to chide his unwilling subordinate. Beady, resentful eyes looked back at him. "Have your troopers collect whatever we can extract valuable information from. I want everyone off this planet as soon as possible."

"Yes, Supreme Leader." Kylo Ren could feel the disdain dripping from his words as he reluctantly gave him a half-bow.

He couldn't leave Crait behind soon enough; every step on the salt-strewn planet mocked his failure. Less than an hour later, he entered his new chambers. He sat on his barely adequate bed and rubbed his aching head. Rest was imperative; he quickly realized when he noted that he would take complete reign of the Order once he awoke.

The truth of the matter was Kylo had never thirsted for the throne. He had pledged his allegiance to Snoke without hoping to betray his master's loyalty; however he had never believed his hand would be forced the way it was when Rey's life was at stake. He shook his head and tried to remind himself of what would need to be done, not what already had been. Even with his door shut, he could hear the sounds of heavy footfall all around the ship; the _Supremacy_ had been evacuated and had its personnel split amongst several Star Destroyers. His particular ship seemed crowded, though he couldn't argue at how much space needed to be acquired when transferring the population of a Mega Star Destroyer. Much still needed to be done and he would have to oversee it all; he shuddered at the thought. Ambition had never filled his heart for political power, but he had known, immediately in the throne room that he had no choice but take over, for certainty that if he did not, Hux would rise at the chance.

He was halfway through undressing before he finally gave up and let his heavy lids close as his head connected with his pillow.

There was silence, deafening and empty as Kylo waited for slumber to claim him. He grunted at the blatant and unfamiliar quiet. Throwing his body up, he searched for an explanation. He was taken aback and felt lost when he understood. His mind had never felt so still. His late master had been in his head long before he had become his apprentice. For years, another presence had dwelled in his thoughts; Snoke had surveyed the farthest reaches of his mind, presumably to ensure his loyalty, and had never left his post absent. It was unnerving, the utter lack of that ragged and static current in the background of his thoughts.

For a truly fearful moment, Kylo likened it to loneliness. The quiet made him feel more alone than he had ever believed possible, even if it was proof of his liberation. There was no doubt that his perverse perception struck him so thoroughly now that he felt a different silence invade his heart. It flooded in his veins, that undeniable realization he had kneeling in that busted bunker: He was utterly alone.


	2. Chapter 1: All The Time

***A/N - I've been doing my best to avoid the official preview, mainly to keep myself surprised, but also because I'm afraid to be influenced by it. I've even been avoiding reading other fanfics; so happy to finally be done with that self-restriction. I won't lie, it's been difficult, especially with all the ship videos that have been made since the preview's release. My Watch Later is a true testament to the depth of my obsessions once I find a pairing I love.**

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**Chapter 1: All The Time**

Rey tried to meditate and focus on levelling her connection with the Force. There was always the risk that she would feel the pull on the other side of the endless tether that stretched across the unfathomable depths of the galaxy, but she decided it was worth the gamble. It had been several months of searching for allies and Rey no longer felt the same optimism she had at the beginning of their quest.

She sat in a calculated silence, uninterested in exploring the Outer Rim planet with an odd name that she had already forgotten. Her awe at the new worlds had slightly diminished in the face of the Resistance's dwindling odds of rebuilding. General Organa, the sole leader of their cause, never let her hope falter for one public moment and Rey admired her stubborn resilience.

The heavy atmosphere and whistling wind made it more difficult for her to tap into the tranquil stillness of the Force within. She had come to truly rely on the routine of meditation in the countless weeks. Her translation of the Sacred Jedi texts had hardly begun; however one of the ancient bindings had been partially decoded with the assistance of C3PO. It greatly emphasized the significance of meditation to center oneself and gain clarity. Rey found that she was in desperate need of its benefits as Leia headed for yet another old Rebel base that was meant to be a haven for Resistance allies.

Rey could count at least a dozen abandoned and decrepit bases they had found, though she knew there were a few she couldn't remember. It was challenging to pretend that her optimism hadn't faded in the face of countless letdowns, but Rey's faith in Leia had never wavered. If any living soul in the galaxy could restore the Resistance's strength, it was their relentless General.

The fledgling Jedi couldn't deny that she fooled herself into believing her meditation would somehow assist the explorers and their leader. She was used to being present for such expeditions, but had been expressly denied the chance this time by Leia herself. The older women couldn't admit to Rey that she sensed her growing restlessness and disappointment; she wasn't sure the young woman could swallow down her distress if they came across another failure. Unfortunately, it was a trait the General knew she would become all too familiar with and eventually master, just as she had many years before, just as every leader did.

It was a fraction of a second, but Rey felt him. Like a blinding white beacon soaked in a corrosive tar, she could still taste the indecisive conflict with which he viewed his place in the Force. It exhausted her, the waging of his internal war. The air around her seemed to still and she immediately distanced herself from the Force, without entirely detaching. Her eyes flew open and she was amazed to see her returning companions not very far ahead. She had no doubt that she would've sensed them sooner if she hadn't become distracted by the looming presence with which she was somehow still connected.

Rey reassuringly patted the leather binding on her arm; she was proud of her growing abilities. There was no guarantee that she could always sever the connection but she had found that with enough concentrated effort, she stood a chance of preventing it from taking place. In the past few months, their cosmic link had only resumed once not long after Crait, but she was fortunate enough that he hadn't been in her direct line of sight in the cramped space of the _Falcon_'s cockpit.

_**There had been little forewarning, merely a brief flickering mid-breath, as if her sixth sense had eased its way into consciousness, nearly imperceptible save for the amplified silence that soon followed. Her back had been turned and she closed her eyes, as if her lack of vision could save her from his presence, or perhaps to trick her mind into believing he was truly there, standing behind her.**_

_**Just as she had dragged in a desperate breath, a soft exhale patiently meandered to her ears and she swore she had heard her name. "Rey…" It was pointless to argue against the validity of her assumption as the shy and somber sound elicited a textured whisper to torture her spine.**_

_**She had turned and faced the mocking emptiness of the cockpit. It had taken a prolonged moment of overbearing silence before she could pinpoint whether she felt relief or disappointment when realizing that she was alone yet again. The heavy weight of such a familiar condemnation informed her that it was the latter she experienced.**_

_**Her choice had insured that she wouldn't be alone, possibly ever again, but perhaps forever in the awakened part of her entirety, the one piece of her that she never expected to find in someone else; someone she almost couldn't turn away and yet still feared she wouldn't ever be free of.**_

_**Though the connection had been severed without a trace, she had responded in kind. "Ben." She had reasoned that she could say it one last time, a name that she had believed in, but would no longer let herself cling to. They had made their choices. From then on he would be Kylo Ren, her enemy, the prodding reminder of her failure to turn him.**_

_**One day, she knew, a battlefield could hold a reservation in both their names, only to be sated by the endless spilling of either's blood. Perhaps their ships would collide into one another, the Force finally grasping at an indifferent balance in the simplistic absence of such concentrated presences. Maybe they would not see each other face to face again for many years to come. Regardless of what was coming next, Rey knew that it would only be Kylo she acknowledged. Ben complicated things, so she only indulged herself in the soft articulation of his given name, one last time, when she knew Kylo Ren was unable to hear it.**_

_**Turning away from the spot where he had materialized, Rey caught sight of herself in thick paned glass. She had rarely ever bothered with her reflection. Her monotonous existence on Jakku had left no time for vanity; however now, far away from her desert homeworld, mirrors, in fact any kind of reflective glass was readily available. Once she had seen herself for the first time in weeks, Rey couldn't deny the dread that followed. Again, vanity had taken a backseat to practicality.**_

_**She was, more or less, changed. It wasn't simply her clothing and hairstyle that had been altered since she had left the Resistance on D'Qar for Ahch-To, she could see the true deviation of self in the conflicted eyes that stared back at her. She still stood by the decision to return to the Resistance, that wasn't where the conflict stemmed from, nor her allegiance to the Light Side of the Force; it was the knowledge that despite her loyalties she couldn't demonize her enemy, now that she had seen beneath his mask, both the literal and metaphorical.**_

_**In Be- Kylo Ren that kind of dissension had spoken to his character while it felt as if it had weakened hers. She feared someone might see it, the aching disappointment that peeked through, as if to remark that though she didn't regret her choice, she regretted what had to be sacrificed in return.**_

Only now had she learned that although all the eyes of the Resistance were on her, it was impossible for any to scrutinize her pained expression from the pedestrian view of the pedestal she had been shelved upon.

Rey shook off the reminder of the last time she had heard his voice and forced an earnest expression as she took in the state of her friends. No one was smiling, but their posture wasn't as downtrodden as it had been in the past few weeks. She noted that a few of their members were missing; meticulously she reached out to gather a sense of the collective disposition and sighed with relief when she felt no trace of fear.

"Good or bad news?" She gently prodded Finn as he approached.

"Both." He spoke at the same time as Poe.

"Neither." The usually enthusiastic pilot was beginning to feel weighed down and frustrated by their practically fruitless quest. 'Thus far', he reminded himself, forcing a slightly optimistic change of perception.

"So, which?" Standing, Rey ignored the building of pins and needles as she straightened her posture.

Poe patted Finn on the back and nodded at Rey as he continued directly into the _Millennium Falcon_, BB8 directly on his tail, chirping encouragingly to the deflated pilot. Her ex-Stormtrooper friend stopped in front of her. "Any recruits?" She fortified her tone with as much hope as she could muster.

"Sadly, no." He shook his head.

"Then what is the good news?"

He met her tired glance. "This base was in much better condition than any of our last expeditions. General Organa wants to set up shop temporarily."

"Here?" Rey didn't attempt to hide the disbelief in her voice.

Nodding as if in full agreement with the General, he also offered a very slight shrug to show his conflicted reaction. "We found a ton of supplies without even doing a thorough sweep and everything seems to be functioning. Honestly, by the state of it all, I wouldn't be surprised if our allies left quickly and recently."

"Is she hopeful that we might come across or rendezvous with them at any point?"

"She didn't say." Finn looked back to locate their leader; she was approaching, still seemingly out of earshot. "I think she's trying to be severely cautious, so we don't get our hopes up."

General Organa reined in her own desire to grin. She could hear the young Resistance fighters, but decided not to comment, moved by how meticulous and omniscient they seemed to believe she was. The terrifying truth was that she didn't know. Leia had spent many of her years fighting with overwhelmed, inferior forces, but she had never seen either the Rebellion or the Resistance in such a state. Despite this, she couldn't shake the hope that dwelled in her veins, remnants of simpler, brighter days.

Passing by them, she entered the dingy, glorious wreck of a ship that filled her with so much joy and plagued her with such deep pain. She pushed down the ache that followed every time, as a thousand memories would play in her mind whenever she stepped aboard the _Falcon_. She remembered every journey that this ship had brought her; the cockpit where Han had proposed, Ben's stubby legs had taken their first clumsy steps in the main hold, not 2 feet away from where she now stood. It had seemed poetic that the ship that held all her dearest memories had been the Resistance's refuge over the past few months. She'd had to stifle the well of emotions every day, but she was thankful. Even with Han gone, she could still sense him on every inch of the ship that supported her cause. One day, she knew she would have the chance to mourn, all of it, but it wasn't a luxury available to her now. For now, she had one motivation, locating and protecting their allies. It was becoming clearer to her that she was running out of supporters to track, and would soon have to get a bit more creative and form alliances where there were none.

* * *

It seemed an utterly ironic twist of fate that, even though divided by a galaxy, her son would be feeling a very similar sensation in an entirely different situation at that same moment. Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader had noticed the almost cagey disposition of his unwilling subordinate as of late. The copper and pale man was easily his least favorite person to interact with, but as it stood his methods were for the most part commendable, especially his dedication to the symbol of the First Order; Kylo reluctantly understood the advantage that would come with gaining the shrill and irritating man as a regrettably competent ally. If there was one thing the First Order could stomach as a mild annoyance it was an ambitious, though albeit pitiful, bureaucrat.

Hux had little to report as of late regarding the efforts to track down the loathsome Resistance. All their com equipment from the Crait base had been analyzed for any trace of a signal they might have left in their frantic departure. The equipment had been wiped thoroughly; it seemed frightfully optimistic, given how certain and grim their circumstances had seemed. Upon discovery, the General had been livid, though he hid it much better than Kylo would've in a similar mindset. The Supreme Leader had actually needed to bite down a smile that had nearly peeked out at the news; considering how close they had been to annihilation, Leia still wasted valuable time to cover up any tracks she might've left behind. It wasn't simply that, he knew Leia had an unwavering sense of loyalty. She wouldn't spite comrades who had abandoned her in her hour of need, instead she would protect them, to her own detriment.

Leia Organa had always been a marvel in the eyes of a young Ben Solo; Kylo Ren found an indescribable satisfaction in realizing that he had always been right to regard her so. From the moment he had witnessed his mother debate in a political arena as a child, he knew that she would be a fearsome enemy to contest. Even in the face of utter defeat, he entertained no doubt that she would utilize every fiber of her being to revive the persistent Resistance.

In truth, he suspected where they had gone. Even many years later, he could still remember countless Rebel bases his mother had taken him to in the Outer Rim when he was a child; regardless of whether or not they stayed long, he didn't doubt he could find the Resistance at one of them if he waited enough. He wanted to silence his remaining opposition, but decided they had earned the time to rise from their injuries before he pursued them, that was his justification and he refused to let himself waver from it. The time would come soon enough to end the war once and for all, but he could think of no reason to rush the inevitable and undesirable conclusion. His General, on the other hand seemed more than eager to hunt the non-existent trail.

"General Hux," he exuded an unquestionable authority and the object of his address stood taller in response. "A handful of malcontents with an inability to recognize their own blatantly obvious defeat are of little concern to me at this time. It's not as if such insanity is contagious."

"I suppose not, Supreme Leader." He couldn't say with absolutely certainty that hope was afflicted with the same disadvantage. "I fear you underestimate the danger in leaving them unobliterated."

Kylo lifted his hand and Hux couldn't entirely hide his flinch. He waited for pain, but felt no physical discomfort save for the proximity to the other man's anger. "I fear you overestimate my desire to implement your troops in a pointless and taxing chase, especially when they can be put to much better use." He bridled his annoyance that his General could not see the larger picture. Slowly lowering his hand, he stood taller and spoke in a surprisingly rational manner. "The New Republic has been demolished, but not the entirety of their supporters. We are in the middle of a takeover; I refuse to sacrifice our current momentum, not with the power vacuum we have created. It is time we take advantage of representing the only available option for the new galactic government. It's imperative that you are up to the task of focusing your attention where it is most necessary." They'd already wasted enough time simply restoring themselves after the destruction of their mobile capital.

Hux was surprised by the levelheadedness of the new Supreme Leader. After their departure of Crait, he had noticed an improved disposition to the once temperamental, often childish man. He had evolved from shouting commands to fire dozens of guns on a single man, to reassessing his priorities as the Order's ultimate authority. "Do you not perceive any threat that they will return?"

"On the contrary General, I'm hoping for it." His voice was steady and eager, though not quite bordering on arrogant. "When they do, let it be a fight worth our attention, so the galaxy will have no doubt where their loyalties would be best rewarded." His pensive hazel eyes looked out to the dark, unfathomable stretch of space visible from his position on the bridge of the _Resolve_, the Order's new command ship. "I want the new wave of conversion that is soon to come to be freely given. We will not cultivate discontent; I do not intend to supply the Resistance with allies; let them assemble their own army."

"How do you wish to proceed?"

"Let our enemy's dormancy work to our benefit. If the Resistance does survive, they are undoubtedly in no position to challenge the First Order's rightful claim to rule. We will assume control of the Core Worlds to start just as Snoke had originally planned." It wouldn't be so simple without their mobile capital, but Kylo was determined to continue even without the _Supremacy_.

"What level of opposition do you predict?"

"Nothing we are incapable of handling. The Hosnian system has already been made an example and with it the bulk of our obstacles. This conversion should rarely require more than minimal effort. I'm inclined to assign a great deal of this task to you, if you can promise your dedication to such responsibility."

Wary, though equally ambitious eyes watched him for a moment. Kylo didn't doubt that Hux was running over several calculations in his head to decipher the method of psychological warfare that must be headed his way. He couldn't trust his Supreme Leader, and yet he couldn't think of a reason not to, besides his natural prejudice of the man. It was what he had agreed to do under the banner of Supreme Leader Snoke; though the face of the First Order was different, Hux was willing to consider the great benefit that would come from yielding to the request. His initial goals had not changed, he still thirsted for that pinnacle platform of power; however as his options stood, he had only the choice to seem loyal and devoted to Kylo Ren's reign, until he found the right moment, of course.

"I shall consider it a main priority, Supreme Leader."

"I don't doubt that you will." There was a fine, warning edge in his voice though his words were genuine. Kylo had begun to assess his position as of late and knew that Hux wasn't entirely trustworthy, but he felt it would be more beneficial if he offered him a modicum of respect, while maintaining a steady boundary that reminded him that they were no longer on equal footing. He was sure that if he delegated his subordinate with enough responsibility, the pasty, unpleasant man would have less time to obsess over the certainty that somewhere in the galaxy breathed the remaining members of the Resistance.

Kylo Ren excused himself and escaped to his chambers. The lights flicked on at his entrance and he walked stiffly to his bed. He was thoroughly exhausted, though he was careful to never let anyone notice for fear he might awake to a coup, or worse an execution. Shaking his head, he reminded himself of the significance that he remain composed in the eyes of the First Order. He had believed in his late master's plans for reformation of the galaxy's broken government, though he wondered if Snoke would've ever truly have made good on his word.

There had been countless conflicting loyalties that had kept Kylo divided, but he had never questioned his support in the First Order especially in comparison with the blinding disdain with which he viewed the New Republic. It had been an inefficient, motionless government that catered to the endless deliberations of its members. He knew all too well, even from a very young age that the New Republic was a system that drained time and resources when faced with any issue, big or small. He had enough memories of his mother's back to question whether or not any progress had ever actually been made.

He nearly collapsed onto his bed. His eyes roamed across the large, dark room and he tried not to remember that undeniable sensation that had captured him earlier. He had been standing in front of Hux and he sensed her for a fracture of second. Rey was a striking spark in the Force before quickly dispersing and he wondered at just how far her training had come if she could push back so quickly. He admired her progress, even if he loathed its results. It was better this way, he had often reasoned, though he couldn't quite stop himself from attempting to reach out to her when given the unshakeable notion to. He was determined to let it be enough, the small comfort of sensing her, still connected to him in the most indescribable and often excruciating way.

For a short moment he couldn't help himself. He reached out and felt her there; it was surprising to Kylo, that he could sense her presence in the vague haze of space, even when their Force Bond wasn't taking place. Though he wouldn't admit it, least of all to himself, he felt afforded a small sliver of peace in the anchor that tethered them together. It was that thought that would finally grant him restful sleep.


	3. Chapter 2: No Hope

***A/N - Hello boys, girls and everyone in between. Just a reminder: Tuanul is the name of the village that was destroyed on Jakku at the beginning of The Force Awakens. I hope you are enjoying thus far; if so, please R&R. Thanks so much. - Nikki**

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**Chapter 2: No Hope**

Finn stretched out on his newly acquired bunk. The rebuilt Rebel base on Cardooine had been constructed throughout thick stone, hiding within an expansive cave. The main advantage to appreciate in their temporary home was the complete lack of surface exposure, causing Finn to breathe a little easier. A shuffle at the door caught his attention and he sat up.

Poe entered the room and tossed his duffle on the opposite bunk with a heavy sigh. He casually dropped onto the bed, resting his head on his arm and bag. His right ankle rested on top of his left and he scrutinized the ceiling.

"At least these beds are comfortable." Finn tried to grasp at any enthusiasm he could find.

"At this point I could pass out on a slab of concrete." The pilot's voice was tired, but still alight with an easiness that never ceased to make Finn feel optimistic.

"Isn't that what we've been doing these past few months?" The ex-Stormtrooper huffed a soft laugh. "No one would argue that the _Falcon_ is much better in terms of coziness."

Poe looked at him and smiled. "Nah, sleeping on the _Millennium Falcon_ was like fulfilling a childhood fantasy albeit, one with a much too packed slumber party."

Finn laughed. "Not one for tight, confined and overcrowded spaces?"

He was rewarded with a crooked and confident grin. "Not when I sleep."

"Are you sure this will do?" He gestured around to the notably small room with enough space for the two beds and a walkway that was no more than 4 feet wide.

"Yes," he spoke with absolute certainty though his eyes didn't inspect the room. "This will do." He turned his gaze away from Finn and closed his eyes with a self-satisfied smirk.

The younger man suddenly felt the need to excuse himself, though he too was exhausted, several things had gnawed at him recently. He wasn't a few feet from his room when Rose nearly collided into him. "Rose." His voice lifted in slight surprise.

"Oh, Finn. I was actually looking for Rey. Have you seen her?"

"I haven't." He froze for a moment and tried to recall the last time he had. "Not since we pulled into the base." Rose wondered where she had disappeared to for the past few hours.

Finn tried not to appraise the woman's appearance too much. At first, their interactions had been stilted, though a few weeks had done wonders for their newly formed friendship. It seemed inane, explaining what had passed between them as a break-up. In truth, Finn had felt an honest, grateful affection for the woman in front of him, but it lacked something, something that he couldn't quite name, but was a necessity all the same. He had placed a large amount of the blame on his desire to avoid the preventable complications that came with romantic relationships in war-time.

Rose had seemed almost relieved, feeling the same overwhelming need to prioritize every facet of her life. She was thankful that they had been able to bypass any real awkwardness by ending it as soon as they had. She smiled. "Well, if you do see her, can you let her know that there will be a meeting at the command center in an hour?"

"I think I could manage that." He smiled gently. She patted his arm as she passed and continued to look for the Jedi-hopeful.

* * *

Rey had practically disappeared into the Force with each soft breath. The base had been made to accommodate a much larger group of people, so she had searched out the most secluded quarters she could find. Her boundaries had overcome many changes in the past few months; she was finally thankful to be afforded some space since the drastic alterations that had rebuilt her life the day BB8 had come into it.

The young ex-scavenger was aware that this location had already grown on her as she sighed. Soon the soft echo of her breath bounced back to her and she smiled. The way sound was reflected and absorbed was familiar and fond to her, though she was unaware that her preference was directly correlated to the reminder of the cushioned resonances that had consistently shrouded her Force Bond connections.

Rey had lost her hold on the concept of time, as she slid deeper into a meditative stillness. Something about the darkness and redundancy of reverberations had kept her distracted enough that she hadn't sensed his presence until it was too late to pull away.

He was afflicted with the same disadvantage. She sat with deceptive immobility; not detached enough to claim it was purposeful, but more enthralled at the sight of him. He sat at his grand throne and she had to swallow the bitter taste in her mouth.

As if hearing her thought spoken aloud, Kylo looked up and his eyes found Rey's in a fraction of a second. His hair was pushed slightly back and Rey noticed the shadow cast on his face from his newly attained facial hair. It bothered her to note that the look complimented him, accenting the precise contours of his face. Neither one possessed the adequate words for the moment.

She closed her eyes and tried to will the sight of him away. It wasn't enough, though his vision of her wavered for a brief second in response. "I think you'll have to try a bit harder than that." He wasn't mocking her, simply stating his observation, unsure of what else he could remark on.

"I intend to." The antagonism in her tone was unmistakable and it pained Kylo to remember a time when it had been filled with compassion and what he was still too afraid to interpret as affection. All the same, her voice calmed something that he hadn't even realized had been thrashing inside him.

"Curious, isn't it?" His voice was smooth, despite his charged blood.

"What?" Her voice wasn't soft, but the bark in it had faded, leaving her with a curt tone.

"That it won't go away." She remembered that gentle tone of his voice and abhorred that it still elicited a free-falling sensation in her churning gut. The vagueness of his statement seemed full of implication, but she couldn't deny the accuracy of his words, even as they pertained to his insinuation. "No matter how hard we try."

"As if you even have." She accused.

He gave her a short nod and bit his lip to halt the smile he couldn't release, for fear he might rouse her fury. "You're right. I'm not arrogant enough to think I know better than the Force. If it still sees fit to bridge our minds, I won't argue."

Rey was taken aback. It was a very similar outlook to the one she had adopted when looking at his unconscious body in the throne room of the _Supremacy_. His continued survival had been the will of the Force, just as their unharmed connection was. There was no denying the injustice she felt that they were still bound together, their minds unable to disconnect from one another, so unlike their choices that had. "It has nothing to do with arrogance." She felt herself begin to fume. "There is no point. No arguments could sway my beliefs." Shaking her head, her voice was sharp. "And seeing you sit there, proudly on your stolen throne, I can't help but think you're far too proud of yourself to change yours."

For a split second, he almost looked ashamed. His tone was steady and shallow. "My beliefs demand that I follow through with a system that I have complete confidence in."

"Your beliefs demand you take the mantel of a dictatorship?"

He shook his head. "You're too determined to see any opposition to the New Republic as evil without trying to consider its merits. I would rather contemplate the prospects of an efficient, one-party system than fall back to the ways of that faulty government."

"I see any opposition to **freedom** as unjust." She stood, entirely certain she wouldn't have the chance to fall back into meditation which caused her to become even more aggravated. "The New Republic was a galactic opportunity for communication and civility; giving a voice to all of its subjects."

"When everyone has a voice, you'll find they're often unable to restrain it." He stood and stepped towards her. "The whole galaxy has been slave to relentless deliberations between senseless politicians. Is it unjust that I would see immediate action and not wasteful debates?"

"All I hear is the bias of someone all too keen to wear a crown." Even as she said the words, Rey doubted the truth behind them, but she couldn't regret them for the hurt they caused in his eyes. She was more than willing to let him believe she thought so little of him.

"Perhaps I am afflicted with some bias, but not in the way you think, possibly in way you can't even comprehend." There was something tight in his voice and Rey pointlessly stepped closer, as if bridging the distance would somehow make it easier for her to decode the mystery and pain behind his eyes. "I have seen firsthand the petty, careless behavior of politicians with their own prejudices and personal vendettas, working against one another for the sole satisfaction of it. Planets have fallen, been reduced to rubble waiting for that indecisive government to come to any conclusion."

"It wasn't an ineffective New Republic that obliterated Tuanul." The calm bitterness in her eyes wounded him more than he could let himself feel.

"War complicates things." He said somberly. "Sometimes it doesn't account for mercy."

Rey shook her head, pained that he could see it in such a detached manner. "What kind of leader would you be if **you** don't?" He stayed silent, watching her intently. "This system you've inherited is a shadow on the galaxy, only pain and suffering are its legacy. Do you actually believe you can change that? It seems you have more claim to arrogance than you initially thought."

"Perhaps it is much easier to continue on as a renegade, claiming fealty to a government that couldn't even recognize your affiliation to it." He bit back, hair falling across the angry red line that bisected his face. "The Resistance's very existence is proof that your system was unproductive, needing to compartmentalize and fracture itself off until it was diluted enough to finally take action. Even the First Order was a little check on some list that was never addressed."

"It was never addressed because the First Order destroyed the New Republic!"

"We shouldn't have made it half that far!" He exclaimed and sighed, reining in his desire to shout. "The First Order came to power directly through the failings of your beloved Republic."

"So you would have tyranny at the cost of freedom?" She shouted.

"I would have order!" He roared back.

"You will have nothing!" She snarled.

The Force connection dissolved and Rey huffed indignantly.

Her heart slammed in her chest and her body liberally pumped useless adrenaline through her veins. Caught up in a haze of emotions, she despised herself for comprehending some of his argument, though she would never agree with his conclusion.

It saddened her to realize that no matter how desperately she ached for his return to the light; there was nothing more she could do to make him understand. This wasn't like Jakku; it was foolish to think she could salvage a broken man. Begrudgingly, she was forced to make herself see that there really was no hope.

She pushed away from the Force like a stubborn child refusing a dish laid before them, a notion she never had the luxury to experience. It took a moment for her to settle into a calm and steady stream of breath. If she could remove whatever cosmic connection kept them tethered, in that second she would've truly ripped it straight from her chest. Falling into a peaceful silence, Rey allowed any remaining anger, guilt or disappointment to slip away.

She sensed a presence approaching, rounding the last curve of the tunnel behind her. Turning, she was met with the hesitant smile of Rose Tico. "That desperate to get away from everyone else?" Her remark was clearly aimed at the distance to Rey's preferred bunk.

She smiled almost sheepishly, returning the same humor as the other woman. "My life on Jakku wasn't the best preparation for crowded quarters."

Rose smirked knowingly. "Hey, given the size of this place, I'm pretty sure everyone has decided to stretch their legs." She straightened her posture. "General Organa wanted you to know that there will be a meeting at the command center in 20 minutes."

"Thank you." Rey spoke softly. "I'm sorry you had to go so far out of your way to find me."

"Oh, no problem." The shorter woman lingered for a moment. She had been intrigued by the indescribably strong woman she had known initially as Finn's dear friend. It was difficult to approach her as if she weren't the hero of the Resistance, but Rose was determined to try, hopeful to get to know the young woman with the makings of a legend.

Rey headed in the direction Rose had come from. "So, where did you decide to set up?" She offered, not quite adjusted to her everyday reality of conversing with people.

Rose walked beside her. "The middle corridor."

"Right in the thick of it?" She asked, blatantly surprised. "Don't you need your privacy?"

Rose shrugged. "I'm not used to having any to begin with. I prefer sticking close to the group so I never have to worry about it being too quiet." Rey's brow lifted and Rose had no problem interpreting her unspoken question. "Ever since I could remember, my home was always loud, in a good way." She added with a pleasant smile. "I couldn't ever relax in the silence."

Rey didn't know the full details of Rose's past; only aware that she had recently lost her sister. She hadn't been lucky enough to have siblings, but she could imagine the excruciating pain that came with surviving the severing of such a deep bond.

"I'm sorry." Rey's voice was too somber, so she tried to mask it by quickly adding on. "I can't even picture how frustrating that would be."

She smiled, noticing the way the Jedi-hopeful faltered, revealing her sympathies to Rose. "Eh, some days are better than others." The young engineer didn't have to elaborate for Rey to understand the intentional double-meaning of her statement. "Aren't you afraid you'll get lost trying to find your bunk?" She changed the subject as she regarded the gray walls surrounding them.

"Not really." She offered lamely. Rey had a very keen sense of navigation that had developed over her countless years on Jakku. She had few surroundings to relate distance and direction in the mostly barren wasteland. In comparison to the desolate normality she'd been raised around, the intricate carvings on the cave walls made misdirection virtually impossible. "It wouldn't be the first time I relied on my sense of direction."

"It hasn't seemed to steer you wrong yet." Rose commented cheerfully. Though she knew very little of The Force or the Jedi, it was apparent that no mere accident could have been pulling her around with such purpose.

Rey looked down; her eyes became sad and distant. "I wouldn't say that." There wasn't much to be said about her unwavering silence to those around her. It was simply fueled by her chagrin of her own arrogance. She thought, in the brightest of moments, that she was the key to saving Be- Kylo Ren. Snoke may have manipulated the Force in the most vulgar way to bridge their minds, but she refused to give him credit for their connection across the fathomless vacuum of space. It had been there, the light, grating against his soul, making him question all that he was. Yes, it had been a trap, but the light had been there for her to see. In that rain-flecked night, when the fire in her room lighted his eyes in a new, different and dangerously vulnerable way, she was even able to feel it as their hands had touched in that fraction of a moment. She had wanted to believe that he could be saved, that it could be her that saved him. Everything in her mind, chided the foolishness of her heart.

Rose wanted to inquire further, but promptly guessed it wasn't a subject meant for prying, so she walked quietly beside her. Clearing her throat, Rey struggled for anything to wipe away the distaste that still seemed to linger in her mouth after her antagonistic reunion with Kylo. "So, how are things with you and Finn?"

Rose was taken aback; unaware that Rey had taken notice of their brief pairing. "We are friendly and fine, and just finely friends." She stumbled awkwardly. There was no lie in her conversation with him about her priorities, though she never admitted her other motivation. She believed that whatever had been lacking in her relationship with Finn was something he had found with Rey. For weeks, she had been expecting him to approach the scavenger-turned-Jedi, but their friendship seemed to remain as such. After taking notice of her mysterious behavior, Rose wondered if Rey's affections might be captured elsewhere.

"And you're okay with that?" There was no pity in her voice, just genuine concern as she watched her expression for any tells.

She grinned widely. "Honestly, it was a relief." Her eyes bulged and she hurriedly amended her statement. "Not because there's anything wrong with Finn, because there isn't. I just," sighing, Rose slowed herself down. "I met Finn right after a void had torn apart my life. With the importance of our mission and that awful, lost feeling in my gut, I reached out before I had a chance to process a moment." She breathed softly. "If it wasn't for him, I don't think I would've been able to bounce back. I know our mission was ultimately pointless, but somehow it was exactly what I needed."

"I would argue that is proof enough that it wasn't pointless." Rey smirked as they rounded one final curve, before the meager size of the Resistance headed in the same direction.

Rose beamed cheerfully, thankful for the kindness of the previously intimidating Jedi. "You're right."

They joined the nearly complete audience as a few stragglers filtered in. The young women approached Finn and Poe who were conversing animatedly. Before Rey could have the two men catch her and Rose up to speed, Leia Organa stepped forward. She surveyed her audience and after confirming that everyone was in attendance, she cleared her throat.

All heads turned, held captive by the soft sound from the deceptively diminutive woman. In the minute collection of survivors that was the entirety of the Resistance, there was no need for clearance or secrecy; barriers between ranks ceased to exist and Leia was momentarily thankful for it.

Inhaling deeply, she released herself from any pretense to withhold the bleak and brutal truth. "Resistance, we have survived by the skin of our teeth, but I fear we have yet to reach our true test of resilience." There was an uncomfortable, shuffling energy that wafted over the group at the slightly pessimistic start to Leia's troop-rallying speech. "I don't have the stomach, nor the skill to sugar-coat our circumstances this time." Her eyes roamed around the crowd. "I have not lost faith in our cause, or our commitment to it. That being said, I cannot speak for all of you.

"If we are to make it out of this alive and Force-willing, victorious, our methods will have to change. We've suffered losses before, but I don't need to say that the extent of damage we have survived in the past is nothing compared to what we now face." She exhaled and tried to remove any emotion from her voice. "Our allies have dwindled to such a degree that I can't guarantee anything beyond our group has remained intact. If you wish to walk away now, I will not stop anyone. I won't hold any judgment for those who wish to break off from the Resistance while they still have a chance."

The only movement that followed was the turning of a dozen or so heads, as silence settled into the huddle. Leia exhaled, the smallest of smirks contorting her mouth into a tired, but pleasant expression. Rey doubted their General could truly comprehend the depth of each member's faith in her leadership. If the prospect of almost certain death on Crait wasn't enough to shake their dedication, nothing was. "I hope nobody here lives to regret that choice." She seemed to pause for another second.

"Good. Though we have no proof that any factions of our allies remained operational, I can't shake the feeling that we are merely a fraction of the First Order-sewn discontent that exists in the galaxy." Many heads nodded in agreement. "If we can get our message to the right audience, especially in the Outer Rim, we may have a chance to rebuild a force strong enough to see justice return to the galaxy."

There seemed no disagreement with her statement. "I have a possible contact that should be able to pass our words to suitable listeners; perhaps they may even help us locate any remaining members still faithful to our cause." She turned and faced Larma D'Acy, her second in command. "The Commander and I will confer about current operations. A team will be created to accompany me on the excursion. Everyone else is going to be assigned tasks to get this base at full functionality. Dismissed."

A soft murmur began as several theories were tossed around regarding where the team would be going and with whom they would be meeting. Leia excused herself and Commander D'Acy followed her.

It wasn't 10 minutes later when the Commander approached Rey's circle of friends. "Rose, your presence is required with Engineering in the hangar." Rose nodded and excused herself. D'Acy looked to the other three that now stared back at her. "General Organa has requested you three meet with her on the _Millennium Falcon_."

They walked in unison as Poe shared a look with Finn, then Rey. "I guess this means we're the chosen ones."

Rey shook her head. "We're not the only ones." She could see Chewbacca and C3PO climbing the ramp to the _Falcon_.

The three stayed silent until they were onboard. Leia's astute dark brown eyes watched them without wavering in the slightest. "This mission may prove to be incredibly dangerous. I cannot promise we will be successful or that we will even survive."

"Where do I sign?" Poe's tone was all humor, but his strong posture revealed the genuine nature of his words. Letting Leia down was something he never intended to do, regardless of the risk.

She smiled. "Rey, Finn, can I assume you both would like to relay a similar affirmation?" They both nodded and she sighed. "Chewie." The Wookie replied with an agreeable grunt before disappearing down the direction of the cockpit.

"Okay, General. Where exactly are we going?" Poe prodded gently.

"Tatooine."

The homeworld of Luke Skywalker, they all knew. This information did little to quell their surprise until Leia answered Finn's question. "Who are we looking for on Tatooine?"

She smiled sharply and for a moment, Rey could see the young Rebel Princess looking back at her in the eyes of the calculating and experienced Resistance General. "The Hutt Clan."


	4. Chapter 3: All We Can Do

***A/N - Hello, all! I wanted to give a quick sorry to anybody shipping the pair I passed over in the last chapter. I love both characters deeply, but had other plans. Anyway, it's about to get real political in this bitch, lol. I tried not to drown the story in politics, but this chapter does bear the brunt of it. I will be posting Chapter 3 & 4 together. I hope you are enjoying. Pretty please R&R. Thanks. -Nikki**

* * *

**Chapter 3: All We Can Do**

Kylo Ren struggled to possess the focus to pay attention to Hux's words. Nothing could breach his thoughts but the sight of Rey. The months had been kind to her and though her eyes regarded him with fierce anger, he couldn't deny that he was thankful to have seen her again.

Hux's unpleasant droning ended with inflection and Kylo realized he had asked him a question. "What?"

The pale man couldn't hide the irritated twitch of his brow at having to repeat himself, though he knew better than to remark as much. "Where did you want to begin?"

The Supreme Leader regarded their current position and realized they would be coming out of hyperspace shortly. He gave little deliberation in his decision, knowing with absolute certainty where they would have to begin. "Chandrila."

General Hux was surprised by the speed with which he replied, but even more so by his answer. There was no lack of hatred for Imperials or Imperial-sympathizers on the planet that was once the New Republic capital; it didn't take impressive skills of deduction to realize just how Chandrila would receive the Order as the recently rebuilt remnants of their most loathed opposition. "Supreme Leader," he began carefully. "Would it not be better to begin our occupation with a more accommodating planet?"

"No." Kylo spoke with a clear and concise tone. "If we are to be taken seriously, we must meet with the greatest obstacle to our cause head-on. Chandrila's acquiescence is vital to insuring other planets fall in line, especially in the Core Worlds." He would gladly risk an effortless, docile transition for a thorough one. "We will claim our authority at Hanna City." It was symbolic to begin the reign of the First Order in the very city that saw the inception of the New Republic.

Though Hux believed it to ultimately be a move of arrogance to prove superiority, he couldn't deny that he understood the advantage behind it. "Should I assemble an elite squadron to storm the capital?"

"No, that won't be necessary." Kylo looked away from the blue haze of their trajectory to catch his general's full attention. "You and I will take a few troopers on a shuttle."

"My presence is requested?" Hux tried not to groan. If Kylo Ren wanted to storm hostile territory to boast his unsupported claim of superiority, Armitage was more than obliged to allow his 'Supreme Leader' the opportunity. He wasn't so keen to maintain that attitude when his life was at risk in the process. He had been hoping Kylo would stumble on his own reckless haughtiness and as a result, conveniently leave the position of Supreme Leader vacant. That became much less likely when he would be joining him.

"On the contrary General, it is demanded." Hux was right to believe Kylo was intending to assert his authority and dominance, but incorrect in his assumption for whom the show was truly meant. "The troopers will secure our route to the capital, while we will meet with their delegates."

"Would you compromise with such vermin?"

The Supreme Leader regarded him with cold, granite eyes. "I would remind **any** opposition of the influence I retain to subdue it." There was a double-meaning in his words that were meant specifically for Hux and they were accurately interpreted as a warning against questioning him again.

A moment later they exited hyperspace and soon lingered above Chandrila. Kylo ordered the majority of the Star Destroyers to remain orbiting the planet, while a handful of the large ships entered the atmosphere. There was no hesitation in his movements and Hux was intrigued by the certainty with which he seemed imbued.

Something tensed in his blood as they landed. It shook Kylo just how deep his connection to the world seemed, of course, it was no stranger to him. Leia had given birth to Ben Solo in the very city he now invaded, on the same day the New Republic had born and now he would usher the end of its era.

They found their mark and entered the empty grand hall. Kylo Ren could sense the palpable unease as news of the hovering Star Destroyers infiltrated the entire building. Finally Ren and Hux heard the sound of rushing steps nearing them.

The General couldn't mask his tensing figure. His Supreme Leader seemed to be mad, showing up on the doorstep of their enemies with no army or even a protection detail. Two Mon Calamari delegates hurried in and paused at the sight of Kylo Ren and General Hux. The latter was furious to be forced into such a desperate situation that he reached for the blaster on his hip. He pointed the weapon gracelessly at the two and began speaking in that same shrill voice that grated at Kylo Ren's ears. "The First Order has taken over galactic control and will offer no quarter or mercy to you New Republic scum-"

His speech was cut short as four Human, three Rodian and five Twi'lek armed guards burst in behind them. They immediately fired at Kylo and his General. Hux froze in pure shock that he had come so far in his career only to die at the unfathomable stupidity of his so-called Supreme Leader. He waited, but no blaster-fire hit its mark, in fact, they had not hit anything at all. Twelve beams halted in mid-air and a moment later all the blasters were ripped from the guards and thrown across the hall.

Kylo didn't seem the least bit concerned as he tsked chidingly. "And here I've been led to believe that the New Republic was a promoter of pacifism. Blaster-fire and then introductions, it would seem."

One of the Twi'lek guards, a green female with violet eyes stood erect and spoke with a strong voice tinged with an indescribable accent. "No introductions necessary for the sole reason we have come to reconsider our pacifism."

He regarded her with interest. The truth of her statement was undeniable. "If only you had adopted that mindset earlier, you might not be in this mess now." He looked back to the Mon Calamari. "Though you'll hear no complaints from me."

"Supreme Leader." Hux seemed to nudge with his voice, beady eyes confused; his feral mind only able to compare Kylo Ren's actions to that of a predator that plays with its prey. "I advise we order troops from the fleet to wipe any proof of the New Republic off the face of this planet." The way he sneered at the guards and delegates implied he considered them a part of that category.

"Ah, yes. How to proceed?" Kylo ever-so-slightly flicked his wrist, causing Hux's own blaster to be ripped from his hands. It danced from his grasp before it was returned to his holster. "That won't be necessary, General Hux." He paused with glaring intent. "Yet. We will continue with our plan from the bridge. Return to the ship and prepare the troops for takeover." He nudged, watching the General's face to see if he remembered how he had emphasized the importance of a simple occupation.

Hux was practically glaring at his superior. He wanted to argue with him, but the second the fight filled his eyes, Kylo released his hold on the blaster bolts, allowing them to collide against the wall. Hux excused himself at the Supreme Leader's less-than-subtle reminder of his abilities.

Kylo Ren looked at the officials. "I would think now is as good a time as any to call an assembly."

* * *

Poe stumbled to properly inhale. "I'm sorry, but are you out of your kriffing mind?"

Leia's eyes filled with a smug humor as her brow lifted at his informal address. "Hardly, but thanks for the inquiry."

"I don't understand." Rey chimed in simply, completely lost and intrigued by Poe's reaction.

"Do you mean the Hutt Clan as in the infamous crime syndicate?" Finn asked nervously. "The Hutt Clan that had an affiliation with the Empire?"

"The very one and the same." She smiled as if it were the best answer they could've hoped to expect.

Poe shook his head. "That's not the worst of it." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Their last clan leader was killed by our very own General."

Finn and Rey immediately looked back to the relatively small woman and tried to imagine her taking down a Hutt. "I never told you that." Leia remarked.

"You didn't need to." Though no one knew the details of how Leia had gone about the deed, there were many theories, blaster-fire, poison, stabbing. He had once heard somebody say that they believed she had strangled the crime lord. Poe immediately dismissed that notion, finding it no less than laughable, as if the small woman could wrap her hands around the thick, pudgy neck of a Hutt. "More than enough Rebels have made their own theories."

Leia shook her head, amused that Poe would regale the accomplishment as if it was a part of her legacy. "Wait!" Finn still couldn't wrap his mind around the notion. "You killed a Hutt?"

"Yep, a big, ugly, sleazy one." She recalled.

Rey's eyes were confused saucers. "And you think they are going to help us?"

"For reasons I can't quite explain."

"What are the chances that they don't?" She asked in a wary voice.

"Enough for it to be considered a gamble."

"Well, that's just great." Finn murmured into his hands. He looked up and slowly exhaled. "Is a gamble really necessary right now?"

Leia grabbed his hand. "Now is the only time a gamble is truly necessary. It's either this, or the next move wipes us from the board." She hoped he would find some comfort in her brutal honesty.

His dark brown eyes nearly seemed defeated. "So what exactly are we hoping to gain from this gamble?" Desperation from the General did not bode well for their cause.

Leia exhaled and stood a little taller, determined to instill some hope in the youths as they reeled at the notion that their only hopeful ally was still technically their enemy. "Supplies and less than reputable connections." She offered with a nonchalant shrug.

"Less than reputable connections?" Poe's brows lifted for a moment, until he closed his eyes with a wistful sigh. "Bounty hunters." He shook his head. "What do we need with bounty hunters?"

"We need to locate any of our remaining allies and with a little luck, recruit new ones." She addressed the confusion in both Finn and Rey's eyes. "We can't exactly broadcast for Resistance fighters over an open channel."

That idea was of course ridiculous, but Poe couldn't deny that the General's solution seemed nearly as hopeless. He inhaled deeply, as if to convert his doubts into anything that would be of better use to them. The Captain knew the strength of their leader; if she was willing to fall back on such a desperate plan, there must've been no other option. "So are we your muscle?" The smooth cadence of his voice possessed the slightest bit of humor, to ease the worry from the faces of his friends.

"I don't require henchmen." She smirked away a laugh. "Only the opportunity to help them see reason."

"The odds don't seem entirely in our favor." Finn said solemnly.

"Do they ever?" Rey exhaled, turning her face to Leia. "All I have ever seen of the Resistance is relentless survival in the worst of circumstances. This is the only choice we have. Our fight hasn't continued this long and faced such obstacles to fizzle out like it surely will if we don't exhaust every option, especially our last one."

Leia watched the young woman for a moment as she adopted a bittersweet smile. This girl, she knew, would suffer greatly. It always seemed the path of those too stubborn to let go of their idealism, that life would have them sacrifice to see their dreams come to reality. Leia could see her own eyes staring back at her and for a second she was tempted to warn Rey of what price she might have to pay for the greater good.

"Rey is right." Poe looked at young woman with a proud smirk and a thankful nod. Leia shook away her brief reverie as he continued. "We can't deliberate about our options if we don't have any. The Resistance needs support and I for one am not picky."

Finn sighed in exasperation before his mouth tugged in a skeptical smile. "Well, we definitely stand a better chance with the Hutt Clan than with the First Order."

Poe patted his shoulder. "That's the spirit."

"I'll go check in with Chewie." Rey headed for the cockpit.

Chewbacca turned at her entrance. "I'm guessing that the General has already briefed you on her plan?"

He growled an affirmative.

"And you didn't think to advise her against it?"

The Wookie looked at her oddly. He asserted that any attempt to do so would've been blatantly ignored. She grinned unable to argue against the truth of his reply. "So, what's Tatooine like?"

His brief answer seemed to yank any excitement from Rey's expression. "Like Jakku?" He confirmed with a nod. She sighed with fleeting disappointment before quickly brightening. "Well, at least I know what to expect."

He seemed less than convinced that she would.

A tension seized her gut and she allowed herself to acknowledge the actual danger of what they were about to face. Their arsenal was less than impressive, especially in comparison with an established crime syndicate. They posed no threat and Rey feared that would cause their plea to be shot down before they even had a chance, quite literally.

The scavenger appreciated the companionable silence she could always find in the cockpit of the _Millennium Falcon_. Chewbacca was sociable enough, but never felt the need to force conversation; a virtue that she greatly appreciated, sometimes missing the quiet she had spent years growing accustomed to, though she wouldn't trade the pleasantly chaotic company she had recently acquired.

All too soon, Rey inhaled deeply and enjoyed her last moment of sweet silence. Chewie addressed her with the equivalent of 'Good Luck' as she excused herself to be prepped on their mission in the Main Hold. The General stood with flawless posture and began addressing the Resistance fighters as Rey entered.

The younger woman found a solitary seat and listened intently. "The Hutt Clan are formidable enemies and would no doubt prove to be invaluable allies. Do not underestimate them simply because of their apparent disadvantages; their strengths may not be quite so obvious, but that doesn't mean they don't exist." She cleared her throat. "After the death of their leader Jabba," Poe's eyes widened suggestively as he looked at Finn and nudged ever-so-slightly at their General to emphasize her role as assassin. "There was a bit of a power struggle. His son, Rotta was ultimately meant to inherit his father's place as Kajidii of the clan and eventually did with a lightened load of authority. He now leads the Grand Hutt Council. Any questions, so far?"

"Okay, so the Kajidii," Finn tried awkwardly, his eyes met Poe who mouthed the simplified interpretation 'leader' as if he deduced the ex-Stormtrooper's question before he'd even had the chance to ask it. He nodded and continued, "Is the son of the Hutt you killed? He is who we are making our plea to, the one you orphaned? What reason does he have to not shoot all of us on the spot?"

Leia scowled at him briefly before focusing her attention on the hologram of Jabba's Palace in front of her. "Even the lawless are not immune to tyranny. More than just a son, Rotta is a leader. Once he hears me out, he will do what he knows is the best choice for those he governs."

"How sure are you of that?" Poe chimed in.

"Hardly." She answered with a shrug that seemed to be coming from an unsure underling, not their usually certain leader. "But right now, it's the only chance we have." Her posture straightened once more. "I acknowledge these aren't fair odds for me to present to you. I'll give you another chance to ask to stay on the ship." She was met with a bored silence and only resolved stares from the young fighters. "I just need you to be ready to defend yourselves and each other. Our combined experiences of the First Order should be enough to inspire confidence in the necessity of our fight. We are the galaxy's only hope for fending off all-encompassing domination."

"So, hands on our guns from touchdown?" Poe asked, words drenched with his effortless charisma.

"I'd say fingers on our triggers." Finn amended. He received a humored grin from the Resistance Captain.

"I would wager that rushing in 'guns ablazing' would contradict our ultimate purpose in coming to them for help." Rey offered, her eyes almost chiding towards her friend.

Leia nodded. "I want everybody's weapons within a quick reach, but let's refrain from physically holding them, clear?" The authority in her voice prompted every head to nod with absolute understanding. "Rotta won't underestimate us. I wouldn't step so perfectly in his grasp if it wasn't for absolute desperation. That should at least pique his interest."

A short silence enveloped the hold as they all let the gravity of the gamble hang in the air. They were betting their lives on the instinct of the General. Though, after the feats they had witnessed in her presence, they couldn't deny the possibility that she just might be capable of miracles. The heroes had to triumph with a champion like Leia Organa on their side. They had come too far to dissolve before the final act.

"Now, Jabba's Palace is a nightmare for the purpose of getting a chance to be heard. We have one road to follow, so our entrance will be recognized almost immediately. I'll request that we speak to him directly. Whoever meets us at the door wouldn't dare to rob him of the opportunity to choose how to dispose of me." Leia nodded to the protocol droid standing beside her. "Threepio will brief you on the blueprint of the palace."

"Question." Finn raised his hand as he stood and scrutinized the hologram in front of him. She nodded to him. "Wasn't his palace renowned for its security, trapdoors and impenetrable walls?"

"Yes," Leia nodded, not one to sugarcoat their bleak reality. "The men who fortified the palace with their improvements were unable to escape it once they were taken as prisoners."

"Great!" He said brightly with emotionless eyes as he turned back to study their doom even further. Poe patted him on the back with a comforting solidarity.

The General caught Rey's attention before nudging her head in the direction of the Deck Hatch to distance themselves from the two young men and the droid. Leia's eyes hinted at the displeasure she was feeling. "What is it?" Rey asked with attentive concern.

"I didn't say anything; because the amount of pressure I'm going to put on you isn't something I should do in front of an audience." The younger woman swallowed and stood straighter in hopes of instilling the General with confidence that she was up to whatever the challenge would be. "Chances are that with Rotta being the Kajidii, we will be searched for weapons. I'm not exactly the first human they would trust." She understated. "I might have the chance to speak, but I might not. It won't take long for us to realize what the case may be; if it seems like the latter, I'm going to need your help." She sighed. "We won't have more than a moment to act; I need you to call to the Force and attempt to retrieve our weapons." Rey felt the weight of the responsibility embrace her. Leia reached out and touched her hand. "I will help. If things take a turn, we need to make a run for the ship."

"I will do my best." Her other hand patted Leia's.

"I know you will."

A growl sounded from the cockpit and Rey turned her head in the direction of their pilot. Looking back at smaller woman, she exhaled. "Tatooine." Leia pressed her hand tightly for a moment. "Threepio will catch you up on any questions you have."

Rey accurately understood the dismissal. Leia headed away from the direction of the hold going the other way around to the cockpit. Her hand rested on Chewie's shoulder in the Captain's chair, much fuzzier and larger than the one she had been accustomed to. They both looked out into the desert, still relatively bright despite the setting suns. "Feel free to stall our approach to Jabba's Palace. I want to take advantage of the cover we should have soon enough."

Chewbacca enthusiastically agreed with her tactic. The desert hadn't changed to her eyes, despite all the years that had passed. She remembered the hope that had gripped her the last time she had come to that planet with one undeniable and desperate purpose. "I miss him." Her voice was soft and pained.

The intuitive Wookie offered his signature silence, allowing his dear friend the softest of pats with his hirsute hand on her bare one that rested atop his shoulder. "We'll prep for touchdown."

He began to argue with her. "I won't hear it, Chewie." She shook her head. "Keep your comlink close, because we need this ship ready if things turn hairy." He rumbled. "No offense." She smirked. "You're too intimidating. If we show up with you, we won't seem like we're groveling." Her flattery caused him to puff up pleasantly. "It's not like I can let Threepio leave the _Falcon_ running." He couldn't argue with that sound reasoning. "You're the only one I can trust to get to us in time. I need a damn good pilot if plan A fails."

He nodded finally and she smiled. "Thank you."

There was a palpable tension in the hold, but Leia felt assured in her confidence with her crew as they all stood with resolved, albeit wary eyes. "We'll land a short distance from the palace just after nightfall. Chewbacca will keep the _Falcon_ ready for a quick departure on the off-chance that Rotta isn't in the mood for a chat." Poe smirked at that. "Ready?"

No one spoke, but they all nodded. A few moments later, Chewbacca alerted them of a visual on their destination.

Darkness was slowly encroaching on the land as the temperature began to drop. Rey was able to appreciate the familiar climate, so unlike many planets they had visited. Wind whipped at their faces as they stepped onto the dry desert road. It was almost impossible to gauge if their arrival had been noticed beyond the large wall.

Leia knocked against the solid metal. The large orb-like eye of a gatekeeper droid appeared into view. "Inform Rotta Desilijic Tiure that Leia Organa has come to speak with him." Her stature was erect and full of her usual authority.

Immediately the gate opened. An unfamiliar Hutt looked her up and down with wide eyes. He silenced the gatekeeper droid and informed it that he would escort the fugitive to their clan leader. Leia could see ambition clouding his eyes; she would serve as this nameless Hutt's boon to earn favor with his lord. She didn't mind; in fact, she was thankful that she would not have to wait before facing Rotta.

The green-eyed, beige Hutt called out. Two figures stepped forward; one Ithorian and one Zabrak, both dressed in common Bounty Hunter garb. They relieved the visitors of their weapons. Without delay, the Resistance members were escorted through the palace.

A few moments later they were brought into a large room with several Hutt Clan members. Their entrance demanded absolute silence from all but their guide who directly addressed what appeared to be most, if not the entirety of the Grand Hutt Council. The Huttese was a thick and distinct language with an indescribable dialect.

Threepio dutifully translated. "Lord Rotta, I bring you our most elusive fugitive for judgment." The droid paused. "Oh, my!"

Leia bowed her head in reverence for Rotta's position. "Lord Rotta, I would not have come if desperation had not deemed it absolutely necessary."

Rotta's large figure nearly shook with the booming of his voice as his orange eyes pierced the General. Threepio continued translating. "You have no sense of danger if you come here willingly, Leia Organa. I can't think of any reason to delay dropping you into the Great Pit of Carkoon."

Subtly, Rey evaluated the threat of the room, focusing mainly on the guards that stood armed on either side of Leia. A method of escape was already forming in her head when Poe exhaled. "Well, I'm feeling hopeful. Anyone else?"

Leia pushed through, determined to be heard. She stood straighter and met the Hutt's indescribable glare head-on. "You hesitate because you know that I am not foolish enough to tempt certain death without cause. You sense the growing darkness filling the galaxy in the form of the First Order and you are uneasy." The Hutt's eyes betrayed his surprise; somehow, the human General had sensed his growing apprehension, an anxiety he hadn't even shared with the members of the Grand Hutt Council.

He bluffed confidence and reasoned soundly. His certainty was lost on the monotone translation from the protocol droid. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

"You say that now, but I know that with the authority you hold over your kind, you do not underestimate the threat that is at your doorstep. The entire galaxy watched as the Hosnian System crumbled to ash."

"That weapon was destroyed." The statement seemed to call their bluff. "Maybe I will cut a deal with the First Order and turn you in for their favor. Oh, dear!"

"The First Order would never come to a compromise with the Hutt Clan." Poe answered before Leia could say as much. Rotta turned his eyes towards the man. He continued before the Hutt could take offense. "Their military and advanced weaponry is under the control of Armitage Hux, a ruthless General who only aspires to see any disorder or nonconformity wiped from the galaxy. He would rather rid it of your crime syndicate than allow himself to engage in any kind of alliance, even one that would be mutually beneficial. Order is their ultimate goal and it doesn't take much contemplation to guess that they will seek to do the one thing that every galactic government has failed up until this point to do successfully."

"And what is that, tiny arrogant human?" The insult was humorous to Poe coming from the voice of their excessively polite protocol droid, but he refrained himself from laughing in the tense atmosphere.

"Gain irrefutable control of the Outer Rim."

The room was silent. Rotta couldn't deny that the argument was sound in logic. Even though he had heard of the destruction of _Starkiller Base_, it had been nearly impossible to sleep soundly knowing that the First Order possessed that kind of technology. He had spent years perfecting a calm façade for the council and all the Hutts he ruled over, but something deep within warned him that no alliance could be made with the First Order, not one he could trust.

He couldn't deny the anger that ran through him. Rotta had seen the hologram depicting his father's death. Though he wanted to hate the woman standing before him, he was taken aback by the expression in her eyes. He had seen that look before, though they had never met face-to-face. Desperation stared back at him and he knew what she was capable of with such a motivator. There was also a natural fear that lurked in the background of his thoughts, she knew the physical disadvantages of the Hutts and yet she had come without the slightest hint of superiority. They had lost a great deal as a Clan since the untimely death of his father, but there had been speculation that their power had waned the moment they had promised allegiance to the Empire and were rewarded with severe cuts that had been made to their trade in hopes to hinder their independence.

He knew the New Republic had little desire to interfere with their smuggling affairs, especially since the Hutts' slave trade operation had fallen during the Clan's power struggle soon after Jabba's Will had been announced. The First Order would not offer him such a proposition. "Explain why you have come."

The Hutt that brought them to the chamber seemed to protest and Threepio quickly relayed the information. "Lord Rotta, surely you wouldn't think of allying with this murderess-"

"I need no reminder of this human's crimes and you would do well to remember that no one on this council would accuse me of considering this offer lightly. As Kajidii, my duty is to protect this Clan; that comes before my personal vendettas." He looked back to Leia. "I will hear your plea, but do not guarantee it will be enough to gain the confidence of this Council, nor my trust."

Leia sighed contentedly, thankful that her instincts had been right. She kept her body language non-threatening, but retained her strong authoritative tone. It was a fluke that they had gotten this far, but she wasn't about to waste their chance.

* * *

_The darkness was all that surrounded him, not a cocoon, but a prison. There was no one to reach, they couldn't understand how frequent the thoughts were coming, and he was so scared. "Monster," it echoed like his fated condemnation. Is that what these dreams and unprompted thoughts were making him become? An emerald hue sliced through the darkness, but it was no relief to him. For a brief moment, he felt something break inside as he left that polluted blackness. The air had been stifled in a poisonous lump that gripped his throat. He needed them; who? He didn't remember. But he had been reaching, reaching for warmth, or a hand? He didn't want to remember, but he couldn't push the inflamed ache back this time. It was a back, he had tried to reach and a voice fading, but it changed so quickly. Her back was off to charge for justice morphing into that man's, which soon became obscured by the closing of the door of that damned ship! He hated that ship, but still he reached out for a figure that changed into someone he felt tugging at the other end of some string in him, held hostage in a bond that remained twistedly intact. Her hazel eyes didn't relay that same affection he had seen before in that burning scarlet room. On his knees, stripped to her entirely he saw those eyes become lost in the shut of the door on that damn ship! "Balance, destiny!" The promise faded. That now familiar pained voice called out like before, "Don't go this way." He huffed, desperate to breathe, but a Force-reckoning crack broke crimson against his eyes._

Lunging awake, Kylo greedily sucked in the air that had been ripped from him. He threw his body up to sit at the edge of his bed as he shook away the dream. So many feelings rushed through him and he couldn't seem to place what was the right one. The crack had felt as if it had thrown him back, just like it had those years before, before he had understood the voice that had pleaded him. He wondered if it at all made some semblance of sense. It had been a warning; he still believed that, though it was not the same. She hadn't been a manifestation of the Force calling him away from the Dark Side as he had first thought. Rey was real; he knew her soul, he had touched it across fathoms of space. No, she wasn't some false caution, set on persuading him. She had cringed at the power, though it wasn't the power he desired, but freedom; freedom from the antiquated ways of those who came before them. She didn't see what he had been offering was the chance to rewrite the wrongs of the legacy that they had inherited. He thought if anyone could understand the need to let the past die, it would be her. Kylo exhaled quickly, not wanting to bring himself into that argument yet again.

The pins and needles that invaded the soles of his feet were a comfort to him, the pain offered distance from the still-lingering haze of his whiplash nightmare. He was thankful, but still wary. Propping his head up with his arm that leaned for stability on his thigh, he slowly opened his eyes to adjust to the dark, unfamiliar room. It was sleeping in this long-forgotten world in the depths of his memories that affected him so. The Force pulled at him from within this planet, as if it remembered his birth, as if it wanted him to feel his unquestionable connection to it, even more so, to the boy he had been, the innocent Ben who was born into a moment of triumph and love. Who was this shadow that paraded in the shell of man whose birthright was the Light Side of the Force?

He shook away emotions that were not his own. Kylo knew such a standard couldn't be set for someone to remain untarnished by the harsh reality of what the Force brought with its gifts. Jealousy, fear, hatred, prejudice, lies; he wasn't made to be immune to the pain that came with existence, especially one thrown into with inadequate understanding. The Dark Side had kept him when the light had fled his allegiance, in cruel condemnations of hypocrisy. It afforded him the right of human error, when no such quality seemed forgivable in the eyes of what he had once believed to be family. The fight had been unleashed within him so quickly, as the very energy of the Force seemed to prod into his wounds.

Staying in Hanna City had been an arrogant move on his part, just as touching down on Chandrila had been. He was so desperate to prove that he could move on and see his belief in the First Order rebuild what he had seen neglected by the New Republic he had loathed for most of his life. Now he began to wonder if he should have chosen differently, though he would never admit to feeling such a doubt. He would not be beaten by sentiment, not when he was going to be the one to bring change.

He had seen it, the fear in the eyes of the small number of delegates that remained the last of the New Republic's government. Only a handful or so had stayed on the planet after the Hosnian Cataclysm. It was easy to see that those who had, sincerely regretted their decision. Escape was no longer feasible with dozens of Star Destroyers blockading the planet. No one would be sneaking away.

He wondered if it was seeing their anxiety that awakened that same emotion in himself when the word 'Monster' had echoed in his thoughts. The assembly had required a visage of dignified authority. He wasn't asking for the galaxy, he was taking what the First Order had already won. There was a choice awaiting them, one they wouldn't get a second chance to make. He posed it as simply as he was able; they could become subjects of the First Order or face the wrath of Stormtroopers that had long been programmed to eliminate members of the New Republic. He did not see the need for this takeover to mean an execution sentence, but only they would ultimately decide their own fate. He offered them the length of the assembly to make their choice.

General Hux had adamantly fought against the Supreme Leader's instructions that he stay on the _Resolve_. Once the burning General realized that Kylo would not relent, he determined that his time would be better spent preparing the Stormtroopers to take the city as soon as the assembly adjourned. Kylo knew that his General would not approve of the opportunity he was offering, but his choice still stood. He would prove that the First Order would usher in a decisive era of proactive and unwavering authority. The Supreme Leader allowed concerns to be heard, before ultimately stating what would be done. He didn't need to pause for thoughts; the New Republic had left the galaxy in several long-enabled messes, including a few in the Inner Rim and Core Worlds that already had garnered his attention. 'Order will see its day!' He had promised before delving into his priority of assessing specific concerns first. He knew what the galaxy needed in its government. "You fighting this takeover will mean nothing but unnecessary loss. If you desire action, the First Order will see it done." Kylo made sure that the ceremony came to a close only after he had assigned each delegate to their new post.

He would definitely have difficult decisions to make in the future and he would let voices be heard, but his final word would cease any further deliberation when action was demanded.

The room felt stifling to him as he shuddered off the stress of his current position on this cosmically-biased planet. He didn't dare to walk off the building pressure, like he had the night before. In some small, far corner on the other side of the edifice he had stumbled across a mural. It had been crafted during the near final stages of establishing the New Republic. Several politicians stood side by side, but his eyes had immediately found her, Leia Organa, spherical but brilliantly illuminated by her overjoyed smile as she had touched her swollen belly, Han's arm draped effortlessly around her.

Kylo remembered the story by heart, having been told it more times than he could count. As all the New Republic founders stood together, Leia felt her _little angel_, as she had apparently called him, start moving around enthusiastically. She said it felt like light dancing inside her. He had turned away from the wall, unwilling to let Chandrila drown him in the emotion of days long passed.

It wasn't so simple to fight it off, not when he kept asking himself if he had gone looking for that mural; if only to know what that kind of hope looked like. She had made it seem so peaceful and simple; even now he wondered how that would feel.


	5. Chapter 4: No Corner

***A/N - Hello, all! Just a little side-note before beginning: Shyriiwook is the native language of Wookies. Okay, that is all. Thanks. -Nikki**

* * *

**Chapter 4: No Corner**

In the several months since commandeering the old Rebel Base on Cardooine, Rey still maintained a deep appreciation for the lush fields and forests above, though she rarely had the chance to bask in it, mostly out of caution, but also unable to indulge with all of her time restraints. Often, she found herself sent on another mission to meet with Bounty Hunters in league with the Hutt Clan. The tentative alliance had become most beneficial, even if it meant being at the Hutts disposal. A few dozen stray New Republic affiliates had already been discovered and brought back to their makeshift Home of Operations.

Rey deeply enjoyed the additional company; it taught her the true meaning of Leia's words that day on Crait. They had everything they needed in each other; so many like-minded people, driven by justice with a fiery spark that simply refused to be snuffed out. They would always find allies, because they refused to stop looking. Though the cave system that housed their base was filling slightly, she had been able to maintain enough distance for her liking.

She spent some time with her comrades when able, though the majority of her time was spent on her missions to far off worlds; she also tried to fit in any spare time to train with her staff; if she wasn't doing that she was trying to tap into the Force, or she would translate a page or so of the ancient texts. The latter was becoming more difficult to find time for. It frustrated her to know that she could only grow strong if she was able to study the knowledge that had been passed through generations of Jedi, but it was the one thing she rarely had the opportunity to focus on.

One day, she promised herself, even if it meant waiting until the threat of war was a distant memory, she would decipher the wisdom and inherit that cosmic understanding she yearned to know now.

Rey could never admit that she also ached with an emotional toil that no one was capable of helping her bear. Kylo reached to her, often. It sickened her that forcing him away made the ache worse. His stretch was continuously gentle; sometimes pained, sometimes hopeful, but always excruciatingly lonely. She pushed him back before the connection could be made, barricading herself in a wall of desperate defense. Still she would feel him, frequently mirroring her own emotions.

Staying strong from her vulnerable heart was only feasible if she protected herself from the sight of him. She meditated regularly, but practiced with diluting and even separating her connection to the Force. The strain on her mind was heavy, but keeping busy did its best to save her from a stray thought.

Everyone had seemed to truly begin to hit their stride.

Poe had been 'promoted' back to Commander as he liked to say, Leia however, often referred to his return in rank as his 'un-demotion', usually when the hotshot had recently irritated her, or if she felt that he needed to be reminded of how fast his impulsivity became a detriment to his ability as a leader. Rey couldn't help but think it had garnered the results that the General had hoped for. It was obvious that she had wanted to groom him for an elevated position of authority, but she never threw around any other titles for the man who had clearly become her protégé.

Finn had also been promoted in his own way. He had started from his eventful and tumultuous decision to join the Resistance, to being its knowledgeable primary combat tactician. No one knew the methods, habits, defenses and mindset of their enemy better than one of their defected own. Rey had audited a few lessons when she needed a break from her usual duties; she had been compelled to see her friend, though more often than not, was longing for the connection that she had to actively force herself to stop thinking about.

Rose was constantly seen all over the base, tinkering with anything she could improve with the slightest of tweaks in its engineering, collecting any spare parts for a project she had yet to name. Rey had meant to compare notes with her, but found the young woman was usually thoroughly occupied, though they did share the odd meal together. Rose seemed to flourish the most, as if imbued with an unshakeable resolve to strengthen and mend anything in need of her service. She had even begun testing and experimenting her own alterations on any equipment that was otherwise inoperative without repair. She was thankful to be no longer limited to the monotonous mending she had grown accustomed to performing.

In truth, Rey wished to be excelling as well as her other friends and comrades in arms. They were all becoming so talented in their own fields, while she was still trapped in the role of slow-going student. Her energy was spent on operations and keeping herself in peak condition for combat. She was learning from the Force, but her knowledge of it still seemed so inadequate, especially when she paired it with the looks of absolute amazement that she was constantly on the receiving end of from the rest of the Resistance. To them, her manipulation of objects was astounding; they didn't realize just how far behind she was in obtaining the wisdom within her grasp, though completely useless without continual decoding. She was exhausted, to see such miniscule results from her determined, though divided effort.

Exhaustion had plagued her in the past few weeks. She was spread so thin, that she felt as if sleep was a waste of her time. Still she was able to attain enough to get by, for now. A large responsibility hung over her head, though she knew that no one looked to her for official leadership, something told her that wouldn't be the case if they were ever in need of some mystifying final recourse. She tried to shake off the thought and her head seemed heavy. Suppressing a yawn, she blinked quickly to awaken herself as she continued to read some text that had been translated the night before. It seemed to delve into the difference between the Cosmic Force that bound the universe together fed by the Living Force of all living things.

Quickly, she was swept in a thrumming power that she tried to push away. It felt different from before, but she still couldn't allow herself to get pulled into another argument with Kylo. Her exertion almost seemed irrelevant to the unfamiliar impression. "The effort is admirable, but ultimately pointless!" The gruff voice of Luke Skywalker echoed in her ears.

Rey gasped at the alarming sight of her deceased, would-be mentor. "What the kriff?" Her voice was nearly a hiss as she briefly wondered if she was experiencing a delusion brought on by sleep-deprivation.

"I know." Her possible hallucination held up his hands. "I'm sorry, it's a little unnerving. There's still a lot you don't know. I was going to hold off until you and Threepio finished the translation, but I knew that wouldn't be done soon enough." He shrugged, conceding some honesty. "I also was sick of waiting."

The gesture seemed so familiarly apathetic that she started to believe the apparition. "I- I don't know if I understand."

Luke gave her a kind and sympathetic tight smirk. "Consider it a lesser-known and rare ability of the Jedi." Her concern didn't seem eased in the slightest. "Only a few have been able to become one with the Force in their passing. We can manifest our intangible presence. It's been done to pass on guidance."

"It wouldn't happen to be with something practical, like guiding me through translating the texts?" She flouted.

His eyes narrowed slightly. "No, sadly the Force hasn't maintained my eternal essence so I can help you with the busy work of translating your **_stolen_** and sacred ancient texts." He accused.

Rey let her head sag slightly at that, though she couldn't regret her decision. "Of course not." She agreed. "But why are you here?"

"Your improvement has been impressive, but you haven't learned to listen to the Force."

Shaking her head, Rey couldn't hide her differing belief. "I'm constantly reaching out and connecting with it. How could I not be listening?"

He swallowed back a sharp laugh at the density of the young woman in front of him. "You can't determine the will of the Force; it's ever-flowing and all encompassing. Change can't be enforced. The only path to the light is one that is chosen." His face was cast down with a quiet self-reflective expression. "And even then, sometimes we stumble." Meeting her eyes again, Luke's voice returned resolute. "Listen and trust in the Force; you can't impose your resolve on it. It is meant to guide you, not the other way around."

She sat quietly for a moment, trying to ignore the way his argument reminded her of a not-so-pleasant conversation she could still remember vividly even though months had passed. That realization nicked her somewhere in her chest, it had been **months**.

Her comlink buzzed, catching the attention of them both. His eyes lightened, as if he had succeeded in his mission. "I think you understand, even if you don't want to." A second later, he was gone. Rey cursed the stray… _ghost_? Exhaling a fortified breath, she centered herself before reporting back.

Leia was sitting alone at the large briefing table when Rey entered the command center. The scavenger lingered silently for a moment, wondering if she should mention Luke's presence. She ultimately decided against it, not sure how she would explain something she didn't understand in the least. A few analysts, who were in the corner theorizing the best locations for piecing together broken factions and pockets of New Republic officers and soldiers, wasted little attention on their meeting. "What is it, General?" She sat quickly.

"We have an important supply run and a passenger pick-up."

"Locations?"

"Only one: Jakku."

Rey froze for a moment. "Jakku? But that's in the Inner Rim. Didn't you want us to maintain our position strictly to the Outer Rim until we had the numbers for expansion?"

Leia seemed to concede with a nod. "I would prefer to stick with that plan, but it seems absolutely necessary for this passenger to have a '_tough crew with a reliable mode of transportation._'" The tone of her irritated voice as she quoted made it seem as if they had been made chauffeurs.

"I take it, not an old ally of the Resistance?"

"Hardly. Gorga Desilijic Aarrpo." A hologram popped up of a large Hutt with blue green eyes behind awkward lensed-gear that seemed to accentuate the pretension that lurked in his expression. "From what I've heard about him, he used to oversee a good deal of Jabba's slave operation, while it still existed." She practically grumbled with distaste before quickly inhaling and ultimately continued. "According to Rotta, Gorga has become a slight hindrance after his control evaporated within the Clan once their slave trade operation dissolved. Their leader is keen to have his cousin brought back to Tatooine."

"Where does the supply run come in?"

"Gorga has apparently transitioned from slave trader to a well-stocked arms dealer. We've been offered a great deal of his merchandise for safe travel. It seems he's not very popular with the locals. I figured with your familiarity of Jakku, you would be the best choice for this to be done quickly and without incident."

"So we pick him up, lug in his gear, drop him off at Tatooine and take the cargo home?" Rey shrugged with a bright smile. "Seems simple enough."

"You forgot the small matter of possibly dodging some not-so-friendly fire." Poe remarked as he entered the room. "Even so, I believe we're more than up to the task."

"We?" Rey looked back to Leia. "Chewie and I can handle this run on our own. We don't need the extra crew." There was no attitude or irritation in her voice, merely surprise. It seemed a waste to have the General's eventual, though still unofficial successor pulled from the base when his presence on the mission wasn't necessary.

"You won't have any extra crew. Unfortunately Chewie is going to have to stay behind for this one."

"What?" Rey was taken aback. Chewbacca and she had been partners for every expedition the _Falcon_ had undergone since their journey to Ahch-to, what seemed like a lifetime ago. "Why?"

"We have some Wookie allies that are scheduled to land fairly soon. He's going to assist us in catching them up to speed."

"I offered to take his place, but my Shyriiwook is a little rusty." The Commander joked.

Rey smirked and stood. "I'll go and prep the _Falcon_."

"No need." Poe chimed in pleasantly. "Already done, and the coordinates of Gorga's location are plugged in. We're ready for departure at your signal."

"Okay." Rey nodded. "You go ahead; I'll be there in a minute."

He nodded and excused himself.

She looked back to the General. "Are you sure you want me to rob you of your protégé with an important convoy on its way? I don't want to inconvenience you."

Leia smiled wearily. "It would be an even bigger inconvenience if you didn't take him." She laughed lightly, affection still filling her eyes for the frustrating young man. "He's an enthusiastic learner, but between the two of us, I need a break from all the well-intended headaches I've been gifted." Rey laughed, while the older woman continued. "Don't say anything. I told him this was meant to be a refresher course in field duties."

She nodded in agreement before bowing slightly. "May the Force be with you."

"And you."

* * *

In most circumstances, Kylo Ren would've forced his General to accompany him on his assessment of the planet and the work to be done. Hux's palpable distaste for the sweltering desert world and its undignified denizens, made the Supreme Leader see with absolute clarity that he would rather wipe out a population than take the time to sort out its complications within. It wasn't all that surprising as his subordinate had been trying to acquire the access of resources to recreate a weapon of _Starkiller Base's _magnitude_._

Ruins of Imperial ships littered sections of the planet, but Kylo kept adequate distance despite his curiosity. It didn't seem worth the risk to pull down low and catch the attention of the countless scavengers who might consider his TIE Interceptor too great a temptation to let pass by untouched.

Though he was wary to touch ground, he did, twice.

Something compelled him to return to the village he had been one of the last to see standing. It had been stained by scorch-marks and silence, leaving little more than a few half-demolished structures. Kylo Ren stood there for a long time, feeling this stop upset him even more than the last. Lor San Tekka's face filled his thoughts, not the last expression he'd ever made, disbelief tinged with fear, but countless other times he'd seen it contorted with emotion; pride as he relayed lullabies of the 'Grand Force' and 'Valiant Jedi' to young children, serenity as he extolled the virtues of meditation, small memories of a man he ended with the most sickeningly short of pauses.

Kylo did what he had deemed truly necessary and still understood his reasoning for it, but a stray thought held him hostage, refusing to let him clear his conscience. 'What kind of leader **would** he be without accounting for mercy?' He wasn't just an angry and wounded apprentice anymore; the galaxy needed a leader.

The wind whipped and began to whistle hauntingly as he straightened and turned back for his ship. He didn't want to stay another second, not entirely sure if he had accurately interpreted the twisting in his gut for the Force calling him away or if it was the effect of stomaching himself at the reminder of his role in the destruction of the now vacant, sacred village.

He boarded without delay and felt his gut seize yet again. After washing himself in the guilt of visiting Tuanul, Kylo was in no rush to blindly follow his instincts, and yet the tension wouldn't go away. Something pulled him back to the direction he had come from, but he hesitated.

* * *

Rey was beyond livid. Her trip with Poe had been quiet and pleasant, despite C3PO's incessant ramblings regarding Gorga Desilijic Aarrpo's illegal business. She currently wished she had used the time more valuably and asked the protocol droid to inform her on the best way to kill a Hutt instead.

Gorga was less than agreeable after their arrival. His words were laced with condescension, even though the tone suffered to survive Threepio's level translation. The Resistance Commander and the fuming Jedi attempted to maintain congenial attitudes towards the immediately unlikable Hutt, though the latter found the task to be even more improbable than she had originally thought once he showed them to where they would be loading the supplies. The room was in complete disarray with nothing packed in the slightest; the floor was a mess of blasters, Bowcasters, power converters and countless other items and tech.

"Didn't think to have this ready to be hauled?" Poe asked impatiently before she could inquire just as much, though in drastically less polite terms.

The Hutt uttered something that Rey was sure reeked of his self-imposed superiority. "I gave you the chance to count your payment." Threepio said evenly, as the Hutt headed in the direction of the _Millennium Falcon_.

"Threepio," Rey called and the droid turned. "Follow his _highness_ onto the ship and shut the loading door until you see us. Be prepared to sound the alarm should anyone approach."

"Of course." The droid hesitated for a minute. "Though I believe I should inform you that Gorga the Hutt is not of royal blood; in fact, royalty is a foreign concept to the Hutt Cl-"

"Just go!" Poe demanded as he and Rey began packing up the contents of the large room. The droid complied without another word. "At least we have some great equipment to bring back with us." He offered to Rey, whose face was still creased in irritation.

She nodded. "At the cost of the most insufferable passenger; whom we have to stomach through a trip to the Outer Rim."

Poe grinned humoredly. "Not really. A Hutt of that size would never fit in the cockpit. He'll have to settle for belittling C3PO, who won't understand the context and will instead bore him to tears with useless information."

Rey laughed. "Now that's the kind of good news I need for motivation."

Not too long after, they loaded up a cargo carrier with the several cases. Rey froze after setting down the final container, sensing the soft whizz that would shortly be within hearing distance. Several speeders were headed in their direction. "We have to load this up now. We're about to have some company."

They hurried outside and soon could see 3 speeders approaching. Painstakingly slow, the loading door opened. Just as Poe began climbing the ramp, blaster-fire shot out; he turned to see Rey's hand stretched outward, causing the bolt to hang precariously in mid-air. He halted, remembering the last time he had seen such a maneuver, standing on that same barren planet so long ago. The comparison of the two actions in his mind prodded him, as if some unlikely connection. She grabbed her blaster with her free hand and shot at the speeders engine control systems. "Go." Pushing Poe up the rest of the platform, she rushed to the cockpit and got the ship prepped to leave their immobile, but still armed friends behind.

They flew low, as to not invite unnecessary tension. Rey relaxed once she could sense that they were free of their would-be pursuers. Poe sauntered his way to the cockpit. "That was fast thinking." He offered awkwardly, shaking away the last of his absurd sense of déjà vu. Sitting down he looked at Rey's nostalgic expression while regarding what seemed no more than an endless array of sand, at least in his eyes. "How long did you live here?"

She turned to face him, surprised by the unprompted subject change. Looking back to the all-too familiar, monochromatic scenery before them, she remembered all the sharp jagged tally marks she had last seen on the walls of her home. For the first time in so long she thought of _Hellhound Two_ and how she'd left it that day without even a second look behind. "For as long as I can remember. I never thought I would leave."

Poe misinterpreted the certainty of her tone. "So you were happy here?"

She paused. Happy wasn't quite the right word, but it also wasn't entirely wrong. It had been enough that she was content with the limited confines of her reality. "Perhaps," she sighed almost wistfully. "In my ignorance." When she had held out that hope that someone would return to her, Jakku wasn't as cruel as it should've seemed. As the years had passed, she felt her contentment become spread so thin until she no longer was comforted by it.

Something tugged from within her until she feared it would rupture. She was being called … _home_? "Do you mind if we take a small detour?"

Poe shrugged, not surprised in the least by the request. "I see no problem with that, since we're no longer being followed."

"Thanks." She quickly steered the _Falcon_ away from their current path and her co-pilot couldn't help but be impressed by how distinctly she knew their surroundings, though there seemed to be no visual marker amongst the endless sand dunes that nearly enveloped them.

Faster than he would've guessed she began to slow the ship down as she approached a broken down AT-AT that laid as if it had simply been pushed over. Rey landed and kept her blaster close, determined to be prepared if her old home had been overrun by anyone hostile enough to shoot at her for approaching. Poe inquired whether she would want company as he tapped his own.

She hesitated for the slightest of seconds, surprised at the notion of someone asking to come inside her old residence. It had never been occupied with guests, even with those she had blindly trusted so long before. Isolation had been her reality for countless years, a stark contrast to her current and crowded situation. Only now did she experience the happiness that her long-forgotten contentment could never compete with. She answered with a nod. "Thanks."

"Threepio!"

The protocol droid appeared. "Yes, Commander Dameron?"

"Keep Gorga busy. We have a small secondary mission. Should be back in about-" He lingered, allowing Rey to estimate just exactly how long she intended to be.

"Five minutes." She answered before his pause had the opportunity to hang awkwardly.

"What is the purpose of the secondary mission? General Organa did not inform me about anything beyond our retrieval."

"Reconnaissance." Poe replied without the slightest hesitation. "It's need-to-know."

The frozen features of the droid did not seem to hinder his obvious expression. "Last time you said as much, you were directly disobeying orders which lead to an attempted mutiny."

He tried not to smirk at the droid's blatant concern. "Nothing quite so serious. No attempted mutiny, I swear."

"As for directly disobeying orders?" The partial evasion was not lost on C3PO.

"Not directly." He offered carefully.

"Indirectly?"

Rey had to bite away a smile watching the two argue over semantics. "Not entirely." Poe shook his head. "We have immobilized our enemy and haven't been followed. This is meant to be a pit stop, but you are the only who is currently prolonging it. Sound the alarm if need be; we'll be right back." The two exited before the droid could continue to dispute.

They entered the toppled walker slowly as Rey tensed for some presence or any indication of why she felt so drawn to return. She exhaled with tangible relief once she had determined they were all alone. It had been nearly a year since she had left the abode behind, and yet nothing had been altered.

Her desert flower had wilted and remained nothing more than a dry, lifeless stem. Poe was quickly drawn to the X-wing helmet she had left in a small corner. Picking up her tiny, slumping doll, she handed it to the man beside her. "He kind of looks like you."

He smirked. "Back when I wore the uniform, though I'm definitely not as bald." His voice oozed humor as he theatrically felt for a nonexistent bare spot on the back of his head as if it could shed at any moment.

Turning, he noticed many other scattered items. Rey went in the opposite direction, halting entirely when she saw it. The wall stood marred, but solid before her. She was filled with strong, conflicting thoughts as she took in the sight of _Hellhound Two_. The walker seemed so small to her now, and yet the metal wall appeared so large. The latter overwhelmed her, as every carved marking filled her with loss. So long, she had been alone for so long. Each scratch had been a day of longing, of pointless hope and seeing them again almost felt like being forced to acknowledge her stubborn naivety.

Reaching out, her hand could taste the texture of the sharp and rough carvings. The pull inside began thrashing as she could feel the sorrow it represented. No, this was something else.

It wasn't _her_ sadness that lingered in the etchings, not entirely. No, another hand had touched this wall, recently. Suddenly, it was as if she could feel _him_ on the other side, stretching out to trace each inscription, all proof of her solitude. Her pain had still remained, only now it felt entwined with his. He had been there, in that very walker, caressing the unforgiving fortification as he mourned her loneliness.

It all became too sharp and she was filled with a desire to flee as she pulled back. "Poe, let's leave. There's nothing here, I was mistaken." She huffed, unable to remove her eyes as quickly as her hands.

He turned and finally noticed the carved wall. "Woah." He remarked before seeing the haunted look in her eyes. "Rey, is _this_ your home?"

She ached after finally turning away. "This wasn't home." She said simply, as her stomach tensed. "We should go."

He followed her hurried movements as she exited the walker, briefly standing atop it. She froze as she looked out at the view she had no choice but to cherish all those years. It had evaded her notice from their original vantage point of landing, but now she could see it, on the other side of her past residence, there was an unmistakable imprint in the sand. She walked across the length of the AT-AT and found several footprints beside it.

It seemed a biped operating a TIE Interceptor had left the smallest of marks leading to _Hellhound Two_. As she still tried to shake off the overwhelming emotion it had also left behind in an unseen trail, she didn't need more than one guess. Her gut continued to contract. "We need to go, now." She called out to Poe.

They quickly boarded the _Falcon_ and began to just barely lift off the sand when countless Star Destroyers exited hyperspace just above the planet. "Of course." Poe remarked without the slightest tinge of surprise.

Rey shook her head. "It's okay. They aren't even in the atmosphere yet, plus they don't seem to be in blockade formation. I don't think they're here for us."

The _Falcon_ was hardly hovering, when she felt the stirring, deep in her blood this time. There wasn't another full second to process it before a ship cleared the sand dune in front of them. She seemed to freeze solid in her seat when the Interceptor pulled in close.

Their eyes met and an awed gasp tumbled from her mouth like a soft whisper. "Ben."

Despite how hushed her exclamation, the remark was heard by her perplexed co-pilot as he tensed at the enemy ship facing them.

Rey could see hazel eyes staring back at her, dumbfounded and almost grateful and something inside grew soft at the sight of them. The mutual shock seemed to wear from all parties as a thought hit the Resistance members with stark clarity; the Supreme Leader had them in his sights. Poe was taken aback by the lack of hostility in the eyes that regarded them. The precariously extended moment of peace was too loaded for the Commander's comfort. Before anyone could take notice of his movement, he seized control of the _Falcon_ and catapulted them away from what should've been an immediate death sentence.

Rey quickly sloughed off her stunned immobility. She resumed her control of the helm with gritted teeth and directed them through the same atmosphere she'd once been so loath to leave behind.

Moving quickly before they could receive the attention of the First Order Star Destroyers, the _Millennium Falcon_ calculated the prime location for the jump to hyperspace. As the stars seemed to elongate in her eye's limited perception of lightspeed, she sighed in defeated relief. Leaving Jakku for the second time made her certain she would never return again. It was no longer her world.

"What the hell was that?" Poe said in gruff confusion.

Rey nearly jumped in her seat at the sound of his voice, unaware that the tumultuous state of her mind had distracted her from the presence her co-pilot. She met his flabbergasted expression briefly as she could manage. His eyes revealed the context of his query. The Commander was well aware of whom they had just faced, he seemed more preoccupied with attempting to understand how they were able to survive him.

At such close range, the precise guns of any TIE had an insurmountable advantage over the _Millennium Falcon's_ defenses. Poe couldn't determine a single reason for why they were still alive and that made him uneasy.

The pilot's hesitant eyes finally turned away from him. Rey looked out at the blue haze before them, wondering if she could ever calculate the distance from the planet they had left behind to their destination. With a galaxy so unfathomably massive, how, how could she not find a single corner free of him, of their connection? The Force Bond proved to not be the sole threat to her resilience; now she seemed an enemy of chance. "I honestly don't know."

"Ah, Commander, Captain. Gorga the Hutt has expressed displeasure with our erratic departure and demands an explanation as well as a larger chamber, uncrowded by luggage."

"Oh," Rey stood up and faced the droid. "He was displeased with the slightest bit of turbulence when his inability to be prepared got us shot at." She remarked evenly.

Poe could hear the light charge in her voice and saw a glint in her eye that made him quickly predict she was on the verge of boiling over. He wasn't sure if she would yell and curse at the droid or if she would simply pounce on him, but he didn't wait to see. He patted Rey's shoulder and addressed C3PO. "You know it was a bit of a bumpy ride, I think I should assure Gorga that it will be smooth sailing from here on out." He looked back at the still cooling young woman. "Leia did want me to do some on-the-ground training, but it looks like I can find some time for applying diplomacy after all." Smirking, he turned back to the droid. "Threepio, I need you to translate for me."

"Of course, Commander." The droid and the man exited the cockpit; the latter believing Rey needed a moment to herself, almost sensing her irritable and worn-thin nerves.

She sat again and looked ahead as if she could discern their destination though in lightspeed. Only one thought filled Rey's mind in her afforded silence as she tightened the leather strap around her arm; she needed to be stronger.

* * *

She had been so close. He couldn't believe how strong the pull had been, as if he was dragged across that desert, just to see her again. "Supreme Leader, landing has commenced. _Resolve_ is on the ground, waiting for your orders."

Kylo was upset that it was Hux who interrupted his explication of the moment he saw Rey's eyes looking back into his. "I'm on my way."

The General was thankful he was not actually facing Kylo Ren as his face revealed his relentless irritation with the illogical ruler. It had made no sense why the Supreme Leader had decided to fly his TIE Interceptor and leave for Jakku before the rest of the assigned fleet had even boarded. Hux was baffled by the man's odd demand and still couldn't reason why he believed it necessary for him to visit the lowly desert world without any soldiers in tow. He wondered just how much he might be inconvenienced to wait; quickly he checked the signal for the position of the TIE's transmitter and was relieved to see he wasn't far away. The faster they began, the faster he could leave the scum-filled sandpit of a planet.

A few minutes later, Kylo looked out on Niima Outpost with his General beside him. Waves of irritation had rolled off his subordinate, but Kylo knew there was no need to poke or prod to find out why. It seemed Hux was still angry with him since their last encounter before departing for Jakku. The fiery General had approached Kylo with a small list of sightings for the _Millennium Falcon_. He had noted that it had only been seen in the Outer Rim as of late, causing him to believe that the final crumbles of the Resistance had a base in one of the systems. Kylo had reasoned that even if that were the case, there were far too many for them to narrow it down.

Kylo had been quick to shoot the man down after looking at the list. The General didn't know that it was because the Supreme Leader had noticed one of the sectors listed. The Jospro Sector jumped out to his eyes and immediately he remembered the often forgotten Cardooine base that had been practically destroyed many years before. He had once heard Leia talking about unofficial plans to rebuild it, though she believed it should be better concealed so as to not be breached again.

He had shaken the thought away and remarked that he would not permit further investigation into the Outer Rim to find a hypothetical and miniscule threat, when such resources were deemed most necessary to insure a thorough occupation. Any search for the Resistance over the broad territory of the Outer Rim would no doubt lead to some pointless dead end, especially since there was no proof of their base yet.

A Stormtrooper approached the General and relayed something to him. "Supreme Leader," Hux called out slowly, his expression almost dumbfounded and Kylo turned. "It seems a Corellian YT Freighter matching the description of the _Millennium Falcon_ was seen several times on planet in the past few hours before abruptly travelling off-world soon after the appearance of our Star Destroyers."

"Well then," Kylo's voice was filled with a smooth condescension that mocked him. "It seems the Resistance is also interested in the Inner Rim as well."

Hux's eyes raked over the several reports, irritated by the lack of ire in his superior at the notion that they had just missed their enemy. One point of its sightings made him even surer of his deduction, though he doubted he could trust the Supreme Leader to see it as simply as he did, so he kept quiet, determined to look the report over more thoroughly once he was back on the _Resolve_. Something else captured his attention; it was the approximated location of the Freighter before it had slipped away.

It was surprisingly close to Kylo's signal after Hux's communication upon landing. He couldn't help but doubt that the Supreme Leader hadn't been aware of the ship's presence. He wondered if they had been able to get passed him or if they'd been _allowed_ to. The skepticism that filled him in that moment reminded him of many months before, when he had entered the _Supremacy's_ throne room and Kylo had remarked that the girl had killed Snoke and apparently all of his Praetorian guards, somehow seeing fit to leave him alive and unharmed.

* * *

Rey was thankful to have finally landed on base. Gorga was nothing but a distant, bitter memory. She was determined to offer Poe a great deal of thanks for the way he had completely taken on the obligation of dealing with the unpleasant passenger. Before she had taken 5 steps from the _Falcon_, Leia hurriedly approached her and Poe. "We just heard about the First Order occupation on Jakku. Are you alright? Was there any trouble?" Her eyes pored over both of them for any visible damage. The concern in the woman's voice filled Rey with warm affection.

Poe answered quickly before she could, his eyes feigning surprise at her news. "Not in the slightest, we never saw them." He shrugged nonchalantly. "They must've landed after we went to lightspeed."

Rey froze uncomfortably at the blatant lie as the woman smiled with relief. "That's good. Talk about a close call." She shook her head. "I should've never had you two go. Rotta can't turn us into a transportation service for his troubled relatives." She began muttering angrily before a delegate required her attention.

Poe began to walk on, but Rey stopped him. "Why did you lie to her?" She had never known the Commander to be dishonest and she was shocked to see him lie to Leia, his hero, of all people.

Poe's eyes almost hardened as he met Rey's outraged expression. "What good would telling her the truth do?"

"What do you mean?"

His eyes became sad. "I wouldn't give her that false hope." He shook his head. "That could've been a cramped trigger finger, faulty guns, hell there's a chance we just narrowly missed backup." He met her stare. "I can think of a number of reasons for why we're still standing, but I honestly don't know." His voice was quick and irritated. "Do you?"

Onyx eyes regarded her closely and she couldn't help but wonder if the question was an attempt to bait her. She shook her head. "No, I don't."

He nodded. "All the more reason we don't mention it, least of all to Leia."

Rey couldn't disagree with him. Leia didn't need to be yanked back into that inner-conflict, not when she seemed to be so fulfilled as of late, rebuilding her own legacy; a task that only she was equipped to handle. "You're right."

BB8 chirped animatedly and hurried over at the return of Poe and Rey, following the Commander as he excused himself to nap after the eventful journey. Rey decided to take the opportunity to continue her studying. She had needed sleep, but was more determined than ever to strengthen her connection to the Force.

* * *

Kylo felt a release in his bond with Rey. The wall she had tried to steady and use to block him seemed to fall away. A moment later he felt the quiet before the connection.

Right in front of him, hunched a sleeping Rey. Books and papers seemed scattered across her body and bunk as she slumped awkwardly barricaded by such material. The sight was endearing and warmed his chest. He moved two books from her legs and stacked them neatly beside her. Having cleaned off the majority of the mess, he finally reached for the book in her hands. Her grip tightened while her brow furrowed in complete determination punctuated by her soft snore, causing him to smirk. Slowly, he finally pried it free and placed it down. He attempted to untuck the blankets, careful not to touch or disturb her in the slightest. Somehow, he seemed unable to move them. Staring at the covers, his eyes narrowed in confusion. _How had he been able to move the books, but not the blankets?_ Just then, a heavy huff erupted from her, interjecting his thoughts. The exhaustion on her face made him sure that she needed the uninterrupted sleep, regardless of the throbbing in his chest that begged to hear her voice.

His eyes lingered on the soft contours of her face, slightly obscured by hair that seemed to tickle her. He wanted desperately to reach out and touch her, if only to push back the strand that caressed her perfect nose and long lashes, but he refrained. Her breathing was a deep, indescribable comfort to him and briefly he wondered if she was ever plagued with a similar pain to the one that filled him when he looked at her. Was it possible that she could understand his foolish desire to mean something to her? He ached so desperately that he doubted he would ever breathe another unburdened breath again.

It was simple enough to recall with perfect clarity, when that excruciating hope had begun to bloom in his chest, just how it had felt, nearly a year before; sitting quietly and hearing her melodic voice paint the unfathomable picture of what she had experienced in the Dark Side nexus. The unabashed and aching honesty she had offered moved him beyond articulation. He had wanted her to understand the threat that Luke posed and though she ignored his warning and accused him of lying, she still hadn't turned away. Rey had chosen to confide in him and he had genuinely felt honored. Everything else in the galaxy seemed to melt away when she reached out her hand. Kylo had marveled at the way the heavy aroma of destiny clouded his motivation in that moment, questioning even his loyalties.

She groaned and Kylo froze, tearing himself from his own anguished reverie. The sound continued and soon all he could feel was anxiety pouring off of her like untamed waves of sorrow, as if a nightmare had seeped into the pleasant dream she'd been having before. Thrashing slightly, her voice mumbled a plea. She was begging some invisible presence to stay; she didn't want to be left behind. A small piece of Kylo broke away and he could feel Ben's own wounds resurfacing at such a reminder. He breathed deeply and recited the only words he had ever found comforting when he had been young and experienced the same emotion, the same fear.

Rey's eyes fluttered for a second as she tried to grasp at the incomplete words that seemed to drift through to her dream as the nightmare slowly faded away and blanketed her in comfort. She swore she could see a shadow's soft silhouette kneeled before her. A moment later the shape seemed to disappear and a breeze pushed a fallen tendril away from her face. It took her sleep-addled brain a moment to inquire just how she had felt a breeze in the underground cave enclosure?

Her eyes opened quickly, though she realized the figure was gone. Her books were neatly stacked beside her. Exhaustion started to pull her under yet again. As her eyes closed and she gently faded back into slumber, she couldn't deny the conclusion of who she had seen. His warm, steady voice had comforted her; though she already had lost his words, save for one; intimate and incomplete.

Another voice cracked its way into her thoughts and she heard Luke's earlier advice. "Listen to the Force." The sentiment replayed in her head and she felt its meaning seep into her thoughts, ready to be awakened as soon as she was. For now, she relished the much-needed sleep.

* * *

***A/N - I wanted to play with the restraints of their Force Bond. My defense of his ability to grasp the texts is more due to his Force Sensitive nature and relationship to the mystifying qualities of the texts, not any progression of the Force Bond's limits/boundaries. I hope you are enjoying thus far. As always, pretty please R&R. Thanks. -Nikki**


	6. Chapter 5: Waste The Hours

**Chapter 5: Waste the Hours**

Rey awoke more refreshed than she had been in months. The night before she had felt defeated, knowing that despite her resolute devotion to the Resistance, she was still so thoroughly affected by him. The sight of him on Jakku had been too much for her mind to process and she froze, unable to look away from his eyes. He couldn't hide the warmth they held for her and it hurt her to see what she surely reflected as well. The Force, the air, even the sound was a pressure that surrounded them so tight, it felt as if her breath would mingle with his. That intimacy snapped when Poe had taken control of the _Falcon_ and she had felt so useless. Rey was determined to study until she found any way to make herself strong enough to be immune to the Force's influence when he was near.

Sleep only came after the ninth or so hour into translation. She'd been pushing herself to constantly keep busy, to the point where rest had become no more than a brief burst when necessary. It wasn't easy to sleep when all she could think about was how her time should be better spent and still this night it came. In her heavy slumber, she had let down her guard and her walls fell away. It wasn't a dream; he'd been there comforting her through that familiar nightmare of being left behind. His voice had been a soft and deep murmur. Though she only remembered one word, an intimate endearment, it was enough to make her sure of what he had said. If she was right, it furthered her own realization: She couldn't keep pushing him back. She wasn't meant to; the Force had been intervening and holding them bound together. She was almost relieved by the thought that it was inevitable; she couldn't have been blamed at being so torn by the choice to block him out.

The true comfort came from her once hopeful teacher. She didn't have to fight off the Force, nor her feelings. She wasn't ready to push him away or the profound understanding she felt in his presence. More than once, she had seen loneliness in his eyes, a look she had never quite rid herself of, so ingrained in her identity. He had bared so much of himself, as did she. Rey didn't think she was able to let go of that connection, not yet. She would listen to the Force and its message seemed clear. Whatever parts either one of them filled in this moment of time, it was directly correlated to one another.

Rey did something she had never intentionally done, she stopped pushing back. She hadn't realized how much of her strength she'd been using to keep herself barricaded. It didn't take long for her to feel him hovering on the other side of some invisible chasm that seemed to both separate and connect them through space and time. She exhaled and slowly any remaining barrier fell away.

In a moment, Kylo stood before her. The Supreme Leader was surprised to see Rey staring directly at him without that same straining scrunch of her brow. She didn't seem to be caught off guard by his presence, though he was by hers. For a second he thought of her and whether she had gotten enough sleep and then suddenly her eyes had found his.

It was silent for a minute and Kylo wasn't sure what he should say to her. It seemed likely that he would ruin her mood or something else, but he feared that if he didn't speak, she might slip away again. He was deeply thankful when she began without being prompted.

"That was you, last night. Wasn't it?" It wasn't an accusation, but a steady question. His eyes widened for the slightest of seconds before they revealed his resignation to be honest, just as he always would. He nodded awkwardly. "Thank you," His attention shot up to her face in palpable confusion. "For the books."

He shook his head and slowly replied, still wary of her verboseness. "You didn't look very comfortable. Those books don't seem like the best substitute for pillows."

She smirked briefly before looking him in the eyes. "Why were you there?"

Kylo knew she wasn't asking about the previous night, but earlier that day. "Official business. Jakku could use some intervention."

Rey couldn't deny the truth in that statement. Her desert world had often been neglected, but that didn't answer her question. "I'm not simply asking about Jakku."

His brown orbs betrayed no surprise. "Something had called me to that AT-AT." Rey wasn't the least bit shocked, recalling the same pull that had motivated her that day. His eyes turned sad and soft. "I hadn't meant to intrude. I-" he stumbled as he remembered the wall that he had stood before. It felt as if he had peered into the most painful confines of her thoughts. He was disturbed to think that it wasn't long ago when he hadn't even hesitated towards the same ends.

"I know." She said softly and he felt forgiven for the unintentional trespass.

The ache in his voice affected her very core. "I'm sorry. To have been alone for that long." He shook his head, at a loss for the adequate words. Rey could see he didn't realize that his silence resonated with an empathetic tone that moved her just as deeply. She was almost tempted to thank him for how genuinely he mourned her past pain. "You could've forever been the girl that waited for ghosts."

Something made her certain that some grand intervention would've pulled her free. "Not once Jakku had been pulled into this fight."

"Some grand coincidence?"

"I don't believe in coincidences."

Her voice filled his head, just as it had years before they had even met. He couldn't pull his eyes away from her. "I'm not sure I do either."

"What did you say?" She pushed the words out, unable to breathe properly under the steady devotion of his gaze.

Kylo was taken aback by the sudden forcefulness of her tone. "I'm sorry?"

"Last night," the words were so intimate ringing through her ears that she almost lost her nerve and changed the subject. Unconsciously, she stood straighter as she continued. "After that nightmare, I could hear your voice." He stilled, believing she was only aware of him clearing the clutter. "What did you say?"

Rey was utterly stunned to see the dark and brooding Supreme Leader become bashful. His discomfort was entirely transparent as he avoided her stare. The pushed back style of his hair made it possible for her to see the very tips of his ears turn red. "I'll come back," he hesitated. "Sweetheart, I promise." Quickly, he fortified his posture and concealed his embarrassment. As he looked back to her, his deep voice rushed out. "It's what my-, it's what Leia used to say to calm me down whenever she left."

Rey looked at him in complete silence, almost transfixed by the mask he placed over his words and emotions. She wanted to understand, something told her that she needed to. "When she would go before the Senate?" Though she understood his discomfort, she couldn't help but feel justified in asking.

His eyes widened and it was clear that Kylo didn't think Rey would expect him to elaborate. "Yes." His tone was curt and precise, but still she stayed silent. Eventually, he continued, though his attention turned away from her. "When I was young and used to get upset every time she had to go, she would wrap me in her arms," his voice halted briefly, excruciating emotion strangling his words. "And she would tell me that she would come back." Looking at her again, he was surprised to see how softly Rey regarded him. "At the time it would comfort me, though not for long." He feared the warmth in her eyes was some form of pity; an offering he didn't want. The depth of his voice seemed to fracture away. "It was the only thing I could think of to comfort you."

She was moved by the sincerity in his voice and expression. "It helped." She offered gently and was rewarded the slightest of appreciative grins.

* * *

Kylo sat in a reflective silence over something Rey had said to him earlier. She had asked if he believed that Jedi could exist through the Force after death. The question puzzled him, but he honestly replied that he wasn't sure. He failed to mention that he had witnessed something similar regarding the Sith. His thoughts trailed to Darth Vader's helmet, his prized family heirloom he had lost in the destruction of _Starkiller Base_.

He remembered coming across the helmet in Luke's quarters the night he tore down the temple. Snoke's voice had reminded him of the betrayal of his family, not just Skywalker, but even his mother and father. All those years his parents never told him who Anakin Skywalker truly was; the name of Darth Vader had been forbidden in their home. In fact, he had only remembered hearing his mother speak it one time, though she didn't know he had heard her.

_It had been not long before Luke decided to open his Jedi temple. Leia was worried about the growing darkness in her son and Ben had sensed that she tried to see through him, to the source of the poison. He couldn't explain the dreams or the voice that chided everyone was lying because they feared him, the maturing monster. He heard their hushed voices, tight with tension. His mother expressed her concerns over him. Luke had been arguing with her over something that at the time had seemed completely unrelated. "He needs to understand controlling his emotions to protect him. You have to tell him the truth about our father."_

_"_**_My father_**_," Leia's voice was strained, but sharp with severity. "The heart and soul of the Rebel Alliance, died many years ago, on Alderaan at the control of the Empire and all who served it, including Darth Vader."_

That was all that had been said on the subject.

It seemed the only one who had wanted to be honest with him was Luke and yet he stayed silent. He knew that Ben's parents looked at him with eyes prejudiced by a history he had never been told. They feared him fallen when the darkness had been no more than a lingering option, a promise that he could be accepted for his faults and the ugly parts of his insides, it even claimed he would be all the stronger for it, embracing all that he was. He had fought against the desire until that night.

Snoke's voice had told him who the helmet had once belonged to. "_See the extent of the legacy that runs in your blood_."

The moment he touched the charred object, he could feel it. Darth Vader's power seemed to flow through the helmet. Emotions in complete check, because the Sith lord could control them all; the dark called to him and he was no coward for falling to the temptation. His grandfather understood, just as Ben had at the sight of Luke standing above him with a saber. The Jedi could not allow for that kind of inner conflict, they would rather snuff out even the remaining light for fear that its fire might catch the universe ablaze.

He had been sick of resisting the piece of his mind that seemed servant to thoughts of fury and pain. He couldn't deny the core of who he had become, it was too exhausting. After that night, he could see that the Jedi had filled him with lies, saturated with self-righteousness. He'd rather own up to the monster they'd always proclaimed him to be, than wear the façade of caring master and still be so quick to commit betrayal.

It had been worse when Kylo had learned of the _sentimentality_ that had caused Skywalker to bring Darth Vader back to the light, when for a moment he could only think one thing. Luke's sentiment could save anyone, but Ben. It seemed staggering that by comparison, caught in mere contemplation, he had been doomed.

Kylo sat in his chambers on the First Order flagship, shaking away the reminder of the long lost helmet. After that night, he had never felt it speak to him again, but its message had been clear: the Jedi were blind with self-denial, for darkness existed in every living thing. The Jedi could not rebuild, because they could not evolve. Even now, he comprehended that, but he wondered if Rey could fairly be judged by the same standard, when she wasn't chained by their history. All she seemed to be searching for was understanding, and he couldn't think of any reason for why she didn't deserve it.

* * *

"Rey's seemed a little quiet lately, don't you think?" Finn asked as he sketched Stormtrooper armor, trying to make the scale large enough to draw attention to their weak spots. He looked up at Poe who had begun making his bunk.

The Commander looked over at Finn. "Maybe a little. I noticed it on our departure of Jakku." He still hadn't told anyone the truth of who they had encountered.

"That's understandable." Finn nodded. "That must've been hard for her going back."

Poe recalled how quickly she had been ready to leave and believed it had been something more. "It didn't seem like it. She's tougher than that." He shrugged. "I think she's been pushing herself too hard, so does Leia."

Finn stopped what he was doing and sat up. "What does that mean?"

"It means the General wants to ease her workload."

"So, what, she's getting demoted?" He sounded almost offended.

Poe shook his head, unable to hide his smirk. "No, Finn. How could you even demote the rank-less and indispensable final Jedi in the galaxy? No, Leia just doesn't want to constantly assign her to unnecessary supply runs and pick-ups. She's still training her abilities while translating those parchment slabs." Poe had even heard her talk about wanting to rebuild the split lightsaber. He still wondered what could've caused it to break clean in half as it did. "We're getting recruits every day and she has her own tasks to work through."

Finn nodded, though he doubted Rey would feel thankful to be relieved of any duties. She'd been purposefully keeping busy and her friend couldn't believe she would want to change her tactics.

* * *

Rey's eyes fluttered lightly, her focus fusing to the Force itself, when Kylo saw her before him. She sat cross-legged, posture erect and solid. He sat in front of her, mirroring her form. He had neglected his practice of meditation and wondered if it truly brought Rey all the clarity she had claimed. He peeked his eye open and realized that she had yet to move. Pulling all his attention to the task, he became lost for a moment. He felt the Force building all around. It thrummed with unfathomable energy, reverberating into the very air they breathed. In a brief second it pulsed between them and their eyes tore open at the electric sensation.

Rey smiled almost bashfully. "When did you get here?"

Kylo quickly pushed back and got to his feet, feeling a little short of breath with her so near. He stepped away and looked back to her. "Once you fell too deep to notice, I guess." She stood and grabbed her water pouch and gulped greedily. "What else can you expect when you tap so heavily into the Force?"

"And yet, you seem more than obliged to _fall_ to the occasion." She offered, her brow lifting as if to acknowledge him sitting so close and even joining her in meditation.

Kylo decided to contort the subject. "I've been wondering if meditation would benefit me, as it has you."

Wiping the beads of sweat from her forehead, Rey became thankful for the cool temperature of the cave to offer such a comfort after her exertion. "And have you come to some conclusion?"

"Undecided." He murmured. "I doubt you can claim every time feels exactly like that."

Her eyes fell to his and Kylo swore the breath in his chest was too intimidated to be released under the gaze. "No, I definitely can't." She looked away with a smirk and he finally exhaled. "But there is this quiet and serene peace that comes with unhinging yourself."

Kylo looked down. "Until I interrupt."

"You never interrupt." She admitted. Over the past couple of weeks, he had never tried to pry on her moments of self-reflection. He would stand quietly, awkwardly still bound to be before her, his control over the bond, not as practiced and adequate as Rey's had become. More often than not, she could sense his desire to speak, to communicate with her, but he always waited.

"Sitting still has never been my strong suit." He understated.

Rey grinned. "Me either." It wasn't impatience that prevented her, but the need to constantly be productive. "Since Jakku, I've always felt like there is so much more I could be doing." She sighed softly. "But it centers me." She had come to rely on the comfort even more, now that her duties had decreased and her mind had become restless.

"There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your alignment." He offered dryly.

"Not where you can see." She absentmindedly grazed her fingers against Luke Skywalker's split lightsaber.

Kylo noticed the movement. "You grabbed it?" His voice became softer. "That day, after…?"

"I intend to repair it."

"You certainly have a connection to it." She looked away pushing back some books from her table. "I wanted to ask, but forgot. What are all those books, Jedi manuals?" He asked, not quite teasing, but his tone playful.

It was brief, but Rey tensed long enough for Kylo to notice. "I don't think I can tell you, given current circumstances." She answered finally.

"Then I won't ask again." He said as if the topic didn't concern him, though they both knew very well, her answer was proof that it did.

She nodded, relieved.

"What was life on Jakku like?"

"I'm sorry?"

Kylo shook his head, realizing how confusing his segue must've seemed. He had grabbed onto the first thing he could think of to quickly back away from the dead-end topic. "Earlier, what you said about staying busy on Jakku. Surely, there must've been something more?" He had to believe there was something that kept her trapped on that cruel planet. It seemed an odd way to broach the subject, but he never knew how to ask about Rey's life; Jakku had been such a large part of it.

Her posture seemed to tighten. "Not really, I did have a small chance to leave, but never did." A secret ache clouded her gaze. "Some things aren't meant to be and I learned that eventually." Kylo quickly realized by the tension he heard in her voice that somehow he'd chosen another restricted subject.

"Sorry," he said softly. "I'm not the most practiced in casual conversation." Rey nearly laughed, but was stopped when he muttered. "I don't know how to get to know someone." He looked up at her. "I want to."

It was impossible to ignore the growing warmth in her chest, so she offered him a small smile. "Something we have in common, I think."

* * *

This day, Kylo had been more than willing to be the subject under the microscope now. Rey had questions regarding the difference between fiction and fact of the Galactic Civil War. Though she had known the three legends it had centered on, she had never had the chance to ask any of them. She mentioned that she purposefully refrained from asking the General the truth.

Kylo couldn't help but agree to that. Leia Organa had often told him those grand tales with this intertwined romanticism, something he had envied about his parents. That passionate tone of hers would now be tainted and pained with loss. It was better Rey hear it the way it was meant to be told, even if he ached nearly as much.

He was thankful for Rey's lead; she never said her name, always calling her the General. Every time she would refer to her, he would feel relief at the reminder that she had survived. It would pull him back to that moment when his thumb had hovered on the trigger and he _couldn't_. Though the shot had still been taken, it was by someone else and he realized that it was one he never would.

He shook the thought away and looked back to Rey, her eyes both eager and patient. He explained beforehand that the story he would tell her was the only one he had ever heard, though he now knew it to be imbued with bias. The scavenger rolled her eyes and he began.

It brought him relief to tell it as he had always known it, never having to speak his parents' names or Luke's. He wasn't sure he would be able to say the latter without gritting his teeth. So, he regaled the story of the Princess, the Smuggler and the Jedi; completely unaware that it sounded as if he was telling Rey some child's fairytale, just as it had been told to him.

Rey interjected a moment here and there to ask a question. At one point she had outright interrupted him to point out that he hadn't mentioned that Darth Vader was the Princess and the Jedi's father. He looked at her for a long moment, forgetting that he hadn't added the now obvious knowledge. "I told you that I would tell it as I heard it."

He had warned her that it was imbued with bias; she just didn't expect she'd recognize it. He continued the story and she listened quietly, more curious to understand the difference between the truth and the tale. It ended with the destruction of the second Death Star.

It seemed so much to live up to. "I can't imagine." She sighed, almost thankful that her lack-luster lineage had insured she would never have to bear the burden that came with two infamous bloodlines, the most loaded legacy to come from. "Which one was hardest to shoulder?"

His brows angled together, completely perplexed. "I don't understand."

Rey shook her head, realizing the rest of her question had been posed in her head and not aloud. "Which name was hardest to live up to while growing up, Solo or Skywalker?"

He watched her for a moment and she wondered at the amount of thought he might put into such a question. She met his gaze and could see that his eyes betrayed that he not only had an answer, but that it was something he had thought about long before she had asked.

He finally uttered. "Organa." She froze and tried not to notice the emotion she could see barely barricading itself behind his eyes. She wasn't sure how to respond, but was grateful to realize that she didn't need to, as he continued. "Solo was on a handful of Wanted Lists. Despite being a war hero, his name only carried weight in few circles. Skywalker on the other hand," he refrained from grinding his teeth, but couldn't swallow the slight bitterness to his tone. "Was a legend; so much so that no one expected me to live up to his ability. The only pressure I ever felt was trailing behind," he inhaled shallowly, the resentment fading away. "The great Leia Organa whenever she entered the room. It was nothing to fall short of a smuggler's standards or those of the infamous Jedi, but constantly failing to live up to the dreams of m- that idealist leader, that had been the most exhausting."

Rey could read beyond the simple explanation of his words. Some part of him still deeply regretted letting his mother down.

* * *

Poe finished making his bunk and smiled back at Finn who had started to do the same. "It's nice to have a clean and organized bunkmate." He sat down.

"Old habits," he shook his head. "Courtesy of the First Order."

Poe stopped lacing his shoes and stared at Finn intently. "What?"

He shrugged. "Basic Behavioral Programming." Poe's stare didn't seem to waver so Finn continued, no longer focused on making his bed. "All Stormtroopers are clean and organized." He grinned sheepishly. "As well as ex-Stormtroopers, it would seem. They're not really offered a different option."

The Commander sat up straighter. "So you're a clean-freak because the First Order forced you to be?"

"I guess so."

A small groan escaped his throat as he stood. "Well, that won't do."

"What?"

"Stop." Poe reached out and ceased Finn's movements with his sheets.

"Why?"

"Because we're going to make a mess." He declared as if it were the most sensible thing they could do.

"Again, why?"

"Because," he moved Finn's spare shoes haphazardly in the middle of the floor. "The First Order has no right to dictate who you are." He pushed the small dresser into an askew position.

"I don't think I follow."

"Being messy or tidy is a character trait. By forcing you to learn only one way of being, they are robbing you of any individualism." He shook his head, not noticing the staggered expression on Finn's face. "No, this isn't enough." He grimaced at the lack of corruptible furnishings in the small room. "We're going to have to commit." He murmured to himself before pulling the blankets off his own bunk.

"What are you doing?"

"Solidarity." Poe replied with a pleasant, lopsided grin. He kicked his shoes from their usual spot underneath his bed.

"I thought you liked having it clean in here."

"I do."

"Then why are you messing it all up?" Finn still couldn't completely understand the reason in his friend's erratic speech, so he clutched his sheets tighter.

"You shouldn't be complacent to follow their rules just because it's easier." Poe stopped and stared at him intently. "You're not a Stormtrooper anymore; you don't have to just fall in line." For years, the First Order bastards had been training Finn to be nothing more than an expendable number and it made Poe sick. He was so impressed to think that even with years of brainwashing; Finn had fought against the only life he'd ever known. "Don't you want to discover yourself?"

There was a wistful, passionate energy in his eyes, one so strong that Finn couldn't help but get caught up in it. "You're right." Finn had spent his whole life trying to survive in the First Order and now he struggled to survive in its wake. Even when he had considered himself free, his life and his decisions were still connected to the one thing he loathed above all else. "Their training does not get to define me." He threw his own blankets on the ground.

Rose stopped at the door. "Well, Kriff." She looked at the scattered mess. "Forget to do your chores?" The tease in her voice made Finn smirk.

Poe wrapped his arm around Finn's shoulder. "Consider it an experiment."

"Okay." She spoke slowly, deciding she didn't need any further information, as long as the mess didn't spill beyond their door.

"What's going on?"

Rose looked back at him as if he should remember. "You were going to give a briefing to the new recruits about Stormtrooper basic training."

Poe snorted. "He'll be there in a minute." He said dismissively and Rose was quick to take the hint.

Finn looked back at the Commander. "It doesn't define me." He reminded, more for himself than the man standing before him.

He placed both his arms on the younger man's shoulders. "You don't have to tell me that or anyone else here. Your specific knowledge may be incredibly useful, but it's not why people look up to you." He patted him. "When you turned away from the First Order, you proved that it was no longer impossible to refuse them. You've given a lot of people hope."

Finn couldn't hide his smile. In Poe's eyes and words, it seemed as if Finn was capable of destroying the First Order by himself.

* * *

Kylo had sensed a building tension cocooning around Rey. She was afraid and frustrated. As if the Force deemed him the remedy for her rattled disposition, he could feel her presence come into view.

Rey was sitting at her desk, pouring over pages from one of her large books. Kylo tried to look away, wanting to grant her the apathy and ignorance he had promised regarding the texts that littered her secluded room. He cleared his throat, but couldn't undo seeing one of the pages she looked at.

She looked up at him in surprise. "Sorry, I could sense your exasperation and well," he shrugged. "It seems I didn't have much say in the matter."

She covered her pages, but he could see the snarled expression of her brows hadn't yet faded. "It's nothing."

He stared at her and she knew that he could read the lie in her eyes. "Is it?"

"Nothing I can't handle by myself." She stated simply.

"I don't doubt that." He wanted to leave it at that, but he could still sense a heavy indecision clouding her mind. She was unsure of something and couldn't move beyond it. "It's just, if there is something that you have found to be particularly confusing in those books, which are definitely not Jedi manuals," his voice almost teased as she met his eyes, completely aware that he noticed her hesitation from before. He smirked and continued. "I might be of some assistance."

There was a hesitance in her eyes that gripped him painfully. "It seems unwise to share information with one's enemy."

He nodded softly. "That is true." Pausing for a moment, he sighed. "We aren't simply enemies, but equals in the Force."

"On opposing sides of it as we wield it against one another." She countered.

"You don't have to fear my use of this knowledge. Having forsaken the ways of the Jedi many years ago, I don't intend to continue my training now." His reasoning did seem logical. "Given what I know about the last instruction of it," the silence that followed remarked on what they both knew concluded said instruction. "I might be able to help you make some sense of it."

"Can I trust you to be honest with your own bias?" Her brow inquired as deeply as her words.

Kylo's eyes narrowed, as if to scrutinize her expression. "Have you known me to lie?"

She looked away from his gaze. "Not yet."

He cleared his throat. "Rey, the more you know of the Jedi Order, the more likely you will see reason, with or without my bias to blame."

She turned back and met his eyes with steady judgment in her own. "Know that I won't be persuaded by false words."

He couldn't refrain from smirking playfully. "I wouldn't deign to even suggest that possible."

Her eyes narrowed briefly before she looked at some notes she had entered into a datapad. "Threepio and I haven't had enough time to make much progress, what with… other duties." She sighed, nearly losing her nerve, but she couldn't shake the feeling that he might be able to make her better understand a specific passage. "We've barely translated half of a volume." She tried to keep her voice steady, not wanting him to hear the anxious trepidation she had. The Skywalker saber had to be repaired. She understood the mechanisms of the weapon itself, but was wary of the process of putting in back together.

"There was this small excerpt that warned against unleashing Dark Side energies with one's lightsaber." Hate and fear claimed enough to pollute the kyber crystal. Rey couldn't admit how worried she was, seeing as she had harnessed both emotions in battle. Fear had pushed her through her fight with Kylo on _Starkiller Base_, while hate had even tread in her veins during their shared face-off against Snoke's Praetorian guards. She especially remembered the enraged feeling spitting back at her during the latter interaction, only now did she understand that the pulsing fury had reverberated off the saber in response to her own darkened disposition.

Now that she realized the danger of such insufficient self-restraint, her first priority was to rebuild the saber with as peaceful a temperament possible. "It was vague and a little difficult to read, but it stated that it would be a 'draining of the crystal's power'." There was a question in her voice.

Kylo sat back. "The context of your pages seems to be lacking in unbiased perspective." He seemed to tsk, as if sarcastically surprised that a Jedi text would limit knowledge to paint an incomplete, one-sided view; something she had just warned him against attempting. "It is not called draining, but bleeding."

"That hardly seems better."

"You don't drain the crystal of its power, only alter its affiliation. It will turn red in response, but will maintain its strength."

"You've done this." There was no accusation in her tone, but simple curiosity, that dangerous quality she still had never learned to quiet. "What happens?"

His mind feared how far her questions would trail; although he wanted to be honest, he wasn't sure she could hear what he had to say. He exhaled steadily. "You imbue the crystal with all your fear, passion, anger and hatred." His eyes were far off. "It's an intense process that can snap at any moment if you aren't resolved enough in your allegiance." Something he knew all too well, he thought sourly, remembering the way his kyber crystal cracked beneath the stark duality of his spirit, throwing him across the room as the process had just barely completed.

She waited quietly and Kylo realized he was meant to continue. "The Light Side will try to tempt you with visions designed to shake your determination." He paused, his voice becoming stiff. "There is claim of it even revealing the future."

Her entranced hazel eyes bore into his own until it was clear she couldn't swallow her question. "What did you see?"

The heat that stared back at her seemed to scorch her very blood. "That is a very personal question."

His blatant deflect furthered her interest. "And yet you're no stranger to prying beyond comfort." She accused.

His eyes widened and he nodded slowly. "Even so, some wounds are too tender to expose."

The agony in his voice caused her chest to ache with such severity that breathing seemed impossible for a moment. The connection severed and Rey was left utterly silenced.

* * *

It seemed ludicrous to Rey that she was a pivotal part in the war against the First Order and all she could think of was the haunted look on their Supreme Leader's face. He was concealing himself and she was bothered by how much it bothered her. In truth, she knew she was just as guilty. It seemed safer to not let him see how moved she was by their genuine connection, or how it's inevitable shatter would affect her when the time came, but still she wanted to reach for him.

Guilt tugged at her; she knew she shouldn't care, but that didn't seem possible to her anymore. No matter how everything was and how it would probably end, she could still see the light cracking through the broken façade that failed to hide him, _Ben_.

"If you wouldn't keep disappearing, I wouldn't have to bother him for answers!" She shouted at the air, as if every breath was tainted with Luke's mischievous and mostly silent lingering spirit.

"I thought we already covered that it's not my job to just pop up and answer all your questions." Rey jumped up and yelped as Luke's attitude filled the air before he even materialized. "I'm only here to help you understand what you are incapable of learning by yourself."

"Even with the correct translation, I'm not getting the full answers." She bit back, temporarily impressed with her ability to argue with a ghost, albeit a pretty frustrating one.

"You're too busy trying to let heavy emotion obstruct your path, it's no wonder you can't grasp the truth."

She stalled for a moment, trying to interpret just what he meant. "Ironic coming from someone who doesn't have the best history of being forthcoming."

Luke nodded. "You don't carry your faults with you, Rey. Only the lessons they taught you."

He was gone again.

"AGH!" She cried. "What does that even mean?"

* * *

Kylo was surprised to feel Rey reaching out to him. He had felt sure that his abrupt inability to answer her question a few days before had been too blunt. It seemed wrong now to deny her the honesty, not because he wanted to share his own trauma with her, but because it seemed to directly involve her. He couldn't imagine how she would handle such knowledge and he was desperate to hold off on unwinding the murky truth.

Slowly, she appeared. She didn't meet his eyes as she spoke. "When I was young and living alone on Jakku, for a moment there had been more. I had people in my life, even if I didn't understand that I was alone in all the ways that counted." After she had pried on memories Kylo had seemed hesitant to talk about, she recognized her own inability to be honest, it felt foolish to be vulnerable and she wanted him to realize that she understood. "Their names were Devi and Strunk." She shrugged. "I didn't want the additional partners, but still I decided to trust them. I _wanted_ to trust them." She finally looked at Kylo, who stayed silent, his face betraying no emotion but his earnest attention which was entirely hers.

"We spent months working together and for the first time in my life, I had friends." She recalled the main details of them building her ship together, with the promise that they would split in the profits. "After we had finished, we flew to Niima Outpost and the moment I was out of it, they stole the ship." It had hurt; not just the several nights she had gone hungry to hoard the parts she needed, not the effort she had exerted over the year she had worked to rebuild it, but the betrayal. "I became blind from my trust and had nothing but disappointment to show for it."

"I'm sorry." He offered finally and insufficiently. He had hoped that there had been some solace for her during that hard life on Jakku, but was sad to find that wasn't the case. Kylo knew what it meant to be alone, in all the ways that counted, but it seemed cruel to think that Rey had never even been comforted by the pretense of family, of understanding. Even if he hated to hear it, he was grateful that she considered him worth telling.

"I just wanted to be honest with you, because you have been with me." Her tone was considerate and didn't seem intended to guilt him, but it did. She could reveal more pain than she should ever have known, but he still kept himself safe from her judgment, by holding back the truth.

Kylo held his lightsaber in his hands, absentmindedly hovering above the cracked kyber crystal. "When I bled my crystal," he began without any prompting and Rey listened intently, "The light had called to me in many different ways. It conjured Luke, but all I could see was a green hue that filled me with fear and hatred. Then it brought forth my parents, but all I heard was whispered condemnations that I would be a monster," Rey straightened at the telling pitch in his voice. "Their backs turned on me and I thought I had successfully pushed away the light."

He looked into her eyes and Rey felt her insides clench from the intensity of such a gaze. "I could hear words pass over me; _balance_ and _destiny_. Suddenly, my vision was bathed in light. Off in the bright distance, I could see a figure comprised of both soft and strong edges." Something in his blood had ached for him to approach, desperate to see the face of his vision and yet, he had hesitated, though not by choice. "I tried to reach out, but it was as if my feet were rooted in place. A gentle and pained female voice pleaded, _'Please, don't go this way.'_" Rey's eyes widened in surprise and Kylo still couldn't take his away from hers as he slowly nodded to her transparent realization. His fight had faded when he had heard her comforting voice. "At first I thought the girl off in the distance was some deception of the light trying to grab my attention. Then, when I heard you speak, I almost believed it was the manifestation of the Light Side. But the sadness in your voice had felt so real, so human; it's never left me since that day."

Rey sputtered quietly, aware that he had finished his story. Finally, she could mentally form one question, inadequate for how many rushed around her head, but still significant to her. "How long ago was this?"

He looked down as if he wore shame for his silence until now. "Almost 6 years ago."


	7. Chapter 6: Lies We Tell

***A/N -Hello boys, girls and everyone in between. For this story, I decided to follow through with canon's explanation for Kylo/Ben's original ignorance of Darth Vader being his grandfather (with his family only acknowledging the Sith Lord's former name of Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight) until the knowledge that it was the same man was made public when Ben was around the age of 24; something that wasn't made very apparent in the films, but has been mentioned in other canon material. **_**Psychometry (Sense Echo):** T_**_he Force ability of acquiring information about people or events associated with an object solely by touching it._ Though it was not explicitly stated in the last chapter, my theory regarding Kylo's communication with Darth Vader (mentioned in TFA) is that he was using this same ability after touching the charred helmet, just as Rey had experienced with the Skywalker Saber. Sorry to squeeze in so much explanation. I hope you like it so far; if so, please R&R. It really means a great deal; Shoutout to ToughSpirit and Cer-Kamber for the kind, encouraging reviews! Thanks - Nikki  
**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Lies We Tell**

"I don't know that I'm entirely okay with this." Poe said with as much authority as he could manage.

"I don't know why you think I'm asking for your permission." Leia replied, both calm and assertive as she continued to walk on.

The Commander increased his speed. "I'm serious, General. Why can't I accompany you?"

She finally stopped and looked directly at him. "I appreciate the concern, Dameron. I really do, but this is not up for debate. This is a personal trip that I need to take and you are not invited."

"You're not going to the Inner Rim for a social call." He accused, desperate to weasel any additional information from the leader. She had yet to even specify where exactly she would be going. All he had been told was that she had received some news and was desperate to go pick-up some unnamed contact.

"No, I'm not." She looked away, almost wistfully. "What a waste of resources that would be." The sigh in her voice seemed to stem more in envy of such an opportunity, than the criticism her words hinted at.

"I thought you had said it was too risky to travel so far in with all the First Order's recent occupations."

"All the more reason to keep this quiet and quick. I don't need, nor do I want an entourage. I'll have Chewie by my side and that will be enough."

"You don't know that for sure; what if something happens?"

Leia couldn't hide her grin as she patted the young man's concerned face. "If something were to happen, I would be relieved to know that you are here, watching over this base." He couldn't shake the gut feeling that something would go wrong during her absence. It was baffling to him that she didn't seem the least bit wary. "Commander D'Acy knows where I'll be and when I will check in. If anything goes awry, you will be one of the first to know. I promise."

He shrugged, hesitant to agree with her, though he had no choice. "What am I supposed to do?" He'd become so accustomed to standing at the General's side and learning from her, that his other duties had practically dissolved.

"Consider it a vacation." Her voice brightened.

"For you or me?"

She laughed. "Both of us. You'll pick up a hobby, while I'll sneak into enemy space." The concern doubled in the Commander's expression and Leia briefly felt bad for toying with the young man. "I shouldn't be gone for very long. I'll come back before you even have the chance to worry."

"Too late." He mumbled, earning him a soft smile from the General.

* * *

Rey's eyes lazily gazed at the sheets that covered her. She was still at a loss for words recalling what Kylo had told her the night before. She had said nothing in reply and she suspected that he didn't expect her to. It was so much to have thrust upon her. It wasn't just that he had seen her off in the distance five years before they met, or the implications that came with the idea that he had heard her speaking to him in the throne room of the _Supremacy_ just as early; this all had come to him in a Light Side vision, the Force bombarding his mind to stop him crossing to the dark. And yet, it still knew he would.

In truth, Rey had been denying her own _coincidences_. She may not have had a vision of him quite as profound, having learned that it was the process of psychometry at touching the Skywalker Saber that showed her Kylo prior to their meeting, but still, he had seen her looking at him in that vision, looking right at her as he approached, twice. What had resurfaced into her thoughts was the memory of some simultaneously foreign and familiar muffled voice that had said, _'I'll come back, sweetheart. I promise.'_

It infuriated her; they had always been meant to be at odds. For a moment, all she could think was that her pain had been planned by the mystic whim of the Force. Even in her conflicted mindset, she couldn't blame him for his silence. It seemed an impossible conversation to have; their ever-changing dynamic had never made it simple to explain.

He understood how difficult it might be for her to process, something he had said while he anxiously filled the silence. Some part of her wanted to reach out and tell him that it wasn't his fault and that she was grateful for the honesty, but she didn't know how to speak to him without every word and look feeling loaded to her now. So she decided to refrain from any activity that flourished with the Force.

If she was expected to listen to the Force, then she expected the same consideration in return. She pulled the sheets and blankets from her legs and quickly dressed, thankful for the moment to escape her secluded room.

* * *

Poe had marched into his quarters with concern dripping from his entire disposition. Finn had just finished his work for the day and noticed an ease that seemed to fill the whole base, with the exception of his roommate. It was Leia's departure. The General had seemed to calm many anxieties during her casual farewell, nudging everybody to take it a little easy. This wasn't a vacation just because she would be gone a few days, she had joked.

Finn was able to understand what she had truly meant. It didn't take the most observant person to see that they all pushed themselves harder when she was around. No one wanted to let down Leia Organa, not when her strength had yet to wean in the slightest. The Resistance would've accepted defeat many times before if it had not been for her at the helm.

He looked at his twitching Commander, who had tripped over a blanket on the floor and found it amusing that the General believed him capable of such grace. He couldn't deny that she was right in grooming him as her successor, only Poe could come close to inspiring the same confidence that Leia did. He wasn't there quite yet, but Finn could tell, someday he would be.

"So, am I the only one who is worried about Leia going so far in?" His voice was strained as he looked at Finn.

"Poe," he sighed. "Everyone's worried about Leia, you know that. The rest of us just know when to accept that no one is going to change her mind. Stop thinking about it, your anxiety isn't going to help anyone."

"I'm not anxious." He said as he irritably shook off a sheet that was stuck to his shoe. "So," he cleared his throat as if he could distract himself. "How do you feel about the experiment thus far? You're not a messy person, right?"

Finn was barely able to conceal his smirk at the building tension in the Commander's voice. "I don't know, I kind of enjoy something about the quarantined and controlled chaos. It's liberating."

Poe glared at the disarray as if it was to blame while mumbling under his breath. "What about this is controlled?"

"Poe," Finn garnered his attention, his voice concerned. "If this is really driving you crazy, I don't mind if we renege on the whole thing."

"No," he sighed, "I'm sorry. The mess is not the problem; I'm just trying to find anything I can focus on until Leia gets back." He huffed. "I mean, the mess doesn't help, it adds to the stress a bit, but I'm just distracting myself."

Finn sat up, shaking his head. "What is going on with you? I know how much you care about Leia, but I've never seen you this nervous. You know better than anyone that she can take care of herself." It was unnerving to see the usually fearless Commander a second short of pacing.

Poe looked at him for a long moment. Exhaling, he looked down. "I lied to Leia about the trip to Jakku." He lifted his head. "It was as if the whole First Order had just dropped down to say hello. There was a TIE Interceptor that was already on the ground and it found us within a second."

"Who was it?" Finn asked although he clearly knew the answer.

"Kylo Ren."

"How did you guys make it out?" He nearly leaned off his bunk at the fear of such a thought.

Poe hesitated for a fraction of a second and was pleased to see that Finn hadn't caught it. "I'd say malfunctioning guns."

"You'd say?"

Poe shook his head, not sure how to explain the truth, from Rey's gasp that sounded like a long-dead name to the warmth he saw in the Supreme Leader's eyes. "Well, we got out of there quickly. I guess, it is possible that he could've decided to wait for a decent shot and missed his chance."

Finn nodded his head; malfunctioning guns did seem more likely. The Commander continued. "He spearheaded that takeover. He had to have been on Jakku ahead of time to have been where he was when the Star Destroyers landed. If Leia doesn't have those big ugly ships to warn her, she could land somewhere that's already being bombarded."

"Why'd you lie?"

He shrugged. "I didn't want her to worry." It wasn't exactly a lie, though he allowed Finn to misconstrue his meaning.

"There are hundreds of Inner Rim planets. You're overthinking. What are the chances?"

Poe wanted to argue how rare the chance seemed that they would run into Kylo Ren on one of the most obscure planets in the Inner Rim the one time they were willing to venture into it in months. Instead, he sighed. "You have a point."

"Where'd she station you for the time being?"

"I've been asked to pick up a hobby." He laughed.

"Well, what do you think would calm you down?"

He looked back at him as a thought struck against his expression. A pleasant and warm grin redefined his face. "I have an idea." Poe grabbed Finn's wrist. "Come with me."

* * *

Rey noticed Poe and Finn rushing by her. The latter offered her an expressive shrug that caused her to smirk. She continued in the direction of the semi-private rooms near the center of the base.

Rose sat cross-legged on her bed, devouring the blueprint on the decade-old datapad in her hands. She was thankful to learn that even though the original base had been severely damaged; in the rebuilt underground center she could still locate a good amount information on its stock and history.

Recently, she had begun studying the specific mechanisms of the ships the base had seemed to gift them upon arrival. Though she had been more familiar with X-Wings, her knowledge of A-Wings wasn't horrible, she just hadn't spent much time breathing life into its older models. Many of the ships flew just fine, but to use every ship in the fleet, she had to give herself a refresher course.

She looked up at the sound of soft steps. Rey was regarding her with a small embarrassed smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you while you're working."

Rose shook her head. "No, thank you. Everybody else decided to treat this like a half-day and here I am, glued to my self-imposed homework." She grinned brightly. "I could use a distraction. What's up?"

Rey laughed. "Honestly, same. I need a break from the books and was also hoping for any diversion. You hungry?"

"Famished."

Rey and Rose made their plates in a comfortable silence until they sat at an empty table. "So, I know it's probably top secret, but there has to be something you can spill about those magical Jedi books."

Rey genuinely laughed at the mystified expression in the woman's eyes. "It's hardly magic; it reads drier than the air on Crait."

"That could just be C3PO's influence."

"Sometimes his language is so precise in his translations that I read it in my head with his voice." She confessed.

"Still, that must be exciting."

Rey nodded. "It is, but it can feel so overwhelming. I look at half a readable book in front of me and then turn to see a whole, untouched stack staring back at me." She shrugged, "Though it is nice to have C3PO lead with the grunt work." Still, she always insisted sitting in with him as he identified the several different languages used. Slowly, she had started to believe, she was catching onto patterns in the text. "The more I look at the ancient texts, the more I feel like it'll take me years to translate and study them."

"Why rush yourself?" She shrugged. "It's not like the galaxy is in the position to revive the Jedi Order. Any progress in that arena might have to wait for this war to end."

"I know, but I constantly wonder if there is something in them that can help us right now."

"Hey," Rose's voice chided gently. "This isn't a war of one. You don't have to become some perfect, know-it-all Jedi. You've already done a lot. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have had anything left to rebuild."

Rey sighed, looking down, unaware that her trepidation was so obvious. "It's been hard, not being as involved and these texts are all that I can focus on."

"You're treating them like an obstacle." Rose remarked.

"It can feel like they are, sometimes." She knew that they could make her stronger, wiser to the abilities she still couldn't completely comprehend.

"You don't always have to be running around on active duty to play your part." Rey nodded, though it was easier to feel that way when she was able to play a more tangible part. "Rey, you've proven yourself to this cause countless times over."

She grimaced as the blood in her veins was replaced with guilt. Forcing a smile, she desperately pulled the topic off of her mocking allegiance. "Let's talk about something other than those frustrating books. You're work with the base has been really impressive, everything seems to be running so smoothly."

Rose smirked bashfully. "Most of everything, still a few tweaks to be made here and there."

"How long have you been interested in engineering?"

"It was more of a symptom that came from being a mechanic." She took a bite of the blue fruit on her plate, chewing quickly before she swallowed. "That, of course was inevitable growing up." She remembered the mines as a child, desperate to learn all the mechanisms of the machinery that both enslaved and fed her family. "Mechanics had it much easier than miners."

"The First Order?" Rey guessed.

Rose shrugged as if it was the surest thing in the galaxy. "We've all been ground beneath its boot at one point or another. Neglect or abuse, it doesn't matter." She shook her head. "All that matters is that we refuse to take it anymore."

The scavenger looked at the smaller woman for a second and was surprised to see just how right she was. "It's odd to think that I knew nothing of the Resistance a year and a half ago."

Rose considered Rey, who took a large bite from her plate. "You really were just tossed into this fight, weren't you?"

Rey laughed, half of her bite still tucked in her cheek. "I haven't thought of it that way in a long time."

"But you were. Still you took on this fight like it was your own." Her voice was almost awed.

"I didn't consider any other option. Fighting for a cause, like this," she gestured around them. "It brought me some kind of purpose."

Rose's face plastered a soft expression before she turned back to her food.

* * *

"Why are we in the hangar?" Finn looked at the countless ships in front of them.

"You asked what would calm me." Poe gestured to the A-Wings. The younger man smiled, not surprised by the Commander's answer. He always seemed more at ease in the air than on the ground. "Do you remember saying that you wanted a more thorough flying lesson after Crait?"

The ex-Stormtrooper's stomach briefly felt queasy as he vividly remembered the wobbly ships that threatened to fall apart at the mention of a pebble. "Maybe, I might've said that after emptying my gut from the motion sickness."

Poe laughed. "I promise this will be nothing like that."

"How can you be so sure?" Finn eyed the ships warily.

He beamed with the enthusiasm of a child. "Because I know this ship like the back of my hand." He reached out and seemed to pet it. "RZ-1. My mother flew one just like it." He turned back to see Finn listening to him intently. "It was the first ship I ever learned to fly." It reminded him of freedom, a sentiment Finn could find in his eyes as clearly as if it had been spoken aloud. "They used to have a full production line on this base before it was destroyed years ago." He finally tore his gaze back to the ship. "Best model to start on."

"I can't help but accuse you of bias." He said playfully.

He shrugged. "The mechanisms can be a little tricky and take focus, but once you've got it down, you won't be intimidated learning how to fly other ships."

Finn inspected the ship with a brief onceover. "Poe, there's only one seat."

"True." Poe admitted. "I bet we could fit if we squeezed." He laughed at Finn's apparent confusion. "Or, we could always hop on one of the RZ-1T's." He pointed to a ship that seemed to be identical in all ways, except for the added seat behind the pilot's chair. "You don't see these Trainer models every day." He remarked wistfully.

"Train me later." Finn requested. "I'd like to see how this thing flies before I even think about piloting it."

"Fair enough."

"Also, you have to tell BB8 that there is no room for him."

Poe's smile faltered as he remembered that the A-Wing was not equipped with droid accommodations. "Fine. Let me go tell him." His enthusiasm waned slightly.

He returned a few minutes later. "He's not happy, but was a little too busy to complain." He boarded the ship and offered Finn the seat intended for the trainer, talking him through shutting off his controls. Poe couldn't hold in his relieved breath at the familiar hum of the engine, one of the fondest sounds that had framed his childhood.

With an effortless ease that Finn could only aspire to, Poe steered them out of the hangar.

* * *

Kylo could sense unease all around him, and though he initially chalked it up to his growing anxiety over his last, one-sided discussion with Rey, he couldn't deny the validity of his reading. Despite the First Order finally beginning to spread its claim over the galaxy, there was an unspoken disagreement for just how the government should run. Hux still had his eyes set on the Resistance, though the Supreme Leader didn't believe that was all the General had been silently dwelling on. He would watch Kylo very closely when they spoke, as if he could see through him.

Sometimes it would make him wonder if Hux somehow knew the truth of how he had seized the First Order. "Supreme Leader," The brittle reedy voice pulled Kylo from his trance. "Now that we have asserted the First Order's control throughout key points of the Inner Rim, it's my belief that we should demonstrate our ambition by making a move for the Outer Rim and squash any wayward threat we encounter."

Kylo internally sighed. Armitage Hux, a born-and-raised citizen of the Outer Rim, had abhorred its chaos and lack of allegiance for years. "Would we be demonstrating our ambition or our arrogance?" Kylo condescended. "There is still much work to be done; otherwise, we would have to split our forces to maintain order. This regime is too new for us to abandon the ground we have just begun to cover. There will be time for the Outer Rim, when our authority is thoroughly established."

"What better way to establish authority than dismantling any and all opposition?" Hux knew that it was only thanks to the empty chamber that he was able to continue to push. If they had an audience, he was sure he would've most likely been thrown around.

He sighed in irritation. "Are you still suggesting we go on some ill-conceived chase through the vast Outer Rim on the baseless notion that that is where we will find the Resistance?" His voice was almost bored.

"Actually, Supreme Leader," his eyes narrowed. "I was thinking about the Hutt Clan."

"The Hutt Clan? Why would we stoop to pick a fight with some over-glorified gangsters?"

He stood a little straighter. "I have reason to believe that they are colluding with the Resistance."

Kylo stared back at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Are you insane, General?" He failed to bite back the slightest hint of a smirk. "Leia Organa murdered their last leader thirty years ago." It was clear the red-haired man had never heard as much; it didn't surprise Kylo, as he had been privy to stories that hadn't been told to the rest of the galaxy. "I would speculate she would be shot down before having the chance to propose something so ludicrous." His humor faded away. "What reason do you have to even make such a claim?"

He tried to maintain his upright posture. His gut told him he was right and yet considering what the Supreme Leader had said, it did seem absolutely mad. "The Corellian Freighter that had been spotted on Jakku was said to have been seen boarded by a _Gorga the Hutt_."

Kylo's expression faltered at the news. He quickly plastered indifference to his features. They had been picking up a once prominent Hutt, which meant that Hux was right. The Hutt Clan was allied with the Resistance. His thoughts were a jumbled mess, that consisted of countless questions that all boiled down to _how_ and _why_? "Then it must've been some other Corellian Freighter. Perhaps your informants were too eager in their assessment?" His tone accused, unmoved by his inflection.

"It would seem that way." His voice tapered at the end and Kylo suddenly felt very certain that the General wasn't prepared to let it go, not without some distraction.

"With that settled, we still have much to focus on in the Inner Rim," he added to appease the perpetually disgruntled man, "for the time being." He excused the man after assigning him to continue overseeing the progress on Jakku. Kylo needed some space from his subordinate and couldn't help but take pleasure in throwing him to the hot and barren planet that he had seemed to hate so much.

Kylo sat in a pensive and puzzled silence. He wondered just what could have possessed his mother to make such a gamble. Desperation, a small part of him angrily answered. He had no right to be surprised; Leia Organa would always find a way to outlast the cruel circumstances she had been dealt. It was what made him respect and for a brief moment, miss her. She hadn't changed in the slightest, often unpredictable, but always one step ahead.

He exhaled deeply, unsure of how to proceed.

* * *

Poe performed an effortless aileron roll, hardly taking note of anything or anyone he happened to pass as he neared the base. Within a moment, he slipped out of sight, returning through the thick foliage that led to the well-hidden hangar entrance behind a waterfall. It was a tight fit, but Finn hardly noticed, entirely mesmerized by Poe's natural state. It did feel like freedom, the ex-Stormtrooper thought with a soft grin.

Once they landed, Poe faced him with a large smile that made his cheeks ache. Finn was glad to see the worry and stress vanished from the Commander's expression. "You want to give it a shot, same time tomorrow?" They exited the ship.

"I might need a little more persuasion." Finn teased as they walked down the corridor. In all honesty, he didn't see the point; he would never be as skilled as Poe, and why should he even try when he already had a pilot?

The two men passed by Rose and Rey, both perched over a mess of wires and circuits. The young women animatedly compared notes on their own creations. Rey gushed over the long-abandoned speeder she had made from scraps in the machinery graveyards of Jakku. The mention had piqued the engineer's interest; she had been think about building more localized vehicles to take advantage of the large and lush foliage cover on the surface.

Once Rose had learned of Rey's position as a scavenger, she unintentionally expelled a cavalcade of questions. They ranged from the parts she could find, to their worth. It was unusual, but enjoyable to finally connect with somebody who shared one of her greatest interests. Rey looked over Rose's spare parts and helped her comb through what would be necessary to begin production of a simple, non-flashy land speeder.

As activity began to wind down throughout the base, Rey excused herself and slowly walked to her quarters. The day had been a wonderful distraction, but as she neared her bunk, she realized that she would soon have to form a functioning thought over what Kylo had told her.

The texts were still piled haphazardly on her desk and for a moment, she hated them. The untapped knowledge they represented filled her with a sense of impatient defeat. It seemed like it would take her years to translate and study them all.

Since it was inevitable, she saw no harm in holding off continuing until the morning. One night of procrastination wouldn't condemn her, but it could grant her some peace.

Not yet ready to sleep, she practiced with her staff. It was no longer the ideal weapon with which she wanted to train, but it was better than letting her sharp edge and abilities atrophy. The movement was a relief to her stiffness. Only after she began, did she realize that her entire body was tense.

Although Rey could appreciate the restraint that came with sparring alone, a part of her ached to feel the collision of her follow-through. The sensation made her notice that the grating tension wasn't solely physical. She didn't need to wonder as to why she felt antagonistically wound. Everything seemed to be out of her control.

She had no mentor to learn from, her only source of knowledge was contorted and disguised in countless cryptic languages and the only true confidant she had was her enemy. To say she was frustrated would've been an underwhelming inaccuracy.

She pushed herself for nearly an hour when the fatigue began to set into her bones. Resigning herself to the exhaustion, she got ready for bed. Just as she felt the thick fog of slumber start to seep into her mind, the tug pulled at her with one brief yank.

Suddenly Kylo was before her, a few feet from her bed. "How," she began through gritted teeth. "Just how do you have such awful timing?" She internally wondered how it had been so easy for him to reach out to her. It had to have been more than a coincidence that her defenses seemed as durable as wet tissue any time she slept. Even her mind now appeared to be the enemy, dropping her walls when she wasn't completely in control of them. Another way in which she would have to be stronger to protect herself.

He had the sense to seem embarrassed and apologetic. "I'm sorry, Rey. I didn't realize."

She threw her blanket back and sat up on her bed. Holding her head in her hands, she felt the need to hide her face from him. "I'm not ready to have this conversation yet." Once anger took over as the primary emotion, her need to glare at him outweighed her uncertain feelings. "You told me you would give me time to process this. Or was that some lie?"

"No, Rey. I'm not here to talk about that." His soft, deep voice rushed out in a huff.

"Then, why are you here, Kylo?"

"Gorga the Hutt had been seen boarding a Corellian Freighter that day on Jakku." He stated with certainty, though his words didn't sound like an accusation. Rey stilled. His tone changed slightly. "You should be more careful. The Hutt Clan turning you into their transport service is going to get you killed."

She scoffed. "By you." He pulled back, unable to hide the muddled expression on his face. Rey couldn't determine if it was shock, hurt or understanding, though something made her feel it might be a combination of the three.

"Or by your so-called ally's countless enemies."

"I don't see the distinction." She shot back, glaring at him. The genuine emotion wading in his eyes made her question her own bitter reply. Her inflection changed. "Wait. Why did you tell me?"

It was brief, but he stilled. "What?"

"You didn't reach out to tease me for my mistake." Kylo was too smart and methodical to risk crucial knowledge for such a trivial purpose. "You wanted to warn me." She accused.

"The Resistance is my enemy. Why would I do that?"

She thought for a minute. The Resistance may have been his enemy, but she was not; and it seemed if he had to choose all or nothing, he couldn't relinquish her to that same category, even at the loss of his advantage. All it would've taken was a few words to his subordinates and her cause would've been wiped out before they realized what had even happened. "Why wouldn't you tell your General that the Corellian Freighter seen on Jakku was in fact, the _Millennium Falcon_?"

He opened his mouth, but before a word could escape, Rey continued, her voice containing a sharp edge. "Would you tarnish my ability to trust your words after all this time, with some weak lie?" He closed his mouth, unable to admit aloud how much her trust meant to him. She pushed even further, "Why did you let us go that day?"

"There was nothing else I could do." He offered lamely.

"Don't lie to me." She chided.

"No, Rey. There was nothing else _**I**_ could do." He met her gaze to further present his inflection.

The warmth of his voice seemed to both soothe and shake her core. She tried to push away the thought. "Why?"

His reply was soft. "I don't know how to answer a question I haven't even asked myself yet."

Rey understood all too well what he meant. Their blurred loyalties had complicated their own goals; she tried to convince her hammering heart that that was all it was.

* * *

Finn's eyes slowly peeked open as he awoke, hearing a soft snore slip from his dreams and tether him to reality. His arm was stretched out, aching as it hung precariously off the bed. Poe slept in a similarly awkward position. For a moment, Finn couldn't help but notice just how close their hanging hands rested side-by-side, looking as if they were reaching out towards one another. If he stretched his fingers ever-so-slightly, he knew they would touch.

The thought caught him off guard and he looked away from the tan, callused fingers. Poe's face was deceptively serene as he soundly slept and Finn wondered just how the man carried so much fire in such gentle features.

A rattled snore erupted from the Commander, who began to stir and Finn quickly turned his back towards him, wondering why his chest reacted as if he was about to be pronounced guilty of something. He tried to think of anything peaceful to calm his erratic heart rate and lull him back to sleep. He remembered the pale blue sky contrasted with the emerald blur of trees as he had soared through the air.

Finn hadn't realized he had fallen asleep until he felt an enthusiastic nudge against his shoulders. "Come on, Finn. You've got a class to conduct and it'll be my first one, Teach. Let's go."

He groaned once Poe pulled away. "Five minutes." He bargained in slurred speech.

"Nope." Poe said brightly. "If class starts late I'll mark you down in a personal audit. Also," he shamelessly added. "The quicker you're done, the quicker we can resume our flying lessons."

Finn mumbled. "Thanks for making my class sound so compelling. Now I want an hour." He pulled his blanket over his head.

"Come on, buddy. I'm just excited to see you take full control today." It had been a few days of instruction, but Poe maintained that it was time Finn prove he was ready.

That encouragement made him want to sink entirely into his bed. He knew all the controls of the A-Wing by heart, though there were quite a few of them that needed continual attention for adjustments. It seemed even trickier to Finn given the terrain. The RZ-1T was virtually impossible for him to navigate within the tree line, so Poe reasoned that they would just get a bit further out where it thinned, before beginning. They weren't permitted to clear it entirely as they were under orders to keep unnecessary flights maintained. Poe believed the mandate to be an act of paranoia at their vulnerability temporarily being without their leader, while Finn had wondered if there was some fear of exposure.

"What if I crash and kill us both?" He turned and looked up at Poe who stood in the small – currently littered – path between their beds.

Poe grinned. "What if you stopped acting like such a drama queen?" He nudged Finn's shoulder good-naturedly with his knee. "Come on you're going to do great. I mean," he stood a little straighter. "Consider your teacher."

Finn smirked. "Well, if I had to, 'humble' wouldn't be a descriptor."

"No, but 'talented' and 'impatient' would be; let's go!"

Finn stretched his arm, trying to shake off the heaviness he felt in the limb. He remembered the origin of the ache from waking earlier that morning. It was a bad sleeping habit of his, and Poe's apparently.

* * *

For the past few nights, since speaking to Kylo, Rey hadn't slept well and instead devoted the majority of her time to the texts. The undeniable desire to stretch was screaming in her legs. Walking out of the labyrinth that led to her room, she noticed the bustling of people and was able to make an estimation of what time it was exactly.

There was a group funneling into Finn's class and she decided to join. She was pleased to see all seating had been pushed to the side. Mats had been placed out on the floor. Finn's voice was loud and clear as he addressed the couple dozen or so in the audience. "Today, we're going to go over the hand-to-hand training that Stormtroopers will employ at the loss of their weapon. It's not likely to happen often, but if found in this situation; there are some weaknesses in their reach and maneuverability. I will be going over some of the best ways for you to exploit that. It'd be best if we can do this exercise in pairs."

Just as Poe met his eyes, Finn quickly turned away and grabbed Rose from the front. "Okay, everybody." He donned a few armor plates meant to act as substitute for his old uniform. He demonstrated his hindered movability and pointed the best spots for Rose to target. "Stormtroopers have their own way of moving with the limited access they have. If you know their methods, you can take them down before they have the chance to react."

His partner aimed for the targets, but was blocked away by Finn's blunt movements. He paused and looked at her. "Now that you know how I move, adjust your approach."

The audience watched on as the inexperienced fighter tightened her technique each time. By the fifth time, she had him knocked to the ground. Rey looked over and found Poe to pair with. A moment later, everyone began sparring.

The Commander offered to play the part of the trooper. He knew that in reality, his part would take place in the cockpit and not hand-to-hand. Poe's attention seemed a little split as Rey made good sport of her own adjustments to his speed and reach. "Have you thought about our escape on Jakku lately?"

She froze, caught off guard by the topic. Trying not to think of the conversation she had with Kylo a few nights prior, she shook her head. "I thought you wanted to forget it."

His eyes were far away. "It _had_ to have been faulty guns."

The tone of his voice made the words sound like a question. "What are you thinking?" She prodded gently.

"I don't know." He shook his head. "It wasn't just the fact that he didn't shoot us down." Recalling the moment in his memory, he still couldn't forget what he had seen looking back at them. "In his eyes, it was as though he had no intention to."

Rey tried not squirm at the subject. "Why wouldn't he?" In truth, she still wanted the answer he had failed to give. "It's his duty, as our opposition."

Poe nodded slightly and then reflected for a moment. "Duty is the greatest obstacle of desire." He said quietly to himself. The words made Rey briefly feel exposed before she could understand why. She was thankful to notice that Poe now seemed to be looking in the direction of Finn and Rose – who continued to spar – and no longer at her, with her throat full of lies.

* * *

Finn had a hard time slowing his breath. His nerves were bundles of electric energy as he took over full control of the A-Wing. They soared through the air and Finn could understand the joy it brought Poe. He didn't doubt that it felt like freedom, at least not when forced to only move about through strict confines. Poe directed him with gentle reminders whenever he felt unsure in any movements.

He was only afforded small stretches of space to navigate through, if he wanted to stay away from the dense forests that made up the majority of the planet's surface. After a few minutes, he began to feel comfortable at the helm and found that much of Poe's lecturing about the significance of each function had stuck, helping him to intuitively move.

Within a second their entire trajectory was thrown off by a ship's blaster-fire. "What the hell was that?" Poe barked. "First Order?"

Finn knew better; shooting a single ship was not the kind of thing they would waste time with if the Resistance Base had been found out. A small ship came into view. He assessed the craft's design. "Not likely, looks like a bandit or maybe some rogue bounty hunter." Just then another shot rang out.

"Shit!" Poe yelled. "Well, they're a damn good shot, because they just obliterated our communications." He grabbed control of the cannons when they were shot at again. "Dammit! They're trying to take out cannon control." He tried to flip the switch back over to him. "Umm, Finn. You're not going to like this."

"What?" He yelled back, his focus split to an uncomfortable degree as he tried to lose the ship directly on their tale.

"Secondary piloting controls are down." He unleashed the cannons on their assailant, who dodged artfully.

"What?" He nearly screamed this time.

"I can't switch us over. I'm going to have to stay on these cannons and you have to try and get us free."

Just what he needed, thought Finn, added pressure while being shot at.

Poe had been able to just barely clip the other ship's wing. They were hit again and the cannons short-circuited. A flare seemed to be burning from the shattered controls. The Commander had a difficult time putting out the close proximity fire.

Finn could hear the panic emanating from the huffing and shouting Poe. He steered into the thick forest, not sure how else to escape their pursuer. It was a tight fit, but he was able to navigate, remembering the paths they'd traversed as of late. Weaving in and out, he avoided countless more shots, except one. Once their engine had been hit, Finn worried that evasive maneuvers were all that remained in their arsenal, though not for long.

He remembered a large boulder that he and Poe had passed on their first day, almost entirely obscured by a giant hedge. It was a gamble, but one he couldn't see his way around. He finessed his way through the cramped turns and rotations. Slipping through the very top of the hedge, he noticed the lower position of the ship that followed them.

Though he heard the crash, the cover made it impossible for Finn to see its aftermath. He still waited for their attacker to resurface but they never did. "Did you see that?" Finn called excitedly. There was no reply and his stomach immediately sunk as a horrid smell surrounded them. He wanted to believe it was just the ship losing power, but one look over his shoulder proved him wrong.

Poe's entire left arm was burnt and smoking; Finn's obstructed view kept him from noticing more. "Poe!" He yelled as his control on the ship slipped. His hold on the dorsal and ventral wings failed in the shuddering of the A-Wing.

They crashed through thick foliage that rocked the cockpit, causing Finn's head to collide fiercely against the thick-paned glass. A moment later they pulled out of the brush, turbulence still shaking the ship.

Finn tried to wake his injured pilot and looked back just in time to see their impending tailspin. He ejected Poe and then himself right before the RZ-1T crashed into a thick tree. He ran to where the Commander had landed the moment his legs seemed to work again.

Poe was still unresponsive; Finn checked and made sure he was still breathing. The burn was extensive, both in size and damage. "Poe!"

His pleas were met with nothing but the sharpest silence.


	8. Chapter 7: Spinning Out

**Chapter 7: Spinning Out**

Rey had reached out to Kylo. Upon his appearance, she immediately began. "I still don't know how to feel about what you told me. In fact, I'd rather not address it." It was the only conclusion she had been able to come to in the past few days.

His eyes were soft and seemed to be smiling back at her. "Fair enough. What topics are safe?"

The question sounded so ridiculous to her as she looked back at the man who was supposed to be her mortal enemy, connected to her through the energy of the Force itself. Every word that passed between them seemed entirely encumbered. She shook her head. "I don't know anymore. Talking to you isn't like talking to Rose or Finn or Poe. It's … different." It was an understatement but she couldn't seem to reach beyond it.

"It is." His voice was warm and intimate for a moment. "So," he subtly slid his gaze from her lips. "You have many friends in the Resistance." He watched her expression. "How... how do you still have it in you to trust?"

Rey could see the brewing emotions behind his eyes. He asked for himself. She shrugged. "It's not easy." Looking down briefly, she sighed. "Even now, I still withhold parts of myself, but I've learned to trust my own judgment. You have to be willing to be vulnerable."

Kylo's eyes tried not to betray his own emotion. "And if that isn't enough?"

Rey wondered if it was an accusation that she heard hardening his tone. "Amongst _allies_ it should be." The cadence of her voice bit back.

"I don't have that luxury with my allies." He stood straighter. "No leader does. Boundaries exist within any order's hierarchy; it's how one maintains respect."

"That never seems to have hindered Leia." Rey blurted.

The surprise in Kylo's dark eyes quickly faded and a soft smile brightened his entire expression as he shook his head lightly. His pleasant reaction stunned Rey. "It's different for her. She always seemed to be the exception, never needing to seek attention, affection or devotion. They were all freely given; there never was a shortage of disciples to follow her on her escapades and journeys, promoting that lethargic government." Even when it had turned its back on her, something he knew all too well. He swallowed the irritation in his voice. "For most, it is not that simple."

Rey looked back at him, almost baffled. "Why maintain allies that are waiting around to pounce on any weakness?"

"Maybe your General can give you a more comprehensive answer when you ask her what the New Republic was really like."

"A system she evolved from. Our trust in her stems from the passion she ignites in our cause. I doubt it could be so simple when your soldiers are brainwashed pawns." There was no hesitance in her voice with the edge of her words. She expected him to react in kind.

He nodded solemnly. "Perhaps I have not inherited an entirely peaceful political party, but I have the power to see change come to pass. Something she was never capable of in her constant marches to the Senate."

She could sense it in his voice again, a sadness she was beginning to understand. Looking at the broken man before her, she could hear his pain sighing through the cracks and it made her desperate to see even further. "What was it like?"

He reeled back for a moment, thrown by her question. "What was what like?"

Her sure voice suddenly turned bashful at the telling nature of her query. "Knowing them. Having ... family."

Rey could see the pain in his eyes, before it quickly vanished into gentle compassion towards her transparency. He swallowed slowly as he seemed to think for a minute. "A gift and a curse." His voice was more timid than she had ever known it to be. "It was comfort and love, until it wasn't." Clearing his throat, tension filled his features, contorting his brows.

"What happened?" Her awed, gentle whisper prodded.

"Conflicting dreams. Purpose that propelled them both toward their passions." Even now, he couldn't hate his parents for their motivations. The more he had become accustomed to their absence, the less he asked for comfort. His long-shattered desire to keep them close hadn't ceased his mother's ideals, nor his father's business. It had only made it harder for them, so he learned to hide it. "It didn't help that I was changing in a way they were ill-equipped to handle." He shook his head. "They feared the shadow that clung to me; it warned of their deceptions."

"Snoke manipulated you." She pleaded for a moment, as if such a reminder of the truth could undo the old barriers that cast them on opposite sides.

"It wasn't Snoke who called me a monster behind closed doors." His rebuttal came quickly before he shook his head again, as if he could yank them free of the prying topic. "They were my family and there were fond moments in that other life. I'd be lying if I said there weren't, but that miniscule comfort wasn't enough. I could feel every absence, every loaded moment of silence, every unspoken fear. Luke was their Hail-Mary; yet even the Grand Master Skywalker couldn't conceive my salvation."

It wounded Rey to hear the angry ache in his voice; he had known the same loneliness that she had, all while surrounded by family. She wondered which was truly worse. Perhaps they couldn't comprehend the exact details of one another's sorrow, but the mutual feeling was unmistakable. A desperate desire to erase the pain from his face filled her chest. "Tell me about one of the fond moments."

He froze for a second and the glaze in his eyes seemed to break. "I'm sorry?"

"I want to understand." She smirked softly. "Give me a fond moment."

He hesitated, sitting on his bed. She followed suit. "Towards the end of it all, there had been an incredible one. Before constructing a lightsaber, one must acquire a kyber crystal." Rey glanced at the fractured and exposed Skywalker saber on her desk. "They call out to those who are Force-sensitive; each crystal is unique, almost a reflection of whomever they resonate for." A little smile tugged at the edge of his mouth. "The hum seemed to echo inside of me the second I heard my kyber crystal. It sang so harmoniously for me and I was lost to it. Even after my saber was built, every time I ignited that blade, it serenaded me."

Rey was astounded to see his expression flood with pure joy at the memory. "I trained day and night with my saber, mostly because I never wanted to let it go." Rarely had he; most nights it lay in his bed, soothing him into slumber with its soft lullaby, despite that dark static that had stayed rooted in his mind. "A kyber crystal is truly a living thing; it bonds to its wielder."

It had been his friend, perhaps his only one, she understood from the gentle tone in his voice. "You sound like you were attached to it."

"I was-" he caught himself. "I am; one's lightsaber is an extension of self." He absentmindedly pressed his palm flat to the hilt of his saber, sensing the cracked kyber crystal just beneath the marred metal.

"Wait, is that," she looked at his hand. "Is that the same kyber crystal? You _bled_ that crystal?"

He almost tensed at the reminder of the topic that he had tried to avoid. Nodding, he reasoned. "It knows me in my entirety." His allegiance belonged to the blade that had witnessed his transition in character, his birth in the dark.

Rey shook her head, remembering how the blade had felt in her hands so long ago. It had cried in anguish and ire; its once beautiful melody, tainted by the unstable hiss of his scarlet fury. "It doesn't sing anymore."

He met her melancholy stare. "No," he admitted, "it doesn't." A jagged echo still remained, but it brought him no joy.

"Why?"

Embarrassment seemed to flash across his face for a second. "The kyber crystal cracked."

She understood. "It happened that day, didn't it?" He looked down. "It cracked when you bled it." It wasn't a question. "Your internal conflict didn't only break _you_ in half." Rey couldn't deny it was tragic; he had robbed himself of his only comfort.

"I still miss the sound." He confessed in a soft, sorrowful whisper.

"Tell me something else." She blurted, unable to hear the pain in his voice any longer. "Something about your training."

His brow lifted playfully. "Do you finally want me to teach you in the ways of the Force?"

"No, just tell me about you." Her voice was gentle and genuine as she leaned back on her bunk. From the inquisitive lift of his brow, she could tell that she would be expected to reply in kind afterwards.

* * *

It had slipped from her mouth, unintentional and entirely unaware, the loss of Luke. A vanished legend that lingered in her thoughts (she had understated, unsure if her claim might mar the reputation of her sanity).

Her words left him confused and he questioned her. Rey's eyes widened in surprise._ Did he not know?_ She wondered at the possibility, having felt the moment the man had returned to the Force. Yet, she could not lie to the man who had declined spewing any deception. "Luke's gone, Kylo."

A silence seized the Supreme Leader as he searched her face to determine the truth of her words. Rey's expression didn't falter in the least. He stewed in the statement as a myriad of emotions washed over him. He experienced relief and a thousand other things he couldn't quite name. For a brief moment, he felt ... _loss_? He couldn't make the slightest sense of such a feeling and reasoned that it must be the loss of the opportunity to rid the galaxy of the loathsome Jedi, himself. "How?" He finally inquired.

"That day on Crait," she began. Rey had known the Master to be unbelievably powerful and had somewhat been perplexed by his demise. He had spent years cut off from the Force and yet had still sought to channel so much power through it. It had taken her some time to understand that it hadn't simply been as if the strain had depleted him, but more that he willingly yielded to it. "He surrendered to the Force." She finished, unsure if he truly grasped at her words, but not desperate enough to continue her explanation.

Kylo watched her for another moment as he processed the news. She watched him closely and he could sense her assumption regarding the question of his attachment to the man. "Am I expected to mourn?" He asked, his voice steady, almost cold.

Rey wasn't sure how to reply when she herself didn't know. Kylo looked away and sighed. "Sorry if I disappoint, but it seems I'm incapable of grieving for a man who may as well have been dead to me for years." Any true relation he had with Skywalker had been lost long ago. "How hollow it is, the covenant amongst kin." Sighing again, he smirked sourly. "I've only ever known the burden of blood."

Rey could feel anger burning the crimson plasma in her veins, no, not anger, jealousy. "There are many who would trade all they possess for such a _burden_."

"Why?" He asked simply and she almost wanted to throttle him for such an ignorant question.

"Perhaps they'd prefer it to the alternative of being seen as _nothing_." She bit back pointedly, the hurt in her voice revealing itself as her hand absentmindedly rubbed the covered scar on her arm from that day.

The chill from Kylo's eyes quickly fell away and he had the decency to look ashamed. "That's not-" he exhaled and tried again. "I didn't mean it in that manner. I-" he searched for the words to make her see. Looking into her eyes, he found patient silence waiting for him to continue. He slowly breathed. "This was never meant to be your fight. You were born free from that pressure, safe from heavy expectation." His next rough breath filtered out slowly. "Such lineage is nothing more than a chain; it becomes all you are seen as until it is all that you are, whether you rise to meet it or forever fall short." The words scalded his throat and he tried not to think of when he had learned this harsh lesson. He still remembered the weight of it. All his worth, in the eyes of Snoke stemmed from the blood of Darth Vader that flowed through his veins. He had been prisoner by comparison to the might of such legacy.

"I'm not sure I'd agree with that." Kylo quickly met her gaze and she continued steadily. "Ancestry doesn't distinguish monster from man. The power lies in choice."

"I'd argue our experiences have plagued us with biased perspectives." He offered.

She smirked good-naturedly. "I'll concede to that."

"I envied you." The words tumbled from his mouth before he could stop them.

"What?" Rey asked, flabbergasted. "You envied me, my empty upbringing?"

His soft eyes regarded her with deep consideration. "That unbound potential. Freedom from prying eyes and calculated manipulations."

Though she couldn't agree with him, too influenced by her own understanding, she did sympathize with him. "I'm sorry you endured that."

He looked back at her with grateful surprise. The sincerity and warmth she had once fallen prey to filled his eyes and her gut clenched at the recollection. "Thank you." He spoke softly. "I'm sorry to have trivialized what you suffered." Exhaling, some volume and conviction built in his tone. "I never meant to offend you. You couldn't simply be nothing. You're far too important."

Something caught in her throat and she tried to minimize the possible meaning of his words. "It's a great gift that a girl from nowhere can be imbued with value by the Force."

"No," he shook his head. "It's more than that. The way the light shines through you is beyond the call of the Force." He smiled gently and Rey could swear his eyes were searching for the core of her. "It's amazing, really. That resilience and compassion. And even though kindness merely seems to bring you trouble, you hold tight to it."

"Some might brand me foolish for that." She joked, but the tender attention of his gaze did not waver.

"No," he shook his head, voice enthralled and gentle. "I'd call you brave."

* * *

Rey stirred slightly. Lazily, she peeked her eyes open and immediately froze. His sleeping face was just barely close enough to reach out and touch, if she could, she thought with a sigh. His serene expression was a relief to her after the several times she had seen it fill with pain the night before. She wasn't sure who had fallen asleep first, though she believed it to have been her, lulled by his even and deep voice. Rey had never expected he would somehow still be there once she awoke.

She didn't mind the quiet moment to watch him unguarded. His ebony hair spilled across his closed eyes as she leaned in to see the vulnerable scar that adorned his face. He exhaled deeply and turned his head slightly. She couldn't admit to herself that she ached to reach out and touch the fine contour of his slumbering profile; for a moment, in the silence, it seemed as if she could etch out the silhouette of his soul. In his briefly afforded hours of peace, she could pretend he was still Ben Solo, the man he had seemed to be that night as he relived countless stories and memories at her request. How odd it seemed that the moment they became determined to establish solid boundaries, they all had faded away?

His nose wriggled for a second and Rey couldn't help but grin at the foreign twitch. Slowly, he opened his eyes as he sighed pleasantly. He turned and stilled as he faced her.

A wave of bashful embarrassment grabbed her as she forced a yawn, hoping he might believe she had just woken and hadn't been looking at him for well over a minute. It pleased Rey to see a very similar timidity in his own eyes. Even though he cleared his throat, she could still hear the slumber clinging to his husky voice as it nearly purred. "I don't think I've ever talked so much, to anybody, ever."

Her voice mirrored his. "Me either."

He grinned at the gruff sound, causing Rey to laugh.

Though her chuckle was even rawer than her voice, his grin softened. The warmth in his eyes heated her chest and her laugh fell away. She was entirely unaware of his focus on her lips and the lingering hint of her smile, much too preoccupied with falling prey to his own rendition of such an inviting trap. "Rey," he huffed. "Do you ever think about what you saw that day, when we touched hands?"

Until that moment, she had never believed it possible for a voice to clench her heart to the point of agonizing pain, and somehow she was grateful for the excruciating sensation as her abdomen filled with fire. She had never felt so deeply in her life; it seemed as if the Force was solely contained in the heavy, thrumming pulse of her veins. "Be-" Her slip of the tongue was interrupted as Rose charged into her room.

She looked at him with guilty eyes as her friend began. "I'm sorry to just barge in here, Rey." The Jedi-hopeful felt the tension leave her as she realized that the fellow Resistance member couldn't see the intangible Supreme Leader. Her overwhelming relief at her ally's complete ignorance to her traitorous predicament filled her with shame. She dragged her eyes away from him and faced the engineer. A second later, she could feel his presence vanish behind her back. "People are freaking out!" She paced.

"What's going on, Rose?" Rey barked out, feeling the anxiety build in her gut.

"Poe and Finn never made it back last night."

"What?" She practically jumped from her bed, searching for her shoes. "How are we just learning about this now?"

Rose exhaled and calmed herself. "With Leia gone, some have gotten pretty lax about procedure. Inventory of all aircraft is meant to be taken at two different rotations and last night was skipped. Nobody knew they were still gone until this morning."

Rey couldn't argue against the last statement. The two kept to their room on the rare instance that they had any free time, something they had recently been afforded by their General's absence. She slipped on her shoes and began jogging out of the corridor with her friend close behind. "I take it we haven't had any contact." If they had, she wouldn't have felt Rose's panic spilling in the small distance between them.

"No, all transmissions to their ship have been unsuccessful."

"Kriff!" Rey feared the worst; what if they had been discovered by First Order Tie Fighters? "We've already got pilots in the air, right?"

"They got sent up a half an hour ago, the second we were unable to make contact." They exited the stone labyrinth and continued for the debriefing room. Before they made it half-way there, a commotion began.

Commander D'Acy's usually calm and collected voice bellowed out. "We've got eyes on their ship; wrecked 70 kilometers from base." Dozens of sentient beings tensed. "Empty, both seats ejected." There was a collective sigh, but Rey couldn't be comforted by the small relief. The Commander's volume dissipated as she relayed her direct order. "Double back with a lower pass."

Everyone stood in a charged silence when a voice broke over the com. "There is something up ahead."

"Status report." She demanded a minute later.

"We've got them, deep in some brush, 20 kilometers from base. Alive." Rey breathed, unaware that her lungs had nearly shriveled at the lack of oxygen. "Commander," the voice continued, more solemn than before. "We're getting a very weak signature on Commander Dameron."

The large group stilled. She looked away from the crowd. "Retrieve those men immediately and take them straight to med-bay."

"Yes, Commander."

She turned back on the crowd, her typically unintimidating disposition, shaken loose. "Everyone besides inventory personnel is dismissed." The authoritative edge of her tone did not hold a fraction of her usual warmth and all the free parties scattered.

Rey and Rose headed straight for the med-bay. They didn't have to wait long before the retrieval party entered. Rey sighed at the sight of a bloodied, but very much in one piece, Finn. A minute later Poe glided through on a stretcher. She couldn't help but gasp at the severely injured Commander. Finn's eyes stayed on his roommate. "Doc, I didn't know what to do. What should I have done?" The panic in his voice tore at Rey.

Doctor Kalonia had two droids begin patching up Finn as she brought her entire focus to the Commander. She took note of a swollen wound on her patient's head. "I'd be willing to guess he hit his head pretty hard during the crash."

He nodded, not noticing the way the abrupt bob caused blood to drip down his brow, nearly falling in his eye. "I believe so, Doctor, but he's been unconscious since before ejection."

She nodded solemnly, taking in a full gaze of the bright, angry burn that wrapped up the right side of his chest. "Not long after he sustained this injury?"

He thought for a moment, his eyes still wild as if the crash had happened a fraction of a second before. "Yes, our controls were overloaded and completely fried. A fire broke out in his section of the cockpit and …" he looked haunted.

Rey and Rose stayed silent, unable to find any adequate words in response to what they were seeing. The doctor nodded. "I think it's most likely that he passed out from the pain before the crash."

Finn's eyes turned glossy at the thought. "We're going to fix him right up though, right?"

She looked at the ex-Stormtrooper for a tense second. "I'm going to do everything I can, but I won't make you promises now."

His breath caught in his throat. "What does that mean?"

"I need to do a more thorough check before I can understand how extensive any damage might be. As for these," she gestured to the vicious burns. "All I can do is give him something to dull the pain."

"No, what about Bacta?" He forced out.

Harter Kalonia sighed deeply. "Our bacta supply was almost completely destroyed prior to our landing on Crait. Everything we had left was used on the wounded after our escape." She didn't continue, knowing that no one needed an explanation on just how hoarded the resource had become.

Upon noticing the desperation in the man's eyes, she ordered a few droids to move the Commander to a secluded room so she could clean and disinfect his wounds. Finn watched until Poe's stretcher was out of sight. He turned away, blinking at the sight of Rey and Rose watching him intently. "When did you…?" He broke off, his voice strained and exhausted.

"What happened?" Rey asked evenly.

"Um," he huffed, trying to corral his thoughts. "We were attacked, we think by some bandit. It happened so fast. We lost communications and then helm control was compromised and I had to steer us out. I couldn't shake him. He was right on us and then suddenly there was fire and…" he shook his head. "He crashed, but our ship was too damaged and we ejected." His sigh was shallow and sharp. "I didn't want to move him, but the burns were so bad I was too afraid to wait. I just kept going until-" he staggered for a word, but only hushed tears fell.

Rey wrapped her arms around her friend's shoulders; within a second, he leaned against her chest and sobbed. "I lost control of the ship. If Poe had been flying, this never would've happened. Look what my screw-up did to him."

"Hey," she gently but securely pushed his head back so she could look in his eyes. "You and Poe are both alive. You carried him 50 kilometers through brush while injured, without sleep. You didn't screw up. There is nothing more you could've done." He stayed silent. "Finn, do you hear me?"

He nodded and another tear fell.

* * *

Few words had made it far enough into his conscious mind to comprehend the severity of the situation, but they all centered on Poe. The doctor had said several unpleasant phrases, such as '_insufficient supplies_', '_induced coma_', '_cerebral edema_' and '_wait and see_'. He sat in a stifling daze until something heavy crashed into his leg. BB8 looked up at him and Finn could feel the tears begin to well up in his eyes again. "The doctor is doing everything she can. She's hopeful, even if he will heal at a slower rate." Lying to the droid seemed cruel, but he couldn't allow himself to say that Poe's recovery was a hope, but not a certainty.

BB8 blipped sadly as his head dropped before he rolled in the direction of Poe's closed-off room. Each time Finn had looked into the room, his stomach plummeted at the reminder of how his inadequacy had scarred his friend. He didn't want to leave his side, but he couldn't stand to sit in the silence any longer. He looked through the glass again on his exit, still expecting Poe would open his eyes and make some miracle recovery.

As he stumbled through the nearly barren base, he realized it must've been late in the evening. It seemed odd, how quickly the hours blurred together since the crash and yet, he still felt as if he had stayed trapped in that cockpit, hurtling toward the uncompromising ground, about to be shattered in pieces.

Slave to his muscle's memory, he paused in front of their door. He didn't want to go in and face more of the same, offensive silence, but he knew his exhausted legs wouldn't hold him upright for much longer. He didn't let his eyes linger on the empty room beyond the time it took for him to locate his bed.

Despite being distraught, his exhaustion dragged him into a heavy, lethargic slumber just moments after his head had touched the pillow.

* * *

Rey pushed her food to the side, her eyes distant and conflicted. Harter had forced the young women out, demanding Finn be left to rest, but Rey knew better. The haunted look in her dear friend's eyes made her sure he wouldn't sleep, not in med-bay, not when he was so close to the incapacitated Commander. She wished she could've stayed and helped him, though she was aware how unnecessary her presence had seemed to him in his state.

Rose chattered on and Rey could hear the nerves in her tone. Poe's injuries had rattled everyone and no one was sure how to react. It had certainly sobered the entire site from the notion that they were on vacation. If Finn and Poe had been attacked by the First Order instead of a bandit, the Resistance's negligence would've meant its complete destruction.

Rey didn't like how the reminder left a bitter taste in her mouth. She looked to Rose and noticed the worry in her eyes. "Poe will make it." She assured. The smaller woman looked back at her hopefully. "He's got a strong and stubborn constitution."

Rose grinned and nodded. "He does."

"He wouldn't want to make it easy on the First Order." Rey nudged with light humor. Rose agreed before they finished their meal in a soft, contemplative silence.

As their trails diverged towards their respective bunks, the smaller woman turned. "I wanted to say thank you for earlier."

Rey's brows pulled in confusion. "For what?"

"For the way you immediately knew how to comfort Finn." She shook her head, slightly embarrassed. "I was in complete shock at the sight of Poe and I didn't even think about how Finn was blaming himself. Ever since-" she broke off and Rey didn't need her to finish the thought to see that Rose was thinking about her sister, Paige. "I don't know what to say when faced with anything so severe. His injuries…" She had wracked her brain and couldn't think of a single thing to say to comfort her distraught friend. "I can't imagine what Finn is going through right now."

Rey nodded. "He knows we're here for him. There's nothing more we can do." Rose smiled and looked at Rey. "What? Is there something on my face?" She had hardly eaten so it seemed unlikely, but she still wiped at it.

She laughed. "No, it's just… you remind me of my sister."

"Oh?" Rey asked, not sure what the adequate reply would be.

"You're strong, but considerate. You push yourself because you believe in this cause and you care." She smiled sweetly. "I'm sure you and Paige would've been the best of friends."

Rey could see the ache in her friend's expression and was moved by the depth of such a compliment. "Thank you." She offered humbly as a shift in her stomach gnawed at her.

The two said goodnight and went their own separate ways.

As she wound around the path, Rey realized that it was guilt plaguing her. She looked at her bed and remembered waking up to the sight of… Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of The First Order, she reminded herself. He didn't seem like that person the night before. He had been open and honest, with gentle words and a bruised heart. The fragments of Ben Solo left her confused and sympathetic, much too involved for her current situation.

It hadn't been the First Order that attacked her friends and though she knew it, she felt no comfort. It had been her initial fear, despite the night she had spent confiding in Kylo. In the end, it was his goal; the Resistance and the First Order were enemies and she couldn't trust that he wouldn't jump at the chance to be victorious.

The day had been too long and her mind had become a mess, as well as her allegiance and priorities.

In the flick of a second, she could feel the prelude of his presence. Turning, she faced his concerned gaze. "Is everything okay? You were in the middle of saying something, but it looked like something distracted you. Then you were gone."

The exhaustion in her voice surprised even her. "Kylo, it's been a long day. I can't do this right now."

"Oh, I understand."

She turned her back on him and lay down on her bed, not wanting to see the way the tone of his wounded voice was mirrored in his eyes. Slowly and subtly she channeled her strength into the connection between them until she could feel him fading away.

Rey knew that in the morning, she would have to end whatever existed between them. Her double-crossing heart rebelled at the notion, but she couldn't erase the reminder of her true devotions. Her selfish denial had gone on long enough.

* * *

Finn awoke with a clenched feeling in his gut that warned him something was amiss. It was too quiet. His left arm had flopped off his bunk as it had so many times before. Weary eyes stared at the empty bunk opposite him.

He remembered just how close their hands had been before, a stark contrast to the distance that separated him from the unconscious Poe isolated in med-bay. Slowly, he sat up and glared at the lifeless room. His mess still littered the floor and for the first time in days, it brought him no satisfaction. The disorder seemed so inadequate against the worries and fear that flooded his thoughts.

He tore his blankets and sheets from his bed, throwing them across the small space. It wasn't enough. He kicked the neat and short aisle of shoes. Nearly tearing at the air, he pulled for any breath unburdened by the mocking silence surrounding him. He began throwing his clothes across the room and still found no comfort. His hands wrapped around leather and before he could toss the jacket, his fingers scraped across something. Looking down, Finn's glossy eyes became soft at the sight of the textured bumps beneath his fingertips. Fondly, he touched the clumsy stitching that Poe had contributed to the jacket.

It seemed ridiculous and so like Poe to have found the time during their evacuation of D'Qar to patch up his gift to Finn. He sighed deeply and looked at the chaotic destruction that was their room. Gently, he set down the jacket before cleaning up the mess that had littered on Poe's side.

He picked up Poe's and his shoes. Placing them neatly beside one another next to the door, a thought briefly grabbed Finn. He shook it away, but continued to clean up the rest of the room.

* * *

Kylo had sensed the conflict burning inside Rey when she turned him away the night before. He wondered if it was a result of the night they spent talking. Had she been frightened by his vulnerability or her own? He remembered the soft expression on her face that next morning and he felt entirely certain that whatever had changed her mind had happened after the connection had severed. It was unnerving to feel bare before her, only to have her throw up a wall so soon after.

What had she said about trust; it was only feasible amongst one's allies. He was beginning to wonder who that was exactly. Kylo knew he could usher the galaxy into a strong and organized era, but he wasn't sure he would withstand what it would take from him. And yet, he wasn't entirely her ally either. Despite how deeply he felt for Rey, he couldn't silence his own goals and beliefs. The victory of the Resistance would mean the reinstating of the New Republic and he wasn't sure he could stomach the thought.

For a moment, he wished it could be simpler. He had never felt peace the way he had when waking up beside her. Everything had seemed so genuine and honest that he felt almost transported to the intimacy of when their hands had touched, more than a year before. He had seen them, side-by-side as if it were the most natural thing. He envied that weathered, fortunate and monochromatic version of himself and when he awoke, he believed for the smallest fraction of a second that he hadn't completely lost that future yet. Merely a day later, his expectation seemed ludicrous.

He sat in a rare, fleeting silence. He was thankful for all the stillness that he had been afforded in the lack of General Hux's presence, though he knew it would end soon, as his subordinate was meant to return later that day. Before anything else, he sensed her hesitance. Rey slowly pressed on the bond between them, as if filled with timidity, perhaps uncertainty.

Hazel eyes met his as he looked up to her standing before him. "This can't continue." Her voice was unrushed and steady, melancholy in a way that tore at him. "You are the First Order and my place is in the Resistance." She shook her head and he could feel the emotion welling inside her. "We can't afford this kind of confusion."

"Don't speak for me." He chided softly as he looked at the floor.

It was silent for a moment until he briefly looked back at her. "So this isn't tearing you apart?" Her tone challenged as she looked through his cracks, pushing against the warm desire in her gut to reach out and hold his forlorn bowed head.

"I never said that it wasn't, but don't tell me what I can endure." He knew his eyes were pleading, but he couldn't possess it within him to feel any shame. "At the moment, this confusion seems to be the only thing that makes me feel sane."

"Kylo, that doesn't make sense."

"Doesn't it?" He stood and Rey didn't move, despite how much closer the singular action brought them to one another. "Tell me that you haven't felt something similar; as if everyone in your life seems to be talking at you, unable to see the true depth of who you are. Crushed beneath the distance of their fear," she moved to speak, but he continued. "Or their awe." She sucked in a shallow breath. "Maybe it's different for you, but don't expect me to lie to myself."

He still didn't understand how she couldn't see the simple undeniable truth that bound them together. They were the Force's answer to the question the galaxy posed at the other's existence. Nothing that surrounded or ultimately divided them - be it his obedient army or her idealistic friends - was permanent, nothing save the two of them, their connection to the Force and each other. He could feel such truth reflected in the cosmos between them; it would come to the two of them, it was inevitable and disheartening, but uncertain was the outcome.

Suddenly a flicker behind her eyes made him wonder if he was ruminating on the right question. Not why she couldn't see, but what if she already did? Was her denial rooted in genuine ignorance of their seemingly intertwined destinies or her absolute stubbornness to simply not acknowledge it?

"Would you join the Resistance?"

The challenging tone of her voice seemed to test him once his surprise faded. "Rey, you and I both know that's not possible."

"And if it were?" She wasn't naïve, but stubborn, heated.

"I wouldn't belong."

"Evasion isn't an answer."

"I can't stand behind the same cause that drives you." He nearly blurted. "I once offered you the galaxy. Just as you declined for your beliefs, I also have to hold to my principles. You may not see, but I know what comes from such a cause and I have seen it fail countless times. I won't sit back and watch it again."

"But you would cling to this counterfeit existence for the temptation of power?"

"Try as you might, Rey, you couldn't understand."

"Understand what?"

"What would I be coming back to?" There it was, achingly honest as his voice revealed a vulnerability he hadn't offered to anyone but her. "I burned every bridge to my humanity long ago. There were no shortcuts taken. I-" he inhaled a startled breath that mangled and tore at his throat. "I destroyed any chance I would ever have of returning. I gave it all up; the light, my family, the pretense of being righteous. It has been too late for far too long."

"Why?" She nearly barked. The sharp sound swiped his attention and his eyes met her confused face. "Why can't you even try? I would help. I would stand beside you. I would-" a strangled breath unhooked itself from her burning lungs. He reached out, the phantom promise of his obsidian glove hovering above her cheek. Somehow they both knew what kept his contact at bay. Her eyes met his and though it was unspoken, one thought glided on the stiff currents of wind between them, held firm by the Force itself: what would he do if he touched her, but couldn't feel her solidity beneath his protected hand, more so, what would he do if he could? It seemed better not to know.

"I know you would." He said in genuine agreement. Eyes growing soft, he nodded as he spoke more to himself than to Rey. "You really would." But what wouldn't she do to save a lost soul? "It can't be that simple." He sighed. "It couldn't have all been for nothing."

Rey's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"It's too late."

"Tell me!"

"Rey! Let it go!"

"Tell me!"

He looked back at her, but she stayed silent and unwavering. "I couldn't let it be in vain." He shook his head as he raised his voice. "Even if I could go back, even if it was that easy. Then it was for nothing. It was all for nothing. There had to be a reason for the pain, for the loss. If not for change, a new world order, freedom from the old ways, he would've died for nothing. They all would've died for nothing."

There the light shined brighter in him than she had ever seen, it was too late and too tragic that it would come at a time to help her see that he was right. There was no going back, not for him. After all he had done. She disagreed with his choice, but for the first time she understood it. He had nothing to come home to, but the faces of his victims. Rey opened her mouth to speak, but noticed the straightened ridge of his posture as he looked directly behind her. "General Hux." His tone was more barbed than she had ever heard as he effortlessly spoke like he hadn't been in the middle of an emotionally charged conversation with his enemy.

"How have operations progressed on Jakku?" Kylo risked a small glance down at the fledgling Jedi, whose eyes had not left his.

Hux looked tired and irritated. "Just as planned, Supreme Leader." The man peered at Kylo closely for a brief second and the latter relied on his usually unshakeable nerve to refrain from tensing under the stare. "If you'll excuse me, I have a full report to write." He bobbed his head and quickly exited.

Once the door had closed, Kylo looked down at Rey, to see her gaze had fallen slightly. "Was it always meant to be this way?" She mumbled softly, now staring at his chest as if avoiding eye contact.

He shrugged for a moment. "I'm not sure which answer would bring you comfort."

She stepped back and a furious pain invaded her voice. "I think I'd prefer to hear that this is all due to Snoke's twisted manipulation of the Force. It still seems to be working; no matter how many times I drown myself with sense, you're the trap that I fall into." Rey looked at him again. "I don't know why I think I can help you turn back to the light. It's just not what you want."

"Rey, I-"

"Don't! Don't try to comfort me! That's the problem. Don't imbue me with the same conflict that torments you! Be my ally or my enemy!"

"If you could see things from my perspective, you would know why I can't turn away from this. My offer hasn't changed. You could join me."

She shook her head. "I don't want to see freedom evaporate from the galaxy. I don't desire that power; it's not the Jedi way."

He tensed. "The Jedi way has produced nothing but failure and death. Can't you see that? Let it go. Let the past die!"

"Who are you to demand that of me?" She yelled back, the ferocity in her voice claiming his attention. "When have you ever done that yourself?" He began to open his mouth, but she wouldn't let him continue. "You have never let go of anything in your life! You have held onto the pain, the betrayal, the anger, the hatred. You have always carried your past with you."

"I carried what I needed to make me stronger."

"And how is that working for you? You have killed your mentor, your father, your own name. Everything but the conflict inside!" She breathed. "Where is this strength? Where are you?"

He let his breath spew out like a venomous whisper, feeling her words crash on top of him. "I'm not doing this."

Rey felt the bridge between them weaken, but she held on, her control on the bond much more practiced than his; she tugged him back to her. "No, you have been pulling on this line, pushing this argument for too long for me to let you walk away from it!" He looked back at her, even clearer than before. "You are a coward and a liar and a traitor!" Scalding tears of fury marred her face and she hated them for exposing her weakness, just how much she cared.

"I am a traitor?!" He stepped closer to her. "You're the one who turned away from me!"

"I never lied about what I wanted, about where my loyalties stood, not for a second."

"And I did?"

She exhaled and her eyes became so pained, that Kylo had to steady his own breathing in response. "When you saved me in that room; can you believe that any other thought went through my mind?" He stayed quiet as her eyes played out a myriad of infinitesimal emotions. "How if we survived, we would make it back, together."

"I never promised you that." The unintentional lie in his words stung him.

She nodded, biting the very edge of her bottom lip, as new tears restrained themselves at the brim. "I know. How foolish of me to think otherwise." She choked back.

So caught up in her expression and the fractured timbre of her voice, Kylo wasn't paying attention to the bridge between them anymore. Without another word, only a soft flourish of her hand, she disconnected the tether that had held them together.

* * *

Several floors down, the General walked through the halls of the _Resolve_, mulling over the secret success of his placement on Jakku. A few lowly thugs had illuminated him on the subject of whether or not it had truly been the _Millennium Falcon _that slipped passed the occupation of the First Order. They had mentioned a young woman stopping blaster-fire in mid-air. At first, they had believed themselves drunk or delirious on the dire heat, but soon realized it had not been a mirage. He followed up on the location of the incident and deduced just how close the ship had been to the Supreme Leader at the time. It seemed foolish to assume that his superior had any allegiance to the Resistance, yet he couldn't help but wonder. How had they been able to get passed him? As it stood, he couldn't trust Kylo Ren with his next step. He began devising a discreet surveillance mission on Tatooine. If the Resistance had found an ally with the Hutt Clan, they would show themselves soon enough.

* * *

***A/N - Oddly enough, the very first piece I wrote of this story (more than a year before) was the second half of Kylo & Rey's argument at the end of this chapter. All I could envision was this pained emotion that I was desperate to focus on between these two characters. At that point, I didn't even have an outline, because I was so intimidated by Star Wars and never believed I could write a coherent plot set in this universe. I had absolutely no idea that the series would become so near and dear to my heart. I really have learned so much about it since then and have truly fallen in love with it in its entirety, far beyond the sequel trilogy alone. Anyway, I hope you like it so far. Please R&R. Thanks -Nikki**


	9. Chapter 8: Your Heart & Mine

***A/N - Hello boys, girls and everyone in between. This update will also be posted with chapter 9. Hope you enjoy. ;) If so, please R&R. Thanks - Nikki**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Your Heart & Mine**

Finn looked down at the still unconscious pilot. Watching his silent and severely wounded friend was difficult, but he found it was better than the alternative of worrying that he wouldn't be there when he awoke. "You know, I think it would be completely selfish of you to give up on us now. I don't think the Resistance will stand a chance without Commander Dameron calling the shots. How can you pass up the chance?"

He wanted to hear him laugh or see his eyes squint in that cockily-imbued smirk he often wore. Finn wanted anything but the quiet. "I'm afraid to hear how you're going to rate my performance. I don't think you'll ever let me live down the day I crashed so bad that you were put in a coma." He shook his head and felt his throat tighten.

"I never really wanted to learn to fly. You just seemed so excited about teaching me so I went along with it, but I never thought it necessary." Finn realized that he didn't have the words to describe the ache in his chest as he forced himself to keep speaking. "I already have a pilot."

"I cleaned up the room." He gave a soft and bashful chuckle. "First I destroyed it, but then I decided I'm not a messy person after all." He had preferred seeing their shoes placed nicely beside one another, something he couldn't admit out loud, though he wasn't quite sure why. "BB8 has been temporarily powered down." His voice turned gentle and melancholy. "He became a little overly frazzled and found himself unable to be awake while waiting for you. I kind of wished for the same thing this morning. The room is too quiet." He sighed. "Everywhere is too quiet. I find I don't often have enough words to fill in the space, but I still try."

"I'd be willing to bet you are like some pilot prodigy. How you learned to fly, as a child on a RZ-1, I can't even begin to comprehend."

Rose slowly entered med-bay. Finn seemed to be chatting animatedly, but when he looked up at her, his red-rimmed eyes held none of the joy that had invaded his voice. Slowly, she exhaled and approached. Placing her hand on his shoulder hesitantly, she said the only thing that came to mind. "It'll be okay."

Finn turned and looked at her, a small smirk nudging at his expression. He remembered how much she had hated hearing the comforting phrase from him and yet it was all she knew to offer. He laughed lightly, absentmindedly patting Poe's still hand. "It has to."

* * *

Rey analyzed every centimeter of the Skywalker Saber. She could no longer deny the benefit of being armed; she was in the Resistance, after all. Diligently she fawned over each fixture, taking particular care regarding the kyber crystal. If she could replicate or even mend the chamber, she was sure she could rebuild the saber simply enough.

She disliked taking a break from translations yet again, but knew how important it was to have a kinesthetic activity to occupy her time, just like she had for all those years on Jakku. It was an easy choice to justify as she desperately missed training with a saber, feeling the hum, the energy of the Force articulated through the kyber crystal. It had been an almost spiritual experience, being so connected to the universe and it's lifeblood, the Force.

She had felt something very similar when she had touched Kylo's hand across the galaxy. It was brilliant and powerfully blinding; as if a nearly indescribable equilibrium was discovered within, down to every last atom. Shaking off the memory, Rey couldn't deny that she continuously found herself in need of distraction from traitorous thoughts. She had been successful in staying away, but could sometimes feel herself slipping. It was hard not to think of him when she awoke in the morning, unable to forget the day she had opened her eyes to the clear, calm sight of him.

Sometimes, she could hear soft whispers that clung to the saber. Mostly, it called with what she eventually deemed to be the essence of its initial owner. Late at night, in the midst of her dreams, she could hear him, Anakin Skywalker. His lingering cadence was saturated with trauma as he yearned for power, agonizing over his desire for the abilities to save those he loved from death. The darkness had seduced him with something the light could not offer. She began to understand how such a Jedi could fall, but even more so, how such a Sith could be redeemed. Better than most, she understood how one's attachment to others could blur morality.

She only left her room a few times to eat and check on Finn. The latter task seemed to do little to alleviate her friend's palpable pain and anxiety, but still she offered the comfort. Within a few days, Rey had finished rebuilding the saber's hilt.

Just as she had grabbed the kyber crystal to place it in the chamber, a booming amplified voice rang throughout the base, announcing Leia's safe return. She turned and nearly ran through her labyrinth, but refrained after looking at the two components in her hands, as they seemed to hum to one another.

Rey hesitated, but ultimately couldn't deny herself the satisfaction. As the kyber crystal found its home in the saber, a familiar pull tore her from where she stood.

Looking around, she found her surroundings had disappeared. Propelled by the energy deep within her, she lacked any control to fight off what she quickly understood was a vision. The Skywalker Saber called to her again.

* * *

_A beautiful and quiet emerald and cerulean planet lingered ahead. Something about this world sang with mystical grace, an undeniable significance. The focal point appeared to be a small hut at the top of a steep, grassy hill. Voiceless speech seemed to pulse from within. Disembodied words crashed over. "_**_Odessen._**_" The air seemed to softly articulate."_**_A landmark in the Force, where true balance is achieved._**_" Abruptly the vision dispersed, splitting the Force's cord of communion._

* * *

Kylo clutched at his chest, as his heart hammered against it while he tried to cling to the erratic breaths that seemed to roll right over him. As soon as he could stand, he marched to the helm. Quickly, he found General Hux and formally passed command for the Onderon occupation to him. Maintaining his unquestionable authority, Kylo stated his leave would be very brief. The threat in his tone was unmistakable.

Immediately he approached his TIE Interceptor, feeling himself being pulled as if tied to an unforgiving leash. The Force was directing him to balance, to Odessen with such fervor, he couldn't deny it.

* * *

Finn stood as he heard the clamor build around him. The General marched inside and looked down fondly on her familial Commander. "My poor boy," her voice was a soft and gentle whisper that Finn was barely able to catch.

Leia looked up and gave him a tight-lipped, sympathetic smile. Crossing around, she grabbed his shoulders. "Don't worry. I've brought back only the best reinforcements."

A tall, dark-skinned older human male entered the ever-shrinking med-bay. He had a smirk marinated in mischief and yet Finn knew that if he had the General's trust, he would have his.

"Finn, meet Lando Calrissian, a dear, albeit slippery friend and Poe's savior, it would seem."

"You say that like it's unbelievable." The man's smooth voice accused playfully as he smiled at her.

Finn immediately regarded the man hopefully. "How?"

Lando laughed. "The General's less-than-reputable associations discovered my less-than-reputable operations."

"This is the ally in the Inner Rim?"

"Thyferra to be more specific." He answered, though the question had been posed to Leia.

"Thyferra?" Finn stood. "Are you a smuggler?"

He shook his head. "I am an entrepreneur."

"Only a smuggler would have work on Thyferra."

"He considers the term a demotion, but you're not far off." Leia remarked brightly with a sharp grin.

"So," Finn exhaled, feeling relief pump through his veins. "You've brought bacta."

"More than enough for your friend and a decent sized army."

Finn practically collapsed in his seat, unable to process anything around him but the hope that seemed to sing in his blood. It was that utter surprise that caused him to completely miss Rey's vague silhouette rushing in.

The Jedi found the General in a second. She heard the good news and loathed that she couldn't take a moment to rejoice in it. "General, I'm so glad you're back. But," She looked sheepish for a moment. "I had a vision. The Force, it's pulling me."

Leia nodded and smiled softly, unable to forget the strength of such a call. "You have to go then. If the Force is leading you somewhere, you are meant to follow." She patted her hand. "We'll be fine. Hopefully, you'll return with the answers you're seeking."

* * *

Rey could feel the strong ties the planet had to the Force. It seemed drenched in it and yet she couldn't sense its affiliation, as if its claim was perfectly split amongst the dichotomy of light and dark. She found the steep hill soon enough, despite the plush fog that hovered on the air, but had to touchdown at the mouth of a thicket of dense trees below.

As she began climbing up the hill, a tangible notion of imbalance pulsed in the Force, yet not a part of this world; however, as she neared, she could sense it calming, almost compensating for her impending presence. Her breath wasn't steady, even though the hill was no great labor for her; no, the quiver came from inside, as she ached to know the answer this sacred place was meant to offer her. _Balance_. She had begun to question the possibility of its existence, at least as it pertained to those attuned to the Force. It seemed impossible to straddle such a line, and yet she thought of her vision.

Luke had told her to listen to the Force and on she followed it, silencing her burning questions. The pinnacle of the hill leveled nicely as did the disparity that she had felt further down.

The stone hut was small and she doubted it could house more than a couple of individuals, depending on the species. She looked out against the horizon and tried to see signs of life or activity, but didn't notice any movement. Exhaling, she approached the door's flap and gave a quick pat to the recently restored saber at her side before entering.

* * *

She inhaled to see Kylo Ren staring back at her. Both sets of eyes were wide and yet the surprise in them was minimal. The pit of Rey's stomach ached and she almost wanted to thrash at the mystical bully that was the Force. Kylo however kept himself completely still for a prolonged moment.

"How?" He finally uttered in an almost anguished voice.

She took another step inside, shaking her head as she analyzed their surroundings, her eyes falling on everything but him. "I had just finished repairing the saber. When I returned the kyber crystal to its chamber," she gestured around. "I saw this place."

"So did I." He replied, his eyes following her every evasive movement.

"Through the Force connection?" She attempted to offer nonchalantly, still not looking back at him.

"I didn't see you."

She turned and finally met his gaze. Purposefully, she withheld the warmth from her eyes; he made no such attempt. "It must be your connection to the saber then. The legacy it ties you to."

"And yet," he stepped closer, his motion slow and gentle. "I wonder if it is my culpability in the saber's fracture. It **did** promise balance."

Her voice was steady and uncompromising. "And **you** were compelled by such an offering?" She challenged.

"Perhaps our perceptions of balance differ?"

"I'd certainly argue our standards of it do." There was an undeniable anger in her tone.

"Rey," he forced out and she tensed in the silence that followed as he closed his eyes, brow contorted with emotion. "Look, I-" he broke off once more, remembering the pained expression in her eyes when they last spoke. He didn't want to hurt her again, but they seemed incapable of compromising.

"I'm sorry." He hadn't felt the words coming and yet they rushed from him as he stared back at the sharpness in her eyes. "I wish it was as simple as choosing you." The edge faltered and her stare softened as he approached. "That's what it was that day in Snoke's chamber. I knew that all I had to do was choose between you and my master's favor. I hadn't made room for another thought, for what would happen after, but it's different now. I can't turn my back on the choice I made. I know you feel the same."

Rey's eyes filled with conflicted agony. "Why?" Her voice broke. "Why couldn't you choose to come back?" She accused, wishing she could hit him, but too hurt to muster up the ability. "Why do I have to be fighting you?!" Looking up, Rey steadied her breath. Something burned in her gut with the significance of the man in front of her. Tangled in the ugly, magnificent and raw connection they had, she felt herself tire from self-denial.

Her warm hazel eyes taunted Ben from behind the mask of Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader. There was no doubt in his mind that she couldn't quite comprehend every intention behind his choice. The home she so desperately wanted him to come back to, no longer existed. There had been room for Ben; he no longer believed he would be welcome in his place; not this twisted, contorted version of what once was a loving son and starry-eyed hopeful, so long, nearly a lifetime ago. He reached out, unable to withstand his desire to know whether or not she could actually be as heated as the eyes that painfully pierced him. Her cheek seemed to answer in the affirmative as his fingertips tingled against her skin. "It's not that simple Rey. Going back isn't possible for me anymore; you need to see that."

"If Vader was redeemed, why can't you be?" She pushed angrily.

"His sentimental final moments brought nothing but his own end." He remarked evenly, as his hand left her face, choosing to hang limply at his side.

"Don't you see?" She shook her head. "Sentiment was the very core of who he had once been." Ben watched back from maple eyes, attentively listening. "Do you know why he turned to the dark? It was to save the one that he loved. It wasn't power to rule, but to protect what he couldn't live without. You have followed a false idol at the insistence of Snoke's influence."

He breathed softly. "I know of his intent."

She narrowed her eyes, her voice bitter velvet. "If you knew what had caused his fall, why didn't you value what you had?"

"What? Value my connection to a legacy of self-righteous hypocrisy? Snoke was my master and a cruel one at that, but he didn't hide behind a façade of peace and benevolence, only to give in to ignorance and wrath. I preferred to pledge my allegiance to the honest evil."

"You think there was no deception in the way Snoke trained you? Luke must've been so much worse!" She condescended with a sardonic sneer.

"Luke was my family!" He nearly yelled back. "You think I hate him now? You should've felt the way the darkness flooded my heart when I opened my eyes to see the venomous tint of his lightsaber that night." He exhaled shakily, as slow as he could manage in hopes of steadying himself. "He was my teacher, my idol, my uncle." Ben breathed. "They all lied. They feared the Darth Vader they saw in me, but didn't have the decency to explain their concern. I was sure to end up like him and no one thought to even tell me the truth about who he had become. What loyalty did I owe to people like that?"

"Maybe, none. What about Anakin?" She asked fully level.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You know how this story ends. Can you still say this is what you want?"

"Maybe there is something to be said for the way we romanticize tragedy when it is not our own."

"Then why not change it?"

"And go back to what, Rey?" His voice raised ever-so-slightly, not able to contain the aching tremor that tore at it. "I can understand why you want me to come, but can't you understand why I have no choice but to stay?"

"No!" She huffed. "I don't want to be your enemy. Can't you have the decency to say the same?"

His bare hand rested underneath her chin. "I don't want to be your enemy, Rey. More than anything, I wish we could find solace on the same side, but I have my reasons."

"What reasons could be worth this?" Her throat ached.

"I meant what I said, so long ago." Sincerity filled his voice. "It's time to bring a new order to this galaxy. There has been this endless opposition, mocking reflections of the same fight for years. Regardless of how this war ends, both sides will seek to rise for another and it will continue as it always has. Together, we would be strong enough to shape it as we saw fit. Don't you see that?"

"That isn't our place to do. Atrocities were committed in the name of the First Order. How can I serve a system that was born from the Dark Side?"

"How could I serve a system that hides behind the pretenses and false convictions of the Light Side?"

She sighed sadly. "We won't come to the same conclusion, will we?"

He shook his head briefly. "No one could tempt me more than you, but I can't."

Her chest clenched. "I understand the feeling." Such admission caused him to tense and she reached out to touch his scar, their battle on _Starkiller Base_ forever engraved on his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. It was as if the crushing sensation in her heart was puncturing both her lungs and her throat. "Did you see it? Did you feel it when we touched?" That evening in Ahch-To still held her breath captive when she thought about it for prolonged periods of time, even nearly a year and a half later.

He nodded against her hand. Softly he exhaled. "It was like being bathed in sunlight."

"We could've had that." She mourned the promise that they would be deprived of.

"Maybe we weren't meant to." He said more to himself, hoping that he could fall for his own lies.

She slowly pulled her hand away. "Do you actually believe that?" There was no imagining the wounded tone of her voice.

"I'm trying to."

"Why?"

"Because if I don't, then I have to face the agonizing notion that I have been following this path towards you, that the Force has been pushing us in the same direction, just to make us walk away."

"It's not fair."

"I don't think it was ever meant to be."

"Someday soon, I fear that I'm going to have to stand opposite you on some battlefield and even the Force won't be able to delay that fight, not again."

"I understand the choice you will have to make."

"Are you resigned to it?"

His glossed-over eyes struck her as he replied. "Don't ask me that. I don't want to lie to you."

"Tell me."

"If I say yes, then that day might be easier to face when it finally comes."

Her voice choked with a vacant attempt for humor. "Sunlight can be overrated."

He smirked sadly. "Too much of it and it becomes hard to breathe."

"Don't forget the burning." She offered with a weak smile.

"Not possible." He whispered as his eyes peered into her own.

Emotion-heavy breath caught in her throat. "I never expected to see you as I do now." He pushed a strand of hair from her face. "I never envisioned that my enemy would see me more clearly than my dearest ally."

He grinned sincerely as a tension filled his eyes. "I am thankful I've been given the opportunity to."

Placing her hand on top of his own, Rey closed her eyes with a risking exhale. "Is there any way that we can forget our own loyalties, just for a moment?"

The war was pressing down on both of them; he understood her need to escape the suffocation. "What did you have in mind?"

"A taste of what we were once promised." She leaned in, pressing her lips gently to his own.

It was entirely Ben Solo's eyes that stared transparently back at her, unable to hold any sense of guile in such an intimate moment. It hurt Rey to hear the scalding sadness in his voice. "Even if it won't change anything?"

"Even if it would change everything." She promised before leaning in gently and pressing her head to his own. "We can put warring hearts to bed, just for tonight."

"Will we comprehend the distinction tomorrow?"

"That seems like a question for tomorrow."

Ben gladly accepted the offer. "Then let's not talk about it anymore." He brought her face to his, the burning pit in his stomach tenderly torturing him. Her lips tasted like soft salt; the tears that stained them were for him and he was honored to taste the way the complexity of their bond reached her as deeply as it did him.

One arm wrapped around the small of her back, as Rey attempted to stand at her tallest. Her head lifted to face him and he could taste the cool, sweetness of her breath in the back of his throat. Shallow breaths were all she could rely on as Ben's hand grabbed the fabric of her clothes. A moan erupted from deep within her and he could feel the Force tremble beneath her passion. The aching stretch of her tiptoe posture was relieved as he wrapped both her legs around his waist.

"What do you want?" Ben asked sincerely, inexperienced but desperate to give her the comfort she was seeking.

"Whatever you're willing to give me." She said in between feverish kisses and Ben was more than ready to surrender to her entirely. He held her to the wall and began to gently kiss her neck as her fingers wove their way through his hair. It was as if every touching fragment of skin was alight with the very essence of the Force. His hands steadily held her thighs for support, until he burned to feel the texture of her bare skin. One hand reached to find her own, interconnecting the two, pressing them both to the wall.

Rey uttered a breathy huff. "Hold me in place." Her command was clear and concise and Ben had no desire to argue, entirely aware of what she meant.

Ben held her in stasis and she pulled his hand from her leg to the dip of her waist. "I just want to feel you."

"We want the same thing." His eyes travelled up her neck, slowly teasing their trail to her eyes. Something pulled at his jacket and he quickly found her hazel orbs glowing with self-satisfaction as she deliberately undressed him without needing to touch him.

"Prove it." She dared. He could hear the purposeful playfulness of her voice, but sensed the nerves that drenched it.

His brow lifted as one flick of his fingers unfurled the first layer of her top covering. "Like that?"

"More like this." She held out her hand and Ben flew back, landing gently on the bed.

The quick movement threw Ben off balance from maintaining her stasis. She seemed prepared for the fall and landed effortlessly. He brought her to him and she fell on her knees, their eyes met and she leaned in to kiss him again. They didn't need to physically touch for their wrists to seamlessly flick off one another's clothes. Yet, his hands appreciatively roamed over her arms, catching on the tightly bound leather that hid her scar. Meeting her eyes, he slowly unwrapped the purposeful concealment. His thumb gently smoothed over the wound from their fight so long ago in the _Supremacy_ throne room. He leaned in, softly kissing the blemish he had tensed to see inflicted on her that eventful day.

"This is all new to me." She admitted.

"A trait we both share." His hands rested on the tops of her thighs, his eyes were less resolved to focus on one spot as they devoured the sight of her.

Rey was familiar with the strong stature of his chest, but it was something else entirely to see the rest of him. The hard angles of his body juxtaposed mesmerizingly with the soft curves of her own and though her mind shouted that she should be intimidated by the large man she hovered above, it was impossible when she looked into his eyes and saw a vulnerability that she knew reflected her own. She had never been laid so bare before anyone, naked in more ways than one.

"Are you sure?" His voice wavered and she was moved to hear the concern. "This could complicate things," he promised.

"They're already complicated." She kissed him as his hand slowly caressed its way up the inside of her thigh. She inhaled as he carefully discovered the feel of her.

His meticulous touch caused her heart to hammer in her chest and she wondered if it was due to a natural skill, beginner's luck or their undeniable connection to one another that caused her skin to catch fire. Ben Solo was a fast learner; he noticed the touches and teases that made her breathing speed in shallow bursts.

It was clear that the huffs and moans were having an effect on Ben as Rey watched him grow beneath her. It was nearly enough to make good on her original notion to be intimidated, but he kept working on the building sensation he was coaxing from her. Her breaths were beginning to collapse on top of one another and she had to question if the thrumming electricity she felt was in her blood or the Force that surrounded and embedded itself inside them.

She was speechless as the coil inside her pulled and stretched; when it finally snapped back, it was clear that Ben was almost as overcome as she was, softly uttering the same word several times. _Rey._

The desire to crumble against his chest was strong, but Rey was still too hungry for him to be sated. Reaching below her, she gently discovered his length. He exhaled hurriedly and her name fell from his lips again. She stroked him with intention and he gripped the blankets beneath them.

Releasing a full breath, she steeled herself for the pressure as she straddled him. Their eyes held each other in an unbreakable magnetism as she slowly lowered herself. Something pushed back against the ache that she could sense vaguely, more overcome with the way their connected flesh felt like an expansion of the mystical magnetic energy that united them.

A slow rhythm was adopted by the two as their blood sang a decisive promise that it had never been like this before. Both light and dark co-existed and tangled themselves together in the form of Ben and Rey's perfectly flawed human figures as they manifested an unintentional, though impermanent, balance in between the two.

There was much that Ben ached to say as he watched the boundless power and passion overflow from Rey, intermingling with his own. He couldn't admit the full length to which the Force had steered them towards one another. He remembered the way he had sensed the light awakening, a chasm splitting open, plaguing him with an indescribable connection he had felt to powers that rivaled his original desires. He had felt her in dreams, even heard the soft cadence of her voice echoing in the background of his thoughts before he had met her. They had been dragged onto a path that brought them together; it seemed cruel that they were meant to part.

Ben had to pull away from that train of thought, bringing himself back to this singular moment of solace that they were sure to never have again. She rocked steadily against him and he couldn't remove his eyes from hers. It was as if the galaxy would fold in on itself if they willed it to, and a small part of them was tempted, if only they might prolong the cosmic ecstasy it had afforded them.

Their respectful implosions came soon enough. Neither one could deny, nor admit to the excruciating desire to come undone at the inevitable doom that would break apart the miracle that they had found in one another. Rey collapsed onto Ben and a shiver ripped throughout her spine. His arms wrapped her to his chest where she waited for her equilibrium to return.

Her breathing began to slow to its normal pace. She spoke directly to his chest as she rested against it. "I hate you." There was a willful, but entirely false condemnation in her voice.

"I know." He murmured back into her ear.

* * *

Rey lay quietly on her stomach, caught up in what had happened and how it affected everything. She couldn't regret her choice, regardless of what it said about her. A soft, feathery touch caressed its way down the relaxed form of her spine. A smile creased her face, despite the ache she had to cry. Ben had not stopped touching her since they'd connected. She understood the intimate affection and could taste his fear to let her go.

Exhaling deeply, Rey turned to face him. He was looking back at her with a brewing gaze of desire, agony and all of the conflicted emotions in between. "Why were we allowed to meet, if we were never meant to have this?" His voice and lip quivered ever-so-slightly.

"We've made our choices." Rey replied with no anger or judgment, only a profound sadness.

"I'm sorry that I can't be what you deserve." There was no disdain or sarcasm in his voice. Rey understood the sincerity behind his apology and couldn't find it in herself to paint him as the villain, despite his willingness to fit the role. Many of the choices that brought them to that exact moment had been made long before they had ever met; and yet she wondered if that would've been enough to make a difference.

Rey turned her body to face him. Reaching out, she tenderly touched the scar she had bestowed on his face. His eyes closed at the contact. "I'm sorry that you can, but it's still not enough."

Ben took her hand and pressed her open palm to his lips, kissing it softly. He opened his eyes and she could feel the intensity filling them, it seemed to promise that if he could, he would've spent his entire life looking back at her. Hunger and ache flooded her chest again. If she was already a traitor for the night, why not maintain the identity until morning?

* * *

Rey slept wrapped in Ben's arms. Even in slumber, she knew exactly where she rested and with whom her limbs were still entangled. It amazed her how effortless it was to fall asleep like that, touching another person. Her whole life she had slept alone and now she suddenly feared what had once been so commonplace for her. Sleeping alone would never feel the same again, she knew with absolute certainty after having felt his heart beat against hers.

She opened her eyes slowly. Ben was sound asleep and she longed to trace the features of his face, to whisper his name and kiss him softly. Once the sun broke across the horizon and spilled its way through the cracks in the stone hut surrounding them, she awoke from the dream she had let herself indulge for the past night. Refraining from all her desires, she breathed and forced herself to move, because she knew if she didn't then, she might never find the strength to.

Ben felt the stolen warmth of her escaping form. He choked out a strangled breath that managed to utter one word: _"Rey."_ She turned quickly and saw that he still slept soundly, though the knit of his brow furled in a frustrated expression, as if he knew she was leaving, but couldn't wake despite his own insistence.

She set a note down beside him, refusing to let herself be deterred. They both had known what the night had meant: relief, a small reprieve if only to understand just what this war was costing them. Nothing more was allowed; the brief comfort they had found in another had not even been permitted to them and yet she couldn't have stopped herself from stealing it away.

Only one look back at Ben's sleeping face was all she granted herself, before spilling out into the bright morning. The fog and the thick, plush clouds from the day before had vanished without a trace. She decided it was a good omen and hurried down the long tower of stairs in the direction of the _Millennium Falcon_.

Ben awoke to the sound of a ship taking off, not just any ship, but one with blaring engines that had been the background noise of his childhood. "Rey!" He lunged awake.

It was too late and she was gone. The only proof she had even been there was a note he had crumpled when waking. The textured sound pulled him from his reverie.

"_Goodbye Ben."_

He looked at where she had slept beside him. Allowing himself only a moment to feel her absence, he stood and dressed. Pulling back the flap of the hut, he glanced in the direction of the blinding sun. The dream was over and he had a role to reprise, even if it only felt like a vacant costume now.


	10. Chapter 9: Strange Allies

***A/N - ****_Black Sun_: A crime syndicate that gained some notoriety during the Clone Wars; with their more well-known base residing on Mustafar. Please R&R. Thanks - Nikki  
**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Strange Allies**

Finn struggled to stay focused on any task before him. He had felt an unparalleled relief flood his thoughts when Poe had been lowered into a bacta tank the night before. It was at that point that he had noticed Rey's departure. The General had given him some vague answer having to do with the Force, but in that moment he couldn't have been bothered to care.

He had spent the entire day completely useless. It seemed an unspoken allowance that he was relieved of duties for the day, especially when he had been practically incapable of concentrating. The room was immaculate but Finn's impatience was causing him to search for any mess to eradicate. All he could do was wait; and though he loathed the inactivity, it had felt infinitely better now to wait for good news instead of just any news.

Leia's timing had been perfect.

He shook his head at the realization. It truly had. For a fearful moment, he wondered what he would've done if she had returned empty handed, or worse, too late. Within a second, he recoiled from an excruciating ache that filled him. Exhaling slowly, Finn pushed unnecessary thoughts away. Poe was recovering, even as he dwelled on scenarios that were grimmer than reality, and he would never have to answer such an awful question.

A powerful nudge at his foot captured his attention. "BB8?" He stood quickly. "Wait, if you're up and around, then-" Finn interrupted himself as he ran to med-bay.

Doctor Kalonia turned and smiled brightly at the sight of the eager young man and the droid that rolled closely at his heels. "Is he up, Doc?" He rushed out with ragged breath.

"Not yet." She gestured to the droid. "I figured BB8 should be up to greet him." She smirked at the ex-Stormtrooper. "He's just been pulled from the tank and is expected to wake soon." Finn started to open his mouth, but she pointed. "His room is right over there."

"Thank you." He bobbed his head before hastening to the door, just barely refraining from running.

Inside the room, Poe lay quietly. Finn was stunned at the sight of him better than ever. He approached slowly, utterly mystified as he stared at his unblemished arm. He had remembered the charred flesh; in fact, it had yet to leave his thoughts. But it was gone.

Though he knew better than most, the astounding healing properties of bacta, his mind was having a hard time processing the uninjured man before him. Reaching out, he gently touched the re-formed skin of the Commander's forearm. He felt real to Finn, still he didn't pull away. Pushing softly, Finn tested the full length of his arm. Trailing down, his hand paused above Poe's as he glanced at his fingers. Suddenly, Finn remembered waking up to the same hand nearly stretching out to him. What had he wanted to do?

Without another thought, Finn let his hand lightly sweep against Poe's. Its warmth comforted something deep inside his clenched gut. Abruptly, Poe's fingers stretched with tension before gripping the blankets beneath them; Finn's hand quickly retreated.

Poe lunged awake. "Finn!" He turned and exhaled at the sight of the man he had just called after. "You're okay." He sighed and looked all around him. "What happened?"

Finn stayed silent for an indescribably prolonged moment, shocked by the comfort of finally hearing that voice break through the oppressive quiet. "Our attacker crashed, but we still had to eject. You were injured pretty bad and put into a coma. Leia's recruit from the Inner Rim, Lando supplied us with bacta and you were put in immediately."

"How long have I been out?" He asked after a moment.

"Today was the eighth day." He offered mildly, just barely avoiding eye contact. "About the crash-"

"I'm sorry."

Finn's brows knitted together when Poe stole the words from his mouth. "What? Why would you have any reason to be sorry? I'm the one who crashed. You almost died because of me."

Poe sat up quickly, briefly wincing at the tender tightness in his newly healed skin. "No, I was careless. I didn't pay enough attention and pushed you to fly before you realized you were ready. Everything went to hell up there and the fact that we are both still alive is a testament to you and the way you handled the pressure. I owe you thanks, Finn."

Finn shook his head, exasperated by the man's logic, but far too grateful to have him back to even think about arguing. "You've got bacta brain." He teased. BB8 chirped as if to announce his offense at the lack of attention he was receiving from Poe.

"Buddy!" Poe reached out to the droid.

He allowed the two a moment to bask in their reunion.

"The General is going to want to see you." Reluctantly, he began to turn. Poe nodded thoughtfully before looking down at his arm. His other hand pushed at the skin. "Does it hurt? Doctor Kalonia said you shouldn't be feeling any pain."

"No," he shook his head. "It's just…"

"What?"

"It felt like a tickle." He mumbled.

"What do you mean?" Finn's confusion seeped into his voice.

"Before I woke up." He looked up at Finn. "It felt like a tickle all along my arm. I mean, it felt nice, but should I be worried?"

He swallowed his bashful embarrassment. "No, that's just the aftereffects of the bacta." He answered as matter-of-fact as he could, hoping Poe would trust him enough to believe the lie.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He replied, muttering something about 'good circulation', before escaping to find Leia.

* * *

General Hux's eyes were drenched with disdain as he looked down on Onderon. He couldn't deny his own bias against the planet. The General was no stranger to the history of dissent and willfulness that seemed to be entwined into its past. Armitage knew that was enough argument for him to follow through with the First Order occupation by his own methods, tried and true, brutal and blunt. Even Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader promised that the First Order would not govern by words, but action. There was no better superior officer to enforce such a claim.

He loathed that he would have to expect a larger loss of troops with such a potentially troublesome take-over. Taking note of the no doubt hostile population - who would move better amongst the foliage-wreaked jungle terrain - he pondered whether the impending battle would move into the thick of the jungle. In such a tactic, he could see the disadvantage it would pose on his Stormtroopers and their formations. Though seizing the Capital seemed a decent way to apply pressure to the outliers who lingered in the forest, he questioned his own thoughts of whether or not he should immediately approach the largest threat, or the greater leverage.

Three more Star Destroyers came out of hyperspace and he squared his posture in pride at the force he was about to command. They prepped for touchdown and he readied himself for the delicious moment he would walk on their subjugated soil. It went without saying that he would wait for the first wave to quiet the civilian chatter, though he reasoned he should continue his pause through to the third troop pass on such a planet as Onderon.

Much too soon by his calculations, the General's appointed trooper contacted him for his pass. Hesitantly, he straightened himself up and remembered the blaster at his side that he had decided to permanently carry, despite the little help it had provided before.

It was quiet when he took his first steps outside. The air felt conquered and yet he questioned such a possibility. Troopers had taken Iziz as if it had been some small open market on Arkanis. He peered at the countless species that seemed to cower at the sight of the First Orders strength. None of them possessed a sliver of fight in their eyes. It was something he had been ill-equipped to estimate for; he asked inwardly where he had made his error.

Armitage had chosen to read of countless political rebellions during his childhood, to prove his own worth of his ambitions. Onderon had insurgence ingrained into its core and yet, he had heard little of its revolutionary status since around the time of the Empire's fall. It didn't seem too farfetched to contend that, with the damage Saw Gerrera's band of Rebels had wreaked on their own turf, priorities of the populace seemed to have evolved. These weak, battered souls that looked back at him with pleading eyes seemed more than willing to surrender to the First Order.

He had been calculating and strategizing against an incompetent opponent that hadn't even been aware they were playing. Red-rimmed, icy eyes looked out callously on the docile, frightened citizens. It turned his stomach to think he had held them in high enough regard to waste his precious time meticulously planning what was meant to be his greatly earned victory. He mourned the wasted effort and sneered at the dominated as if they were pesky insects to grind under his boot. "Such a shame they had to be so uncooperative." A sardonic humor lined his voice maliciously as he eyed his second in command. "It seems we're forced to do this the hard way after all."

* * *

Kylo tensed as he approached Mustafar. He could sense the pull, the lineage of his blood singing with familiarity of the volcanic world. It was a welcome distraction, as nothing had been able to tear his mind free from the constant reminder of Rey; how her kiss had tasted, the soft tremor in her breath, the warmth of her skin. He was no longer plagued with the ignorance of her and yet he reeled to rip the memory from where it had embedded itself into his flesh, burning him through as if it were the very lava beneath him. He pushed the thoughts away and re-focused himself.

He neared Darth Vader's fortress, feeling it before he could see it. It had been one of his earliest desires to go; after 'inheriting' the First Order he learned of the effort it would take. Communicating with The Black Sun had been unpleasant, but the Hosnian Cataclysm had made them much more eager to listen. They weren't entirely moronic, even if he viewed them as no better than being over-glorified criminals, practically in the same vein of gangsters as the Hutts. He shook his head at the reminder. It seemed more than likely that the Hutts would soon become a problem for him, especially if they were bold enough to ally with the crumbling Resistance. It was a concern for him to dwell on later, he reasoned, genuinely desperate to not think of what would have to happen soon after such a fight would take place. He couldn't think of obliterating the Resistance, without the sharp, probing traitorous thoughts of Rey. Regardless of his own allegiance, he didn't want to fight her.

The large onyx castle loomed ahead and the sight of it rendered all his thoughts silent. It rested above a structure of even greater significance, something ancient, bound to the very core of the planet. The magnetism of the Force serenaded him into a willing hypnotism. He sensed that the two edifices connected from within and ached to see the Sith Cave himself. Though Kylo Ren did not wish to resurrect the ways of the Sith, he appreciated the cathedrals they would build in devotion to the freedom gained through the Dark Side of the Force. Only Darth Vader could impart some wisdom to his conflicted, yielding soul.

The air was unpleasant, but nothing he couldn't withstand. He opened the large door with ease, knowing that his entrance would be permitted. It was grand in size, but lacking in any distinct trace of ownership. Only through his knowledge of the fortress was he capable of maintaining it had been the abode of his mighty grandfather.

As if in a daze, he moved without the slightest hesitation. Something from deep within serenaded; melodic murmured memories that seemed meant for him. Soon he came upon it, though he had no knowledge of what **it** was. Great chunks of obsidian, veined with angry scarlet markings littered the ground before him. He noticed how the breaks were marred by the unmistakable scorch marks left in the wake of a lightsaber.

Kylo could sense the tension that surrounded the stone beneath him. It was power forged in the Dark Side, so palpable that he nearly shied away. Such an instinct bothered him as he remembered the whole purpose of his presence. The conflict within pulsed stronger than ever, no longer ignorant to how it felt to be touched by the light. He stood straighter, summoning resolve from the dwindling depths of his ambition. That need for her, for the light made him nothing but a willing prisoner to sentiment and it would be his undoing.

He stepped closer, comforted by the singular thought that his struggle would soon be silent. If anything could dissolve his conflict, it was the strength of Darth Vader. Exhaling slowly, he removed his glove and reached out. He didn't have even a second to taste the texture on his callused skin before being overwhelmed by the propellant force that coursed through him, nearly knocking him unconscious.

* * *

Rey reluctantly returned to the base, empty-handed and more traitorous than ever. She took a few moments to collect herself before exiting the ship; her appearance almost completely unchanged, save for her now uncovered scar, badge of her betrayal, still of little consequence to those around her. There was no point in forcing guilt, when she couldn't find it in her to regret what had happened. For a moment she had felt something stronger than anything she had ever known, belonging. In Ben's arms she hadn't felt limited to her abilities as a fledgling Jedi, or scavenger turned Resistance fighter; drenched in her vulnerabilities and weaknesses, he treasured her in her entirety, even the parts too broken to rest on a pedestal. In that brief stretch of time, loneliness was some far-off, vague threat, like the just barely-lingering remnants of a hazy nightmare. In truth, she couldn't remember the last time she had felt so human.

She strode through the base, determined to not entice the slightest suspicion. Within a few minutes, she entered the med-bay and found Poe's room filled with a handful of individuals; some updated him on the current status of the base and the Resistance's allies, some simply demonstrated their relief at his unanticipated luck. Rey could see her friend sitting off alone in the corner. Finn kept his eyes on the Commander, even though he didn't seem capable of engaging him as a glazed-over pensive expression held him captive.

Gently, she tapped the young man's shoulder. Finn tensed, but smiled softly when he finally noticed her standing beside him. "The Force didn't summon you away for long."

She smirked at the explanation, finding his interpretation of the Force - as if it were some tangible authority - both amusing and in its own way, accurate. Shaking her head gently, she forced a nonchalant shrug. "I must've misinterpreted its meaning."

"So you found nothing?" There was no judgment in his voice, only sympathy for her wasted effort.

"Nothing that can aid the Resistance." She answered honestly.

This time he shrugged. "We have everything that we need." His eyes fell back on the beaming pilot, who continued to accept the affection of his truly grateful soldiers.

She wanted to agree, but wasn't sure she could do so honestly. Patting Finn on the shoulder, she looked at Poe and smiled sweetly. "I'm not so desperate to find allies, now that we have our Commander back."

His eyes tightened imperceptibly to Rey, but he nodded. "No one fights for the Resistance quite like Poe."

"Where is the General?"

His eyes stayed on Poe as he answered. "In a briefing."

She nodded. "How long has he been up?"

"Two days." He looked back at her. "He's leaving med-bay today."

"Why the wait?"

"The doctor likes to be thorough in her tests. I suspect she was doubting the authenticity of the bacta." Finn said with a slight smirk, recalling the handful of stories she'd told him about Lando the past few days. She didn't doubt his allegiance to the General, more the legitimacy of his connections.

"Excited to have your roommate back again?"

Finn's eyes widened for a second before looking back at Poe. "Yeah. It's been too quiet without him."

"So why are you hiding over here?"

"I'm not hiding!" He quickly retorted, his expression turning bashful at his outburst. "I'm giving room for his visitors."

Rey watched her friend for a moment. "You still feel guilty?"

He swallowed and nodded, though it wasn't the whole truth. "It wasn't looking good when they got here. For a minute I thought we might lose him." Poe had become dearer to him than he could possibly ever articulate and it nearly overwhelmed him.

Poe's laughter filled the room at something an engineer had to say and Finn looked up at the sound. He wondered how he had never noticed the way his smile would contort as he laughed. It was the smallest thing and now it suddenly captured Finn. He was finding it harder to look away from him; clearly a normal side-effect of almost losing him, he reasoned.

"We didn't lose him." Her voice was soft and assuring.

"No, we didn't." He nodded. "We got lucky."

Rose came up beside the two of them. "Good to have you back, Rey."

"Did I miss much?" She thought of the slight delay she had steered into her return, stopping short in lightspeed. Looking at the galaxy ahead of her, she had cleared her thoughts free from Odessen and reminded herself of the tasks at hand. In that quiet calm she found clarity, even content resignation to her true loyalty.

"Hardly, other than an introduction with Lando Calrissian."

"The General's Inner Rim Recruit?" Rey asked hesitantly, swearing the name sounded familiar.

Finn answered. "Hardly. He fought with her against the Empire and destroyed their second Death Star."

"The Swindler…" She mumbled quietly, remembering the other famed legend in a fond fairytale she had recently heard.

Finn looked at her closely. "Not anymore, but once upon a time apparently." He smirked. "Not really that surprising; he's a lot like Han, only charming." He wore a genuine smile as he remembered the grumpy smuggler.

"I like him." Rose said sweetly. "He makes the General laugh." She thought for a second. "And he's a great storyteller. I never got to meet Han, but Lando paints quite the picture."

Rey smiled, understanding the joy it must've brought Leia to have her old friend around. With Luke (mostly) gone, she had been left to shoulder a great battle without her dearest comrades. Rey couldn't help but wonder if the General also felt as if she had a part of Han back.

That thought triggered her own brief memories of the gruff smuggler. In the small time that she had known him, he had felt like family. It had torn her in half to witness his end; now she experienced a similar sensation at the reminder of the hands that dealt the cruel blow, those same hands that had held her so gently.

At that moment, the subject of the gossip eased into the room. Lando Calrissian stood tall and unwaveringly confident. Rey smirked to learn that Kylo's description of the man could not have been more accurate. His dark eyes found hers quickly and he reached his hand out. "Ah and this must be the infamous Rey that keeps the base all abuzz even in her absence."

She offered her hand for a shake, but was quickly caught off guard as he gave a theatric, but chaste kiss across her knuckles. She laughed, feeling bashful and somehow simultaneously flattered and embarrassed. "The General's meeting should be over soon, but the second I heard about your return, Miss Rey of Jakku, I was happy for the excuse to sneak out."

Rey laughed lightly, nearly shrinking under the approval. "I hardly warrant such respect, but would like to thank you for what you've done for Commander Dameron. He is an invaluable part of this team and a truly dear friend."

He looked over at the young man, his cool smile fondly appraising him. "I can see that." Looking back to the three younger Resistance fighters, he shrugged proudly. "I'm glad to see my timing is as impeccable as ever." They all nodded, quickly caught by the older man's charm. He gestured in the direction of the door to Rey. "Speaking of which, I did offer to find you for the General."

Rey nodded and waved off her friends, following the man. "How did you know where I'd be?"

He turned back to her, his expression considerate and much more observant than his typical aloof disposition would hint at. "A feeling. From what I've heard about you, I figured the first thing you would do is check up on your friend."

She nodded. "I hated leaving right after getting the news, but had to."

"You were compelled to follow."

"I'm sorry?" She asked, perplexed by the statement.

"The Force." He nodded. "Leia had mentioned it briefly."

"Oh, yes." She lifted the tone of her voice. "Now, a little empty-handed, I feel like I was taken for a ride."

"The Force can be fickle at times." He offered and Rey smirked at how accurate his off-handed remark felt.

"It can certainly feel that way."

The older man stopped just outside the meeting room and turned to face the younger woman. "Leia has had a great deal of flattering things to say about you."

"I hope to one day be worthy of such acclaim." Though her tone was modest, it wasn't the only reason for her inability to accept such regard.

He smirked and shook his head humoredly. "You are, even if you don't see it yet." Rey began to argue, but he continued. "I've been told of some of your feats. Your friend in there, the Commander's somber, puppy-eyed watchdog; you saved him on _Starkiller Base_. Against such odds, you faced off with _him_." The change in his tone revealed that he was no longer talking about Finn, she searched his voice for animosity or hostility, but only heard conflicted concern. She stilled and could feel the observant eyes watching her reaction. "You know who it is that we are facing." She nodded solemnly and noticed the way his eyes softened in response. "This fight has been much too hard for Leia. I wish I'd been here sooner." He shook his head, upset that he'd only been caught up to speed once they had vanished into hiding. He pushed away the reverie. "What I wanted to say was that you evened the playing field. You've taught some people to hope."

"Not enough." She offhandedly remarked, one person coming to the forefront of her thoughts.

He watched her for a second before bobbing his head. "I just wanted to say thank you."

"For what?" The confusion shaped her voice.

"You've been a great help to Leia whether you realize it or not. She deserves the assistance." He nodded. "Even if most of the time, she's too damn stubborn to take it." Shrugging, Lando sighed. He knew the General clung to no ounce of pride if it meant the good of her cause or if it would protect her subjects, but when it came to herself, the stresses she heaped on top of her thoughts every day she would always just endure, resilient and self-sacrificing.

He gave the young woman a reassuring pat on the shoulder and she nodded her head in the immediate camaraderie she felt towards the _Swindler_. "It seems I have my own chores." He smirked. "We're all subjects to the Royal demands." Huffing a soft laugh, at his own words, he shook his head and excused himself.

It was just barely a minute later when the General exited the room.

Rey didn't waste a second getting the older woman's attention. "Excuse me, General –"

Leia turned at the sound of her voice. "Rey."

She nodded briefly, finding it difficult to meet the bright woman's gaze. "Empty-handed, unfortunately." She added trying to wipe away the thoughts of what she'd been doing and with whom.

"Perhaps." Leia nodded. "Though in my experience, the Force sometimes guides us through intangible means." Rey wasn't sure how to respond, not used to cryptic counsel coming from that particular Skywalker. Pragmatic and sensible as Leia was, Rey could finally see the relation between her and the non-corporeal Jedi Master. She shrugged. "Or it was just some cosmic detour to relax you before the battle is underway." Her nonchalant tone caused Rey to smile, recognizing her General yet again. The woman watched Rey's tense expression and could feel something plaguing her attention. Leia watched her closely. "What is it that you want to say?"

"It's about the Hutts-"

"General Organa!" Commander D'Acy marched up abruptly, her expression wild and pained.

"What is it, Commander?" Leia couldn't hide her bewildered tone at the quiet woman's unusual approach.

"We've just received word from contacts on Onderon after the First Order's occupation." Emotion peeked through her voice. "It seems their surrender was not accepted. Iziz is nothing but ash and flame."

"How many?" The seasoned General asked with firm, heartfelt concern.

"They have yet to determine civilian casualties, only that current estimates indicate that the majority of the capital was lost."

Rey felt as if her heart had dropped and fallen through the soles of her feet. She looked to Leia and found that she could almost read her similar agonizing thoughts. _**Ben**_; the older woman's chest ached, unable to reconcile that information with the son she had rocked to sleep; the light she had known to be in him, that same light that she had felt flutter within her before his birth.

Though Leia had not spoken, Rey felt guilty for unintentionally trespassing on her pain. The young Jedi felt her stomach turn. Innocents decimated in the name of order, for the sake of control.

* * *

He tried desperately to catch his breath, overwhelmed by the immense power as it called to him. Kylo removed his hand as if it had been scorched by the ruins it touched. It had flooded his senses with such severity that his thoughts were all a jumbled mess, save for one; _Rey_.

Across the galaxy, he could sense distress that now coiled around her. It tugged at him in the most excruciating way. He rushed from the cave, hardly able to process anything but the painful pull. The entire Fortress was a mere novelty to him in that moment of fear and he treated it as such, running without a single look behind him.

Once he came upon his TIE, he felt the tugging morph. She reached out for him in a brief second, but he felt her control slip around their tether. It was invitation enough for him. Pulling her close, he yearned to show her what he had seen, all that he now understood.

A moment later her broken expression came through. Tears filled her eyes, spilling over like the magma that settled in the background behind her as her form came into view. "Rey," hesitantly, he reached out, as if he would wipe the tears from her face.

She recoiled from the near-touch and the gesture forced a pressure on his heart that made it hard for him to breathe. "Rey," he tried again. "I've made a mistake, I-"

"Don't!" Her voice was fiery nails that pierced him. "I have no desire to hear and stomach your sins. I won't shoulder any more guilt, not for a monster."

Breaking on the last word, she pushed him away with such power that Kylo actually stumbled backwards. He looked up to see nothing but the scarlet lava of his mistaken idol's long-abandoned residence. Pulling, he desperately tried to bring her back to him. His intentions collided with a familiar wall, more fortified than ever, as reverberations of her words washed over him. He felt foolish for ever hoping. If Rey also believed him a monster, how could he argue against it any longer?


	11. Chapter 10: Warring Hearts

**Chapter 10: Warring Hearts**

Finn watched Poe closely as the Commander entered their room. Once he reached his own bunk, he turned and looked at Finn with a smirk. "You cleaned it."

He nodded. "The mess was a little overwhelming." His unintentional double entendre for his own inner tumult was lost even on himself. Forcing himself to brighten his disposition, he stepped into the room. "While you were… out, I figured you'd want to return to a clean room."

Poe smirked fondly at him. "So you knew I'd pull through?"

His pleasant expression faltered. "I hoped and I honestly had no contingency plan." He shook his head, talking more to himself than the man before him. "For a moment, I really thought I'd lost you."

"Yet here I am, dashing and invincible as ever." The Commander grinned, standing triumphantly.

"You only say that because you didn't sit where I did." Finn insisted; his reply quick and his words distraught. He walked to his bunk, not noticing the rare timidity in the Commander's usually playful eyes.

Poe reached out and laid his hand on Finn's shoulder. "I'm fine." He turned around. "You saved my life and dragged us through that forest. Can't we revel in that success for a moment?"

His dark brown eyes were conflicted. "That success was purely luck. Dr. Kalonia wasn't sure you were going to make it. If Leia and Lando hadn't come when they did, I would still be talking to your unconscious body, trying to fill that awful silence." Finn was taken aback by the strained emotion in his tone as his eyes began to sting. It seemed that emotion, the one thing the order had tried to bleed from him, was all that filled his voice and his eyes since he had nearly lost his pilot.

"I'm sorry you had to shoulder that fear." Poe spoke softly, all humor gone.

"Why are you sorry? It was my fault. Why can't you be angry at me?" He shook his head as the volume of his voice grew in exasperation. "Someone has to blame me. We almost lost you forever. Can't you comprehend the severity of that? Or at least what it would've done to the Resistance, to your friends, to me?"

"I wouldn't leave you behind."

"That's easy for you to say now." He marched away, unable to stand in the room for a second longer without fuming. Even if Poe couldn't grasp his mortality, Finn could and the simple reminder of it made his hands shake.

Poe solemnly watched Finn walk away, unable to find the right words to comfort him.

* * *

Rey regarded Leia with hesitance and sympathy. "Are you sure we're prepared?"

Leia's eyes betrayed her emotion for the briefest of seconds when she looked at the young Jedi she had come to dearly care about. "We don't have the luxury to not be. Onderon was the last straw; we can't hold out much longer. Our army has steadily grown and our allies have expanded; this may be the best chance we have." Thanks to Lando's own codebreaking recruits, the General finally felt optimistic at their chance of success. All they would need was already on their side, a manipulative glitch in code and their opposition's unbridled arrogance. _'Let them seek lambs for slaughter.' _She had proclaimed sharply to her soldiers. _'They'll find us waiting in their stead.'_

Rey nodded. "I've never known your judgment to be wrong, General. The Resistance is as ready for this war as you are."

Leia patted her hand affectionately; her weariness and countless misfortunes filled her expression. "I'm not ready, Rey. I'm heartbroken," her voice broke briefly, but she stood taller as if it was possible to rise above her own emotion. "But I can't let the galaxy crumble to ashes just because I'm not ready to make the hard choice." She looked away. "Whether it be the Empire or the First Order, I've always sworn to stand against tyranny; I can't turn my back on my principles to save myself from pain."

"I understand how hard this decision must be." She couldn't admit just how deeply she fathomed the anguish felt by the strong, durable woman before her. "The Resistance is privileged to be led by you." She still wished that there was more for her to do, but wouldn't argue with the General's strict demands that she be ready if they needed to fall on their contingency.

"Flattery will get you everywhere." She laughed.

Rey shook her head. "I mean it." Leia watched her, amazed by the serious expression from the usually cheerful young woman. Suddenly, she seemed more adult than she had ever known her to be. Looking down, Rey continued. "Once you give the order, there won't be time to dwell on what you're giving up. I want you to know," she met the older woman's gaze with her own glossy eyes. "That I'm sorry that you have to be the one who makes this call. It may be commonplace for no one to acknowledge just who you're fighting or what that has done to you, but I want you to know that I do understand. If no one else would share your pain at the weight of our victory, I would."

Leia couldn't articulate how deeply moved she was by the honest sentiment, even though Rey couldn't truly fathom just what this war had done to her. Freedom for the galaxy would be bought at the price of all that she loved, her family. She wrapped her arm around Rey's shoulder and briefly touched her head to hers. "I can't help but think my life would've been a lot easier if I had had a daughter." She laughed through tears that still lingered desperately in her eyes, unable to fall.

Rey blushed and shook her head. "I think I can do much more as your soldier."

"Too much sentiment?" Leia asked playfully, releasing the young woman's shoulder.

"I wouldn't know how to be a daughter." She admitted bashfully.

The older woman sighed. "In that, we're matched. I think I'm starting to forget how to be a mother." Rey's heart broke for her. She was barely able to stomach her own pain, but Leia's was something else entirely. It made her wish she could stop the war, if not for herself, then for Leia. "But the Resistance doesn't need a mother, it needs a General."

* * *

Finn laced up his shoes, his mind far off and his expression quiet. Something was simmering inside him, gnawing at him relentlessly and for all his desire to understand, he couldn't name what was plaguing him. He wanted to blame Poe. He felt angry, but knew that he had no reason or right to be. It was his fault that Poe had been injured and his complete apathy at the situation infuriated Finn.

Poe entered and quietly sat on his bunk. He kept his eyes on Finn until he looked up. "Are you upset with me?"

"No." He turned his attention to his already laced shoes. Even he couldn't argue against the palpable tension in his voice.

"I don't believe you." Poe replied with a humored singsong voice.

"I'm not upset with you!" He insisted, standing up abruptly.

"You're right. How could I be so wrong? Clearly, you're overjoyed with my presence." He stood.

"Not everything is about you." He stepped forward, but found his approach blocked.

The Commander gave him a soft push back. "Usually I'd make a crack about the inaccuracy of that statement, but I'm not going to validate your snarky remark." He shook his head. "You're pissed. I don't know if it's with me or yourself, but you've got to figure it out, because" he gestured between the two of them. "It's getting in the way of this. I'm sick of this tense silence. I don't know the right thing to say. You think I'd get points for trying, but you snap back or walk off, so what do you want?"

"I want you to care!" Finn blurted, not even aware that the words had been forming behind his tongue.

"Care about what? The fact that I almost died? It's happened before and it won't be the last time; that's what this fight means."

"That doesn't mean you should be complacent!"

"I'm not complacent; I do care."

"Then try and act like it."

"Okay," Poe stepped back, frustrated. "I act like I don't care because I usually wouldn't. It's never scared me until now." He shook his head. "I didn't have a second to be scared in that cockpit, I never do. It happened too fast, it usually does. But this time, before I passed out, I could hear your voice. I knew that we weren't out of the woods and there was nothing I could do."

"I'm supposed to be a leader and my mistake nearly cost us both our lives. I should've been vigilant, more aware." He looked back at Finn. "I've never been scared of that looming threat, because I was never leaving someone behind." His eyes filled with pride. "When I woke up, my first fear was for you." He smiled. "I know I didn't need to worry about you. It doesn't help." He sighed. "I left you behind. So, I do care, but not for the reason you want me to."

Finn couldn't help but smirk at Poe's endearing idiocy. "Thank you, I guess."

Poe nodded; his eyes bright at the lightening of Finn's disposition. There was a pleasant silence between the two of them, the muddled tension from before no longer weighing them down. "So, the General's strategy, huh?" His segue stumbled out as he tried to swallow the awkwardness that still bubbled in his throat. "I know the cockpit trauma is a little fresh, but I could really use a gifted gunner."

A half-grin peeked its way through Finn's expression. He could see that Poe's offer wasn't stemmed in flattery, but genuine respect. "I'll mull it over." Finn looked down, then back to Poe. "Wait, why would you want me up there if an additional person means that kind of baggage?"

"Where else would you be?" The Commander immediately looked embarrassed at his entitled assumption the moment he spoke it aloud.

"I don't know." A passing thought reminded him of Rose's inquiry for more bodies on the ground. It was all coming together so quickly that he hardly had processed what was coming; The anticipation of the finality they would soon face made him squirm inside. Finn hated to stomach the anxiety that came with the realization that in the impending war, he stood to lose so much more than he ever believed he could hope to fight for.

"Oh, come on. This is the one, Finn." He placed his hand on Finn's shoulder and spoke with a cheery tone. "Ready to go to war?"

Before he could understand his intentions or grasp his actions, Finn surprised himself by leaning in and kissing the stunned Commander. Once Finn processed Poe's surprisingly soft lips against his own, he pulled back and stared at his friend with wide eyes.

Poe took a moment before opening his eyes. As soon as he did, Finn began. "Okay. Wow, I'm sorry. That came out of nowhere. We were just talking and then I kissed you and I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have just done that, but-"

Poe's voice was solid, all recent levity gone. "Did you mean it?"

"What?"

"Did you mean it? Don't apologize, just tell me. Did you mean it?"

Finn stared back at Poe for a brief second and was stunned to find that he had, he did. For weeks, it had been prodding him, the way he felt around Poe. He had never even had a friend before him and yet something told him that the word was inadequate for what he had felt. It was the silence that had made him begin to notice it, but he hadn't understood until Poe had spoken.

The reminder of war filled Finn with fear of regret. He couldn't risk losing Poe without telling him what that would mean. Words had failed him and he moved on instinct in the only way he could relay his feelings. He didn't know how to find the right words now, but he tried. Breathing in deeply, he forced himself to meet Poe's patient yet tensed gaze. "Yes, I did-"

He couldn't finish his thought, his confession interrupted by Poe's passionate return of his gesture. The Commander's strong mouth effectively silenced not only Finn's words, but his desire to speak them at all.

The ex-Stormtrooper had no experience in this arena, but found he could fairly rate Poe Dameron as a phenomenal kisser, as his need for air seemed trivial in comparison. When he pulled away, Finn was taken aback by the bright expression in his eyes. "I've been wanting to do that for the past year and a half."

"Really?" Finn asked flabbergasted by the notion that had only just now come upon him.

Poe laughed. "You're forgiven for your indescribable density."

Finn hadn't even had the chance to fully process his own feelings, but everything inside him roared with blissful relief. "So, this is real?" He wasn't sure how else to phrase his question.

Poe touched his cheek and smiled sweetly. "I definitely hope so, because it is for me. It has been for a while." His eyes tensed, realizing he had revealed himself entirely, but hadn't heard what Finn had to say. "Is it for you?"

Finn smirked, still unable to grasp the right words. "I'm not sure. I think you should kiss me again, so I can know for certain."

* * *

Kylo finished reading Hux's report on the Onderon resistance. He blamed himself for the end result. Born to a family of rebels, he was no stranger to the planet's history of dissent; he should've been there. If he had been present for the occupation as he had originally planned, Iziz wouldn't have been lost. He had meant to make a statement, not an example. Mustafar had scrambled his allegiance to the dark and shattered his thoughts of control and in return his goal of peaceful transition had failed.

Coming upon the fleet, Kylo centered himself. His focus belonged on the one thing that mattered, insuring that the First Order flourish. He would not let the order become the same complacent system that had neglected the galaxy.

The wall still held steady and he pretended to not be affected by it. They were on opposite sides; trying to fix whatever damage had been done was futile. The Supreme Leader couldn't be attempting to reconcile with his enemy.

He froze at that thought. Was it really that simple anymore?

No matter how many times he tried to force her into such a designation, it never seemed right. With a clear head, his own allegiances seemed harder to interpret. All he could do was ask himself a simple question; if it came to it, would he be able to make the call, against the infuriatingly idealistic Resistance, against his mother, against Rey? He wasn't as sure as he had once been.

* * *

Rey looked at the Skywalker Saber on her desk. She turned away, facing her back to it as she tried to find any calm to lull her to sleep. She had been right to think that sleeping alone would never feel quite the same. Even if she was desperate to loathe him, she couldn't help but question if any part of Ben Solo still existed in the husk of Kylo Ren. She had seen it in his eyes and felt that tender uncertainty in his touch, the man she had been with on Odessen had to have been Ben.

The man who had held her to his chest as she slept couldn't have been the same man who attacked Onderon. She was sure about that and yet she knew better than to trust her judgment without question where he was involved. She longed for ignorance of Odessen, of his unyielding conflict, of the very name Ben Solo.

Rey couldn't expect to be so lucky, though. Forgetting him, erasing his humanity was a lie she wouldn't believe. She had meant what she said to Leia; she would mourn what this battle would surely cost. Ben Solo was all the memory that Leia had left, the meager comfort of what her family had been, once upon a time, long ago.

"It's not going to go the way you think." A familiar, brooding voice sounded behind her.

"You think I don't know that?" She sat up and faced the apparition with furious eyes. "I'm ready to crumple at the uncertainty. Even if we _win_, we stand to lose."

"Lose what?" Luke prodded.

"The only confusion that made me sane." She shook her head. "I don't need your cryptic words or undecipherable wisdom tonight. Right now I just want to sleep and forget that there is no happy ending in sight. Don't you have the decency to grant me that?" There was no anger in her voice, only an agonizing sadness.

"Is it really that simple?" His tone seemed to try and coax unabridged honesty from her, but she was too resolved to fall to such a temptation.

"Nothing ever is. I should think you know that better than anybody." She looked away. "I'm not arrogant enough to believe you don't know just exactly why this war will crush me." She met his eyes. "You know."

He looked solemn for a moment. "If anyone could bring him to the light, it would be you." Not him, not Leia.

She nodded. "You say it as if I haven't tried." Looking at her hands, she remembered the textured ridge of the scar on his face and how it felt beneath her palm. "That time has passed. I never had the power to save him." Luke began to speak, but she continued. "He failed himself by thinking he wasn't worthy of redemption. Now I'm not so sure he wasn't right."

Luke watched her closely. "You don't believe that."

"What kind of monster would that make me?" Her voice started to break. "I can't help him, not with what he's done, after everything… I-" she closed her mouth trying to rein in her own emotion. "I will mourn Ben; that is all I can do."

"I'm sorry." The tone of his voice was melancholy and sincere.

"It's not your fault." She said without a thought.

"Isn't it?" The pain in his eyes was the most honest emotion she'd seen from him. "This path began that night." He looked down. "You were right on Ahch-To. If I had reached out to him, as a teacher, as his family, what could've been?"

"You can't ask yourself that. It was meant to happen as it has, even if it's not fair. You made your choice, just as he did. There was no way around it. We can't fight our destinies."

"Then why are you fighting yours?"

"I'm not." Her voice was unwavering, though her thoughts weren't as resolute. "Not anymore."

Rey was beginning to see that it was Luke who had been right all along; Ben was too far gone. There was no saving his forfeit soul. Maybe that light would always be there. Perhaps it was his weakness, or possibly his strength. After all, it had been that light that seduced her into believing that he would choose a different path.

For all the hope she possessed, the darkness in his heart could never be undone. That alone was enough to torment her, and yet it wasn't everything. He was her enemy. There was no victory for the Resistance as long as he stood in her way.

* * *

_Rey was finally looking back at him. The hurt still remained in her eyes, but he could feel that it was no longer his doing. She opened her mouth and was stopped short as a crimson blast ripped through her chest. He couldn't see the blaster; all that filled his vision was the sight of Rey's limp body collapsing in front of him, her blood staining scattered pages beneath her._

Kylo tore himself from slumber, feeling the sweat on his brow cascade down his temple as he tried to catch his breath. Logic told him it was simply a nightmare, but the clench of his gut rippled with the unmistakable tension of the Force.

Tentatively, he reached out into the cosmos and still felt her unbreakable wall stand strong. It was the first time he had felt relieved to sense it as it blockaded his intentions. He sat up in bed and leaned against the frame. Despite the horror of it, he quickly pored over every detail from the 'nightmare'.

He had been standing in front of her, not some vision, but truly across from one another. All he could remember was tense urgency that wafted through the air. The war was coming; he felt it thrumming like an inevitable sequence of events that pulsed throughout time.

The com equipped in his quarters began to sound. "What is it?" He asked impatiently.

"Supreme Leader," Hux's voice sounded snobbier than ever as if the man was enthralled by his own authority. "I would _humbly_ like to request your presence on the bridge."

"What is this regarding, Hux?"

"We're approaching our next planet for occupation."

Kylo immediately began dressing. "I'm on my way." He couldn't risk not being at the forefront of such operations after Onderon. He shook his head, almost defeated at the reminder. It was no wonder Rey believed him a monster; so many had been lost because he wasn't able to sort out his priorities. It had all been in vain.

Within five minutes, Kylo found Hux. The General stood tall, pride oozing from him, more potent than a horrendous stench. "So we're coming up on Thyferra?"

"No, Supreme Leader." He paused. "I believe this planet to be in deeper need than any Inner Rim territories." Kylo's stomach tensed; his instincts more aware than his thoughts. "We're coming up on-"

"Cardooine." He finished the General's thought. Looking out on the quiet world they could see clear ahead, Kylo felt his gut threaten to unload its contents. Rey was on that planet, he could feel her proximity. Inwardly, he began hurling his own raw ability at it, trying desperately to break down the wall between them. It didn't budge in the slightest.

He had to warn her, or at the very least stall until he could. 'Perhaps,' he hoped, attempting to reason with himself, 'Hux is not aware of what we've stumbled on.' "Hux, Cardooine is hardly a valuable target for us at this time." He fortified the tone in his voice to try and deter any questioning of his authority.

"You'd be surprised, Supreme Leader." Hux's voice was nauseatingly gleeful and Kylo was sure he was about to be sick. "After you deployed me on Jakku, I was able to interrogate some very interesting," he lingered for the right word. Finally finding it, his disdain was palpable as he uttered, "_Henchmen_. They had spotted and reported that Corellian Freighter just prior to our occupation."

"I thought we had both agreed it was some coincidence." His anxiety internally began to rattle him.

"As did I," said the General. "However, they had much to say on the matter. They were quite verbose about a young woman who had stopped blaster-fire mid-air."

Kylo was now sure that there was no deterring him now; all he could do was warn Rey. He practically threw himself against the barrier, but she still held it up without wavering. "I'm still not seeing the connection, Hux." He bit back, impatient and frustrated, the former with Rey and the latter with his subordinate.

"I decided to station a small handful of troops on Tatooine for surveillance."

"Against my own orders?" He couldn't believe Rey hadn't heeded his warning. She was supposed to warn the Resistance against dealing with the Hutts. "That seems like a waste of resources. Those troops could've been put to better use. Perhaps they could've made the difference in your being overwhelmed on Onderon."

The General stilled for the briefest of moments. "I considered it worth the risk to deploy a few of _my_ troops where they could do the most damage. After all, if we can kill hope in the galaxy, how long until every planet willingly falls to the First Order?" Shaking his head patronizingly, he continued in his unbearable, triumphant tone. "It didn't take too long for the _Millennium Falcon_ to be seen at the Hutts' fortress." He gave him a wiry, self-satisfied smirk. "It seems I was correct in my gamble; does it not," he watched Kylo very closely as he finished. "Supreme Leader?"

"Perhaps," Kylo said as nonchalantly as he could manage. "If this instinct of yours bares any results."

"I assure you, it has." He looked down on the planet with pleasant pity. "We tracked their ship through lightspeed to Cardooine. An obscure enough location, wouldn't you say?"

Several Star Destroyers came out of hyperspace at that moment. "Have you re-routed our entire army?" His frustration seeped through his voice and he tried to contort his irritation accordingly. "That's far too excessive, Hux, especially against a trivial threat like those cowering dissenters."

"The First Order must make a proper example of the Resistance. Don't you agree, Supreme Leader?" His tone was patronizing, almost challenging, but Kylo refused to fall to such paranoia.

He wanted deeply to crush the man's windpipe, but knew any move against the General would confirm what the wretched worm already seemed to suspect. Taking a moment, he calmed himself and tried to strategize as he pretended to ruminate on his subordinate's success. "Incredible work, General Hux." The pale man briefly tensed at the praise. "I completely agree. For the First Order to be seen as the all-encompassing authority in the galaxy, we _must_ make an example of the Resistance. Relay the order to take prisoners. Let them face the judgment of their crimes against the Order and remind the galaxy what we do to the opposition."

Hux didn't seem all that surprised by the instructions, hardly giving him a onceover. "Planetary scan complete." An officer called out.

"Report." Hux reluctantly turned his attention away from Ren.

"There appears to be a collection of life forms; from this reading, it seems as though they are underground."

"So, they've burrowed themselves in. This should be amusing." His cheery voice matched his words. "We'll flush them out," he paused, "personally." Meeting Kylo Ren's eyes for the briefest of moments, he turned away and began relaying orders. "Blockade formation. Ready the transports. Fire on any rogue ships that try to leave the planet. Capture if possible, but stopping any escape is top priority."

The Supreme Leader simmered inside, but he couldn't disagree with the orders. He would have them captured and force them to become integrated under the First Order regime, but for that to work, they couldn't escape; Hux would shoot them down, regardless of direct commands and Kylo would no doubt be labeled guilty of treason, sympathetic to the Resistance's cause. He had trapped him.

The pale man looked at Kylo with a visage of perfect confidence. He had won the war singlehandedly by disregarding the Supreme Leader's priorities and he knew it. "Shall we, Supreme Leader?"

Kylo tried to steady his breath, determined to not fall victim to one of his tantrums. Hux had the upper hand by unintentionally caging him into accepting a victory he wasn't ready for; one he wasn't quite sure he wanted anymore. "Let's win a war, General."

* * *

First Order transports began to descend on Cardooine, an unrushed, thorough threat barreling down on the seemingly barren planet. Kylo could feel dread and anxiety flowing through his charged veins. He could sense Rey's proximity as they began approaching the thick, plush forests on the surface.

The Supreme Leader looked on the planet with an unintentional burst of admiration for his mother. It was the perfect place to hide the Resistance. They would most likely have to scour the forest floor to find the entrance to the relocated base. He didn't doubt that such a setting would also account for a noteworthy loss of the ground troops at the disadvantage, provided that the Resistance was determined to attempt to fight their way out; and of that, he was almost certain.

Hux inquired their proximity to the Resistance's location.

The officer froze before ultimately ignoring the brief, sharp halt in the signal of the reading and directed the troops to Cardooine's hidden populace.

A loud sound, followed by tangible reverberations pulled him from his reverie. He turned to his General with an accusatory tone. "Hux, what was that?"

Armitage stood straighter, unperturbed by the irate snap of his voice. "Our tactic for beckoning out the Resistance."

"The goal, General, is to take the Resistance captive, not wreak havoc on the entirety of Cardooine."

"Merely collateral damage, Supreme Leader." He said without the slightest hesitation.

Kylo's eyes narrowed. "Dropping and detonating charges will not push them out. The rebuilt Rebel base will be fortified with an indestructible structure to compensate for its new location." He looked away from the surprised General and took count of the transports that followed his own. Only counting ten, he shook his head, realizing that they wouldn't be able to hold the entirety of their future captives. "Ten transports? That won't be enough Hux; I gave the order-"

Once Kylo turned around, his words were cut off as a blaster was placed at his temple by a quiet and tall Stormtrooper standing beside him. Hux looked back on him with a thin, self-satisfied grin. "I'm well aware of your order, Ren. I chose not to relay it on the suspicion of your inability to retain such authority. Given your unheard of knowledge on the Rebel base, I find my deliberation complete." Hux exhaled sharply. "Kylo Ren, you are charged of collusion with the Resistance, the terrorist cell that threatens the survival of the First Order."

It angered him that he wasn't surprised by the General's certain and unwavering accusation of him in the least. He had sensed the cruel man's tightened anxiety, sharpened by his own suspicious behavior. "Hardly!" He shot back. "What threat is a few hundred bodies hiding in caverns? How can you label them terrorists as you demand this effortless slaughter?"

"Because I stand on the side of power." He smirked. "I think this will be even more fun than Onderon. You are relieved of your position as Supreme Leader." His beady eyes caught the attention of the Stormtrooper at Ben's side.

A moment before the blaster fired, Ben avoided its impact and sent the fiery bolt into the transport's controls. There was no time for the soldiers to react before the compromised ship turned into the dense forest, violently thrashing against the foliage that surrounded it.

Suddenly an ear-splitting crash ripped at the integrity of the vessel as the thick base of a tree severed it in two. Ben watched as Hux's livid eyes stayed on him while their two respective sides divided from one another and both fell backwards into the condensed greenery that soon separated them.

Ben hadn't even been able to process the betrayal or the crash before the forest floor came upon him. His landing was adequate enough that he was able to rise not even a minute later. In a moment, he was on his feet, rushing, sprinting to where he could feel Rey.

He wasn't sure what to do, or even what he could for the trapped Resistance. He had meant to offer a way out, but now there seemed no hope for any of them, yet still he ran to her, mentally barreling on the wall that still parted them.

Though it didn't yield, he continued to run, the incentive of her closeness propelling him in her direction. Sharp eyes stayed on him, but he didn't even slow as he passed through the waterfall that seemed to function as entrance for the base. He was amazed that he hadn't been able to see it, until he had come right upon it, obscured by the broad cover of the towering trees.

Within a few minutes, he found himself in a nearly empty aircraft hangar. Loud detonation charges sounded again; that's what Ben believed until the booming sounds began to separate from one another… Blaster-fire, he soon recognized.

It didn't surprise him to see that even outnumbered, the Resistance was determined to put up an admirable fight. He didn't linger for another moment, the Force pulling him in Rey's direction.

Rushing through the base, Ben felt the ground begin to shake as the detonations resumed. He maneuvered effortlessly, avoiding the attention of any Resistance fighters he came across.

As the sounds and tremors grew, so did the amount of panicked rushing bodies. He wondered at why it seemed they weren't quite trying to escape. When another influx pushed passed, he caught sight of familiar warm, pained hazel eyes, the very same as his own.

Leia Organa nearly halted at the vision of her son; though the crowd forced her along, she couldn't tear her eyes off of him. Her mouth trembled and Ben wasn't sure if she would call him out as their enemy, but words seemed to fail her.

He couldn't stop, though he desperately wanted to. There was so much he had to tell her; more than he could ever hope to apologize and atone for, but only one priority superseded the conversation he would never be ready for. He had to find Rey; the sudden chaos and the sight of his mother caused his grasp on her to slip. It would all have to wait, if he ever received the chance again. "Run!" He mouthed to her, his expression aching as he forced himself to turn away. The General seemed in perfectly capable hands, her own.

Rey seemed to be further into the cave, his tether on her faint and unfocused, but he pushed on.

* * *

Leia Organa hastened to Central Command. She had wanted to stop, to hit him or hold him, sobbing either way, but there wasn't any time. Sending the signal, the General inhaled, but nothing warned her against his presence. The Force was tense, stretched nearly to a snapping point, but no threat had surrounded him.

"Dameron, update." She chimed into her comlink.

The cocky Commander's voice rang through, smooth and steady. "We've got the fancy fascists chasing their tails, General. They haven't risked sinking below the tree line yet."

It was the advantage Leia had predicted they would have upon the initial touchdown. Cardooine had been the Resistance's home for quite some time; anyone unfamiliar with the terrain couldn't be expected to fair half as well as they would. "Try not to scare them off, Commander. I want them confused, not threatened."

"I hear you, General. We'll pick them off slowly until the cavalry shows up to take out the big guys."

"Be ready to surface on my word."

"Yes, Ma'am!" He replied cheerfully, before turning his attention back to the forest floor ahead of him as he effortlessly weaved around the dense foliage.

* * *

Ben began to question the accuracy of his original assumption that the structure would hold against explosions as they viciously shook the base. He rounded a corner and collided with a sturdy figure.

"Uncle Lando?" The perplexed endearment slipped from his mouth before he had even processed the man before him.

The older man looked at him with wide eyes, steeped in surprise and sadness. It was clear that he was unsure of how to act or what to say. Finally his deceptively steady voice replied. "Only Ben Solo is allowed to call me that." He said simply.

At that moment, another quake shook the very ground beneath and all around them. Instinctively, Ben reached his arms out and steadied the man. Without a second's pause, his concerned voice ignored the man's reply. "Where's Rey?"

Lando searched the young man's face and couldn't deny that somehow the familiar anxious eyes that were looking back at him belonged to none other than his dear nephew. It didn't seem possible; but the desperation in his tone made Lando more than capable of understanding. Rey… that girl really was something else.

No words came to his mind and yet he couldn't withhold from the distressed plea. He turned and looked at a tunnel on his left that stretched beyond what Ben could see.

For the briefest of seconds, a bright relief warmed his eyes as the corner of his mouth turned up. Looking back to the man he'd known all his life, Ben exhaled steadily. "You need to find my mother and get her out of here. I don't know how…" he shook his head, mumbling to himself. "They have the whole planet blockaded."

Lando caught the distance in the young man's phrasing. "We expected as much. One way or another," he sighed, "this war ends today." Ben's brows furrowed and the base shook again. "Go." Lando pushed him away slightly. "You don't need to worry after your mother; you should know that by now."

Ben nodded and turned away, running in Rey's direction.

The path winded and just when he was sure he'd become lost, Ben came upon her. She turned at his entrance, saber in hand. A cavalcade of emotions whirled across her features in a silent second.

Squaring her posture, she plastered on a resigned expression and pointed the unignited saber at him. "It's pointless, you coming here. You've already lost, even if your army isn't aware yet."

"Rey, I'm not here to fight you." His voice pleaded. "I didn't see." Sentiment shredded at him and it took all his strength not to fight against what he had been taught to believe would be the much dreaded cause of his undoing. "I was so consumed with following a legacy and stoking old resentments, that I didn't realize it was nothing but smoke."

"Words still dripping in blood offer me no comfort."

He shook his head and looked at the ground, ashamed for what his imbalance and need for answers had cost. His voice filled with sadness as he spoke softly. "I should've been there. I could've stopped it." He looked back at her. "I made a mistake, if I'd have known what he was going to do, I…" his voice trailed off, unsure of how to atone for his foolishness.

"I don't understand." Her words were unrushed as the tightness of her brow softened in the slightest and she lowered the saber.

"That vision of Odessen, when it called to us, I gave Hux command. It should've been like any other occupation. I wanted the First Order to rise above its predecessor; I wanted to prove you wrong and myself right. I believed that I could unify the galaxy in a way that created change and didn't wait for the proceedings of political diplomacy." Anger sharpened the edge of his voice. "I should've understood that he simply wanted to unleash his power on those who questioned it."

"They didn't question it."

Ben refocused at the sound of her voice. "What?"

"The capital surrendered quickly, though some believed their faith would be better placed in the jungle, than the mercy of the First Order."

He remembered Hux's words; he had referred to Onderon as fun. Murdering countless unarmed innocents had brought him joy. The knowledge turned Ben's stomach. His hands were by no means clean, yet he had felt nothing but duty and blind obedience to his master's teachings. "Their blood is on my hands." His solemn voice confessed in guilt.

"Why are you here, if not to fight?" Her tone was gentler than before. A detonation landed somewhere close above them and she instinctively shielded the ancient texts on the table beside her.

"I've been trying to warn you since we came out of hyperspace. I wanted to get you out of here. I thought I'd have a better chance, but he reneged against command." His soft cadence became exasperated. "I told you that the First Order knew about the Hutts. Why, why did you go back to Tatooine?"

"Because we wanted to fight on our terms and have you surrounded."

"Rey, do you know what's happening out there?" They were outnumbered and trapped. Her optimism almost had him at a loss of words.

"Yes." Her voice was smooth and certain. "Do you?"

* * *

Just as Poe shot down the sixth First Order transport, Leia's voice sounded through his com. "It's time Dameron, give me a show."

"Absolutely, General." Poe switched channels. "Finn, you're going to have to kick the cleanup crew into overdrive."

The young man's excited voice was nearly drowned out by the sound of a dozen land speeders whizzing behind him. "All I seem to be doing is picking up messes for you." He shot down two Stormtroopers that had exited a downed transport.

"Yeah, well, at least it's my mess this time." He said with a playful smirk.

"Fine," Finn laughed. "Send me the next wave of clutter."

"You got it, Babe." He switched back to his squadron's frequency.

"Okay, General gives us a go and Bravo team says they're ready for the mess. Let's put that to the test."

Fifteen A-Wings surfaced and made a production of their final pursuits. As the last three transports went down in a blaze of fiery glory, dozens of Resistance-allied starcruisers came out of hyperspace.

The Resistance reinforcements immediately began firing ion canons on the First Order Star Destroyers that surrounded the planet in close blockade formation. After plaguing the oppressive fleet with immobility, they started picking off ships one by one, most of them crashing into each other. Poe cheered at the sight of the Resistance's support. This wasn't Crait; they would win this time.

* * *

The ground shook in a way that made the detonations of earlier seem like gentle nudges.

Rey looked at Ben with a cocky quirk in her brow. "Sometimes political diplomacy has its perks."

"What?" He looked up at the walls of earth that surrounded him.

"We brought the First Order here once we were ready and kept them busy on the surface."

"A trap?" He said partly impressed with the Resistance and partly discomfited that he hadn't expected as much from his mother.

"We couldn't allow the First Order to continue." She said somberly.

"I'm so sorry." He uttered softly. "I never meant for this to happen. I know that I can't make things right, but if I could, nothing would stop me."

Her eyes stayed on him as another planet-shuddering tremor knocked the saber from her grasp and the texts from the table. Rey's expression was pained, but no longer held the anger that had stung him and yet his eyes fell away from her.

Ben looked at the scattered pages on the ground for barely a second, when recognition alerted his gaze. Out of instinct and pure surrender to the Force, he froze the blaster-fire in mid-air before Rey or he had become aware of the intruder on their intimate moment.

Hux stood with blaster in hand, his face bloodied from the crash. After he had seen him run through the forest in certainty, he decided he would rather follow Ren than continue in a misguided pursuit of the invisible Resistance. He felt sick satisfaction in his undebatable perceptivity. His pale blue eyes now bulged at the sight of the unharmed defector that stood before him. "I always knew you were a traitor of the First Order."

The insult fell flat against Ben and he briefly wondered if FN-2187 had felt a similar apathy at such an accusation. He looked at the blaster-fire that lingered in the air, slowly bringing it closer to the General. "You coward!" He seethed through gritted teeth.

The arrogant, pasty man's eyes began to drain of their confidence as the beam neared him. He couldn't move, frozen by the cold fingers of the Force as it barricaded around his body, holding him in place.

"All you want is blood, pain and fear." The shot hovered directly in front of Hux's face. "Well, how does it taste?" Armitage began to cower, his skin burning, but not quite caught aflame.

"Stop!" Rey shouted.

Ben's eyes were wide with confusion. "But, he has to pay for what he did!"

"And he will, but not like this. Not here, hidden from the galaxy, tucked away from the truth." She put her hand on Ben's. "Stop." Sensing his hesitance, she spoke softer so only he could hear her. "How many more times must your humanity be drained by your actions?"

Ben turned and looked at her with a profound sadness that still, and would always cripple his heart. Even if Hux deserved no better, Ben couldn't give into such a desire. He never wanted to experience joy in such a way, but a small part of him would, if he went through with it.

With the flick of his hand, the shot collided with the floor. Before Hux could finish exhaling in relief, Ben threw him against the wall with a force that knocked the man unconscious.

Just as Ben looked back to Rey, triumphant and loud voices echoed, their proximity nearing the two. His gaze grew gentle and melancholy. "He's not the only one that needs to pay for his crimes."

Denial surfaced against her expression immediately. "No."

"Rey, whether or not I am to blame for Iziz's fall, my hands are still covered in blood."

"Ben, you're too dangerous to be left alive. If you give yourself up, they won't try to imprison you, they'll kill you."

"That's what I deserve. All this destruction falls on me."

"Dying for your guilt doesn't redeem your humanity." She held his hand. "Wear your regret and shoulder your mistakes." Looking at their entwined hands, she breathed softly. "Make your life mean something by remembering those you hurt, because no one else will."

"Rey, I-"

"Ben, this is not where your path leads." She looked up at him. "I need you to trust me on that."

"It doesn't matter. They are coming." He could feel the voices getting closer. "I just want to tell you that I-"

Rey took off, her hand still gripping Ben's. "Rey! What are you doing?"

"Just follow me." She replied without looking back as she plunged them both further into the cave. After a few minutes of running, Rey slowly approached a corner.

"Rey, this isn't right-" he tried to argue again, but she stopped him with a gentle touch as her palm rested against his face.

"I can't let you do it. It's not your decision alone to make." She argued desperately. "What about Leia?"

"She learned to let me go long ago."

"What about me?"

He stayed silent and watched her with a warmth that awoke the live-wire nerves in her gut. "It's your turn to say goodbye."

"I can't do that." The pain in her voice and the conviction in her eyes moved him so deeply that for a moment he uselessly reached for the right words.

"You don't really have a choice." He offered softly. She looked around the corner. Somehow, they had rounded through the cave system and were near the entrance. "Rey," he tried to reason. "If I were to walk away from all this death and destruction would I be a man worth saving?"

He could see in her eyes that she understood his words. "Perhaps not." She said softly, before the air around her seemed to quiver. "Which is why it isn't your choice to make." Her hand lifted and before Ben could make sense of what was happening, Rey pushed him through the Force with all her might. "I'm sorry, but I can't let it happen like this. If they kill you to obtain victory, it all really will have been for nothing."

"Don't let the Resistance find you." She demanded as she shoved him into an empty RZ-1. "Just, wait." She sighed. "Wait it out." '_Someday_', she wanted to add, but found she couldn't for fear that it might be a lie.

She started up the A-Wing and just before she shut the door, Ben said what he had been desperate to release for longer than even he knew. "I love you."

"I know." She said sadly, propelling the ship from her sight.

* * *

***A/N - So, I wanted to make the main battle of the war quite brief. Though it is an important turning point in this story, it was always meant to revolve more around the conflicting desires that are contorting these characters, than the physical actions of war. Despite the significance of the battle's results, I couldn't envision a grander fight that this story could handle, time or content wise. I knew that the advantages of the First Order would far outweigh the Resistance's, leaving them to need the element of surprise to overwhelm the arrogant foe, possible through Hux's sadistic blood-lust fresh enough from Onderon.**

**Also, yes I couldn't help myself. Originally I wanted to refrain from using the classic ending lines of the chapter, made famous from both **_**Empire Strikes Back**_** and **_**Return of the Jedi**_**. However, once I understood how these two would need to separate at the end of the chapter, I quickly conceded when seeing how those lines could convey so much without repeating the context of their earlier uses; not revealing and desperate, nor proud and flirtatious, but pained and aching, now that they have nothing to fight with or for, her misconception corrected and his allegiance altered. Sorry for over-explaining, I simply stressed myself out with the realization of just how much takes place during this chapter. Anyway, (rambling over) I hope you enjoy. Please send some reviews, I'm really curious to see how this story is being received. I could always use feedback. Thanks so much -Nikki**


	12. Chapter 11: Hiding

**Chapter 11: Hiding**

Finn slowly peeked his eyes open; his arm stretched awkwardly outward and though he couldn't see Poe's in the exact same position, he could feel it resting underneath his pillow. His slumbering Commander huffed ever-so-slightly into his ear, causing him to momentarily smirk. It was hard to believe the seemingly carefree man had been up most of the night worrying about the day ahead of them.

Finn could understand his anxiety. Poe was expected to stand beside Leia at the commencement ceremony.

For months, it had been nothing but paperwork and fine-tuning. The destruction of the First Order's main fleet had only been the beginning. Severely outnumbered, it was only a matter of time before the rest of its ranking officers were relieved of their authority. Despite the overwhelming relief many felt at the reinstatement of a Republic galactic government, Chandrila and a few other Core and Inner Rim worlds found some accuracy in the First Order's complaints of the inefficiency that had been rampant in the New Republic.

Leia had heard the criticism openly and knew better than most just where those arguments had come from. Though democracy was the core of her political beliefs, she couldn't deny that the government she had once rallied behind and helped create had contorted into something complacent and sometimes even cruel. She had worked beside many to craft the layout for what would now be known as the Reformed Republic.

All night Finn had heard Poe's rambling desire to make the best impression possible as he stood beside their General while she would be named Chancellor that evening. More than anything Finn wished Rey would be there. The past few months he had been plagued by the political monotony with very little contact to his friend.

Soon after the war, as the Resistance began to address its priorities, the scavenger-turned-Jedi was given the leave she had greatly desired to continue her training. Though she wasn't entirely isolated, she had distanced herself from the Resistance, from any distractions that threatened her progress. Finn could grasp her frustration and knew just how desperately she had wanted to finish translating and studying the ancient and mystical texts that would be the key to rebirthing the Jedi. His understanding didn't make him miss his friend any less, but he knew she would return as soon as she could make sense of the abandoned order and its mysterious ways.

He wouldn't deny his own theory that Rey needed a break from it all. Months later, he still couldn't forget the wild and lost look in her eyes after their victory. That battle had taken something out of her and yet he couldn't grasp what. She had mentioned something about _battle meditation_; it had sounded exhausting to him, but it hadn't been fatigue that had pooled in her eyes. It was as if she was relieved to disappear.

BB8 began chirping animatedly and Finn could feel Poe stir lethargically behind him. His slurred whisper tickled Finn's neck. "Shh, buddy. Give me ten more minutes." As Poe spoke, his arm tightened around the ex-Stormtrooper's side, burrowing his nose into his back. The droid rolled away, almost muttering to itself.

"Poe," Finn could hardly turn his head to look at the man. "You remember what today is, right?"

"Shh, Babe. Ten minutes won't make the slightest difference." From the all-too-familiar tone in his voice, Finn could tell that Poe still hadn't opened his eyes.

"It could." He tried to warn.

Suddenly, it wasn't the sharp contour of the Commander's nose that grazed Finn's neck, but soft lips, just barely smirking. "You're right." Finn looked back at the mischievous smirk and found the man's warm eyes gazing into his. "It can."

Finn was tempted to argue that his words were being misconstrued, but found he had no motivation to disagree with his leering lover.

* * *

The trek back from the village had done little to exhaust the man and yet, he found his energy depleted. He kept to himself as he mostly did, the Resistance ties on Batuu were much stronger than he had expected, though it didn't hinder him as much as he would've thought. He knew just how far away this planet was from the reach of whatever remnants no doubt still remained of the First Order.

No, Batuu was the perfect place for the quiet, introverted fugitive. In some ways, the rag-tag occupants that populated the world made him feel closer to her.

Even with his charcoal cloak pulled tightly around him, there was little threat of discovery. Everyone here was looking to hide and even if they weren't, it seemed unlikely any knew the face of the First Order's ex-Supreme Leader. Despite such certainty, Ben still erred on the side of caution.

His humble, secluded hut was far enough from town that he had yet to be intruded upon. It seemed isolation was all he could be afforded; and he wondered if that was his penance. He had tried for so long to reach out to her that he had lost count of the days, weeks, months.

Ben couldn't be bothered to calculate the passage of time as he waited. Rey had returned to barricading herself from him. His honest confession still lingered in the back of his mind like a tribute to his foolishness. He had been so sure that she still cared for him, but her silence made him question whether or not he could be trusted to ever understand the motivations of her heart. Escaping had only seemed bearable to him when he believed their Force bond would be strong enough to eliminate the space between them. Only what had once been affection, now seemed no more than apathy, but still he tried to reach for her.

He knew that was the true source of his exhaustion. Despite the wall, he just wanted to see her or hear her voice for a moment. Sometimes he almost ached to be discovered by the Resistance, if only to force her to react. Ben couldn't deny that it had been a small part of his motivation in choosing Batuu. If he was ever found, she would know soon after.

Rain began to drizzle across the landscape as his home came into view. He snatched his clothes from the line and rushed inside. The abode was mostly barren, save for a bed and a small table that held the majority of his belongings. On days when he felt restless, his hands would seek out his lightsaber.

He never ignited it, the tainted crimson an unwelcome reminder of his sins, but he would hold it just the same. All he could express was remorse to the cracked kyber crystal inside.

How lost he had become in a destiny he could never have predicted, even though it had been revealed to him long ago. His arrogance had been rewarded with the reminder that he was simply a pawn to the Force, subject to its will as much as the rest of the universe.

On this day, he was particularly uneasy. The downpour cascaded against the hut with a steady, droning hum that reminded him of something; not quite a sound, but a state of being. He could easily comprehend the distinction ever since his life had become a never-ending blur of aching silence. Suddenly he realized how tightly his hand had gripped around the hilt of his lightsaber.

He exhaled and set it down in front of him. Taking a moment to center his mind, Ben pushed away all of his anxieties and frustrations. Daily meditation had become his only solace. It was all that made him feel connected to anything anymore.

Mainly he had taken on the hobby to better find inner balance, though he soon discovered new accessibilities the more he practiced. He reached out to another presence. Today was the day after all.

Leia Organa was no challenge to sense or find, but there was no need for even the slightest effort; he knew where she was. He was almost able to project his consciousness in that very hall. In truth, Ben wouldn't have even attempted it, had it not been for the ceremony taking place on Chandrila.

She was surely smiling in that instant, prudent and reserved, but secretly aching. He could sense her thoughts on him, her pain from standing on that planet so many years later. It shook Ben deeply for a moment, how strongly similar her conflicted mind reacted to the world, just as his had.

He wished he could see her, but he doubted he would ever know the words to say. Remembering the wild look in her eyes on Cardooine, he could find some relief that she knew. He could never hope to be forgiven by her, but she would always know that he had thought for her safety.

It was insufficient he knew; but what wouldn't be? How could he ever repay her for his wrongs? How could he ever make amends for what he had stolen away? He could sense her standing tall and he wanted to rip himself in half knowing that Han wasn't standing beside her because of him.

_"Ben?"_

Her soft, mumbled whisper pushed through the hole in space and in him, coaxing a painful choking sob from his throat.

"I'm so sorry."

The focus on his meditation crumbled as the emotion stifled him. Opening his eyes, his heart wrenched at what rested before him. Without a thought, Ben hurled his lightsaber across the hut.

He heard the loud crack of it colliding with stone, but it offered him little comfort. The sobbing had not ceased from his chest and it seemed as if he would never breathe again, but he didn't try to stop or rein in his hurt.

Every day, for the rest of his life, he would remember all those he had ended. Family and foe alike, for what? Ambition, the praise and pride of a master who used him as a tool, like some fosterer of darkness, a bringer of death. How willing he had been to offer torment for acceptance from the wrong place.

He had so many crimes, so many lives to mourn, but in that moment all he could see was his father's face just before he had tumbled off that metal, grated catwalk on _Starkiller Base_. Ben could easily remember how quickly regret seized him snatching the breath in his lungs. He would never forget the crack that severed him in two. Sometimes he could feel it, in the warmth of his scar, burned into him as desperately as the soft, final touch of his father's hand. It would always be there for him to carry and cherish.

He could no longer push back the emotion, his exhaustion draining him of any control he had previously possessed. For the first time he could remember, he didn't want to fight it off anymore. He wanted to hurt.

Ben sobbed himself to sleep like he hadn't in years, not since being a child. Once his jagged breaths slowly began to taper off, he was lulled into slumber by the consistent rainfall that surrounded him in a cocoon of shielded silence.

* * *

Something muted the heavy and monotonous rain that continued to fall. It was as if reverberations were hollowing out the weight of his slumber. The disturbing feeling woke him. Soft at first, sound echoing through the path that outranked space and time; it was fractured bits of brisk percussion. He stilled his own breath to better examine it.

Once his lungs ached, he properly identified the urgent rhythm to be the thrum of a panicked and over-compensating heartbeat. The unreserved volume made him fear the worst. It was Rey, she was in danger. Just as the worry gripped him, all was suddenly silent again.

He sat up in the pitch black and called out to her. "Rey."

Ben sighed in delirious relief when he felt the intangible wall come crashing down to separate them yet again. Even if it meant enduring her excruciating indifference, he was thankful for the stark reminder, proof of her survival.

He sat up in the inky darkness and questioned why such battles were still being fought with the war so thoroughly won. Immediately he couldn't disagree the undeniable truth that there had never been a shortage of enemies for the Jedi. Such trouble was the business of reviving the order; he wished she could see the sense to just let it all go; though truly, he wished he could be fighting beside her.

A melancholy melody cried from the other side of the hut. Ben's eyes searched for a moment, until he recognized the sound, much louder than he'd ever heard it before. Hesitantly, he stood and approached it.

His lightsaber lay on the cold floor. He quickly noticed the new chip in its hilt from his earlier outburst. Finding the discarded piece beside it, he lifted the two parts and inspected them in his hands. In the exposing sliver, he could see the faint glow of the bloodshot kyber crystal, though he was thankful that he didn't have to look at the gem itself. His guilt shamed him.

There was nothing to blame for his mistakes but himself. His lightsaber was merely an instrument, one that he himself had corrupted. His actions were his own to mourn and it soured his gut.

His self-loathing momentarily halted as he remembered the brief second of connection that he had felt with Rey. The rain outside began to fall in synchronicity to the rushed heartbeat he could still recall in his mind. She was stubborn, but safe and that was enough of a comfort to quiet his own cruel thoughts for the night.

* * *

Chewbacca looked over warily at the young Jedi. She was pushing herself too hard, though he knew she would refuse to admit it. He still couldn't stop himself from warning her just the same.

Rey turned and smiled at her dear friend and mentor. Every day was a battle, but she had long prepared herself for the reality. She swore she wouldn't force herself at an unsustainable pace. It was unnerving that the heavy exhaustion in her eyes questioned her ability to keep such a promise. Regardless, it was impossible for her to not be frustrated by the rate of their progress. "I just wanted to be there." She finally admitted sadly.

Chewie expressed a similar sentiment. "I wish you had gone too. It would've meant so much to her." Rey couldn't, even at the slow rate her work was going, she wasn't able to walk away; it was a luxury she couldn't afford, not now.

She knew it didn't matter; she had asked him to go, but he was determined to stick with her until she was done. It warmed her heart to have an incredibly dedicated friend, even if she felt like she was the last person who deserved such loyalty.

* * *

Over several weeks, Ben became accustomed to the random minute half-connection with Rey. That didn't ease his anxiety in the least; he still held his breath when it happened. A tension would build in his gut as he both longed for and feared the prospect of silence. When it finally came, he would always reach out to make sure that the wall had fallen in its place.

Even though the intentional avoidance pierced him, after the fact he was almost amused to find that Rey's second priority to survival was immediately blocking him out. He was beginning to wonder if she would ever reach out to him by choice, like she once had long ago.

It seemed pointless to hope, so he forced himself to focus on anything else. His meditations had become much more intense as of late, once he had begun his trances with lightsaber in hand. In a way, he wanted to reunite the broken parts of his old self with the new clarity he was finally beginning to grasp at, so he tried to merge the two. There was also a childish inner desire he couldn't acknowledge that hoped he could pass that peace onto the marred crystal and silence its haunting hiss that still stung him.

* * *

It was very late one night when Ben felt a disturbance, almost a fractured glitch in the Force. Suddenly, the erratic heartbeat sounded and he knew that Rey was the source of the disturbance. The sound grew louder than ever before and Ben felt his breathing cease. Just as it did, he felt pain ripping through him. He cried out and searched for the cause. Breathing became a necessity again as he looked for the place where his skin was tearing, the only explanation he could accept to describe the agony.

The pain released its hold on him, but it echoed in the dark still room. _Rey_. It was her pain, he suddenly understood. She was forcing herself to breathe and Ben screamed out in that empty room for her. "Rey! She's in pain! Why is nobody helping her?" Red, hot tears were brimming his eyes as he cursed people who couldn't hear him. She was fighting and suffering with no ease from her pain. He continued to call her name. There was nothing for him to do, but claw at his sheets and grit his teeth in his mockingly still room.

The last remnants of the wall were weakening and fear paralyzed Ben's heart. He had wanted to see her for so long, yet he begged the wall to hold fast. As if in answer to his plea, it faded between them even more and he could hear Rey gasping for air.

It was the most maddening melody, to finally hear her again for what might be the last time. "Rey," he called back, choking on the emotion in his voice. "Rey, I'm here. Don't give in." He ordered with no authority in his tone, only pure desperation.

"Ben?"

The tears now broke across his face. Her voice was so weak and fatigued; he wanted to rip apart the galaxy to find her. "Yes, Rey. It's Ben. Where are you? Tell me where you are and I'll come help you."

"No."

"Rey, don't." He nearly growled back. "I can help you." He pleaded. "I'll do whatever you want, just let me help-"

"NO-" she barked back.

The wall was crumbling apart in a way that made him wonder how it had stood for so long. He reached out to her; unsure of what he might see, but determined to find her, to save her. "Rey, I'm coming." He promised.

Foreign light slowly peeked into his room as he pulled for her. As the brightness flooded and confused his senses, he heard the rushed heartbeat split in the air. She screamed and he tugged himself all the way through. "Re-" Both her name and the breath that uttered it broke off.

Ben choked as he looked at the swollen Rey pushing and grunting at the behest of a gruff, Wookie mid-wife. She suddenly looked up. "Ben," she breathed.

"Rey, I-" His unplanned statement was cut short when she screamed again through a Force-disturbing push. He reached without a thought and grabbed her hand firmly in his. He couldn't think about how incredible it was to see her or how amazing it was to touch her again; nothing mattered, but helping her. He couldn't of course, so he did all he could think of and closed his eyes, meditating all his strength and energy on her, hoping to possibly mute the pain. Stopping short, he gasped as his eyes tore open. "Rey," he spoke steadily.

She pushed again and a moment later, screaming filled the room. Her eyes met his briefly before turning towards the source of the sound. After pushing once more, the screaming infant was free of the birth canal. "Rey, you know-"

"I know." She groaned, taking in a deep breath. It wasn't over yet. Ben grasped her hand firmly, resolved to never move if she only asked, that was until his eye found the crying baby boy a few feet away. He desperately wanted to stay and comfort her, but he desperately wanted to move and comfort the baby.

She began pushing again as her hand clawed his. He could hardly breathe as he felt the pressure of the Force build in the air surrounding them. He wasn't sure how long she pushed, but he didn't budge from her, just as his eyes never did from the screaming bald baby. A higher echo seemed to join with the latter's cry.

The first thing he saw when turning to face the second crier was soft tufts of ebony hair. "Rey-" he choked out as the tears fell.

The Wookie mid-wife brought the babies to the exhausted mother, unaware of the additional, semi-corporeal presence in the room. The wailing babes silenced themselves at the sight of Ben. Rey turned and gave him a tired smile. "They recognize you." She spoke simply, confirming what he knew the moment he had focused his energy on her. He had recognized them too.


	13. Chapter 12: Waiting For You

***A/N - I did the twin thing. It seem I just can't help myself, lol. Honestly I didn't intend this as a homage to the Skywalker twins, it's more due to my own (more often than not, detrimental) indecision. I could envision them both with a daughter and/or a son. I didn't take too long to decide; once I started to build both characters in my mind, I realized I couldn't part with either. Eh, if there is one thing a fanfic author should own up to, it's our self-indulgence. I hunger for any reviews (thoughts, questions, opinions). Thanks - Nikki**

* * *

**Chapter 12: Waiting For You**

Ben seemed to lay across from Rey, the space between them filled with the two three-month old infants. It was never enough. He ached to be with them, every moment of the day, but the bridge of their connection could only be sustained so long. Most nights he couldn't see them.

It soured Ben's gut to know how hard Rey worked to study the texts and raise Lux and Umbra. He was thankful that Chewbacca was with her and watched over them just as he had him so many years before. Rey refused to let him come to her, the risk still too great. He often tried to argue, but could never get her to relent. It was unnecessary attention, the very kind she was determined to avoid.

On this night, he didn't want to argue. Ben fondly watched their babies sleep. It brought him peace just to witness them, but he couldn't deny that it also brought him pain. He could feel the discomfort tightening in his throat.

"What is it?" Rey inquired softly the moment she saw the heavy emotion flood his eyes.

He lifted his head to look back at her. "When I look at them, I'm overcome with just how strong a parent's love is and I-" his breathing hitched and Rey waited patiently for him to continue. "I think about Han." She reached out and touched his hand out of instinct, suddenly wishing she could really feel the warmth of his skin, wanting him truly there. "The absolute betrayal he must've felt. Regardless of the neglect and the mistakes we both made along the way; he was my father and he loved me." He cleared his throat. "He still tried to bring me back after all that time, all the things I'd done and I…" He looked into her eyes, his own so flooded in shame. "I killed him." A few silent tears rolled down his cheeks. She wiped them away.

"I didn't understand what it meant to be a father, to love someone so deeply that words become inadequate, to know that it is your job to help them grow and to watch them become whoever they choose to be." He shook his head, his voice catching on the words. "I failed him and Leia."

"You found your way back to the light!"

At a price that never should've been paid, he knew all too well. "My whole existence, every choice I ever made was misguided. It all meant nothing."

"What do you mean?"

"I never told you." Ben murmured under his breath.

"What?"

He stopped and looked into her eyes; his own glossy and pained. "All those months ago," he shook his head, reaching out, not able to feel the softness of the ebony wisps on Umbra's head. "After you left me on Odessen," Rey watched him longingly, remembering just how desperately she had wanted to stay beside him. "I went to Mustafar, to Vader's Fortress." Sighing, he rested his hand upon the blanket on Lux. "It was built on top of a Sith cave. I thought I could learn to erase any desire I had to go to you." Rey froze, waiting for him to continue. "I guess I expected the darkness to overwhelm me and pluck me out of the light. The whole palace was vacant, like some long-forgotten dungeon," his voice broke. "And I found this broken altar. It was as if I could feel the entirety of the Dark Side of the Force lingering in the stone that littered the floor. I reached out and pressed my hand to it." His eyes were far off as if he was reliving the moment. "It was so powerful." He sighed and met her eyes again. "Not the dark, but the pain, the loss. Vader wanted that door so he could see the woman he loved."

Lux let out a quivering breath and Ben held his own as he waited for their son to breathe steadily again. Once he did, Ben continued. "You were right. The power, the respect, even the galaxy meant nothing when he thought he could have her back, if only for a moment. I should've run straight to you afterwards, but Onderon," he shook his head. "I didn't know, but I should've." An exhausted sigh heaved from his chest. "And then suddenly, I was at war," the anger shattered his voice. "Against you."

"Shh. Don't." She chided, tired of dwelling on the flawed choices of their pasts.

"Why? I didn't want to rule the galaxy; I didn't want to be Supreme Leader. All I ever remember wanting was you."

She covered his mouth. "You can't change what happened, but I'm here right now."

He gave her a tight smile that didn't reach his pained eyes. '_For how long?_' He wanted to ask, but couldn't. He knew the truth, they could sustain the bond for a while, they had plenty of practice, but even then there was one thing they could never account for. Emotion. It strengthened the bond until it shattered it. It was so hard for Ben to touch her without wanting to come undone. "You are." His voice was grateful as he swallowed down his own ache.

Rey smiled as his hand ever-so-lightly rested against her face. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his gently. Just barely able to touch. It really was never enough.

* * *

It wasn't always hard, not like this day. Rey had been particularly busy that week; there were some chaotic developments of political rebellion that had pulled her away. Some First Order rogue soldiers that held loyalty to Hux, on the grotesque basis of Onderon, were becoming a threat after a holo surfaced of an impassioned testimony he had given during his imprisonment, of his resolved and unwavering loyalty to the First Order; the regime he would've made unstoppable if he had succeeded it instead of Kylo Ren. Only the extremists appreciated the value he had placed in military force; other sympathizers recognized the success of the government by its recent growth before the brief battle of misplaced arrogance.

Ben had been ready to set himself at the task, but Rey quickly dissuaded him of entertaining the thought. She would be offering her assistance to allies of the Resistance to locate Hux's over-glorified wardogs and assured him that with the support she would be given, his help would be unnecessary. He knew the First Order murmurs made her paranoid about him making himself visible, especially to groups that supported the fall of his own short-term legacy. However, it did bring her some comfort to work beside strangers who didn't seek to encroach on her private life.

Chewbacca stayed in the hut with Lux and Umbra while Rey met with the group. She felt truly indebted to the kind Wookie, especially with his patience regarding the children. They adored him, but were troublesome in their own ways. He was aware of the messes that the proficient crawlers could make and was becoming even more wary of Umbra who had started to show a very stubborn desire to begin walking. Lux quietly and contentedly would watch his sister struggle to get to a standing position leaning against any structure she could find. Again and again she fell; frustration squished her expression as she would irritably swat away the black feathery hair that kept falling in her face.

Chewie had warned their mother of the chaos that would unravel once the tiny terror mastered the maneuverability of walking. Her brother would soon follow; patient, yet eager to learn from her example, also too keen to not be left behind.

It had been a thought invading Rey's mind as of late and she knew that it might slow her down, but she didn't doubt her ability to continue with her task just as she originally planned. She had already expected to fall behind, ever since she had learned of her pregnancy, she had known that her time of studying would be no small burst.

She returned to her hut, thankful that her mission was now over and she could continue unhindered. C3PO was optimistic that they would finish merely the translations within a year, though she wanted to go back to furthering her progress, she was resolved not to call on the droid tonight. She just wanted to be surrounded by her family again. Just the hopeful thought revitalized her energy as she walked through the door.

Chewbacca exhaustedly excused himself at the sight of the mother of misfits, more than ready to retire to his sanctuary ship. Lux and Umbra slept quietly beside each other on her bed. The two were so different and yet so close. Rey admired the honey colored fuzz that had only just recently began sprouting on his head. Suddenly, his eyes opened and he looked up at his mother.

Within a moment, Rey could feel Ben pulling himself to her. His expression was puzzled as he looked at her, then at their sleeping children. "Did he just…" Ben whispered, briefly cutting himself off, to turn back to Rey and appreciate the vision of her for a second, before continuing. "I felt him, like with you, but fainter. It wasn't quite a pull, but suddenly he was there." He shook his head, unable to fathom the already beaming abilities of their children.

Rey joined him in the gesture. "I don't know if I can be surprised anymore. In a few years they might be able to summon you on their own."

'_A few years_' he thought sourly, quickly pushing it away so as not to turn his mood. "I've missed you." He smiled softly, the emotion filling his voice. "All of you, so much."

Umbra's eyes opened, sensing the presences around her. Rey sat on the bed and pulled them both onto her lap. Ben hurriedly sat beside her, reaching out and feeling the ghost of a touch as he grabbed his daughter's hand. "Us too." She closed her eyes and he could sense exhaustion in the motion. "We've missed you too, is what I meant. Sorry." Smiling, her eyes crinkled slightly. "It's been a long week."

"Yeah." His voice was gentle as he reached his other hand to nearly touch his son's cheek. He looked back at Rey. "I can imagine it was a lot of work."

Her smile tightened as she looked at him appreciatively. "The work was easy. Missing this was the hard part." She could see his eyes lighten gratefully.

"Are you ready to hit the books again?" He asked expectantly.

"Yeah. Having taken a break from them, makes me feel ready to get my second wind." She thought. "Or third, I guess."

After Lux, Umbra and Rey finished eating, everyone sat down. Everyone except Umbra. Rey was practically giddy, with Lux on her lap as she told Ben just how close their daughter was to walking. Umbra clung to her mother's leg, stamping her feet, as if to test out their structural stability. They had only failed her, but she was determined to keep trying.

Ben couldn't help but smirk at the frustration on his daughter's face. Her impatience mirrored his own and he wished there was a way for him to convey to her very young mind that most things in life couldn't be rushed, it would just unfold. He had never better understood the flow of the galaxy or the Force until he had allowed himself to relinquish control, or at least the illusion of control that he had clung to for so long.

She would see it too, one day, much sooner than him, he had no doubt. "Umbra, you'll get there. It's okay." He said gently.

The ebony-haired cherub, still holding onto her mother, turned and smiled at her father's voice. She stamped her foot again, slowly moving her arm, until even her hand was free. Her eyes focused on him, sitting on the ground across from her.

Resolve set in her eyes and she started to stumble towards Ben. "I told you, I told you." Rey repeated excitedly, her voice drenched in pride as she watched their daughter take her first four steps.

One step away from him, Umbra tripped over her foot and fell forward, hands splayed in front of her, reaching out. Ben's arms stretched out instinctively, but the movement was ultimately pointless as she fell through his arms.

Rey jumped up with Lux still in her arm as her daughter looked at the small tear on her hand, mostly a white skid, with the tiniest bit of blood. The injury didn't faze her, but her big, dark brown eyes still seemed troubled. She looked up at her father and the ground where she had fallen. When her eyes fell back on him, she began crying.

Ben and Rey's eyes met in a second. She set Lux down and began comforting his sister. The quiet little boy looked up at Ben and he swore he could feel sympathy in his son's expression.

* * *

Ben stilled at the quivering sniffled inhale of Umbra, before looking back to Rey. It had taken awhile to calm her. She had barely stopped crying before falling right asleep. Lux didn't stay awake for much longer.

Rey could feel it pulsing off of Ben. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen him so distressed. "Babies fall, they get hurt. She's okay."

They both knew that wasn't the real problem. "I let myself believe for a foolish second that we were a normal family that I could be a support for my daughter, but I can't, because I'm not here." He paused, his eyes melancholy molasses reflecting the crackling fire. "Not in the way I should be."

Rey placed her hand on his face and he could sense her, just enough for his skin to tingle at the vague inclination of contact. This 'touch' would never be real like Odessen. He couldn't feel the warmth of her breath or the fond and familiar callouses on her hands from years of living as a scavenger on Jakku. She wasn't really touching him. He wasn't really there.

"They know you and that you love them. That is more than you can understand."

"But I can't just be there for them. I can't be completely present in their lives. Everything in the galaxy keeps pushing us apart and I just…" his breath caught in his throat.

"What?" She prodded gently.

"I want to know what their hair smells like or whether Lux's cheeks are as squishy as they seem or if Umbra's hair is as soft as it looks. I want nothing else in the galaxy to matter but my loyalty to you and them." He looked down. "I could never have guessed this would be my future, but I wish I would've known; if only to really sit beside you and hold my children as they fall asleep." All his ties to humanity had been burned, even in ways he could never have anticipated. "My life is subject to my debt, but it keeps me from them." He breathed shallowly. "I just want us to be a family, a real family."

It pained Rey to watch the hurt fill his eyes. Of course she wanted him there with the children, but she knew the lengths to which some would go to find him. Many in the Resistance and Reformed Republic considered the Supreme Leader to be missing indefinitely, but there was no denying that finding and capturing him would be a boon to many up and comers in the new government, a recent development she had been made aware of by Finn in a holo the other day. "We are a real family!" She insisted. "I won't risk your life to bother with the matter of geography. Our children get to see you almost every day. That is more than most ever know. I can't let them lose that, lose you." She desperately wanted him to understand where she was coming from.

"I know." He looked down. "That's why I don't push; I just…" he sighed heavily. "There's no one to blame but myself. I want to hate everything that I am." He shook his head, the tone of his voice like an anchor. "But I look at them and I realize that there has to be something truly good still inside me, if I was able to contribute to," looking at the quiet slumbering children, he lightened slightly. "This." He beamed, turning his attention back on Rey. "They're amazing and perfect and some part of them came from me. " He laughed. "It makes me feel so hopeful and so humbled."

"I know what you mean." She looked over at the sleeping Umbra and Lux before heading back into the sitting room.

"I wish I was there." He said more to himself than her as they both sat on the ground, neither one ready to say goodbye for the night.

"You are. In the way you can be, you are."

"It's not enough."

The nonchalant addition of his irritated her. "Of course it's not. You think the mild hint of touch sustains me? I want you here. I wish I had you beside me, holding them and sleeping in my bed, but we can't mute the rest of the galaxy for our own desires. Our roles keep us from what we want, for now."

"I'm sorry." He reached out and took her hand in his. Though it wasn't the same as touching her, the solidity of her hand was still so strong. "I have no right to wallow. I forget that I'm not the only one affected by this and it's not fair that I don't acknowledge it."

Rey shook her head. "I'm fine. I-" He squeezed her hand comfortingly and she stopped herself, immediately knowing that he would feel her lie before it slipped out of her mouth. She felt their connection filling the space around them. The energy was staggering and vibrant; her thoughts almost felt intertwined with his own. She could only liken the sensation to the way she felt when their hands had first touched a few years before, but magnified in the most intimate sense.

Her breath seemed to echo in her thoughts as she sighed heavily. "It's been hard. I want to be the strong one, but no one ever explained how I'm supposed to handle this either." She met his sympathetic gaze.

"You're shouldering so much." His voice was awed consideration as he lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly.

Something pulsed through the Force with such strength it captured their attention. The building energy between them felt as if it had snapped back. Rey marveled at the new way Ben's hand tingled in hers. It wasn't as if he was there, but she could feel his aura, his essence in the Force and it fused with her own. Her palm was that pure energy as was the rest of her. Needing to quell her own curiosity, she leaned in and kissed him quickly.

He too, was alight with the very same power of the Force. "This is new." He said, his knuckles brushing against her cheeks, bursting with a pearlescent effervescence.

For a moment, sadness seemed to melt away as touching one another became light flowing through their veins. He kissed her back, determined to take advantage of the euphoric feeling. She returned his fervor, willing to settle for the less tangible connection if only to stay on fire.

* * *

It didn't stay that way; soon enough the shimmering static fizzled from their skin. Their connection felt fortified, as if their hearts had been in perfect sync in that moment.

Before finally saying goodnight, Ben and Rey walked into the room to check on the sleeping twins. Lux slept almost rolled in on himself, while Umbra's limbs were stretched about in nearly every direction.

Ben sat down, looking at the scuff on his daughter's hand. He reached out, not quite touching the mark, still too afraid his hand would pass through. Her breath caught in her sleep and the sound reminded him of her heavy sob earlier. He wanted to take that pain from her, mostly the hurt in her eyes, though he knew that could never be erased.

He opened his eyes, feeling the scratch slowly fade under the weight of his influence. Rey looked back at him, thoroughly stunned. "Ben, how-"

A surprised smile crinkled his eyes, like a child excited by their own ability. "Meditation has become very eye-opening as of late. I've been wanting to try, but everything's been weighing down." She nodded in agreement. "Tonight," he smirked, looking down. "That energy… and holding you, it just made me feel invincible."

She understood; it was like the thrumming Force within her had been replenished by that electric energy. Still it was startling to see his affinity for healing. She had come across the ability several times during her translations, but had only been able to read a little about it. It was a strength she had admired, but hadn't yet attempted. For a second she wondered. The Force always had a way of pushing them down specific paths. She appraised him with genuine and gentle eyes. "Ben, I don't think it was tonight that made you capable of that. The Force is communicating with you."

He looked up. "Sometimes it feels that way."

"Then listen."

Ben met her gaze and then turned back to Umbra's hand. It coursed through his veins like feathery warmth meant to guide him; he felt with absolute certainty that Rey was right. This wasn't the same as earlier, tamed, powerful emotion manifesting through touch; this was something else entirely. "It has its limits." His palm rested against Rey's collarbone and she could almost feel him, prodding the sadness in her heart. "There are some things the Force can never heal."

She placed her hand on top of his and smiled softly. "I would never expect it to." Meeting his eyes, her voice was steady and wise. "Sometimes there is no better remedy than time."

* * *

Ben knew this is how it would be. In the foreseeable future he could sense the distance that would keep them apart, until granted some brief reprieve like this night.

He saw in himself a greed he had never known, for he wanted so much more than that. He wanted to rip apart the obstacles that still kept them from truly touching. As he lay in the feeling of uselessness from Umbra slipping through his arms, he realized just how much he'd have to be willing to hurt and how long he'd have to be able to wait.

Rey sighed with exasperation in her sleep and Ben knew that he couldn't begin to quantify a possible limit. Even if they couldn't truly be tangible to one another now, he knew that his feelings would not falter. If there was the slightest chance that Rey could love him despite the divide, he would wish for nothing else, but…

He still couldn't convey it to her. Pressuring her was the last thing he wanted to do, especially after all that he had done. No, he would wait and ache, outwardly avoiding the uncomfortable question that always flooded his thoughts; would they ever get time, with her sense of duty and his quest for penance?

* * *

Rey looked at the stack of fully translated texts. She had been studying them for months and often worried it would take her years to retain all of the knowledge. Anxiety had been building in her gut, but she hadn't allowed herself to face the cause.

Umbra sprinted by, but she quickly snatched up the toddler. "Where is your brother?"

"Hiding." She cheerfully replied, completely unfazed by the horizontal position her mother was lugging her around in.

Rey's eyes narrowed for a brief, contemplative second. "Fine." She covered her daughter's eyes, to keep their game fair. Predictably, she found the quiet boy well concealed in her room. "Lux." Tufts of warm, golden hair peeked from underneath her bed. He immediately noticed his sister wrapped in her arms, eyes shielded. "It's time to eat." Nodding gently, he hurried to her side.

"Go see Daddy." He said quietly, looking up as he followed her.

She stopped short. "Yes, you will see him." Her soft spoken son looked at her for a prolonged moment as if he expected her to amend her statement and she realized that he understood the distinction.

After they had finished eating, Rey briefly held her daughter captive, excusing Lux to return to his spot before their game had been interrupted. She went outside to triple check the A-Wing she would be piloting once the twins had gone to sleep.

At the end of the night, she told them of her trip while tucking them in. "Just two days." She was truly thankful to Chewie for allowing her the extra time. Her blood burned in her veins as her heart hammered in her chest; even though she had no frame of reference, she was sure that this is what going home felt like.


	14. Chapter 13: All We Need Here

***A/N - I originally chose Odessen due to its strong Force neutrality, but after further continuing my research of the planet, Legends character, Satele Shan caught my attention and I couldn't resist the temptation to bring to light the similar nature of the choices that she had to make. **  
**Satele Shan****: A Human female (in the Old Republic era) descendant of Revan and Bastila Shan who was the Jedi Grand Master during the Cold War and the Galactic War. She engaged in a secret romantic relationship with Republic trooper ****Jace Malcolm****, which resulted in her becoming pregnant with ****Theron Shan****. She broke off her relationship with Jace, fearing the threat of darkness looming around his desire for revenge against the Empire as well as the possibility of falling herself should she lose him. She had their son in secret and left him in the care of her former Master. Decades later, after becoming acquainted with her son, she lived in exile on Odessen. Sorry for the very abridged explanation; I just realized the reference might be a bit obscure. Anyway, thanks -Nikki**

* * *

**Chapter 13: All We Need Here**

The cerulean and emerald planet hadn't changed in the slightest. Odessen still seemed completely devoid of civilization, merely occupied by flora and fauna. The large hill no longer felt like a trek as it had to her before; with anticipation she hastened her way up, remembering the imbalance she had originally felt at his presence, now she sensed peace.

Once the hut came into view, she exhaled brightly unable to tame the building smile on her face.

* * *

The thick textured cloth was pulled back as Ben finished setting his gifts to the children in perfect placing. Rey's incandescent smile filled the room and something beyond lust, love, blood, even stronger than the Force pulled him directly into her arms. His breath quivered at the smell of her scent once again within his reach. He hadn't realized how desperately he had missed such a simple aspect of her, one he'd been denied for years.

Her arms wrapped tightly around him and Ben was immensely thankful for the ferocity with which she beheld him, as devoted as he was. She pulled back and looked deeply into his eyes. Olive green reflected in her own, the same color that lurked in their children's eyes. "Umbra, Lux." He looked over her shoulder wondering why he couldn't sense them behind the curtain. "Where are they?" His voice was the epitome of fatherly concern.

"Well," Rey's face scrunched up with a pleasantly content smile. "Nice to see you too. They're with Chewie and will follow behind soon."

"Why?" He watched as she adopted a heated gaze.

"Because I know how small this hut is and I wanted some private time alone with you before it gets too loud and becomes impossible." She admitted in a guilty, though completely unrepentant sigh.

He smirked, already aching at the joyful reminder of Lux and Umbra's distinct and often chaotic voices. It was hard to mourn a few lost hours with his tiny terrors when Rey was looking back at him as if he was irreplaceable. "Exactly what did you have in mind?"

"That you and I might continue this conversation when you're wearing less clothes?" She nodded, having been unable to erase the feeling of him even after nearly 4 years. It was different than what they had experienced a few times through the thread of the Force, more significant in its distance across the unfathomable chasm of space. Flesh didn't hinder their connection; it had been as if they could fuse beyond the atoms.

Though there was less grace in their tangible, carnal collision, Rey couldn't ever forget the feel of his breath on her skin, the responding fever in hers as his heart hammered in perfect unison with her own while they claimed each other in their entirety. There was no substitute for the anticipation she felt, knowing that the vacuum of space couldn't pull them out of one another's arms. He smirked. "As you wish."

She rolled her eyes as their lips came together and he swore he could taste a contrasting smile in her kiss. Yanking at his jacket, Rey huffed in irritation that in her attempt to harness the Force hastily, she was fiddling at his nearly impossible buttons.

Ben laughed, flattered and amused. He decided to assist her as the ache began to tug at him as well. Closing his eyes, Ben held his hands parallel to his chest before thrusting them outward. Clothes flew off in a bluster of wind and Rey stared back in surprise. "New party trick?"

"Meditation." His voice attempted to sound certain under the scrutiny of her expression. "Interactive Meditation." There was contradictory confidence and uncertainty in his reply.

She grinned and wrapped her hands around his neck, kissing him with the same fervor as before, as if there wasn't a second to be wasted. They didn't make it to the bed as Rey nearly crumpled against the wall when he began kissing and nipping at soft skin of her neck. Her eyes scorched him with desire and for a moment he was sure they would both catch on fire, though neither could allow it until their thirst was quenched. He kissed his way down her neck, carrying her with one arm wrapped around her lower back as the other began to strategically tease her in a way that almost demanded she come undone at the contact.

She gripped at the once familiar skin that stretched between his shoulder blades. Huffing out his name, Rey's voice unearthed something in the once-forgotten void of his chest and he _knew_. He held her closer before quickly promising himself that he wouldn't let that part of him taint anything else in his life again, especially not Rey. After everything, he refused to sully what they had, even if it meant losing it.

Her heavy, reckless breath layered itself unevenly until Ben felt the pull calling him to join her in ecstasy as she held his chest lovingly to her own. When his flesh collided with hers, Rey let out a sound like the whine of a creaking wood panel. Her nails dug into him and he was thankful for the delicious contrast in sensation as it offered a much needed distraction from the pure pleasure that came with feeling her surrounding him.

It wasn't necessarily that Ben felt completed by her; he struggled for the correct word until she called his name once more. He suddenly realized that he had felt balanced by her. She said his name with a pride and affection that made him want to spend his whole life becoming worthy of such emotion. Rey hadn't silenced his demons for him, but made him believe it was possible if he truly desired it.

Simply her presence brought him clarity and he knew that he could never repay her adequately.

* * *

Ben lay flat on his back with only the palm of his hand to support his head. Rey pressed both her hand and head to his chest, simultaneously able to hear and feel his heartbeat. Looking down, Ben reached out and intertwined his hand with her own. He grinned at the stark contrast between the two, and yet they fit together so well. "Are you finally going to tell me what's happening?"

It was an offering and Rey wasn't surprised he had sensed her hiding something from him, though she wondered if he knew exactly what it was. She sighed. "My time in self-study is over."

"And you're going back to them?" Ben's voice finished her train of thought simply enough and she couldn't help but feel pained by the lack of anger or irritation in his tone; it was without judgment, only gentle acceptance and Rey could sense the context of all the words he was determined to leave unspoken if only to make her choice easier.

Her voice threatened to croak, but Rey continued without yielding to the emotion it held. "I made a promise that I would pass on the knowledge of the Jedi once I had thoroughly studied the texts."

He tensed at the unwelcome word and Rey knew that though he had found the strength and determination to find his way back to the light, he disagreed with the ancient principles of those who harnessed the Light Side of the Force. "I understand." He said simply, refusing to let himself utter anything but words of support for her. "This means it'll be harder to see Lux and Umbra." There was no doubt in Ben's mind that the children would stay with Rey. Though it would be easier for her to return without needing to explain the younglings who shared such hypnotic dark, intuitive eyes, there was no mistaking the certainty that they would stay with her. Ben would've jumped at the opportunity to raise them if he believed it possible for a moment. He wasn't worried about taking care of the toddlers' needs, instead he was wary of the inevitability that he would have to train them in their abilities. Ben couldn't trust that he was strong enough to actively tap into the Force every day and pass on his knowledge without the darkness bombarding him with reminders of the high that came with such power or worse, the reminders of what he had done in service of proving his devotion to it. He couldn't avoid the darkness daily without the practices of the Jedi, but he couldn't allow himself to acquiesce to the hypocrisy that had consistently led to failure in the past.

She lifted her chin upward, not moving her head from the warm flesh of his chest. "No, we just have to be careful. At first, you'll need to wait for me to reach out to you and once we've acclimated, we'll find time just like before." That wasn't what had been bothering Rey, but the knowledge that she would have to ask their children to lie. It went against everything in her gut, but she understood how such information would affect them and her, especially her place in the Resistance. It wasn't that she desired any titles or respect, but she knew that there would be several Force-sensitive children who would need to receive the proper training, even more so after the oppressive tyranny of The First Order and the slight stench of the Dark Side that lingered in its wake. "The problem is that we will have to lie about-"

"Me." He exhaled before nodding. "I understand. It's an unfair position for us to be in, but the truth would only complicate what you're trying to do."

Rey was moved by how resolved he was to support the cause that mattered so deeply to her. "If I saw any other way around this, I would take it, without a second thought."

He kissed the crease of her forehead. "I know Rey, but it's not your fault we're in this situation." They both knew he blamed himself and though she hated to hear the weighted self-condemnation in his voice, she knew she couldn't free him of the feeling, despite the many times she had already tried.

"It hurts, you know?" He uttered heavily as a familiar realization reared its way against him again. "That if I had listened to you, if I had been able to see beyond my skewed perception of the galaxy, of the Force, I could've had it all so effortlessly, but I sabotaged my own happiness before I even recognized that that's what it was." He brought their joint hands up to his mouth and he kissed the taught, tan skin that stretched across her knuckles.

His lips were still pressed to her hand as a tear streaked down his cheek. He cleared his throat and rested their hands on his chest. "Tell them that I love them every day."

"They know."

"Tell them." His voice refused to waver. "Until I can tell them myself again."

The young eyes that stared back at her revealed the reason behind his strained voice. Ben, just like Rey, had been no stranger to emotional abandonment and it showed in the way he unloaded his undivided attention to their children whenever he saw them. "I promise I will." She kissed his hand back.

"How long do we have?"

"They should be here by mid-day tomorrow." She nuzzled against his chest. "After that, we'll have about a week."

He nodded. "We'll have to make the most of it." There was no leer in his expression and Rey could interpret the true meaning of his words, the joy stirring in his blood to have his family in one place, unrestricted by the containment of their Force connection.

* * *

Rey awoke to a soft, but powerful stirring in the Force. She opened her eyes expecting the source of the sensation to be Ben, but found him sleeping soundly, arms still wrapped around her. His ebony hair fell across his face in the messy, weathered waves she loved. The feeling became a resonating hum that seemed to echo throughout her. Gently, she untangled herself from her undisturbed paramour. He definitely earned the rest, she thought with a smirk.

Quickly, she tossed on her under-tunic, fastening it loosely as she exited the hut. The sun was starting to peek over the horizon when she sat on the grassy hill just outside.

The Force was calling to her, no, not the Force, but something akin to it. A breeze rolled through and the wind whistled a melancholy cry. Rey was overcome with a sadness that was not her own. She touched the soft grass beneath her and felt the pulsing of the planet.

It was a woman's voice she heard; deep and melodic, the strength of its cadence, so intertwined with the Force, made Rey almost certain that the presence belonged to a long-gone Jedi. She waited silently; intrigued by the undeniable light tethered to the balanced Force nexus that was Odessen. And yet, there was no sense of its natural neutrality dwelling in the hushed whisper.

_She expressed doubt and guilt, many lost because of her choice. _

Rey could understand both feelings, no stranger to either.

"_He'll never know." The voice sighed. "Theron. He'll never know just how hard it was."_

It pained Rey to hear the raw emotion in her words. For a brief moment, she envisioned a face, but something told her it was not the face of this Theron. It was a human male with short, dark hair and a devastating scar that marred the entire right side of his face. The presence, the Jedi, she thought of this man fondly.

"_Could we have been a family?"_

Rey stilled as she began to comprehend what the Jedi's disembodied voice had mourned so very long ago.

"_No, Satele." She chided herself._

Suddenly Rey could see the source of the voice; a beautiful woman with blue eyes, dark hair and fair skin. She sat beside her, hands also resting on the grass, nearly translucent. She didn't seem to be a Force Spirit as Luke had become, more like a memory so raw and visceral that had become ingrained in Odessen itself, completely unaware of Rey alongside her.

_"When we see peace on the horizon, we'll know it was bought with sacrifice."_

She vanished and Rey began to feel her own ache anew.

* * *

It seemed no longer than a moment until she felt his hand on her shoulder. The blushing hues had evaporated from the sky as the sun came into full view. He sat down beside her, wrapping her in his cloak. "Is everything okay?" Speaking softly, his eyes hesitantly measured her unusual stillness.

It wasn't until she looked over at him that she had even noticed the light tears streaming down her face. She smiled at him and reached out to graze her hand against the forlorn tear she had given him the day they had met.

"Why do you do that?" He asked gently, not meaning to prod as he turned his head and kissed her palm.

Her expression faded slightly as she regarded him with true warmth in her eyes. She shrugged. "It reminds me of just how far we've come. When this happened," sighing, she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I could've never expected how much you would grow to mean to me."

Ben stayed silent, unable to agree with such a notion. He knew from the second she entered his life that nothing would ever be the same, but he had also had the advantage of his whiplash premonition. He wrapped his arm around her, only for her to pull away with a stubborn countenance.

"Ben, I-" she exhaled, as if the breath could anchor the words she felt slipping away. She continued; the tone in her voice almost manic as she ranted. "I'm sorry that I've been so afraid, but this isn't easy for me. I've never known anything so strong and I have no experience expressing these kinds of feelings, so I haven't, but it's not fair or right and I-"

He turned and looked at her. "Rey, what is it?"

"I love you!" She blurted and her face turned a bashful crimson that just about jumpstarted his heart. "It took me awhile to even understand what that means, but by then I knew that I had loved you for a while." She shook her head and a few more tears fell. "It hurt so much and I couldn't tell you with a galaxy in between us. I – I was scared to say anything when I knew I was going to have to leave you again, but," her voice caught for a second. "I can survive sacrifice, but not regret."

Rey knew it wasn't rational, but she had come to realize how impossible it was for her to refuse her selfish heart. "What we have makes absolutely no sense and it would just be cruel for us to make any promises to each other, but I didn't want to stay silent, just because it would make this easier on us. I-"

Ben caressed her cheek, his chest lighter than it had ever felt. "I don't want easier; all I want is you, us, our family. I won't make any promise if that's what you want, but I know that feeling will never fade. I don't know what the future holds; so, it can't happen now, but that doesn't change my mind in the least."

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled. He leaned in and kissed her; hearing his heart pound in his ears. Ben had been ready to say goodbye again, without the slightest assurance, but now he finally felt like he could breathe, knowing that she loved him. Time was nothing, but an obstacle; and they had already had their fair share of those.

* * *

The moment the _Millennium Falcon_ came out of hyperspace, Ben leapt from the bed. "They're here."

Rey smiled sweetly and jumped up to join him. "Do you want to go to the bottom of the h-"

Before she could finish her sentence, he hurried out of the hut. She straightened up the abandoned hut for a moment, until rushing out to join him. The _Falcon _was landing as she approached.

The door opened up and a second later the twins came into view. Ben eased forward gently and soon realized that caution wasn't necessary as the toddlers clumsily ran to him. Umbra hesitated for a fraction of a second. When her hand touched his solid knee, she beamed and threw her arms up.

He obliged without the slightest pause, grabbing the two in both arms. Words completely failed him as he held his children for the first time. It was hard for him to see beyond the transparent joy filling his eyes, but he held them even tighter.

While Rey heard the footsteps, Ben didn't notice the other presence until it also exited. Chewbacca's slow movements captured the man's attention. Though both of his children had their faces burrowed against him, his eyes latched onto the Wookie as he neared.

Ben kissed both children on the cheek and shared a look with Rey, as the tears of joy began to warp into something much more anguishing. Quickly understanding, Rey took the children and showed them the long winding way up to the hut. Venturing a look back a minute later, all she saw was Chewie's arms comfortingly wrapped around a sobbing Ben. "Why's Daddy sad?" Umbra's small voice was drenched in sympathy as she nearly reached out for her crying father.

Rey couldn't deny the tears that were filling her eyes at the sight of the interaction. "Daddy and Uncle Chewie just need a minute. It's okay. Everything's okay."

After a few minutes, Chewbacca pulled away from Ben. Just like the entirety of his life, words were inadequate, but still the man tried. "I'm so sorry. I-" he choked on his own words and found that he didn't need to continue as a warm, hairy hand rested on his shoulder.

Affectionately, the Wookie grumbled about the energetic children, who he had come to love as if they were his own blood.

"Aren't they amazing?" Ben whispered in awe, more to himself. He looked back at the Wookie he had known his whole life. "I can't thank you enough, for being there for them, for helping her. I owe you so much."

His furry uncle dismissed the compliment; _that's what family did for each other._ _Besides_, he growled humoredly, _the two of them were still better behaved than he had ever been._

"I remember." Ben laughed, wiping away the remaining tears that still clung to the waterline in his eyes.

Chewie looked up the hill, remarking that Ben shouldn't make them wait any more than they already had. They shared another embrace, quiet in their goodbye, before Chewie piloted Rey's A-Wing, leaving the _Falcon_ behind for her.

Ben's feet moved faster than he could control as he sprinted up the hill.

* * *

The majority of the day had been spent on that plush grass soaked in sunlight. The children made a polite show of happily accepting their father's gifts, though all they cared about was his presence. Words were unnecessary that day as Ben and Rey chased and played with the toddlers until the collective fatigue from all the excitement set in.

As Lux and Umbra napped quietly, Ben's soft whisper ensnared Rey with life on the colorful Batuu. It was definitely the kind of place she would wish to call home, she thought as he descriptively painted the lush vegetation and unique characters he would come across on odd days meandering through the Outpost.

He had found a calling as a healer; he didn't need the credits, nor the attention, so his services were only offered to those in need. "It's brought me such…" he searched for the word, before gently smirking, "peace. For years, I knew nothing but pain." He absentmindedly reached out to caress her hand, so thankful he was finally able to truly feel her. "Using these hands for something more," he sighed pleasantly. "I never imagined that my abilities could bring hope."

He had never expected to be seen through any lens but one of fear, she could infer from the tension in his brows. "Meditation has helped me progress more than I would have ever believed possible." Ben had grown from healing the smallest of scrapes to assisting with dulling chronic pain and even erasing severe injuries. "There is this family that lives down the path." He pushed back some of Lux's honeyed hair. "They have a son who is Lux and Umbra's age. Viton's so energetic and curious; constantly hurting himself in the clumsiest of accidents, but he doesn't want to be healed."

"Why not?"

The smile that captured Ben's expression was filled with infectious warmth. "His grandmother often needs most of my attention and he insists I save my healing for her." Rey's mouth opened, but closed with a subtle grin. "I've tried to explain it to him, but I'm beginning to think he just enjoys feeling tough enough to go without."

"The compassion of children." Rey's tender cadence was the epitome of loving contentedness.

"They see the galaxy as it should be."

"Maybe one day they'll be the ones to bring it to reality."

"Of these two, I have no doubt." He exhaled. "It's been awhile."

"What?"

"Since I last meditated; though I've been thoroughly distracted."

Rey was silent for a moment. "I can't remember when I last had the time."

"What about now?" He tapped the back of her hand lightly. "Do you remember when we did together all those years ago?" She nodded, almost dreamily as she vividly recalled the current that had pulsed between them. His hand opened, offering his empty palm.

It had been surprising for her to see him grab his lightsaber and hold it as he sat. She gave him a puzzled glance and he was relieved to see no judgment lurking in it. It hurt Ben to admit just how much the saber had come to mean to him during his isolation. Despite his deep connection to the blade, he still refrained from lighting it, afraid to stain his thoughts with its crimson glow. "I just," he mumbled, before continuing with more volume. "It might sound childish and naively hopeful, but I feel like I'm bringing it peace."

"I understand," she said finally, once she in fact did. "It is an extension of you; if meditation brings you serenity, maybe it does the same for it."

He looked at the black hilt in his hand. "Sometimes it felt like it grasped and trapped all the pain I used to inflict; clinging to all the useless destruction I wreaked. Now," he shrugged, "I sense that agony, but it no longer resonates like some cacophonous cry."

Rey reached out and rested her hand on top of the hilt in his own. "I know it can't be simple for you." He met her bittersweet gaze. "It may be easier to hear than to believe, but it takes strength to try and heal." She patted his hand. "Much more so than it would to sit in a corner and ignore all the hurt you've felt-"

"And caused." He said sturdily, no shred of pride in his voice, only shame.

She nodded. "And caused." Her hand patted his. "You can't erase it, but you can grow from it." She shook her head with impassioned awe. "And you have." It was staggering to recall that since her time on Ahch-To, she had been able to catch glimpses of Ben Solo, an elusive ally barricaded in political barbarism; but only now could she truly see the depth of the broken boy inside.

The genuine emotion filled his eyes as her words seemed to finally touch him. She removed her hand. "If it eases your mind, hold to it." Placing her hand to his free one, she smiled sweetly.

It took them no less than a minute to fall peacefully in meditation; however the relief was short lived as Umbra violently rolled over in her sleep, accidentally smacking Lux. Once their son awoke to the sound of his own confused tears, the couple smiled to themselves and each other at the familial chaos that interrupted the quiet.

* * *

That night, Ben struggled slightly, not used to making food for more than one. He was thankful for the quick prep rations that he had made sure to pack. Merely the sight of his family eating together was enough to plunge him into thick emotion that coated his throat. Regardless of the impending separation, he could feel nothing beyond gratitude for this moment, so surreal and perfectly ordinary.

Every mundane family activity felt like a revelation to his lonely soul, soaking in the effortless affection of it all.

At the end of the night, they all huddled together squished on the small bed. Over the heads of Umbra and Lux, Rey could see the contented expression that Ben wore as he somehow managed to fall asleep.

* * *

The slight shower outside disturbed the pure silence of the early morning and yet it made no difference as Ben wasn't sure he had slept more than an hour. Opening his eyes, he gently removed Umbra's foot from its surprising proximity to his face. He smirked at the astounding space that she and Lux occupied, despite their diminutive size. Lux, to his credit wasn't sprawled in the same haphazard manner as his sister, but had somehow turned at one point in the night and was now sleeping perfectly peaceful and horizontally stretched across the bed. Ben's smile grew when he looked over to Rey.

More than accustomed to the chaotic sleeping style of her children, Rey had purposefully receded into a small clump at the far corner. She hadn't even warned him, he thought with a wry grin looking at her slumbering expression.

The rain began to fall down heavier than before. As he slowly moved to sit, he could see that Rey was waking up. Due to her secluded sleeping position, she was able to slip from the bed much quicker than Ben. She tiptoed the short distance to the flimsy fabric makeshift door of the hut and looked outside.

Ben approached her quietly, peering effortlessly over her shoulder. "A shame." He whispered, looking at the intensifying downpour. "I know Lux and Umbra wanted to go exploring today."

"I don't know," she replied, her voice equally soft as she leaned back against his chest, smirking when he wrapped his arm around her. It was true that all of them were eager to discover the true expanse of Odessen, the world that had brought them together. Rey, however, felt slightly less inclined, almost hesitant for the concern that she might stumble upon more excruciatingly familiar memories that weren't her own. Regardless, she was determined to make the most of every second they spent together. "I think it might be nice to just stay in." She couldn't help but perceive everything outside to be a distraction from what was truly important. Turning to face Ben, Rey's warm gaze held nothing but pure serenity as she touched his cheek. "This is why we're here, to be together. Nothing else matters."

"Rain." A soft, small voice observed. Ben and Rey looked down to see Umbra rubbing her eyes. He picked her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Are we staying in?"

"Yeah, sweetie." Ben answered, giving her a quick squeeze.

"Okay." Her tone remained bright and cheery, despite the damper that the weather had brought on their plans. The flap closed without the slightest touch and Ben turned his puzzled attention to Rey.

She shook her head and spoke to their daughter. "Umbra, what have I told you?"

The toddler looked down in full pout mode. "Ask before shutting the door."

"That's right." Rey answered and Ben gave her a completely perplexed look. Umbra nodded and asked her dad to set her down. As she inelegantly strutted to the bed, Rey responded to his unspoken question. "Over the past few days, I've had to simplify some rules because of how quick their abilities are developing." She tried to hide a laugh. "A few days ago, she called to the Force and shut the door, because she can," she huffed. "And she didn't know that Lux was on the other side." She shook her head. "His bruise just finished healing."

"Ahh," Ben nodded. "How is the training going?"

She sighed. "We've hardly started. I didn't think their abilities would manifest so quickly."

Ben wasn't surprised in the least. "What about meditation?"

She laughed lightly. "Yeah, three year olds aren't that big on sitting still."

"No," he exhaled a humored huff. "I don't suppose they are." Thinking for a moment, he could remember activities of concentration and focus from his childhood. "I know of some similar exercises that might be useful to getting them to a place where they finally will be able to."

That was all the verbal temptation she needed.

* * *

Ben had hardly finished his meditation, when something inside him violently tensed. His eyes opened to see Lux looking at the saber in his hand. His son pointed to it. "Light saber."

Still sensing a tightness in the air of the small hut, he replied quiet and encouragingly. "Yes, this is a lightsaber, Lux."

"No," the young child shook his head, eyes strikingly aware. "Light." He paused for distinction. "Saber."

It was at this point that Rey's attention had been caught at the interaction. Umbra watched her brother, though nowhere near as concerned as the adults. "Lux, Daddy doesn't light this saber." Rey offered.

"No, light it." The young child insisted, hearing its magnetic call. Before Ben could speak, Lux finished, his voice tinged with certainty. "It can't breathe."

That stopped Ben. The steady sentiment in his son's voice reminded him of himself as a child. He couldn't deny he had feared the same thing once or twice, so used to treating his saber as a sentient being. He met Rey's eyes and could see the taut hesitation in them. It was ultimately his choice, but her lack of objection comforted him.

The saber's presence seemed too imposing to unleash in front of the children; that's what he told himself, but he knew that it could be an imperative lesson for them to learn so early on. In truth, he hesitated for himself; he didn't want to hear its haunting hymn of hisses or stare back at the scarlet stain of his past.

After a moment, he could see Rey patiently waiting for him to respond. "I'll show you why I don't light this saber." He sighed, stepping back. Ben hadn't even realized that he had closed his eyes, until he heard the saber ignite. The sound was different, still harsh and almost sharp, but it wasn't crying out; now a fated echo clung to it, like a melodious memory. The other sound he heard was complete silence.

Hesitantly, Ben peeked his eyes open. His gasp filled the room, louder than the yielding sound of his saber.

The blade was white.

Unsure of the validity of his sight, he turned to Rey and found her just as flabbergasted as him. Looking back to his blade, Ben was shocked to see that it had still not reverted to the pronounced ruby it had once been. "I don't…" he finally said, "I don't understand."

Rey stepped closer, Umbra at her leg followed suit, entirely entranced by the blinding and brilliant blade. "Could it be…" The lagging tempo of her words seemed full of questions, even if she suspected she understood. She looked directly at Ben. "May I?"

He offered her the lightsaber and examined her face as she held it with a purposeful grasp.

It felt lighter than Rey recalled, but she wasn't sure if that could be blamed on her perception after the passage of time. Though she couldn't remember the exact feel of it in her hand, she could sense the difference. There was a lined edge to the sound of it that she could never forget; only now she didn't hear its vicious hiss. The anger and anguish felt quelled in some indescribable way; muted, with only some faint trace that it ever existed.

"I wasn't sure it was possible." She handed him the blade back. "Ben, I think you should check the kyber crystal."

He finally took the saber, shutting it off to dismantle it. The quiet filled the hut for less than a second, before he relit it. The white blade illuminated the small residence. Bashfully, he shook his head at the sight of Rey's confused expression. "I thought it might…" he didn't finish the statement and she could see that he felt foolish by his thought process, but she knew how surreal this moment must be for him.

Again, he turned it off; only this time, he began pulling it apart. After a minute of cautious tinkering, he was able to pull its final cover free. A thick, garnet vein lined the crack of the now pristine silvery kyber crystal. "How?" It was the only word he could manage to articulate in his shock.

Rey's voice was gentle and meaningful, but he could sense the timidity in her words, as if to proclaim her statement as nothing more than a working concept. "The same way you bled it. At least, in theory." She wondered if his affinity for healing had made it possible, but didn't say as much. Taking her eyes off the saber, she made sure to meet his. "It's been cleansed."

* * *

Rey tensed at the soft peeking of sunlight. It dragged her into a miserable déjà vu. Just as a few years ago, this much too bright sun was a reminder of saying goodbye. The week had soared by and she knew that walking away this time would be a thousand times harder than it had been four years prior.

Lux and Umbra were cuddled up to Ben and she had to stifle a snort. The man had so quickly become accustomed to the horrific night tantrums of their children as they often traversed across the entirety of the bed.

For a brief second, a chill filled her bones as she recalled that ache for sleeping alone when she had last left him on Odessen. She couldn't let herself feel robbed; for all the time they had stolen together, Rey reminded herself how blessed she had been for the moments they were afforded, as if they were some normal family that wasn't separated by a biased, unsympathetic galaxy.

* * *

_He could feel warmth and love surrounding his entirety. It was a comfort, though cramped; not merely the forming sibling stuffed beside him, but the wall. Yes, both of them could feel the barricade. Only in slumber did it ever seem to falter, even then it was reluctant to fall. When it did, they were sure to take advantage of it. They would both reach out, heartbeats in perfect sync as they blindly felt for the interstellar path before them. Ignorant to the exact object of their efforts, the relation was undeniable, despite the restrained confines of their inadequate understanding._

Ben's eyes flew open as he pulled himself from the vivid immersive dream. Lux's peaceful slumbering profile before him, he could feel his son's warm small hand resting on his cheek. His eyes bulged with recognition. Such self-ignorant abilities were beyond staggering, even before they were born. Enabled by Rey's exhausted barrier, it had been them manipulating from within, tugging at the crimson thread that tied him to their mother, that familiar paved path of cosmic connection.

He met Rey's melancholy expression and exhaled deeply, his proud surprise giving way to a more forlorn reminder.

* * *

The day was slow and lethargic; each movement weighed down with hesitation and procrastination.

When it came time to say goodbye, Rey could feel how large the galaxy seemed on the other side of that wall. Lux and Umbra were almost inconsolable and it pulled Rey down with them.

She had no words to describe just how thankful she was for Ben. Though it was her choice to leave, though he stood to lose the most, he was the only one who stayed strong enough for them to go.

He held Rey close to him for a deep embrace, before lifting both children in his arms as they walked down the hill towards the _Falcon_. Once they entered, he hugged her again. Much too soon for anyone's liking, he set down Lux and Umbra after saying his goodbyes. Without a thought, Rey pulled him close and kissed him. "I love you." The words still felt foreign in her mouth, but she couldn't deny the absolute certainty of them as she pulled away to look back at Ben.

Though they had not yet spilled, tears were filling the brim of his eyes. "I love you too." His voice cracked and Rey could see that he was hardly able to keep himself together. Despite the pain it caused her, she was thankful to see the mirror of her emotion in his regard.

Ben hugged the children once more, making sure to tell them that he loved them, in person, for – what very well could be – the last time.

It took all of Rey's strength to takeoff, unable to shake the feeling that she was leaving a part of herself behind. In her own thoughts, she felt like the splintered scarlet vein in his kyber crystal; aching, but healing, consumed with her affinity for that one man, through so many affiliations and loyalties. It comforted her to see it that way, if only to let herself believe that a piece of her was staying, always resting in his wise, healing and loving hands.


	15. Chapter 14: Fill With Time

***A/N - Hello boys, girls and everyone in between. Thank you for getting this far; I know I definitely don't go easy on these two. Angst is my obsession after all. Anyway, this is by far the longest chapter and it does undergo several time jumps. Just one more update day and it'll be done, exactly two weeks before Episode 9 releases. Wow... I really can't believe how fast this year came and went. Thanks -Nikki**

* * *

**Chapter 14: Fill With Time**

Returning to the Resistance was nerve-racking for Rey. She was up-to-date on the recent changes of procedure. With Leia as Chancellor of the Reformed Republic and Commander D'Acy following to the Senate, the rank of General had been passed onto Poe Dameron. The Resistance's place in the galactic government had become vastly altered since its inception; no longer the unofficial muscle of the Republic's regime, the Resistance existed as a separate authority, meant to both watch over and keep in check the movements of the Republic. However, its current figurehead made such actions of the latter unnecessary, allowing them to bring aid to worlds in need and monitor for any remaining trace of rallying under the First Order.

Base of operations was located on Chandrila until the Reformed Republic's reign was adequately established. When Rey heard, she couldn't help but wonder if it was the General's desire to make sure the Chancellor was properly accepted and to keep her close while her authority was being solidified in the Capital.

It wasn't the change in leadership or objective that made her wary, but the notion of rejoining her dearest friends only for the first words out of her mouth to be blatant lies. It didn't help when she noticed Finn and Rose awaiting her arrival, eyes glued to the approaching _Falcon_.

Chewbacca, sensing the tension in Rey's expression, patted her hand and gave her an encouraging huff.

Much of that day was hazy, beyond the baffled countenances of her friends as they saw the two young children on either side of her, the maternal resemblance undeniable. They both seemed to quickly believe her story of meeting someone shortly after beginning her time of study. Finn had even possessed the humor to make a crack that it seemed she hadn't been entirely 'distraction-free'. She tried not to elaborate on Lux and Umbra's father's absence beyond vague hints of an unfortunate premature demise. As soon as she seemed the least bit upset by the topic, it was quickly changed. They had a great deal more to talk about, Finn insisted, more than ready to see the twins as part of his own mixed family.

Later that night, Poe's eyes revealed him to be slightly less convinced of her story, but he said nothing, just as thrilled as his husband to have their clan expand. Lux immediately took a liking to BB8, which didn't surprise Rey in the least. He always was intrigued by droids and machinery, curious to learn just how things worked.

Rey didn't feel any of the tension she had originally feared at her return, until later that night; oddly enough it didn't stem from any dishonesty on her part, but the complete lack of it. She had barely finished becoming acquainted with her quarters, having been redirected to a space that could accommodate the addition of Lux and Umbra, when her final guest of the evening came to welcome her back.

Leia Organa filled the doorway with her bright, beaming energy, grateful to see Rey again. A warning couldn't even slip out of the latter's mouth before Umbra's voice broke through the quiet. "Mommy, who is it?"

The Chancellor's expression faltered and Rey sighed as Umbra pushed her way around her mother's leg. As if sensing their distinguished guest, Lux hurried over to join the gathering at the door. It took Rey less than a second to realize that she couldn't waste her breath with a practiced lie, not when the recognition in the intelligent woman's eyes told her it would be a moot point.

Leia didn't need the Force to reveal the identity of Rey's children, merely a glance at the same eyes she had raised decades before; no, the blood in her veins was all the gauge she needed. She looked at the young woman before her and found no trace of deception or explanation. No words were spoken to state the complicated truth, but Rey almost wished she possessed the nerve, if only to acknowledge the weight that had just fallen upon the leader's chest.

Emotion filled her eyes and before the silence crushed Rey, she introduced Leia to her grandchildren and pulled her inside. They spent hours that night catching up while completely sidestepping the truth; Lux and Umbra wasted no time cozying up to the older woman. The Force flowed around her much differently from all the other people they had been introduced to and it brought them some sense of familiarity. It was as if they understood on a chemical level that she was their kin. Her instant adoration of them made it even simpler for them to cling to her in kind.

* * *

In less than half a year, Rey and the children were comfortably settled into the Resistance. Originally she had worried how Lux and Umbra would handle the transition from their relatively isolated life to the busy, thrumming base filled with countless sentient species, but was pleasantly amazed to see the resilient children fall right into the routine of things.

Her friends had morphed into the twins' family without the slightest of nudges. Poe had taken a specific interest in Umbra soon after their arrival. Rey wanted to familiarize the children with their dear uncles, grateful that they would never be able to understand what it was like to be alone; so she made it a point to constantly visit Poe and Finn with Lux and Umbra in tow.

One night, her daughter marched around the room and immediately zoned in on the white and orange helmet that sat on a table, slight trace of dust surrounding it from months of neglect.

Despite the toddler's typically impeccable manners, she reached out and grabbed it without the smallest hesitation. Before Rey could scold her daughter for the brashness, Poe smiled brightly and joined Umbra. He fondly placed the helmet on her head; pushing back its orange visor, he paused briefly. Animatedly, he regaled the young child with stories of soaring through the air. The wonderment in the little girl's eyes bloomed beautifully as she listened intently.

That night Poe insisted that Rey allow him to teach Umbra how to fly, as soon as she deemed her old enough. Though the General knew her mother was more than capable of teaching Umbra such a skill, he still pleaded for the honor. "She's got a pilot's eyes." He stated with lightness in his voice. Little more needed to be said, before Rey acquiesced to the request; she knew how desperately the General missed being in the air and even more so, the aspiration to guide someone to something truly special. She, herself had found purpose in the exact same notion.

With the assistance of the Republic and the Resistance, a dozen or so Force-sensitive individuals had been located and offered the chance to learn under Rey's tutelage. She was thankful that her initial students fell into the same young age group. To say that the task was stressful would truly have been an understatement, but despite battling the willful adolescence of some particular pupils, her work felt genuinely rewarding. Though her lessons started small, with countless classes dedicated to the basics, she was able to notice how just the slightest knowledge allowed the children to mature in their abilities, slowly becoming confident in the Force as it resided within them.

Though Lux and Umbra were the youngest of her class, they still sat in most of the time, unless Leia and Lando felt the need the kidnap them for the day. It wasn't the most often occurrence with their loaded schedules devoted to the Republic, but somehow they found the time here and there. The latter of the two did not need Leia to reveal the ancestry of the twins; he too, having known Ben since birth, could see the resemblance without the need for explanation. Despite the transparency of her secret to both, she was relieved to have the truth be known by them.

Lando loved to tell the twins stories of this little boy he had known once upon a time; a conflicted troublemaker, with a good heart. He never strayed with tales of Ben's later years and she was grateful; not entirely sure when the right time would be to tell them the full story of their father.

Late one night, after Lux and Umbra had fallen asleep, Leia sat beside her in her quarters. Umbra slept serenely against her chest, while Lux stretched out in the space between the two women. Leia caressed the young boy's hair as his head rested on her lap. Absentmindedly, the older woman's voice lightly trailed out. "I wish I could claim them."

The crestfallen expression on her face stung at Rey, but in truth she was thankful for the excruciating topic, she still didn't know how to approach. "I've been thinking about that quite a bit, too." Leia looked up at her as Rey inhaled. "Maybe you can; not by blood," her face faltered slightly, but Rey continued. "But perhaps in name."

That captured the Chancellor's attention. "What do you mean?"

"I have no family name to pass onto them and as far as the rest of the galaxy knows, neither does their father." Leia nodded somberly. "But you," Rey beamed with glossy eyes soaked in gratitude. "Everyone has seen how you are with them. Half of the base references you as if you might as well be their grandmother. If anything were to happen to me, I know that you would be the one to take care of them." Once they were older, Rey didn't doubt they would find their father, but for now they were young and this was their home. Leia watched her closely as she continued. "Leia, more than anything, I want Lux and Umbra to be Organa."

The older woman's face stretched into a heartwarming smile. "Really?"

"Of course. You know," she breathed, looking down briefly. "Ben once told me how much that name meant to him." Leia's expression filled with warm surprise. "It's one of the few things we didn't argue about then." They both laughed lightly and Rey finished with quiet sincerity. "You are their whole family besides Ben and I; even if it's just a name, it's one that they will be able to carry with pride for their entire lives."

Leia was honored by the request; though she had never said it aloud, a part of her had always felt pained by the idea of the name Organa dying out. It was the only thing of her father's that she had left. She smiled and nodded to herself. "My father was an amazing man. His name deserves to live on." Rey exhaled with relief. "On one condition."

Rey stilled. "What?"

"I want you to take the name as well." She said with the most inarguable, authoritative tone. Before Rey could contradict the notion, she continued. "It will be less suspicious that way." She explained blandly, finishing with her own reasoning. "You are as much an Organa by blood as I am, but equally so in spirit."

Rey was sure that was the greatest compliment she could ever hope to receive. She didn't bother to argue. "Thank you. I would be honored."

"Good," Leia smirked. "Because I wasn't really giving you a choice."

* * *

Ben couldn't name the essence lingering in the air, but still it made him uneasy. Tension thrummed in his veins as familiarity surrounded the presence. He reached for his saber, when the unseen apparition finally spoke. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. You don't want to sully that pretty, white blade with such chaotic emotion."

His blood nearly froze to ice at the immediate recognition of the voice. "Luke." With gritted teeth, he turned and faced the transparent, intangible face of his uncle. It had been years since such anger flowed through him. He exhaled, trying to calm his pulse.

"Ben, I'm not here to torment you." Luke's voice abandoned humor.

"Then why are you here?" Ben fought against his own anger.

The spirit's face stilled as if he wasn't sure how to articulate his answer. "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry."

"We've done this once before, with you just as present as you are now." He bit back.

"That's not what I mean." He sighed. "I'm sorry that I tried so hard to fight against the will of the Force. My arrogance that I could stop the darkness is exactly what fostered its power. You will never comprehend the shame I felt that night, even before you awoke. I'm not trying to ask your forgiveness, not for myself at least."

Ben paused, trying to understand exactly what the cryptic man meant.

All these years later, Luke could still sense the emotional fury of his nephew crashing against the Force in stubborn waves. Despite all his progress, he hadn't finished healing, not entirely, not yet. "Don't let my faults be your justification to further poison your future. I'm gone. Your hatred never touched me, but you've been choking on it for years. Let it go, Ben. Just breathe."

The sincerity in his voice caused the younger man to still. "I'm not sure that I know how." He admitted, the rage fading from his posture. "It sustained me for so long, being able to hate you."

"That's what you think. All it did was break you apart. The Dark Side never brings comfort."

"Sometimes the same thing could be said about the light." Ben's abrupt reply was meant to sting the man, but his face didn't falter.

"Would you deign to act as if you have no regrets?" There was no proud denunciation in his voice, only the sadness of a man who knew his fair share of remorse. Still, even after death, he could remember the first time he had held Ben in his arms. It had terrified him to witness something so fragile imbued with such raw ability. Though he would never forget how much he had loved his nephew, he knew it would bring the man no true comfort, not after so much time and pain. "You think of hatred as some anchor to ground you, but you don't see that all it has done is dragged you down to your darkest depths."

After a minute of tense silence, Ben finally spoke. "I miss him." He sighed. "Every single day."

If Luke was capable, he was sure tears would've found their way to his eyes. "I know."

"I pushed away my entire family." The words were spoken as if a spontaneous realization.

"No," Luke argued gently. "You have Rey, Lux and Umbra." The younger man's head snapped up at his uncle's surprising knowledge. "One day you will be together again. Heal yourself, if not for you, then for them."

Ben nodded. He had people that he loved who needed him to be strong. "I will."

Luke smiled; something Ben hadn't seen since his early childhood. He vanished, with his voice lingering for barely a moment more. "Leia's love never left you, just as yours will never leave your children, even if it comes with pain."

* * *

Rey opened her door to find Rose waiting patiently. "So, where's my little guy?"

Rey stepped back, letting her in. "He's finishing breakfast. Rose, he needs to be back by lunch. We're going over the mechanisms of lightsabers today and it's vital that he studies before its time to select a kyber crystal."

"I know, I know." She nodded. "Like you need to worry; if it means poring over a blueprint, that brilliant boy will get it in no time." Rounding the corner, she smirked at the sight of Lux and Umbra sitting at the table. Umbra ran straight into her arms.

"Auntie Rose, is it true that Lux is an engineer?"

The woman playfully glared at the boy. "No, I told him that one day he will be; no doubt the best that the Resistance will ever have to offer, but seven is a bit too young for an engineer." She ruffled his honey brown hair. "His number one priority is training, as should yours be." She looked at Umbra. "I can't hire any Jedi dropouts."

Umbra laughed as Rose set her down. "Someday Lux is going to build a ship for me to fly."

"I don't doubt it." Rose smirked.

"Mom, can I go with Aunt Rose now?" Lux asked with the politest impatience possible.

"Show me your plate." She commanded. Hesitantly, he lifted the dish for her to see. There was a little food left on it and she sighed. "Just this once." Nudging her head in the direction of the door, she snagged the plate from him.

Beaming, he hugged her and then his sister. "Love you."

"Love you, too. Be back by lunch, Lux. I'm serious." He nodded. "Don't forget tonight either; we have that call with Grandma Leia." He nodded again, before excitedly following Rose to Engineering for the early morning.

Sitting down in his spot, Rey began to munch on the food off his plate. Despite today's instance, she never let the children leave with any dish that wasn't empty. "So, what do you want to do this morning?" She turned to Umbra. The grimace of a smile that stared back at her caused her to sour. "What?"

"Mom, I was going to visit Uncle Poe."

Rey sighed. "Fine, but only if he isn't busy." She nodded. "He's got a lot of work to do."

"I know." Her sweet, small voice answered perfectly level and mature. "He wanted to go over some ships today, but I promise if he's busy, I'll bug Uncle Finn."

"Good." She smirked. "I guess that leaves just me." Umbra quickly finished her plate. "Back by lunch. Also, don't forget tonight, we have-"

"The call with Dad. I know, Mom." She kissed her on the cheek. "Love you." She hurried off.

"Love you, too." Rey shouted back a moment before the door shut.

As the prospect of an empty morning gnawed at Rey, she momentarily wanted to reach out to Ben, but was interrupted in such thoughts. Her com buzzed and she heard Lando's voice. "Rey, we have a few more recruits."

"Lando, I'm not in charge of placing for the Resistance."

"These recruits aren't for the Resistance, they're for you."

Rey could sense something in his voice. "What is it?"

"Nothing, they're just a little bit older than your usual recruits."

"How old?"

"Late teens." He answered finally and Rey had to hold back a groan. The older they were, the harder the transition would be for them.

"I'm on my way."

* * *

Three Twi'lek sisters were waiting for Rey with bewildered expressions. It took her less than a second to deduce which was the eldest by her protective posture. She could feel their sensitivity in the Force by the way their unsure emotions muddled the air around them.

Rey made sure to keep her distance to offer them space and was thankful that her presence seemed to calm them as they followed her. She gauged them for their knowledge on the Jedi. They knew very little, but she found that to be better than the alternative.

They were far from ready to join her afternoon class, so she spent the morning going over the most basic ideals she could manage. "I have learned all there is to know about the Jedi, but have not been able to completely agree with the entirety of their philosophy."

She relayed the Jedi Code verbatim to her new pupils. "I will teach you exactly what they passed down years ago, but I will also teach you the path that I have chosen to follow, as well as all of my students. I will always make sure that you understand the distinction between their principles and my own take on them. While the Jedi way expects only one form of interpretation in the Force, I see it much differently; I maintain my faith and connection to the Force with the notion that we are primarily its vessels. I believe that I am a cosmic conduit, just as the rest of the galaxy; though I have chosen the Light side for my allegiance. Despite my personal methodology, we will focus on the school of thought you most agree with. That being said, we are going to now review the Redefined Jedi Code."

_Through emotion, we value peace._

_Through ignorance, we seek knowledge._

_Through passion, we gain serenity._

_Through chaos, we discover harmony._

_Through death, we join the Force._

* * *

Rey made sure to see the sisters, Nala, Kaira and Sata to their room. She could feel grief rolling off of them and wondered if they had just recently become orphans. Her heart sank at the thought; determined to make them feel at home, she took the route that passed her own quarters. In no uncertain terms, she promised that the door would be wide open for all of them, if ever they should want the company; though she was sure to warn them of her excitable children.

Lux and Umbra kept their word and returned in time to enjoy lunch with Rey. She told them about her three new pupils that would be joining their class within a month or so. Only Umbra seemed intrigued by the news, ever the social butterfly, she beamed at the chance to make new friends.

Her afternoon lesson was brief so the students could review on their own. She noticed the way Lux's eyes lit up at the blueprint and laughed to herself about how predictable her son was; it was as if her time as a scavenger was coded into her blood and passed onto him.

Later that night Rey and the children called Leia. She had been off planet for nearly a month, speaking in other star systems to further the Reformed Republic's reign. Lux and Umbra looked at their grandmother in complete adoration. They'd only known the truth for a little over a year; it had hurt Rey to keep the secret, but she knew that she had to wait until they were old enough to understand the importance of the secrecy.

After they had wished her goodnight, Rey ended the call and focused on another, more intimate form of communication.

Within a moment, Ben appeared before them, as if he'd been waiting all day for the pull. Rey watched as the children spilled the entirety of their day; even the usually quiet Lux became the most verbose little kid as soon as he saw his father.

Rey stayed silent, smiling as she noticed Ben's attention glued to the children, switching back and forth as stories toppled against him. Something about his expression caught her notice; it was softer, as if a weight had fallen from his chest.

"Daddy," Umbra asked with a manic excitement in her voice. "What was the first ship you ever flew?"

He smirked. "A Corellian YT-1300 Freighter."

"The _Falcon_?" Her awed voice guessed quickly. He nodded. "How old were you?"

"I was twelve." He answered honestly, though he remembered countless times as a child sitting on his father's lap, placing all his focus on whatever controls Han had assigned to him.

Umbra whipped her head around to look at Rey with wide, hopeful eyes. "Mommy, I want to fly the _Falcon_ when I'm twelve."

Rey laughed. "You'll have to ask Uncle Chewie, but I doubt he'll want the _Millennium Falcon_ to be your starter ship."

"Ask him to teach you all the controls and he might take your request a little more seriously." Ben offered.

"Do you think so?" Her voice filled with wonder.

"What about Uncle Poe?" Rey asked.

"Uncle Chewie and Uncle Poe can both teach me." She reasoned.

Rey shook her head, amused. "Fine, but stop making plans until you've talked to them, okay?"

She nodded and her brother took advantage of her distracted side conversation. "Dad, what was the first thing you built?"

It took Ben a moment to recall. He remembered tinkering with small, foreign objects that he typically found littering the hold of the _Falcon_, but quickly recollected that he had never been able to build anything with them. "My lightsaber." He realized finally.

Lux's eyes bulged. "Mom just taught us about the parts of a lightsaber. I already have them memorized."

Ben laughed. "That doesn't surprise me at all, Lux. You're going to build it perfectly on your first try, I already know."

After Lux and Umbra had barraged Ben with questions and tales for a couple of hours, Rey sent them to bed, a bit later than usual; an exception she made thrice a week, when she had the time to reach out to their father. Reluctantly, they marched off.

Once they were alone, Rey stepped closer. "What is it?" A questioning smile slowly invaded her face.

He sighed. "Luke." She stilled at the name, but found the reaction unnecessary as no trace of animosity lingered in his voice. "He appeared before me and …" he paused to think of a way to describe the interaction. "Put a few things into perspective."

She reached her hand out, instinctual habit. "You seem all the better for it."

A contented smirk peeked through. "I am. I hadn't realized that even through everything, I'd still been gripping onto that anger all this time." Ben had spent so much of the past few years dwelling on all his mistakes, wishing for redemption, but had denied Luke the very same thing. His marred hands had no right to pass out judgment and condemnation.

"These past 8 years, I thought I was free of the Dark Side; only now do I know what real freedom feels like."

Rey smiled. "I'm proud of you. I know that couldn't have been easy." She kissed him chastely, barely able to feel him on the other side of their boundless tether.

* * *

Rey had heard of juvenile rebellion, but never had anyone to try the concept on when she was the right age. It had seemed like some rite of passage that she had missed out on, but now she was thankful that she had never had the opportunity.

Though both Lux and Umbra had started to question her authority at the sour age of twelve, Umbra was much more vocal about her objections, which were many. A new argument seemed to stem from every day; mainly it was her chores or homework.

Their most recent fight had been over Rey's restricting Umbra from anymore flight training until she made up some work that she had neglected. She already had to confiscate her daughter's lightsaber for fear that in her childish temper, she might make an even larger mess of her room. After Rey had warned her that Poe, Finn and Rose knew she was on restriction, Umbra growled in frustration as she left.

Rey practically flopped onto her bed, grateful that she only ever had to manage one of the twin's tantrums at a time. Lux and she rarely fought, beyond his habit of tunnel vision while fiddling in Engineering. More than once, he had been worryingly late for dinner.

She could feel Ben slightly prodding her through the bond, no doubt sensing her distress. Pulling back, she allowed him through. With the slightest effort, she pushed her door shut without moving.

Ben's face lightened at the sight of her. "Are you okay?" He shook his head. "Of course you're not okay, but what is it?" He had just barely fallen into meditation, when a thick current of venom filled his thoughts from light years away.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Rey closed her eyes. "Your daughter is just a little too much for me lately."

He laughed, but stopped quickly when he noticed the glare it had earned him. "Okay, what has **our** daughter done?"

Rey sighed, feeling bad for her accusing tone and barbed words. "Everything is a fight with her. She won't do her assignments, her room is a mess and when I punish her, she pushes back with spite or indifference and why did nobody warn me about this?"

Ben sat beside her. "If you had told anyone when you were pregnant, I promise you they would've." She glared at him again. "Hey," he pushed a piece of hair from her face. "This is natural. They're nearly teenagers; it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"Easy for you to say." She bit back, immediately regretting it.

His expression only faltered slightly. "It really isn't. Though it could be worse," he paused and the brief silence was filled with an unspoken implication of just how severe a child's rebellion could really be. "I wish I was there." He kissed her forehead. "You shouldn't have to be facing it alone."

"I'm not." She sighed, feeling relief that she could vent to him and expect only patient kindness in return. "I have you. This," she touched his hand. "Makes it so much easier."

He shook his head. "It's not enough."

"It'll have to be."

"Like hell!" He pushed and Rey was taken aback. "My turn."

"Your turn?"

"Yes, my turn. I'll talk to Umbra."

"Are you sure?" Rey asked. "She's not very happy right now. I wouldn't put it passed her to be mean to even you."

He scoffed. "She can be as mean as she wants. We are her parents and you make the rules." Rey looked at him with a tender smirk. "What, I'm serious!" He asserted forcefully.

She nodded. "I know." What had caused her smile was not the notion of Ben putting his foot down, but the knowledge that even so far apart, she never truly felt like she was alone, because of just how deeply he cared and how determined he was to be involved in their children's lives. She kissed him. "I just love you."

It warmed her heart to see the elated and bashful expression that stuttered across his face. "I love you, too."

* * *

After dinner, Rey had sent Umbra to her room. Following her to the door, Umbra turned back around, irritated, but not reckless enough to sneak in any attitude in her question. "What?"

Rey opened the door and gestured for her daughter to enter ahead. She pulled him through, just as Umbra looked in his direction. "Your father would like to have a talk with you." She answered simply, sending him a look of gratitude before shutting the door.

Fearful that the bond would slip if she ventured too far, Rey stood outside the door, allowing Umbra and Ben the illusion of privacy as she couldn't help but listen in.

Ben stood taller, not too keen on having his daughter's ire turned on him, but willing as long as it provided Rey the much needed break he could see her yearning for. "Umbra, this constant arguing and bickering at your mother needs to stop."

"All she does is say no and place stupid restrictions on me. It's not fair. It's like she's trying to make me miserable." Umbra whined, when suddenly the stoic expression on her father's face made her still.

"All your mother does is constantly put you and your brother first. You want to know what's truly unfair? She never had anyone to say no and put restrictions on her. She never had the very thing that you have the gall to whine about, but it hasn't ever stopped her from working ten times harder than you can comprehend to make sure you had the liberty to complain. She tells you no and puts you on restriction because she wants you to learn discipline, some sense and a good work ethic. She's teaching you all of this for a reason.

Don't blame her for the consequences of your bad behavior. You have no one to thank for your punishments, but yourself. Still she's willing to deal with your childish wrath and hurtful attitude and she is treated like the bad guy all because she wants you to have the best life you could hope for."

"She treats me like a child."

"You are one! If you want to be treated like an adult, start acting like one. Clean up your room, do your work, take responsibility for yourself because I promise you there is a fate worse than being told no, when you abandon personal accountability."

"Like what?" She antagonized.

"Like knowing that since you could never get yourself together, the love of your life has to raise your children by herself and deal with their snotty attitudes every time she tries to help them grow as people." Umbra's eyes grew wide at her father's telling words. "You have rules that you need to abide by. Fair or not, it is the way of the galaxy and we all learn it eventually. When you eschew any sense of order or refuse to follow the law, you have to face very real consequences. She doesn't want that for you. I don't want that for you. Because, despite her innocence, we both know what true punishment is." He sighed, the frustration in his voice fading.

"I know that you're at a point in your life where you want to complain about everything and the only person you're willing to blame is her, but that is your problem, not hers. She has earned nothing but respect from you. One day you'll understand and when you remember how you were towards her it will fill you with shame."

Umbra stood quietly, feeling her father's words crash against her.

"Umbra, I love you and so does your mother, more than you can understand, but she is not your punching bag. She has done everything for you and your brother without ever once being told how and I can promise you that she has done a damn good job of it. For you to grow into a responsible and good person, you're going to have to absorb hard lessons and be told no sometimes. That is life. Stop fighting your mom and start listening to her; you'll learn something."

Rey smiled to herself, amazed that she was lucky enough to have a partner who would support her without the slightest hesitation, just as he always did. Later that night, after Lux and Umbra had gone to sleep, she pulled for him.

"I hope that worked." The sheepish uncertainty in his voice caused her to grin at the contrast of his earlier disposition.

"It did." She kissed him.

"How do you know?" He inquired with a lifted brow.

"Lucky guess." She said with a smirk before kissing him again, missing him more than she could ever express.

* * *

Within a week, Umbra's attitude had turned around. Every time her mother asked something of her, she would take a brief moment before complying and Rey could swear she saw the wheels turning in her head, as if to understand what lesson she was meant to take from the request. It was all Rey had needed from her usually impetuous daughter; just a minute for her to be heard, instead of Umbra's immediate disputes.

Rey discussed with both Poe and Chewbacca how important it was that her first flight be on the _Falcon_. Chewie conceded with the request on the condition that he, Poe or Rey sit ready as co-pilot, should it be necessary.

"Eh," Poe shrugged. "Sometimes contingency plans fall apart."

"Or get shot at." Finn added as he walked in.

Poe gave him a crooked grin. "Twelve years and he still can't let it go."

"You almost died!" Finn huffed and Rey had to bite down her grin that they still had this fight.

"But I didn't." He shook his head and faced Chewie and Rey again. "If it hadn't been for that crash, he never would've realized that he was madly in love with me." He mumbled playfully. "I'm more of a glass half full person."

Finn groaned in exasperation. "If not for that crash, I would've never realized that he was the only person I would let infuriate me for the rest of my life."

"Aw, wedded bliss." Rey sarcastically remarked and Chewbacca laughed.

Finn approached Poe. "You are the most frustrating person I know."

Poe looked up with a smirk. "I know." He kissed him. "Love you, too."

"I wish I could stay, but Rose needs my help."

"Everything okay?" Rey tensed.

"Yeah," Finn laughed. "She's just trying to come up with tasks to keep Lux preoccupied." He shrugged. "Your son has a knack for solving problems faster than they happen."

"I've noticed that too." Rey admitted. "Who could imagine I would be intimidated by a twelve year old engineer in training?" Already his knowledge of tools and ship mechanisms was near surpassing her own.

Finn left and Rey turned back towards Poe and Chewie. "I know she's ready for this. I can't sit as co-pilot though; she won't feel like she's doing it herself if her mother is sitting right next to her, ready to take over. It has to be one of you."

Poe looked over at Chewie. "I'd like the honor, if you don't mind."

The Wookie shook his head and patted the man on the shoulder. "Then it's settled." Rey said brightly. "I still want to be there, in the cockpit, preferably out of her line of sight."

Poe laughed. "Tomorrow, then?"

Rey nodded. "She's ready."

The General smirked at her. "I know."

* * *

Umbra had been completely caught by surprise when her mother brought her to the _Millennium Falcon_ the next day. Poe walked down the ramp with a triumphant grin. "You ready to show us what you got, Organa?"

A giant smile spread across her face and she looked up at her mother. Rey nudged in the direction of the ship. "Well?"

Umbra practically leapt in the air. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou." She said in such rapid succession that it no longer sounded like words to Rey.

"We're waiting for your brother." Rey spoke calmly, before her voice lowered even more. "Also, don't forget that only you, your brother and I can see and hear him."

"See who?" Suddenly Ben appeared beside them and Umbra had to bite her tongue from calling out to her father, having never seen him outside the closed doors of their quarters.

Ben looked down at her with warm, soft eyes. "Are you nervous?"

She shook her head enthusiastically. "I'm ready."

Ben shared a look with Rey just as Lux approached. Rey had warned their son ahead of time that their father would join them on the flight.

They quickly boarded and were sky high in a few minutes. Ben stood beside Rey, slouching slightly behind Umbra. He offered her whispered encouragements that required no response. Setting his hand on the back of the pilot's seat, a sharp pang hit him in the gut and before his mind could process the guilt from almost 15 years earlier, Rey set her hand on top of his.

Looking over, he couldn't see sadness or sympathy in her eyes, but pride as she looked from him to their daughter, piloting the _Falcon_ as if it were as simple as breathing. Soaring through the sky, Umbra's smile never wavered and he knew that sensation; right now, she felt invincible. In that moment, he willingly let go of the pain and regret, so as not to sully a second of the most important day of his daughter's life, so far, he thought warmly.

* * *

Rey had sensed something was amiss the moment she entered the dining area and looked at Lux. Dark circles plagued his tired eyes. "Where's Umbra?" She asked with a yawn.

"Uncle Poe and she are testing some new X-Wings today. She wanted to get an early start."

"That's right." Rey acknowledged, still stunned by the realization that at 15, her daughter was flying alongside the General, being boasted as the Resistance's most impressive up and coming pilot. She sat at the table beside him as he stared vacantly at his food. "Lux, what is it?" Her voice softly wondered.

He finally met her eyes and she could see a conflicted energy filling them. "Mom, do I have to become a Jedi?"

The question threw Rey off balance. "Why are you asking that? What's wrong?"

He sighed. "I don't think I'm strong enough. It's too much."

"Lux," she reached her hand out. "Honey, what's too much?"

He looked back down. "Visions or premonitions, I presume." Exhaling deeply, he absentmindedly pushed food around his plate. "I've always felt flashes, but it's much more forceful now. I don't-" he closed his eyes. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Rey sighed, feeling a slight relief behind his reason for such concern. "What is it that you see?"

Lux met his mother's calm eyes before shaking his head slightly. "I don't even know. Most of the time I can't grasp anything significant; it could be the past or someone else's thoughts, but sometimes I'm afraid it's not. What if I'm seeing something that hasn't come to pass? What actions am I meant to take, if any? I don't know what to trust."

"Hey," her soft tone soothed his erratic thoughts. "There is no real, guaranteed answer I can give you." She sighed, looking off. "The only things you can always trust in is the Force and this," she patted his chest and he smirked. "Regardless of what you know for certain and what path you're meant to follow, your heart is the best compass you have."

"Do you think that will be enough?"

"I wish I could give you some assurance that it is, but I don't know for sure." He sighed miserably and she patted his hand again. "If you don't want to become a Jedi, then you don't have to. I've actually been thinking about it a lot lately and now that you and your sister know enough to control your abilities, both of you can choose to no longer continue your lessons."

"Really?" He breathed.

"Of course, I never expected you to choose a Jedi's life; I always figured you would continue stunning everyone in Engineering until the entire Republic is flying star cruisers named after you." A gentle grin lightened his face. "But I have to warn you, Lux. Stopping your lessons and choosing to focus on other projects won't take away the visions. It has very little to do with being an actual Jedi and entirely to do with your abilities and connection to the Force."

He breathed dejectedly. "I was afraid of that."

"Why are you letting this upset you so much?" She softly prodded.

"What if – What if I turn to the Dark Side?" His voice was pained with worry.

"What would ever make you ask that?"

"When Jedi's of old sought out prophecies, many of them would become lost in a quest of greed for power. I don't want to lose my way like they did."

"It's not quite the same, but I understand your distress." Rey thought quietly for a moment. "I think you should talk to your father about this."

"Yeah?"

Rey nodded, knowing that more than anything, Lux needed to learn to trust himself; no one understood that lesson better than Ben.

* * *

After Rey had convinced Lux to go unwind in Engineering, she reached out to Ben. She didn't need to speak for him to sense her tense hesitance. "What's happened?"

She shook her head, hoping to disperse his worry. "Everything's fine… for the most part. Ben, Lux has been having a difficult time; he's weighed down by visions and it's making him question himself."

"Did he describe any of them?"

"It seems like they're still too vague for him to glean any distinct information, but the actual visions don't seem to be the main problem."

"What is it?" His dark brown eyes watched her intently.

"I think he's afraid of the implications behind them. He's worried that he'll lose himself in trying to figure out what he needs to do." She looked down. "I thought he should talk to you."

Ben's eyes betrayed no surprise as he sighed. He understood what Rey was really asking of him. He knew, better than most, just how the Dark Side tempted and blinded those that fell to its call. He nodded, for years he'd been putting off this conversation, never wanting his children to learn of the heinous deeds he had performed as Kylo Ren in the name of the First Order, but Ben realized that his honesty could save his family the regret of firsthand experience. "I'll talk to them both tonight."

"Ben, I'm sorry. I just don't-"

"Don't apologize, Rey." He touched her face. "I'm doing them all a disservice if I can't own up to the crimes that have brought us here." It was just as before; if running made him a man not worth saving, then lying provided him with nothing but false redemption.

* * *

It had been a harsh evening for the Organa family as Ben gave Lux and Umbra their last required lesson in the Force. He warned them of the Dark Side, its temptation for power, its promise for glory and its all-consuming price. Slowly, he had delved into the time of his life when he had been lost to it.

As Ben accounted for his mistakes and crimes, his eyes stayed on the floor, unwilling to see how differently his children watched him now. Rey's hand had found his and it gave him the strength he needed to continue. He offered no excuses or justifications for his actions, only true remorse.

Neither Lux or Umbra had anything to say once he had finished. Ben couldn't blame them for their silence and looked to Rey when the quiet was too much to bear. She dismissed them in the gentlest way she could.

"I don't know if they'll ever be able to look at me the same again."

Rey pressed his head to lean in the crook of her shoulder. "It was just a lot for them to process. They need time."

"I'd understand if that's not enough."

Rey squeezed his hand, feeling the true pain and loss in his absence. Most of the time, she could almost mute the ache of missing him, but the palpable misery in his voice brought the feeling back with such crystal clarity it nearly robbed her of breath. More than anything she wanted to free him of his anguish as he had for her so many times in the past, but she knew it couldn't be that simple. "Just give them time."

He looked up and met her gaze. "I hope it's enough."

* * *

Lux followed his sister into her room. Unable to hide the perplexed expression from his voice, the words flew from his mouth like an accusation. "How do you have nothing to say about this?" Their entire lives, Umbra had never learned how to sit quietly and yet she was as silent as he while their father heaved such upsetting news upon them.

Umbra turned and faced him, her dark eyes betraying some vague expectation. She sighed and her voice gently replied. "For a few years now, some part of me suspected his dark past."

"To that degree?" He bit back, more tension in his voice than Umbra had ever heard before.

"No," she shook her head. "But I knew that he committed atrocities." She still could remember the pain in his voice three years prior with his personal condemnation of his past actions that kept their family torn apart. "We've always known that he would be unwelcome in the Resistance."

"Not for the crime of patricide! How can you stand there completely unaffected?" He alleged.

"How can you be so callous?" Umbra pushed back. "Can you actually stoop to pretend that you didn't feel his excruciating regret or that it completely slipped passed your attention the despondent expression on his face?" She sighed in aggravation. "Of course I'm," she searched for the right word. "Hurt and mad; I won't deny the betrayal that I'm feeling, but I refuse to disregard his own apparent anguish. Has he ever once seemed proud of his past, of the path that he chose?" Exhaling, she sat down on her bed. "Our entire lives, Dad has always carried this aura of shame and self-loathing. You could hate him with every fiber of your being right now and it would be nothing compared to the way he has always perceived himself."

"It's not my job to ease his conscience!" Lux indignantly barked, leaving the room before she could reply.

* * *

As Lux Organa stomped through the base, he couldn't force away the bitter taste in his throat. His mother had held Ben's hand and Umbra seemed no more than an hour away from forgiving him. He wanted to find someone that would share his sense or at the very least, his outrage.

General Dameron spotted him and waved Lux over with an expectant expression. "Ah, Lux. Glad I caught you."

"Is something wrong?" He asked his uncle with the unmovable edge in his voice.

"No," he shook his head and one of his now graying locks fell in his eyes as he smirked. "Quite the contrary. Leia just landed and wanted me to round you three up." The Chancellor was almost impatient and it didn't take Poe more than a second to realize just how desperately she missed her grandchildren.

Lux's expression lifted slightly. "Where is she?"

"She's probably still settling into her quarters." He directed his nephew to where her temporary rooms could be found.

"Thank you." He replied in gratitude, before a thought filled his mind. "Don't bother telling Mom or Umbra; I'll get them."

"Thanks, kid." He grinned. "I'm nearly running late for dinner again and your Uncle Finn isn't quite the picture of patience."

Lux forced a smile, his thoughts solely revolving around his grandmother. "More so than you."

"Hey, I-" Poe pointed at the young man. "I would be offended if that weren't true." He laughed and patted him on the shoulder as he hurried off to quell his husband's irritation.

It took Lux only a few minutes to find his grandmother's quarters. He knocked politely and she called him in. "Lux," she looked behind him. "Where's your sister and mother?" She asked as she pulled her grandson into a strong, comforting hug. As she stepped back, her eyes sadly regarded him, looking up to meet his own. "I'm not okay with how fast you're growing." Her familiar, lovingly gruff voice complained.

"Grandma, I wanted to talk to you about something."

The edge in his usually level voice caught her attention. "Is something wrong?"

"It's about D-" he broke himself off at the endearment. "Ben."

Her eyes widened and she quickly shut the door, before facing him again. The movement filled Lux with shame that he hadn't thought to truly question the secrecy behind his origin for all these years. "What is it? Is he okay? Did something happen?" She waited for a moment, until she noticed the use of her son's given name and the tense countenance of her grandson that stared back at her. He knew.

"How?" He shook his head, resentment reaching him yet again at the sight of her worried expression and the tone of her concerned voice. He had been so sure that Leia of all people could share his fury, but all he could see was love in her eyes. It was conflicted, but love just the same. "After what he did, how could you forgive him?" Her face fell slightly. "Or her?"

Leia looked at him with torn sympathy. "It's not so simple." She sat down and gestured for Lux to do the same. For a moment, he looked back at her without moving, but one more look from her and he quickly acquiesced. "If you want the truth, I'm not sure I actually have forgiven him, not fully."

"It doesn't seem that way."

Her eyes crinkled and she sighed. "I loved your grandfather more than anything in the galaxy, save for one person." Emotion started to crack at her voice, but she continued. "Your father came into this life with so much love and joy, but he got lost along the way." She shook her head. "He wasn't the only one." The pause in her breath caused Lux to interpret her words as a self-criticism. "The only difference is that darkness had been tearing at him his whole life; before he was born it pulled for him, even now he's not free; perhaps from the Dark Side, but not the permanent regrets it brought him."

"I still miss Han, every day, but I also miss my son. Anger and pain can't erase that kind of love. It stretches beyond the logic and sense that you hold so dear. Even the Force itself couldn't rip my son from my heart; your father would tell you just as much. Love doesn't fall away at the notion of reason or wisdom; it's the most irrational force of the galaxy, but just like the Force itself, it fills and connects us all."

The corners of her mouth upturned with a somber and sympathetic tight grin. "It was the same irrationality that captured your mother. She bonded with the broken boy that your father was; though the rest of the galaxy could call him a monster and see him as a lost cause without the slightest hesitance, she knew better. If it wasn't for her, I don't know that he would've made it back to the Light Side. She saw the humanity in his loneliness and it allowed him to see it for himself." She patted his hand. "I would never stoop to say that I needed to forgive your mother, when every day I feel indebted to her. She brought my son back and though I can't hold him, the same way that he can't hold you; I'm so grateful to know that's he out there somewhere, truly loved and whole for the first time in his life."

"They betrayed you!" He accused, though the anger in his voice had fallen away.

An honored smile touched her face. "If you think either of their betrayals never weighed them down, then I can promise you that you don't really understand them. Your mother felt so ashamed for the lies and muddled loyalties for years, more than you can ever know; but you can't simply forget love."

She set her hand on his cheek and pushed some hair from his face. "It's not their betrayal to me that fills you with outrage, but the betrayal to you." His eyes tightened and she could see that her words had hit their mark. "When we're young, more often than not, our parents are the heroes in our thoughts. It's not easy to come to the realization that they are foolish and flawed beings." She set her hand back in her lap. "I know how much you have looked up to your father and I know that you feel betrayed by the truth of his past. Remorse is a heavy burden to bear and he has held tightly to his; no one wants to be seen solely as their worst mistakes, especially not a parent by their children."

She sighed sympathetically. "You have every right to be angry and hurt, but know that it wasn't with a cool disposition and a cruel heart that he made those choices. Just as it isn't the way in which you condemn him now. It was anguish and misguided emotion that brought him to the depths of darkness; something he should've never had to face alone, but did, for a very long time."

Lux watched his grandmother's face and could feel the truth in her words. He was angry at his father for being a false idol in his mind, but he knew that he was the one who had held him up to that impossible role. Nodding, he stood. "I'll go get Mom and Umbra."

He started to walk away when the authoritative, intimidating voice of the Chancellor stopped him. "Hey," He turned back to see Leia smiling at him with her arms wide open. "Get back here." He smirked and hugged her. She whispered as she held him. "It's not fair that you and your sister had to be born into such secrecy and tumult, but know that your father loves you more than anything." She pulled away, arms holding him out in front of her. "Only now, does he truly understand what he robbed himself of."

Lux nodded again. It wasn't with a light heart that he had told them the truth. Umbra had been right. Ben Solo's regrets were deep and endless, but still he had sought to become worthy of redemption and that reminded him of the hero he had always believed his father to be.


	16. Chapter 15: Where You'll Find Me

***A/N - A bit of background information. Warlentta is the homeworld of Larma D'Acy. Though personally recruited by Leia to join the Resistance, as Commander, Larma D'Acy's family (charged with protecting the independent Warlentta System) were deeply critical of the New Republic's Military Disarmament Act; a law passed by the Galactic Senate that severely reduced their army and defense in hopes of promoting political pacifism after the Galactic Civil War, in the wake of the visceral and brutal military presence of the Empire. Anyway ... final updates. Please enjoy. Thanks -Nikki  
**

* * *

**Chapter 15: Where You'll Find Me**

Ben could feel it again, that unparalleled sense of belonging. He had seen it so long ago he could only just barely remember the impression it had left on his soul, even once all hope had been ripped from his grasp. Warmth infiltrated his slumbering thoughts and he wondered if she'd been right, was it not too late?

Still he awoke to nothing but his own quiet and lonely breath.

He tried desperately to grip the remnants of the dream that had bathed him in contented comfort, but came up empty. _Rey_. It had to have been her, he gathered as the pleasant feeling began to fade; like being basked in sunlight. Only she had ever brought him such relief.

Suddenly, he felt a tug from within his gut. The pull was different, unlike any that he had experienced with Rey. Clumsy and rushed it was much more of a yank; foreign but not hostile in nature. Curious, he helped it along.

He was rewarded with the sight of his children, though they no longer were children, he often had to remind himself. "Umbra, Lux." There was no hiding the surprise in his voice. Never before had the thread of the Force connected him straight to them. Quickly he noticed the effort they wore in their hazel eyes. It was not the same paved path that tied him to their mother, but more a newly-traversed trail. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

It was Lux that replied first. "No, there's nothing wrong."

It had taken Ben some getting used to this past year, the new way in which his son regarded him since learning the truth about the cruel, traitorous identity he had worn years prior. No longer was he an idol in the young man's eyes, but simply a man. In truth, he was almost relieved for the change. Though the shift in dynamic had initially stung him, he no longer experienced the heavy guilt he had felt for years, knowing how unworthy he was of such starry-eyed admiration.

It was Umbra who answered his first question. "It's more like an assignment of ours." She shrugged, but her eyes revealed pride in the success she shared with her brother at discovering the previously unknown pathway.

"You're mother said you two were no longer attending her lessons."

"We're not." Lux replied. "She wanted us to try. I don't know if she was even sure it was possible."

Ben had pondered the same thing. They all were connected; he'd understood that the moment they were born and looked directly at him, but he had never been certain of the boundaries of their link. "Why?" They had all just spoken two nights before and though he always loved seeing them, he couldn't help but wonder at Rey's reasoning for the sudden expectation of the twins.

Umbra speculated with a questioning tone. "She's been very busy with some of her pupils lately. Lux and I were considering that she wanted to make sure we were capable, so her long hours wouldn't keep us from seeing you."

The notion both moved and wounded Ben. Rey had been occupied more often than not as of late. Their Force bond was all that sustained him and it hurt to feel as if it was slipping from his hold. And yet, he was thankful to see that the Force sought to bridge his mind with Lux and Umbra, irrespective of their mother's presence. Hiding his hurt, he beamed at the teenagers. "I'm so impressed with you both." Umbra outwardly grinned, while Lux's appreciation of the compliment shined through his expressive eyes. "Your mother and I weren't capable of such a feat. We had merely stumbled onto this connection."

He could see from their stunned expressions that Rey had never told them the story of how it all had started. "How?" Lux asked with palpable curiosity in his tone.

Ben smirked, fortifying the bond between them to lighten their exertion. For a moment he looked them over and could see countless soft memories in his mind, of them as children enthralled in the stories he would regale. It was staggering to think he had forgotten the most important tale of them all; falling for their mother.

* * *

Rey walked beside Rose, thankful for the day off she had procured for herself. Though she designed her schedule, she'd allowed very little deviation from the current task at hand. She was exhausted, but still felt a nagging guilt to have taken the day when she was so close to being finished. Shaking the thought away, Rey couldn't deny that her pupils were no doubt just as grateful for the rest. More than anything, she wanted them to be ready for the coming shift. Soon, they would be.

Nala, Kaira and Sata had become her most capable students, though it felt silly to still consider them that as they were grown adults, merely a decade her juniors. Rey forced herself to put the academy from her mind for the day and looked to Rose to fill the conversation.

The animated head engineer had been more than happy to oblige. She had just finished describing a new shield generator they'd been altering, when an excited Finn came upon them.

"Rey, Rose," he bobbed his head in greeting as he tried to catch his breath. He turned specifically to the former. "The General wanted me to come get you."

Rey couldn't hide her smirk at the man's overly formal address of his husband, pride filling his voice. "I take it that whatever it is, it's not too distressing."

He shrugged. "I actually don't know. We've got the Chancellor on a call and she wanted you to be there before she tells us anything."

That immediately captured Rey's attention and she quickly followed.

Leia Organa's holo stood proudly and smiled at Rey's entrance. Her positive expression set the tone for the rest of the room and Rey felt her stomach settle. Only Poe, Finn and she were present. "I'd like to immediately put your minds at ease. While what I have to say might not be the grandest of news, there is no need for concern." She exhaled. "I'm resigning as Chancellor of the Reformed Republic."

Her declaration was met with silence, though not for lack of interest, merely due to the surprise of the trio. She continued. "I will be announcing it to the Senate at the end of this week, but wanted you all to be the first to know. Well," she seemed to think for a moment. "Perhaps tied for third to know. I'd been thinking about it lately, but it was Lando that finally convinced me. Then I told Senator Larma D'Acy, of course."

It was General Dameron that spoke first. "You wanted to warn us." He looked over to Finn and Rey. "Depending on who is elected, the function of the Resistance may have to become much stauncher in our official role."

"Perhaps." Leia responded to the aside directed at all but her. "But then again, perhaps not. Former Commander D'Acy has decided to place her name in for candidacy. Of course, there are no guarantees, but I daresay hers is a name that will garner a great deal of support."

Poe nodded in agreement, knowing the amount of respect the seemingly soft Senator could command. He had been most surprised when she had resigned as Commander. He wondered if her extensive military background, deeply entrenched in both her upbringing and her homeworld's political stance would hinder or help her in her appeal for contention. "She'd have my vote, but aren't you worried if the topic of Warlentta's declination to join the New Republic is brought to light, it might bring forth questions about whether or not she can be truly dedicated to the notion of peace?"

Leia smirked at the General's impressive political understanding. "Hardly, in fact, I think it will help her chances. It was through the Military Disarmament Act that the First Order was able to take power so easily. The Reformed Republic is much more keen to keep their eyes open than the New Republic was. Peace does not mean complacency, but the ability to rein in one's desire to act unless such action is called for." Leia had known Larma for decades and could think of no one better to truly account for the mistakes of those that had come before them. When she had resigned from the Resistance, Larma had chosen to follow Leia. Once the older woman asked her for the reasoning behind such a decision, Larma had simply replied, _'I've known enough of war as a necessity. I would now like to know of peace.'_ Leia grinned. "I'm not the least bit worried about her ability to convince the Senate of her sincerity."

"Well, if Leia is convinced, so am I." Finn said brightly, not bogged down with all the political knowledge of the two leaders who conversed. "No one knows the Senator or the Senate as much as you." He nodded to the Chancellor. "Have faith." He smirked, speaking to his husband, patting his back affectionately before placing his arm around his shoulder and leaning against him. "Just like always, you'll prepare for the eventuality that it all goes to hell, but still hope for the best."

"That's what makes you a great leader." Leia offered to the General and was rewarded with his appreciative smirk.

Rey cleared her throat and the Chancellor looked back at her with fond, soft eyes. "I hate to pile on," her voice started, gentle and apologetic. "But now seems as good a time as any." Taking in a deep breath, Rey made sure to meet all the eyes that were on her. "I too am resigning."

"What?" Finn nearly whined.

Now she patted his back. "It's time." Rey exhaled. "I've taught dozens of pupils and I've already found my replacements. I'm ready to retire. I'm ready to go home." She briefly met Leia's eyes and could see the woman's immediate understanding.

"Jakku?!" The oblivious man barked back.

Rey shook her head with a laugh. "No, that was never home."

Before she could continue or be interrupted by Finn, Poe's wise and perceptive gaze met her and she wanted to still under the scrutiny, but he nodded. "Rey has paid her time. She should be allowed to find her home, wherever that is." For a tense second, Rey wondered how much the General knew and just how long he'd suspected. "You said you've already found your replacements. Who might they be?"

"Nala, Kaira and Sata." She breathed. "They are the most skilled pupils I've ever taught and with how much they have come to rely on Jedi teachings, it's become second nature to them."

"They've already accepted?" Poe asked.

"Yes. We've had several extra lectures so I can make sure they're ready. I have complete faith that they would be able to take over for me in no more than a month."

The General nodded. "I'd like to meet with them as well. I want to see who will be continuing your undertaking."

Rey smiled and agreed. Though this was her family, she desperately ached for her home.

* * *

It had been difficult for Rey to originally broach the subject with Lux and Umbra, but quickly she realized there was no need for her trepidation. Umbra's eyes lit up with understanding. "That's why you wanted us to try and reach him through the Force."

Rey nodded. She understood how deeply integrated into the Resistance they were and although she yearned to have her family whole again, the twins weren't quite ready to leave their place yet. Something she had guessed, but still she had hoped when she'd extended the offer. "I don't want to leave you behind, but I-"

Lux cut her off. "Mom, stop. You don't have to apologize or explain." He sighed, looking at his sister. "Umbra and I have noticed it for a long time now." Turning back to his mother, soft sympathy filled his eyes. "You miss him." It was an understatement, but Lux had never really been one for words. What was most important was that their mother knew they understood and even more so that they supported her. "He misses you too."

The Organa twins truly knew the depth of their mother's sacrifice, but she had never treated it as such. Rey had always been proud of her work and grateful for the large, diverse family her children had been raised with, but no longer could she ignore the pull in her blood. Over time it had become tougher; each day now resonated with an ache deep within her gut.

"What about the Academy?" Umbra asked inquisitively.

"I've decided to pass it onto my best students. I'd argue their loyalty to the cause far outweighs my own."

The twins didn't have to try to guess who their mother meant. Even before they'd left their lessons behind, they both had taken notice of the Twi'lek sisters and their dedication to their mother's lectures. "Kaira, Sata and Nala will do an amazing job." Umbra offered, sheepishly she continued. "Sorry, we didn't have the same devotion to rebuilding the Order."

Rey smiled and laughed lightly. "I'm not." Her children watched her closely as she shook away Umbra's apology. "I'm so thankful that you both have found your callings in your passions. I always knew you would be powerful and talented, but I worried." Sighing, Rey pushed thick noir hair from her daughter's face. "It's not an easy life, needing to constantly rely and connect with the Force. It tests you every day and it brings me peace to know that you both have discovered different paths that bring you joy. I never wanted anything more."

Lux sighed gratefully, unable to admit aloud that he had always feared they had let her down by not wanting to inherit the growing Order. It made him realize that their mother had been right all along; everything seemed to happen just as the will of the Force commanded.

* * *

Ben could feel it in his blood the second she entered the system. Like the heavy thrumming of drums, his heart crashed against his chest. _Rey_.

She was following the thread that linked them, tugging ever-so-slightly to gauge his proximity. Without a second thought, he ran out of his hut and continued until he came near the edge of the cliff not far from his home, so she could see him and not waste a second. It took only a few minutes, still the hammering within started to knock against his ribcage as he waited for her.

Once the _Falcon_ came into view, the erratic beating finally slowed. Upon landing, he had to rein in his desire to crowd the ship. Watching her walk down the ramp, a few bags in hand, the whole galaxy, its vast and cold indifference and all the space between them fell away.

At first he approached slowly, elation bursting in his gut. The _Falcon_ pulled away not a minute later and he met her gaze. "One way trip." She finally spoke and he couldn't hide his beaming grin. "So, you're stuck with me." She laughed lightly.

He ran straight to her and she met his pace, quickly closing the gap. Kissing her face fervently, he pulled back and exhaled. "You're here. You're really here."

They had finally found time and he would never have to say goodbye again.

Rey smiled and nodded, her hand reaching out to touch his face. Now, she could see just the faintest of lines, as the scar, like all the pain of their pasts, had finally faded away. Pushing a few graying strands of hair from his face, joyful tears filled her eyes. Leaning in, she kissed him deeply, thankful to feel his arms around her once more, almost overwhelmed by the thrilling realization that she would never again need to experience his absence. "I'm home."


	17. Epilogue: Take My Hand

**Epilogue: Take My Hand**

Rey's eyes fluttered for a second and her brief line of vision caused her to grin. Ben's arms were wrapped around her, though he wore a scrunched brow as if perplexed in his dreams. Cold air slipped through the cracks of the hut and she burrowed further into his embrace. She had just barely become accustomed to the frigid change in season, but still it was something she had never been prepared for. She had no reason to complain though, she thought fondly, as his arms always could warm the chill from her bones.

Rey hadn't realized that she had fallen back asleep until she felt the gentle shake that tried to wake her. She murmured something that was met with a soft chuckle. "Rey," Ben hummed her name. "It's time to wake up." She attempted to argue with the disembodied voice as she clamped her eyes shut even tighter, but all that escaped were guttural sounds. "Sweetheart, we have a big day."

It was at the last mention, that she reluctantly opened her eyes, though only so she could observe the indescribable joy in his. It was a big day. Lux and Umbra were coming. In the few months since leaving the Resistance, their children had been much too busy to visit, until the past week or so.

Lux and Umbra had proposed the visit and the very thought thrilled Rey, inspiring her to make the absolute most of the occasion. She adored the pure, blissful and unburdened smile that stared back at her, though she knew he had no idea how big the day truly would be.

"Okay, fine." She mumbled, feigning grumpiness. In a second she snatched his leaning form and pulled him into her arms.

He laughed briefly, trying and failing to properly chide her. "Rey,"

"Let the old woman sleep." She pleaded playfully.

"You're not old." He said, slowly tugging the blankets from her grasp.

She opened her eyes and gave him the smallest of glares. "You only say that, because if I'm old, that makes you ancient."

"I am not ancient!" He argued quickly and Rey laughed at his immediate rebuttal.

"I knew it! Such vanity…" she tsked.

"I'm about to tuck you into these blankets." He threatened without the slightest edge in his voice.

"Okay, I'm up." She surrendered, before standing up and beginning to get dressed. "The bed's not that comfy without you anyway."

"I'll get us a new bed."

"I don't want a new bed." She replied simply.

"But you just said it wasn't comfortable."

"Without you." She restated. "Are you planning on leaving anytime soon?" He looked back at her with a flabbergasted expression that seemed to answer her question. "Then I don't need a new bed." She reasoned.

It was just barely after noon when Ben could hear the sound of the _Falcon_ flying overhead. Rey and he shared a look before they both hurried out of the hut to watch the ship touchdown.

The ramp opened and Lux and Umbra hurried out within a second. He ran to them and Rey followed close behind. She could see from the look in his eyes, just how heavy the moment was weighing on him as he took in the sight of the teenagers. He had seen them through the bond several times a week for years, but it was an entirely different thing to really take it in and hold them in his arms. They were almost adults; it left him struggling to find the exact right thing to say, thousands of thoughts stampeded over each other and then in a moment they all were silenced.

Chewbacca came up beside Rey, but it wasn't the presence of the Wookie that made him speechless. As if sensing their father's astonishment, Lux and Umbra hurried into their mother's arms. She hugged them tightly, but watched quietly as Ben took in the sight of Lando Calrissian and Leia Organa exiting the _Millennium Falcon_.

Lando patted Ben on the back as he passed, more than willing to catch up with the younger man later. Leia's steps were slow and soft. Ben wasn't sure if it was his mother's age or a choice of hers to approach him gently, but he didn't wait.

In two long strides, he was in her arms. It brought him to tears to feel how strongly she held him in return. Years of silence, pain and devastation caught up with both of them in the fraction of a second and neither could fight away the thick emotion, nor did they want to.

They stood like that for several minutes, locked in an excruciating and loving embrace. It was Leia who finally pulled away, needing to look into her son's eyes. Her thumb rubbed against his cheek, wiping away a tear. She inhaled deeply and he stilled to hear her voice. "My God, you've gotten old."

They both laughed through their tears as she brought him into another hug. A moment later Lando joined the embrace, waving over the rest of the group. Rey came behind Ben, hugging him from behind as their children crowded either side of him. Chewbacca's arms were almost able to connect around the six grown humans and he squeezed tightly, lifting them all ever-so-slightly.

Once the loving cuddle had ended, Ben found Rey's hand. Kissing it, he held her palm to his cheek. "You did this." She nodded, feeling warmth spread throughout her entirety. "Thank you."

She could hear it in the way he uttered the words that in that moment, they seemed inadequate to him. She couldn't help but agree, still she returned them. "I love you, too."

He smiled and turned back to his mother and uncles. Rey watched fondly as a lightness filled his eyes that she had never seen. It seemed odd to her that so much of her life had revolved around the need to find family, while he had tried so long to escape it. Yet, now here they both stood, her having built a family and him finding his way back to his. Surrounded in that powerful love, she knew neither of them would ever feel alone again.

**THE END**

* * *

***A/N - Thank you so much for staying with this until the end. This story has taken a great deal of my effort in one of the most hectic, backwards years of my life; though I won't regret just how deeply my growing obsession became quelled by constant research of the largest and most masterfully unique fictional universes I've ever been privileged to know, I can't deny the writer's hangover that is beginning to cling to me. Please review and let me know how you feel about the story as a whole. All the love to these characters and this galactic saga. I can't wait to see what Episode 9 (Just 2 weeks!) has in store for them. Thanks - Nikki  
**


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